Find out where your boss shops.
Then, wear the same outfit he (or she) does the day after them.

Kiss a cat on the mouth.

When your kids reach middle-school encourage your wife to play with babies and make sure she's off the pill.

Hang a dead animal in your house for a week then use it for a surfboard. :greenface

"Freddie's Heart Attack Sandwich"--served open-faced on Texas Toast with tomatoes, ten slices of bacon, and drenched in queso (melted cheese with peppers for you weirdo northerners.)

Eat the whole thing. Then skip dinner.

well there is always the old standby - call out the wrong name during sex. if you really want to make life interesting, make it a name from the "wrong" sex. your home life is bound to be lively for awhile.

Become elderly or disabled in Missouri. Rely on Medicaid for part of your healthcare needs or the Public Service Commission to keep your utility rates in line. Continue to vote for Republican governors who aspire to impress the big boys in Washington.

Refuse to leave your house for any reason, and offer no explanation to family, friends, or employers. When the cops come to check your welfare, urinate on them through the slats of your boarded up windows. When they finally break in with a SWAT team and the whitecoats, be in the shower.

In advance, prepare several dozen videotapes of yourself in the shower. Have them playing in several rooms simultaneously at the time of your arrest.

When buying a house, take the seller's word for it that the basement/roof leaks only in "hurricane conditions". Fill the attic with treasures and pile the rest on the basement floor.

Feed wild bears with sumptuous morsels of fresh salmon for a couple of weeks. Go hiking in the woods with fish pinned to your down jacket.

A few pieces of bad advice garnered from AD&D

During a thunderstorm, stand on the top of a hill in plate armor, raise your sword to the sky and shout "All Gods are Bastards!!"

At full speed on horseback, charge into a densely wooded forest after your direst foe, who appears vulnerable. (To this day I can hear the player ask me ... "Why do I have to make a saving throw?")

Books bound in human skin do not make good bedtime reading.

Go to a pro wrestling match and lick the bosom of one (or all) of the wrestler's girlfriends. :bolt:

Go to Bing-hamp-ton....Find a cop. Strip down naked and paint you face red. Approach the occifer yelling and screaming while brandishing you favorite handcannon.

Tell someone that you have a problem w/dog packs. And he bring you a 22 Ruger with a scope and a baby nipple wired to it. Damn. That's all I need.

Join the Tom Cruise for President campaign.