SG, Bri, I'd suggest nude self photography as an excellent substitute for vodka. I have lots of room on my PC to store them for you.

The next few weeks are the roughest for those of us that are alone, even, or maybe expecially, in the midst of holiday festivities. Don't lose sight of the fact that you are important to someone... you are needed... you are loved.
Yes, you really are. :queen:

You are all important and if you could, I'd have all you lonely Christmas people to my place for lunch.

I hate people being alone on that day. Honestly. I'd even love to have you over if you weren't so far away Bruce. ;)

Do any of those lonely people have names or is this just a world wide magnanimous gesture? I have a name but I would rather come for dinner. thanks


HUGZ FOR SG AND BRI

Pretty much anyone really.

I think if Dazza and I can accomodate my ex on the day after all the crap he's put me and by association him through, I think we can accomodate anyone. :)

It's not a good day to be alone. Much better spent in the company of people who will help you through it.

I was pretty careless and lost this weekend...is it the season? Loneliness, boredom, being with a "friend" who I don't hang out with like I used to because my entire purpose in her life is to tell her how great she is, after she tells me how great she is...blah. Self-destructive behaviors, subseqent depression, asking why.

Girls, we will be OK. OK? OK!

Many virtual hugs.

It finally hit me last night that my grandmother, who died in February, will not be here for the holidays. I spent a good hour sobbing and wishing there was something I could do to bring her back. She was like the anchor for all of the good holiday memories I had for the first 20 years of my life, and it just broke my heart to realize that I won't be calling her on Christmas morning to send my love. :(

As a professional photographer and artist, I have to with Bruce here. In fact, I am thinking that a few of us here at the cellar should start a pool to buy you a webcam so we can offer tips and suggestions during your photo shoot. You know, lighting, props, camera angles. Strictly above board and in the name of art.:D
Bruce, Elspode, Lookout??? Anyone? Bueller?

I used to have the very same friend.


Hugs to you.

Choco--I'm so sorry for your loss. This time of year can be really good and really bad at the same time. Hugs, hugs, all round.

and foot? thanks for the offer, but...I'm a crone! A CRONE i tell ya!

I miss my grandmother and grandfather, too. Sometimes I visit their graves using the bookmarked locations at GoogleEarth. Perhaps a remembrance (poinsettia for her grave marker?) tradition for the departed will help you. Peace.

Sorry to hear that, Choco. My maternal grandma used to send me an ornament every year, along with a few little odds and ends wrapped in a particular unique way. The first Christmas I didn't get her package in the mail I felt so empty and lonely. I still cry a few tears when I hang the ornaments on the tree and this was the 7th Christmas without her.

::hugs::

What's upsetting me today?

Other people being upset over the people they don't have with them this Christmas. I think we've probably all got someone we miss desperately on days like that, but my trick is to be grateful for all the loved ones I do have with me.

I've come to think that missing people on special days is just a part of what makes the day itself special. Taking a moment to reflect on all they have meant and still mean to our lives and just having a quiet drink and toasting all the wonderful memories they've left you with.

Imagine life without those.

Just got back from my game which was fun. Unfortunately found out that one of my old teammates (from the coed league) had a double mastectomy last week. She "didn't want to be a bother" so NO ONE beyond her husband knew. 35 years old, serious athlete, and new mother. we're all kind of in shock.

Doesn't that "didn't want to be a bother" thing SUCK??
Please remember folks - your friends and family want to know, want to help, want to show they care.
Sending healing vibes via you to her.

Sorry Choc. Some kind of formal remembrance of her might be appropriate. Maybe everyone saying what they most loved about her.:sniff:

So sorry Choc *hugs*

As someone who has perpetual "didn't want to be a bother" syndrome, I can tell you that it's more about avoiding the attention in the first place. If you show your care in more understated ways rather than talking about it, simply do the helpful thing rather than ask "What can I do?," then you are more likely to be let in the loop. Just sayin'.

Playing games with the system.

GPs in Aylesbury won't register me without photo ID.
I technically possess it, but I don't have it to hand.
I lost my driving licence and passport about 5 years ago.

Called up to get a replacement driving licence (£17.50, not so bad - passport is going to be more I think) and it will take 15 working days. That's three weeks even before you take off postage time, and three Bank Holidays in between.

I don't have enough anti-depressants to last three weeks.

This is a frustration of my own making - I should have replaced my driving licence years ago. I should have tried to register with a new GP the Monday morning after I moved here. I should have checked my medication before I started to see the bottom of the pill bottle.

The only minor defence I can offer is that I have registered at 3 different practices in my life and have never been asked for photo ID. I certainly have never been told, "No photo ID, no registration".

Have contacted an NHS helpline. See if they can do anything for me.
Thing is, I can't even just pop to A&E to see a doctor (the usual fallback, even though it costs the NHS a lot of money) because no emergency doctor is going to give me a 30 day prescription on my say-so. At least not without a fight.

I really make my own problems.
Still, I haven't had a drink since Friday.

No photo ID no registration? That's awful. What if you don't drive and don't have a passport (like me)? That's totally screwy.

Sundae--quit beating yourself up. It doesn't help. Ok, so you didn't get your license in a timely manner. Ok. Now we have to go to plan B. You might have to go to the ER and just SEE what happens when you tell them your story. maybe they will be able to help you out; maybe not, but you have to try. this is no time for us to be circling the drain----you need to act while you still have a choice (not drunk, not do depressed you can't move, etc) I have a bad habit of doing this myself----making no choice until the choice is forced (and the forced choice always sucks, right?) There must be some way. Is your family a help at all? what about some AA people?

I want you to know that I am going thru the very same thing. My last drink was friday, too. I had a bender and wound up pretty sick. I HAVE to go to meetings. They are the only thing that helps me stay away from alcohol. Oh, god, Sundae. I wish I could help.

*powerless*

That sucks guys! I wish the best for you in your endeavors. It really isn't a good idea to beat yourself up. Try talking to yourself with the nice, caring, and kind voice. The world can naturally beat you up, and you are supposed to be nice to yourself, and understanding.

Take the same compassion you have for others, and try applying that to yourself sometime. I am not suggesting that you wallow in pity, but for heaven's sake, don't live in shame.

Why am I saying this? Because I can apply it to myself, as I look around, and my bedroom is disorganized. I decided that I am a piece of low class shit, then I realized that I had just worked for 2 days at 13 hours a day, with a fever. Then I decided that I am a badass. (and still trying to get over this cold, flu, whatever this is)

It's a matter of a little change in perspective. Give yourself the same humanization you would give others. You aren't any less because you know yourself really well. Just think about it for a minute and you may see yourself in a different light.

Bri, you're not powerless. What you say is such a good message.
SG, listen up to Bri - get down to A&E and see what they say NOW not when you're on the last antidepressant and it's Xmas eve. Do you have any other ID at all SG, even without a photo?
Hugs to the both of youse [proper Scots word, that!].
Oh, and what Cic said, too!

(sorry for the multipost)
yabbut ... how can we know something's wrong if you don't tell us? Isn't it human nature to show you I care more if I think you're in trouble than if I think you're doing OK (that is "show you " more, not "care" more)?

Sure, it's human nature, but that doesn't mean the person has to like being the recipient of pity or special treatment, even if it's what you want to give them. It's also human nature to avoid situations that make us uncomfortable. I'm just saying, if you have a friend or family member who routinely avoids telling people about their personal struggles, then when you do find out about it, the appropriate response is to give them a hug, and change the subject in a timely manner. Later you can bring them flowers or food or whatever you want, just do it in a discreet and matter-of-fact way: "we're helping you because that's what people do for each other, and it's no big deal," rather than "your life is obviously really, really terrible right now, so you deserve some stuff."

Point taken. "Show you care" should suit the recipient more than the giver.

For the record, I found some more anti-depressants.
I didn't mean to create drama - I am genuinely happy and relived not to have to get confrontational (with the NHS) over this.

Posted in the happy thread :)

I needed to hear just that. Great post.

Well I am glad someone was listening. ;)

I'm a little upset b/c I'm worried about Big Sarge :(

One of the first grade teachers at Lil Lookout's school has taken it upon themselves to announce in class that there is no santa claus. she went on to explain that parents set up all the toys and eat the cookies so kids think there will be a santa. WTF!?!

This wasn't LL's teacher (he's in second) but all of the students from this class promptly spread the word at recess. and more than a few went home and spilled it in front of younger brothers and sisters.

I'm seriously pissed off about this. LL came to the conclusion on his own a while back that he knows some people don't believe in Santa but he is going to because he thinks Christmas is more fun that way. Nothing was ruined for my kid but I'm still pissed. Who does this bitch think she is?

Well, they would have found out from the Ouija board sooner or later.

That would prompt a call from me to an administrator.
Oh and she'd believe in Santa after seeing the 50 tons of deer shit her car was buried in. :)

Unbelievable. You should involve the principal. That's treading on the parents' role. She has absolutely no right. Not her place.

Me too. I pmed him yesterday but he's still not been seen online since this post.

Anyone know where he is, physically?

Well, that's one teacher that won't be getting too many Chrissy pressies from the kids' parents then.

I too am worried about Big Sarge. I didn't like the sound of that last "bye". I hope he is okay, maybe just taking some time off/out/away.

This sort of thing is yet another reason why I detest war and see it as an absolute last resort. I wonder how many other people there are in situations like his - got back physically in one piece, but with his life torn up. I wish I could help him.

I'm as happy as the next person (probably more so) to engage in teacher-bashing, but I'd need to know the context before I would jump on this one.
K-1st-2nd grades are the years that kids figure it out on their own, the ones with older sibs sometimes hear about it sooner and like to enlighten their classmates, this has been going on forever.

If the teacher was put on the spot or called upon to settle an argument, wtf was she supposed do - lie? If that's not what happened, I'm supposed to believe she just decided to set the record straight for a room full of santa believers out of nowhere? I'm struggling with that.

I saw him online earlier today - I im-ed him, but he didn't respond.

Question for Brianna - is Big Sarge OK?

What's upsetting me?

My stomach. it's extremely unhappy with me.

I'm floundering on my dissertation. I'm all over the place and I think I've chosen a topic that is conceptually challenging to a dangerous degree. This might be where I crash and burn.


I am vascillating between the above thought and periods of confidence. I keep scaring the shit out of myself with how much fucking reading I have to do and how lost I am in how to bring this all together. I have to effectively teach myself the rudiments of a new language (the language of Sentiment and Sensibility and all its subtly gendered nuances. I know the Eng Lit gals will probably recognise this.) More to the point the primary source material is a real mixed bag. Some of it (like Hannah More's Cheap repository Tracts) is brilliant, i can read it all day and come up with a ton of ideas. Some of it though I just find my brain shuts down when I try to read it. I spent my college days avoiding the romantics and their precursors like the plague. What the fuck was I thinking?

*blinks*

That probably should have been in the mildly irritating thread come to think about it.

Glad to hear Sarge was spotted. I hope he's ok.


oh and Steve, I may not be sorry about your finger but I am sorry about your stomach :P Hope it passes quickly (if you'll pardon the pun).

what she said. We demand that our teachers do not indulge in any spiritual teaching ...just cold hard facts. I'm guessing we would not be overly pleased if our kids came home refusing to tread on cracks in the pavement in case they kill their mothers because the teacher said it would..... Santa is seen as a christian thing here -most Jewish kids don't get visited by Santa -how the heck is a teacher supposed to handle that? "Well yes, he's real, but only for nice Christian children?"

Just something I heard somewhere once. It seems a bit cynical but I thought I'd throw it in.

I don't know. I haven't seen/heard from him. I am feeling worried like everyone.

The teacher should say "Ask your parents. We don't teach about Santa in school."

How 'bout, "Kids, no Santa appears in the curriculum. Now, we'd better get going unless you want Chinese overlords!"

That oughta get the lil bastards moving.

But what does the Ouija say?

*swoon!*

I slept through an early morning call today, but Mum didn't. Well, she goes to bed earlier than me, doesn't wear earplugs and has the phone by the side of her bed!

The husband of one of her oldest friends died just after 06.00 this morning. He'd been in hospital for two months and they'd only just managed to diagnose him - complications in the brain following years of immuno-suppressant drugs to manage his rheumatoid arthiritis. The slow diagnosis isn't because they're slack (he was at the country's leading brain injury/ disease hospital in Oxford, luckily only 20 miles away) but because there was so much to rule out. In the end his heart just gave out.

Mum was over at Maureen's comforting her today, so even if we'd had no human feeling it would have affected Dad & me. Truth is I didn't care much for them (just in a child looking at her parents' friends kinda way I mean) but I've been hearing about the whole situation since I arrived. They've driven her to hospital a number of times (she hates dual carriageways and driving in the dark) and Mum also went with her on the bus and again when her son drove them - he doesn't live in the area so couldn't go every day.

She was Mum's first friend when Mum moved from London to Aylesbury. Maureen had done the same thing (there was an active campaign to fill up the towns in those days). Colin was a year older than my Dad, Craig - the son - a year younger than me, but married and with children.

Well, that's Christmas screwed for the next few years, at least for M & C.
And Colin had only just retired as well.

I am so lucky in comparison, I gave my Dad a kiss on the cheek when I got up and heard the news. He didn't ask why. I assume he knew.

April and I have officially decided to move in with her mom at the end of January. We were originally gonna do it in November, but her mom offered to pay 2 extra months of rent due to lack of space at her place at the time, and the hope that one of us would find a real job.

Nothing will prevent this move now...not even if both of us got jobs tomorrow. We're almost out of savings, so the primary goal is to replenish that and then some. I'm not keen on living with my mother-in-law, but she's cool...and it'll have to do for now.

Sundae Girl - My heart is out to you.

It could be tough. Maybe you can work out some ground rules early so you don't go through the room-mate training period. You can handle it bro.

We've pretty much already laid down the ground rules. My mother-in-law is pretty decent...she just has some neuroses like the rest of us. My only real concern is just keeping Mrs. Syc's spirits up. She keeps trying to put the blame for this situation on herself, even though we both decided it was a good idea for her to leave her last job...plus we knew it could come to this.

On the upside, it'll be much easier to record music for the band, since my mother-in-law has a Mac with Garageband.

Mum.
Specifically Mum with Dad.
She told me tonight that if she had the money she would leave him tomorrow.

I'm sure this is not really the case, but I hate this nasty and spiteful side of her. This was all about Dad forgetting to pick up her de-caffeinated Diet Cokes to take to my sister's house. She made nasty comments all evening and even now when we're back she is still more or less ignoring him. I tried to calm her down and she snapped at me for trying to take his side and said, "If you don't like it that's tough shit."

I've come straight upstairs because I can't take her sniping - the things she says to him are far more disrespectful than him remembering to pick something up. If it was that goddamned important why didn't she handle it herself? She already says Dad has Alzheimers, is useless, only thinks of himself and never does anything right. Him forgetting has been taken as a personal insult, but she has hands of her own to pick the cokes up. And we stood waiting for the taxi for five minutes, if she's so organised how come she didn't check that the ONE bag my Dad was carrying, that obviously only held two selection packs, was somehow hiding a six pack of coke.

And don't think she suffered all noight - oh no. My BIL went to the local shop and bought replacement cans within 30 mins of us getting there. She had one and then went onto water, bitching about my Dad being pissed the rest of the night, when in fact it was about him not being able to hear the conversation. Did I mention he is supposed to wear a hearing aid and she's acted like this is a deliberate slight to her? She's having trouble behaving like a bitch about this since I've moved in because I have a slight hearing deficiancy too, and if my Mum started trying to put me down about it I'd fight back. I bite my tongue on a lot of things, but I won't be sneered at for something I genuinely cannot help. And neither should Dad.

She went into a spite-fest on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. In the first it was because Dad picked up a towel she's dropped on the floor and started drying up with it. It was dirty, Dad didn't notice. Well, silly old fool of course. But if Dad had just dropped a towel and Mum had picked it up, he'd have been in the wrong. Anyway, she went back to when Dad was 20 for that insult. Apparently it was the sort of dirty thing the Robinsons did in the house he grew up in. No wonder he and his brother (now dead) got TB.

On Christmas Day, Dad knocked the salt cellar out of the cupboard. An accident, could have happened to anyone. Oh no, it was all to do with Dad's clumsiness and how he didn't care about living in a dirty house. Odd, because when Mum smashed her own wine glass full of wine the other year it was our fault for crowding her in the kitchen, despite the fact we were performing our well-choreographed dance as kitchen helpers and were nowhere near the wine glass at the time. It was just another accident.

I hate it.
And when she's like this I hate her.
And this will be damned hard to get out of my head.
I'm not playing the lottery again while I live under their roof.

Sorry, I'm so angry right now.
I'm sure you can tell.
But I will swallow it and go downstairs and walk on eggshells because that's the only thing that will make my Dad's life easier.

If it wasn't for the fact she keeps the place both spotless and organised I'd wish her dead tomorrow.
Don't really mean it. Just fed up. And shocked she could say something that nasty about Dad.

I'm less angry this morning.
Sad and disappointed, but at least I had the sense to back off and bring all my fury here.

Thanks.

Sorry to hear that. I wouldn't wish moving in with a mother in law on anyone.

Funeral home tonight. My friend, who I told you about, passed away the morning of the 26th.

Never was there a kinder man: a good father, a smiley guy, a funny guy, a talented guy.

I was thinking about him as I drove to my parents on Sunday, and the song Tusk (Fleetwood Mac) came on. Something about that song, the drums perhaps, reminded me of the old days and he and my ex in the band and the fun (I've known his wife since we were kids, and her mom was even my supervisor one summer at my strawberry-picking job) times, watching their girls grow up, and I was so very sad.

So sad, this world sometimes.

*Frowns and hugs Shawnee* The world is sad sometimes. My condolences, Shawnee; it's hard to lose a friend.

Thanks Dana. Wife and daughters were in good spirits, considering. I think visitations are hard on the family, and it was 4 hours long. When I left about 7 there was still a really long line.

I told Wife, as we hugged and cried (just not using names here) that she has always been a strong woman, and she replied that I wouldn't want to see her when she's home. Still, I am amazed at human resiliency.

Daughters are beautiful and sweet young ladies...hard to believe the youngest used to follow me wherever I went (I played games with her, danced with her...great kid.)


I saw a few people from the day and that was nice too. They had a video of pics of him and his family, and there was one pic of the old band...my ex goofing at the camera, everyone laughing. In that pic was another band member who passed a couple years ago; his death was sudden.

But the world is missing a very good man.