It's your birthday, Shawnee? well, hell, woman!


:band: :shred:

Happy Birthday!!!!!

Heeeheee...shameless plug for me.

Hey, I'm a big believer in shameless plugs! they get the job done!

Happy Birthday Shawnee!

Happy 29th BD Shawnee (beggar).

Big fat happy wishes flying your way Shawneebaby!

Thanks!

29? OK! :)

Thank you both.

I know it's gonna be a BIG change in my life. But I'm looking at it from the perspective of "it's time to find somethign you'll enjoy doing."

Mc Cain LOST!!!:mecry: :ipray: :cry: :cry: :cry:

ferret: good attitude. The world is your oyster (never been quite sure why you would want to live in an oyster, but it's my saying du jour.)

:)

^
|

What Shawnee said :)


@ fargon, he made a dignified end to his campaign.

I know he did. Hopefully Obama will be a good president and not make things worse. There is no telling what congress might try to do.
What scares me the most is the people he hangs out with. The only thing wrong with George jr. is the people he surrounded himself with.

I had a bad headache last night, the remains of which are still floating around in my head...brought on by finding out Dazza is going to be away for three more weeks come Friday, on top of my ex telling me he's been offered a great job in Darwin (thousands of miles away) but he has to be there on Monday to start...which means I'm trying to make alternative arrangements for the kids and getting to school for the last month of the school year.

Yes, it's a bit of a pain, but I think I've managed to sort the kids out. About Dazza, I'm still upset. I think I just feel a bit more emotional than usual but it's making me cry just thinking about it...which hurts my head.

AAAAH! Happy Birthday funny giiirl! And many more to come for ya!!!!

Partay!!! Woo-hooo!!!
:jig: :juggle: :rotflol: :girlband: :bass: :birthday: :beer: :madmoon: :lol2:

Thanks Cic. Award for best story-telling via smilies! :)

I am HIGHLY upset. HM's dog Suli decided to run away last night. I know, a lot of dogs do this... but Suli is a twenty pound terrier who thinks she's a hundred pound wolfhound. She has a problem with picking fights with coyotes and other dogs much bigger than her. The last time she disappeared, HM found her lying in a ditch beside the road, torn all to hell from tangling with some form of sharp-clawed wildlife. Also bear in mind that our closest neighbors are over a mile away, so it's not like I can walk around town knocking on doors and asking if anyone's seen her. I'm worried sick about her, the other dogs are moping around the house missing her, and HM's in quite the tizzy with worry himself. Suli DOES have her collar on, fortunately, and her tags with HM's phone number on it... so that's a point in our favor. Lil Trea, Paks (HM's other dog), and Cassia (my dog) are going to be saddling up here in a little bit to go look for her. I just really really REALLY hope and pray she's off chasing rabbits somewhere and hasn't gotten coyoted again.

This kind of stuff makes me totally crazy:

Fuck. You know I'm unstable. Stop that shit.

*Shakes head* poor kid. She must have been fucking terrified to the end.

There are times, I find myself very angry at the world. Angry at the cold war still being fought across gender lines. Those men are so blinded by their own importance in God's scheme, by their own fear of femininity, by their own personal misogyny. Damn them.

That's the most fucked up thing I've come across in quite a long time.

Maybe watching this will make you feel a bit better.

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=7fNFLxzSWCg

Thanks Zen, that does help.

I love how she pulls him back in to kick his ass some more. Go girlfriend!

I had my interview for child mentoring today.
I don't think it went all that well. The longest time spent on any particular aspect was on my depression.

I completely understand it, but obviously it's not my best selling point.

Also, I worry that I came across as being too easily upset by other people's emotions. I mean I am, I know it, but I can deal with it. I've stuck out jobs where I thought I was hated by my colleagues. Mostly turned out to be paranoia (there was some mild dislike) but the fact is I toughed it out and it got better. I didn't want to dwell on it because I know they were worried that it might trigger depression in me which of course would mean no-one would benefit.

It was over 2 hours long, and at the end of it I fely really self-centred - talking about me, me, me. Obviously that was the whole point of the interview, but it does add to my perception that I didn't come across well.

Ah well, I must be stoic and accept that if I don't get through then it's for the best. I'll know early next week.

Sorry, SG. It's painful to think that others may deem us "unfit" or not good enough for something we want to do - especially when it's something done out of kindness.

I bet you'd be awesome at it, too.

If you don't get it, maybe there are alternatives.

Another thing to consider is that often children in need of mentoring will only respond to someone who has "been through it" like they have. Ex-junkies keeping kids off drugs, and all that. It may even turn out that conquering depression is actually a selling point in your favor.

I'm with Clod here, just because they were looking at that part of your history doesn't mean to say they're being critical - more like looking at how you cope with it? good luck SG - fingers crossed for you up here!

Thanks for the vote of confidence, but it's honestly the way I think it went. I know I'm being pessimistic, but I am trying to protect myself from hurt to an extent. Even if I get through this, there's another session in my home to assess me, although that's more about matching me with a child.

There's actually a waiting list of kids. I think that's what will sting the most.

What's next? Well, I said I'd volunteer at the local cat home, but I might look for volunteer work with childen after all. I don't have a biological clock, but I have been thinking about kids for a couple of years now - I'd like to do what I can.

SG, I think you'd do well in the cat house.

SG...its HARD to talk to others about depression...its seems like such a personal fault. So Im sure what your feeling is being colored by that, but how did you really characterize it? Its sounds like you might have used it as an example of how you have coped with it successfully. This could be a good thing. Just going off of how you are here on the cellar, I'd be willing to bet you gave it a very adult perspective.

Dont write this off just yet.

I don't see what's so horrible about depression anyway, why there's such a stigma. It's not as though it's contagious. It's not as though you're schizophrenic, hearing voices, bipolar, or otherwise functionally compromised due to a mental illness. I'd venture to say that most people have suffered at least mild depression at some time in their lives, and many just never found the guts to do anything about it for fear of being "labeled." Count me in that list. I'm still a little nervous that I'll someday pay for asking my doctor for some depression meds last year after my mom died, or for the week I spent in the "hospital" when I was 20. Is there a statute of limitations on nervous breakdowns? (sigh)

Fucking hope not lol.

The problem with depressed people is that they don't laugh at my jokes.

I think everyone is depressed.

I think they're approach is that someone who is not 100% emotionally stable may have trouble dealing with the issues that these children have. And also that they might not be able to cope with an angry and frustrated cgild, who may not be able to show gratitude, trust or even friendship.

This is what worries me, because I am actually very patient with people (I know I show my irritable side here, but trust me). In fact HM used to think I was really intolerant until he met my friend Teri - who is a really lovely woman, but can be a bit much sometimes.

I don't think they have any prejudice against people with previous problems, all they are trying to do is get the best possible outcomefor kids who come from homes where their sole parent might have problems with drugs, drink, have been abused themselves or be a potential abuser. Most of these children already have a social worker, they are looking for an adult friend simply to be a constant and reliable presence.

I didn't tell them I'd had alcohol counselling. Which is very dishonest of me. But I figured it was one step too far. I know I can trust myself. I could even when I was drinking regularly.

SG, I would trust you with my daughter. Granted, she doesn't have the issues that the kids you want to work with have, but the fact remains. She's a child, she's a very young child, and I would trust her to you.

I know I'd trust my nieces with you Sundae.

Not really upsetting, but as of tomorrow I am officially unemployed.
I've come to a parting of the ways with EEA.

I'm not going to go into it all here, suffice to say we had a difference of opinion and I felt it was best all round to resign. Since I reached that decision they have behaved impeccably, I admit.

I'm not quite sure what to do with myself now. I'm probably going home this weekend to have a serious talk with my parents. I'm not in the most stable of positions right now, as I based my ability to pay the rent on my (good) salary. I'd be very lucky to find something that paid the same in the next month, especially without a good reference.

Well I'll see what Mum & Dad say. I hope they'll accept me back for a couple of months and let me find my feet. Funny how even 6 months ago the idea horrified me, but now I am seriously hoping they'll consider it. I'm beginning to get tired of the rollercoaster I'm afraid.

Anyway, I'm not too down, oddly enough. I've not cried, got drunk or gone into the usual freefall panic mode. It's just one of those things and one way or another I'll get through it.

Funny the difference a week makes.

You're getting stronger all the time, and you'll be OK.http://forums.monstersmallbusiness.c...nsters/hug.gif

Sorry things are rough, Sundae. :(

Is this kinda... sudden, SG?
I hope things smooth out soon. Good for you for staying out of the panic spiral.

wow. and you just got settled in and all. Sorry to hear you are struggling so.

I hope you know that the outpouring of concern you get here is because you are a wonderful human being. I'm sending warm thoughts, girl.

:(

Sundae, sometimes going back to base camp is a really good move. I've lived back with my mum a couple of times over the years, for 2 years on one occasion (after me and J split). Family = emotional sustenance.

Sorry to hear things haven't worked out with the job and room, but I know you'll be back on your feet in no time. In the meantime though, it's ok to take a break from stuff that's emotionally and psychically draining. You've been on the merry go round for a while now and you've coped brilliantly with some really difficult circumstances.

If you need a friendly ear you know where I am honey, though my mobile phone is lost, so you'd have to phone my landline. PM me if you want to chat without talking :P

Dani

Thanks - everyone.
Dana I'll probably call you in the next week.

But rest assured, I am very much in an onwards and upwards mode (til I speak to Mum & Dad!) and am not hating myself and wanting to die this time.

BTW - I've got Skype on my laptop, so anyone else who has it and wants a chat (before 21.00 GMT) I'd love to hear from you.

Sundae, you are wonder woman! I think family is just the ticket right now. Karma owes you a debt. Hang on!

:comfort:

Well, as if dealing with Mick and my child going to Hawaii for a long period of time and a new job and the ex and everything attendant to that wasn't enough, further excrement hath hit air conditioning.

Allow me to explain. No, that will take to long. Let me sum up.

The ex, who shall heretofore be referred to as "B", has a sister. Let's call her "S". S is 16 years old and a bit sheltered. B has confided in her EVERYTHING about our marital split... except for the parts that make him look bad. In other words, S knows I took the baby and left, and that B is very broken up about the fact that his daughter is so far away, yadda yadda yadda. So S leaves me a comment on Myspace about how I've ruined B's life, how she'll never see her niece again, and so on. So I comment back and politely remind her that there's two sides to every story, and perhaps she should hear both of them this time before jumping to conclusions. The reply I get is basically "You're lying, I don't want to hear it, my brother is a great guy and he could never do anything to you that would justify you treating him this way." Again, I responded as politely as I could, while gritting my teeth in frustration, that she really doesn't understand the issues involved here, and needs to either hear both sides of the story, or back off. The response I get? "You have no idea how much B tells me, I know everything that happened, I will never forgive you even if he does, and you better hope you never come into my presence again because if you do I don't know if I can control my temper." That was the essence of it... it was a lot wordier than that, but I really don't see the need to repeat the whole thing here. Why is the opinion of a 16-year-old high schooler upsetting me so much? Because she and I used to be GREAT friends, before her "perfect" brother lost HIS temper and beat the fuck out of me and raped me, and I left and filed a report with NCIS and he's now filling her head with what a horrible person I am.

Sorry. Done ranting now.

SG, Im a stranger to you (considering my short time here so far), but I have come to really admire and respect you. You are in my thoughts and I am sending my best wishes and hopes for a better outcome your way.

Oh Treas. Looks like she is purposefully trying to hurt you, to get back at you, for hurting her "perfect brother". You have to think of her as an extension of him at this point. She's chosen sides, and in her case, she landed on the side of shared biology.
:comfort:

Thats SOP for a divorce type of situation. Been there, had that done to me (the lies part). It is too early yet in your situation with emotions still running crazy. Things change over time. You can explain your side to her and let her have a year or so to reflect upon it, maybe she will see, maybe not either way you tried. Thats all you can do.

EEA won't necessarily refuse to give you a good reference, especially if they're taking your decision in their stride at the moment. Just because you've disagreed doesn't mean they'll want to spoil your chances of future employment.
Meanwhile, I hope you know how we're all on your side here, admiring the way you're holding it together.
Hugs, definitely.

Umm...My heart is shattered into 50 million pieces. It's so cliche to say that, but that's exactly how it feels. So there isn't a better way to say it, outside of saying that there is a feeling, that there is a light film of hell sticking to my reality. I can see through it but that doesn't keep the hell from being there. I can't sleep. I wake up too early, and then I can't pull it together. I'm usually high-functioning but I can't concentrate when my heart hurts, and I just cry when I have to talk to anyone. I need to think right now, but I can't concentrate. Why does my body fail me when I need it the most? I need it to get in gear like a little trooper. I'll give it a couple more hours to shape up. What a crybaby. Waah. I hope that when I am done whining I actually get something accomplished.

Fu**. My body does what it wants sometimes because it's stupid. I tell it one thing and it does something else.

:( Maybe I missed it -- what the hell happened, Cic?

Yeah, Cic...we're here for you if you feel like talking.

Sorry, hon. :(

You will!

I understand because someone I know mirrors those same words.

My husband wants a divorce. I have to move out. Of course the truck is his, so I have to find somewhere to live in town that allows pets, and is close enough to the job I'm not even technically employed at yet. My parents are right, I might have to move to Mississippi, as I don't have any friends or family here, and not much of a job to go to. This is an expensive place for one income and the real jobs are scant.

Do I say fuck it, I can't make it on my own out here like this? Ask my mom to hit the highway and pick me up so I can load up the vehicle and pup?

Or do I get on craigslist and search for house share situations or an apartment, and live on my own like I always have?

I've always lived on my own outside of the brief marriage I've had, and a couple of roommates.

So my husband seems final about it. I have to get my act together and make some decisions. Except every time I stand up to put myself together I cry. I need to get out of here and start hunting today. Or make the call to my mummy. There really isn't anything in this town for me, as I haven't even made a close friend since living here. Just all work and life in the country.....

My mom wants me to stay here until I've been to more appointments with the doctors that I've made. It's just a toss. I don't know. Everything was normal 2 days ago, and now I have a new life to start, that from this vantage point, seems a little dismal. Oh well. I'll try to move about some more. My puppy seems bored with my current attitude. Small miracle, I don't have to work today.

Ok I'm getting up and at it. Thanks for listening. I can't start dysfunctional habits now.. I just have to do.

Shit!
Oh Cic I'm so sorry.

Christ, Cic, I'm so sorry. What a kick in the guts. *hugs*

Don't beat yourself up over going back to your mum's though. It's the done thing *smiles* I know I did it when me and J split. It might even do you good. There's something nourishing about going back to base for a bit. And something major like this isnt something you should have to cope with alone.

I hope you get it together, and you know where we are if you need to vent.

I'm so sorry, Cic. There's no shame in leaning on your parents at a time like this, so don't see it as some sort of personal failure.

Just hang in there.

Go to your Moms Cic. You can figure out the rest of your life from there. Its one way to get rid of the hell-tainted film on your life. I know how that film looks and feels...action is the best reaction.

Sorry for your troubles Cic. Perhaps you may want to just go back home and regroup. Thats what I did and it turned out to be a really good thing for me mentally, emotionally... all around.