| Stormieweather |
10-01-2006 01:46 PM |
Let me tell you something...if you want something badly enough, you'll do whatever it takes to obtain it. You won't make excuses and you won't depend on chance or anyone else to make your goal happen for you.
If you want your child, and one of the conditions is to be clean, then why the hell are you smoking pot? And justifying it by saying it isn't heroin or crack? So what? It's an illegal drug, you can go to jail for buying and carrying it and no judge in his right mind will give a child to someone who may disappear off to jail due to drugs, leaving the child alone and back in the System. If you care more for your child than you do a temporary buzz, you'll get rid of the weed permanently.
Do you think it would be good for your child to see (not literally, but kids 'know' these things) his mom screwing someone she isn't committed to and who isn't committed to her? If you're living with Dudley and making fantastic love to this man who is engaged to someone else, how will you possibly form a stable, loving family unit for your child? Doesn't he deserve that?
Going to the park and making bubble mohawks is sweet, but it isn't all that a child needs. Loving him isn't enough to raise a happy, healthy child. Children need stability and parents who lead by example.
What are you doing to prepare for his return besides getting laid and smoking weed? Let me tell you something about loving a child...nothing, NOTHING in life is more important than what is best for them. Not cock, not alcohol, not a big fat joint, nothing that YOU could possibly want should take precedent over what is best for that life that you brought into the world and whose future you hold in your hands.
I've been abused too, by parents and by spouses, and I know for a fact that you can get healthy, mentally and emotionally. It ain't easy and it will be painful but you can either buckle down and get your shit together or you can keep living in a drug-induced fog to avoid facing your demons. Stop blaming the world around you for your woes and take control of your life. Sweep the shit out the door and start standing on your own two feet. Get rid of the toxins in your world and you'll find life is much easier to tolerate.
Then you may have a shot at getting your child back...and happiness.
Stormie
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