And were really good at planning diabolical revenges. :lol2:

today's epiphany: If she's not out there somewhere beating herself up trying to sort things out, then there's probably nothing to save.

It's really hard for my engineer's brain to not be actively working to solve a problem, but I'm still giving her her space. I think on friday I might send her a text along the lines of "Let me know when or if you're ready to talk"

Might not be the best idea, but it gives me something concrete as a plan for the time being.

"I can't marry you, and we shouldn't see each other anymore."

go out with someone else this weekend

lumberjim: think what you may, but I didn't just spend months of soul-searching getting to the point I did to say "Oh, right. Shun me. Perfect meaningless fling opportunity for me now. Thanks."

i did not say go get a hooker.

i said get some perspective.


whatever.

Don't text......... jeeze

if she won't talk to you, at least write. Show some labor, some effort.

(also harder to hit "delete" on....) ;)

someone else could be a mate rather than a fling....

A funny thing that seems to be constant in times of relationship distress. There's always somebody ready to tell you you're doing it wrong. (Or maybe I'm just paying closer attention.)

My advice would be not to jump into dating right away. Give yourself time to mourn.

sorry, I guess I came off a little harsh there.

..but when diving back in (to that relationship), do take the time to show that you mean it/care.

p.s. fwiw, I'm a wife..... (of 15 years today)

regardless of what you're talking about, people will tel you you're doing it wrong. it's the flip side of the coin that is...people that ask for advice and then argue with you for your efforts.

in the end, you let the opinions of others run through your filters and keep what feels true, whilst discarding the chaff.

hope it works out well for you in the end, bub.

Congrats monster.

dis, I feel sorry for your situation, but I can't help thinking that if she's wishy washy about the relationship now, she probably always will be.

Send her a note or something, but from where I'm sitting, I'd say you're going to have to consider that maybe you have a lot more invested in this relationship than she does.

lumberjim: I found this place after my last relationship went tits-up, which went on a lot longer than this one did. My posting history isn't long, so it's easy to find the last narrative. I came back here because it was a safe place and all of you seem to be pretty free with the conversation. My apologies if I've stepped on some toes, but I'm a bit screwed up right now.

tiki: sound advice on the holding off on dating. I've made that decision before (Hey, I'm going to be a weird guy for a while....), I guess I'm just hoping for a little more closure before going down that road again.

I guess the long and short of it is that if the relationship isn't over, it's going to be screwed up for a while. If it is over, I'm going to be screwed up for a while.

For me, not trying to contact her is something near Herculean. But I already rushed things once, so now's my chance to give her some space. Not really my modus operandi.

OK, but make sure you hide the body well. ;)