when one door of happiness closes, another one opens, but often we look so long at the closed door, that we don't see the one which has opened

"My lips are chapped with rage." I just said that.

What you cannot enforce, do not command. -- Sophocles, dramatist (495?-406 BCE)

Just because the keg is full, doesn't mean the beer is bad.

--friend of a friend, in response to "She's been single for a year now. That has to mean something."

Quotations
 

"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

And, when asked to use the word "horticulture" in a sentence, Dorothy Parker said, "You can bring a horticulture but you can't make her think."

Jascha Heifetz (1901 - 1987)

Attachment 24608

This is what I think of your rules.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. -- Dr. Seuss

Thanks to Sheldonrs.

Risk more than others think is safe.
Care more than others think is wise.
Dream more than others think is practical.
Expect more than others think is possible.

--Cadet Maxim, USMA, West Point, NY

"The fastest way to a man's heart ... is to tear a hole in his ribcage."

"Mix a little foolishness with your prudence: It's good to be silly at the right moment." – Horace

‘You can imprison a man, but not an idea. You can exile a man, but not an idea. You can kill a man, but not an idea.’

— Benazir Bhutto

"ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER! DO-YOU-SPEAK-IT?" - Jules

"I'm prepared to scour the the Earth for that motherfucker. If Butch goes to Indochina, I want a nigger waiting in a bowl of rice ready to pop a cap in his ass." - Marsellus

(Sorry for the profanity and occasional "racial" slur. If it makes you feel any better about yourselves, or the above quote, the person saying it, too, was black, so he was not using it in a "racially" derogative manner.)

Any guesses as to what movie I was just watching? ;)

One of the movies I have memorized from beginning to end.

Watch it though, I was accused of being a racist because I quoted (EGAD) Gone With the Wind.

:headshake

Ya gettin' this, rog?

It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job: it's a depression when you lose yours.
-- Harry S. Truman

You're not a real man unless you change at least six variables at once.

But you see in dealing with me, the relatives didn't know that they were dealing with a staunch character and I tell you if there's anything worse than dealing with a staunch woman... S-T-A-U-N-C-H. There's nothing worse, I'm telling you. They don't weaken, no matter what.

"I love you too."

My son

"Summer romances begin for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They're shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they're gone." - Noah.

"I am no one special. Just a common man with common thoughts. I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but in one respect I've succeeded as gloriously as anyone who ever lived. I've loved another with all my heart and soul and for me that has always been enough." - Duke (Noah.)

"Snails are a delicacy? Compared to what? Barnacles?" - Jim Gaffigan

:)

Was watching "The Tudors," and remembered a quote I'd heard... somewhere.

"If a lion knew his strength, it were hard for any man to hold him." - Sir Thomas More of Henry VIII

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.-Oscar Wilde


You can judge your age by the amount of pain you feel when you come in contact with a new idea.- Pearl S. Buck

Before you can do anything, your going to have to check the Constitution first.

Hook me up somebody, please. I really NEED a good one right about now.

Here's one I like:

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
Mark Twain
US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 - 1910)

Not about to make this one my sig, but in view of recent developments politically, both in the House and the Cellar:

"They're all so stupid!" -- Robert A. Heinlein, The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress

"Fuck It" -monster

Ok I found some I like

1. "One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries" -A.A. Milne

2. "My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle" -Henny Youngman

3. "I believe that every human has a finite number of heart-beats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises" -Buzz Aldrin

4. "I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on" -Oscar Levant

5. "People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use" -Soren Kierkegaard

6. "Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you" -Spanish proverb

7. "My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income" -Errol Flynn

8. "When you become senile, you wont know it" -Bill Cosby

9. "I am kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy" -J.D. Salinger

10. "Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint" -Mark Twain

11. "It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like" -Jackie Mason

12. "If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane" -Jimmy Buffet

13. "We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by" -Will Rogers

Hah! I like that one. One of the things that pisses me off in online roleplay games, particularly the medieval fantasy type ones, is that everybody always wants to be some kickass powerful wizard. Whole uberguilds of kickass powerful wizards and warlocks. Where's the mystery and power if everyone's doing it?

I played almost a year in UO just being the one that sits on the curb clapping. It's an interesting perspective from down there.

Dr. Turner claimed that smoking marijuana leads to AIDS (the sequence: Pot leads to harder drugs, which lead to sharing needles, which leads to AIDS). Peter Besinger, former head of the Drug Enforcement Administration, claimed that marijuana was harmful because it "contained dioxin." The dioxin, of course, came from government spraying. Such statements are reminiscent of the 1920s, when the public was told that cocaine made blacks impervious to bullets.
- Abbie Hoffman

You're smarter than you look, or sound, or our best testing indicates."
- The Simpsons: Mr. Burns (Homer's boss) in Homer's Odyssey


"There will be cake if you finish"-An old trick to prod you along

"The cake is a lie"-scrawled on a wall

"The rumors about my death have been greatly exaggerated." -Mark Twain

"If you want to change the world look at yourself and make a change." -Man in the mirror

"A hero is only braver than the ordinary man for 10 seconds."

"Right and wrong have cultural perspective" - Lawrence Newton

My daughter says "I love you too daddy" before I even say "I love you". She must be psychic. :)

"You can't make a Hamlet without breaking a few legs."

"It is better to have LOVED and LOST than to stay married to a PSYCHO forever!" That is my favorite quote!

"Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, a charm to sadness, gaiety and life to everything. It is the essence of order and lends to all that is good and just and beautiful." ~ Plato

Hey Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit out of a hat! - Bullwinkle

Agaiiiiin? That trick never works!

Okay, watch me pull a hare out of my ass!

[Lion]

Oops, wrong ass!


And now, on with our show!

Ten Cowboy Truths
1. Don't squat with your spurs on.
2. Don't interfere with something that ain't botherin' you.
3. The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning.
4. Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.
5. If you're thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
6. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there with ya.
7. When you give a person a lesson in personal meanness to critters or to people don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
8. When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
9. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
10. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Life is tough, but it is tougher if you're stupid.

Famous last words of a Red Neck: Hey bubba, watch this.

Ignorance is the root of adventure. M. Jenkins

“Let me give you an answer that will not be especially satisfying. It will be kind of like a light beer. I mean it will not be especially satisfying.” General Tommy Franks when asked about the French role in Iraq. Cigar Aficionado, Dec 2003

"Life is tough... tougher if you’re stupid." "Just think, right now, all over the world there are people exercising bad judgment. Somebody, right this minute, is probably making the mistake of his life...

You must REALLY like that one. Is life tougher for you?:D

"Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son."

--Dean Wormer

(I'm not saying anyone is fat or stupid, mind you. You might be drunk, though.)

Uhh...?
 

I want to quote my own laugh, but I don't know how... :neutral:

you gotta stop smoking that stuff, john...

Fuck you and the broom you rode in on.

To someone in particular who is NOT a dwellar.

Uh oh. Tough week CM?

Sorry - I'm insanely pissed off at this useless piece of shit woman and I am having such evil malicious thoughts about her that I needed to vent. Otherwise, I may have followed through on one of my emotionally-charged extremely negative counterproductive plans.


Edit to add: DO NOT Fuck with my kid.

That is all Have a Blessed Day.

I haz matches.

ok gimme something nice - this thread should be uplifting. Kind of like uplifting her to anther plane of existence.

Really glad you didn't :P

Go watch the comedy sketches I posted for monnie. They're uplifting :)

"I've felt better, but it cost more". [self], in response to "How are you doing today?"

I believe and maintaining and cherish the reality that,all my friendships are unique. ~By S.S. my most treasured friend

A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself-and especially to feel, or not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at any moment is fine with them. That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is.
-Jim Morrison

True wealth can not be found in your bank account. It can only be found in those you call friend. Those with whom you share your deepest feelings. And those who accept you for who you really are. -Mary Vandergrift

Van Hagar is right, Flint.

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

Albert Einstein.

I think the old boy might have been on to something there.

Carruthers

The toughest of times show us how much we have more so than what we've lost, if we allow ourselves to see.

"Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live." - Mark Twain.

"It was all love on my side, and all good comradeship and friendship on hers. When we parted she was a free woman, but I could never again be a free man." Sir Arthur Conan Doyle