Thats a good theory elf...but some people cannot just get up and move on.....and I am one of them...I admit it...I am the biggest baby when it comes time for me to move on.....I have experienced it many many times....

If my boyfriend and I were to break up and someone would to tell me to move on.....I couldnt....it is just to painful...

I don't get it.

There's not a damned thing you can do about the past. Nothing in this world can ever let you go back and change something already done.

And if there's nothing you can do about it, why should you be miserable? Using your example: If there is nothing that can be done to mend the relationship, why should you feel badly that it's over? Why should you spend precious time in your life mulling over something that is gone? I don't mean go out and find another boyfriend as soon as possible, rather, LIVE your life as you see fit.

[cheesiness]
What's that saying?
Don't cry because it's gone. . . . smile because it happened.
[/cheesiness]

yanno?
*edited for appropriate bracketage

in 1999 my wife and i were in escrow on a house here in orange county. It was a 3 bed, 2 bath on a quarter acre for 323k. We were contingent on an our condo selling, and it fell through. We could have done some heroic hoop jumping and still bought the house, but we let it go, and figured we would just buy later.

Today, you can't get into that zip code for under $750,00 and that same house resold this past summer for over a million.

-sm

but what's the house you DID buy worth in comparison to what you paid?

I would say you made the correct decision. Choosing not to put an enormous financial strain on your marriage was the right thing to do. Hey, it could just as easily have backfired and financial pressure just ruins relationships.

Hopefully, your wife feels the same but...

I wouldnt quite exactly put myself in a state of misery....I would never live my life being miserable...there are way far more things that I would rather be doing than sitting and worrying about stuff.....ok, I would worry, but i wouldnt stay miserable...

But...I would still have a hard time getting over something like my bf and I breaking up.....thats really something hard to get over..especially with him and I...and yes, I would eventually move on..

Chorus:
Love takes time
To heal then you're hurting so much
Couldn't see that I was blind
To let you go
I can't escape the pain
Inside
'Cause love takes time
I don't wanna be here
I don't wanna be here
Alone

I can only say this:

"This too shall pass". And don't let anyone rush you into feeling different. Hell, it's going to take a while because you had so much time and emotions wrapped into this relationship. So you feel as bad as you need to for as long as you need to. In other woods, don't dwell, but DO acknowledge.


:)

Interesting. How can one forget a regret when something reminds you of it everyday?

For instance, I've been overweight practically my whole life. I acknowledge that was totally my fault (my horrible eating habits). Being overweight for as long as I have has contributed to my diabetes and to my kidney failure. Having to live with the results of my negligence hasn't been easy (as you may have read here). I don't "dwell" and beat myself up over it, but I do acknowledge it. I can't pretend that it didn't happen, because it did and I'm living with the results. So basically my regrets are my bad eating habits, my smoking, my not exercising to get more healthier.

You say that now who you are includes all of your wrong choices. Well, if that is the case, I want to trade "me" in for a newer model.

*don't worry folks, I see my shrink this Thursday. This just hit home a bit too hard...*

Excellent advice. I got over a painful break-up by saying to myself "This is the most painful thing I have ever experienced, but I will get over it". Over and over and over and over and over ..... again. 'Til I did.

I don't know if you meant that regarding relationships, or just things in general, but either way, it's easier said than done with many people.

I agree that one shouldn't wallow in misery about things, but sometimes, it's just hard to let go of the past.

I know this all too well: I would LOVE to go back to the way things used to be with me (at least a little bit), but I know that I can't, and that makes me angry sometimes (and I'm dealing with that with the help of a psychiatrist that specializes in chronic illnesses...I have kidney failure). What he has helped me with is that having certain feelings of anger, etc. is ok, and that to try to feel otherwise when you honestly don't is only counterproductive. Of course, anyone who is clinically depressed may need to seek professional advice/couseling.

The point is that I don't "dwell", but I'm not going to ignore how I feel, and pretend that the choices that I made in the past didn't contribute to the way I am today (and yes, I'm totally regretting making those choices).

It's good that you are able to keep the past in the past and move on, but realize that there are those of us who need a bit more time to get to that point. :)

No, but you sure as hell can get even.:D

I was listening to this on my mp3 disc in the car, and remembered my pain as recently as last May. I was suicidal, and I hadn't even married the guy. Thought you minght find the lyrics something you can identify with. Get the mp3. Really.

Fire, smoke, bad joke
That's what my life's been turned into
Hurt, cry, pray to die
That's all that I've got left to do

Without you
Everytime someone speaks your name
I feel my heart go up in flames
Without you
Nobody's here to see me cry
Or wipe the teardrops from my eyes
Without you
I'm the only one I've got left
And I can't live with myself
Without you, oh without you

Guilt, shame, I'm to blame
For all the pain I put you through
Cold, stoned, mind blown
There's nothin' left for me to lose

Without you
Everytime someone speaks your name
I feel my heart go up in flames
Without you
Nobody's here to see me cry
Or wipe the teardrops from my eyes
Without you
I'm the only one I've got left
And I can't live with myself
Without you, oh without you

Time goes by
Still, I'm

Without you
Everytime someone speaks your name
I feel my heart go up in flames
Without you
Nobody's here to see me cry
Or wipe the teardrops from my eyes
Without you
I'm the only one I've got left
And I can't live with myself
Without you

Everytime someone speaks your name
I feel my heart go up in flames
Without you
Nobody's here to see me cry
Or wipe the teardrops from my eyes
Without you
I'm the only one I've got left
And I can't live with myself
Without you, oh without you
Without you, oh without you

~~Lonestar