I don't know anything about the functioning level of this kid... but I'll just say this: it gets a lot harder once they get smart enough to undo their own buckles. I know parents who have had to put actual combination locks on their children's seatbelts. Sometimes, if the kid is willing to sit calmly and just let you drive as long as he's in the front seat, you give in.

Zen, he had a seatbelt on, but as I said, it was an old shitbox car, and I think there's a good chance the seatbelts hadn't been tested for a very long time. I'm not sure I would judge her that quickly. Who knows what the boy was up to at the time. Obviously something distracted her from driving and paying proper attention - although in saying that, I did have to break pretty heavily to avoid the collision I almost had with the person in front of me. I don't know if you've ever driven with kids before Zen, but any kid can do naughty stuff at the best of times. You just always hope (well I do) that when they choose to do something naughty or stupid, that it's not at a time that will endanger their lives.

First to answer you question.
Hell no, if you can fiqure out a way to help somebody out, that's never stupid.
If it's not taking food out of your kid's mouths, or putting a strain on your marriage, take every oppotunity to make others, and yourself, feel good.

I agree with Zen though, bad juju not having the kid restrained. If you decide not to make her pay in cash, you might make her pay by listening to a little lecture about that. ;)

To the people on facebook that say you're doing it upside down, remind them it's Oz. :haha:

Clod, I think he was most likely fairly low functioning. I did not hear a single sound from him during the whole episode. Not a tear in his eye. No emotion as all in the true sense of it. Only stress. That's the only thing I could see in him which was why I had already started to form the assumption that he may be ASD even before she said so.

Ali: You're a good woman and don't let anyone call you anything else. I've heard the phrase, "there's a fine line between being nice and being stupid." Guess where that person was going? Yups, was calling me stupid. Hey, at least I'm stupid AND nice. :D

Is this what happened when everybody got out?

It would be a nice thing for you to do.
And even if your Dad does not iron out the wrinkles,
you would have a reminder each time you saw them of your good deed.

Win - Win

Yes, the idea of "paying it forward" is a noble gesture, but do get your car looked at by a professional. The way cars are built these days, sometimes what looks like a minor bit of damage on the surface turns out to be major structural damage. It is possible that the underlying damage is sufficient render your car less structurally sound (and less safe) and it could even lead to your insurance company voiding your next claim. I have seen cars written off for what appeared to be nothing more than a few wrinkles in the bodywork. Underneath, the car's crumple zones were sufficiently damaged that the repair costs were more than the vehicle's value.

If you get a quote, tell them it's going to be a cash job and not an insurance job. The quote will reflect this as there will be less padding to make up for the runaround that insurance companies often give the repairers.

To be honest, someone that's driving around in a car without even "3rd party property" coverage is showing a complete lack of consideration for other people. Yes her life may be tough, but every time she goes out on the road, she's playing high stakes gambling using what may be someone else's most valuable possession as her bankroll.

Went and saw Dad on Friday. He reckons he can fix it pretty easily with a little help from a teenage boy or two, so we're going to head up to the farm next weekend and get it sorted.

In the mean time, I'm going to get a quote from a smash repairer and give it to the lady who hit me. I'll let her decide if she wants to cover any or all of the cost for whatever needs doing at the smash repairs. If she chooses to pay, I'll be able to get my dad a nice present instead of paying someone else I guess. I think I'll still need to replace the bumper though. We'll see how it looks when Dad's finished with it. He's a pretty handy bloke.

Life is so tiring sometimes....sigh....

Juice it up, go skydiving, skinny dipping, drag racing...

Article in WSJ condemning false API tweet ironically gets president's name wrong.

Sucky journalists commenting on sucky journalists. I may be sucky, but at least I don't hold myself out to be something special.

Wait, I go to your link and see...
This does not match your quote. Did they change the article, I don't see any corrections listed?

They changed it. I added the bold, but the rest was a copy and paste.

Heh, they must have gotten some tweets. Well you've captured their foibles so they won't get away with it, when the rest on the nation reads this thread. :haha:

I can smell sausages.

What kind?

Pork I think. But that was yesterday.
Today I am treading on eggshells.

I haven't done anything wrong, in fact I have behaved in an exemplary fashion. But the 'rents had new sofas delivered today and the delivery men came early. The window was 09.00-12.00 and they called at 07.50 to say they were on their way.

Meh, the 'rents are old and hate a change to their routine. And Mum is ill - has lost half a stone (7lbs) in a week. So although they are happy that the delivery is here and assembled and all sorted, they are also grumpy and prone to complaining. Have helped shift things around and gave them back their change from last night and done some dusting.

Just have to remember not to take it personally. I'm a bit of a grumpy old woman myself these days, and I guess I would have been unsettled by a call an hour before I was expecting it too.

Shame, because I wanted to tell her all about last night in a real cosy mother-daughter chat thing, make it come alive for her. Still, my time will come. I'll find a relevant thread and tell y'all instead.

Sundae, have they tested you for taxoplasmosis? Just wondering.

They've tested me for damn near everything I think.
I'll ask.

Mum has settled down a bit now.
The good thing is she knows she can depend on me. She said, "I should have asked you to go to the hospital with your father." Yes, she should have done - I didn't know he was going until after he had gone, he goes out every morning after all. And she wants me to go to the chemist for her later, as I did yesterday. I glory in these little things I can do.

Turns out she broke her glasses yesterday, so she can't read, use the internet or her Kindle, so no wonder she is grumpy - I would be too. I'm doing my best for her. When she can see again I'll show her the photos. We've now talked about the evening, I knew we would. Glad I didn't get all offended and stroppy. Am learning how to choose my time :)

I was just wondering. I knew someone once who had it, and it took the docs a year or more to figure out that's what it was. What brought it to mind (although I'm sure they're not related) was your Mum being sick now. Just made me think of it that's all.

Hopefully it's not that, but then, it'd be good I guess if you knew what it really was.

Tcha.
Took them 2 years to diagnose Dad's epilepsy. He was told confidently by his GP that it was a gastric problem.
Thank goodness for Mum pushing and pushing for a proper diagnosis.

Same with Grandad and Parkinson's.
She knew he had it a year before it was officially diagnosed (Great Aunt Emma had it and Mum recognised the symptoms.)

She is wrong sometimes of course.
Two sets of Uncles and Aunts should be dead by now by her reckoning.
But it's good to know she fights when her corner is threatened.

I am not getting Toby back. Right now I'm not really feeling depressed about it which is making me feel guilty. I think part of the reason I'm taking it so well is the meds and that I already accepted the likelihood of them saying no. It does feel a tad unfair though.

OK I guess I lied. I'm starting to cry now and questioning if I'm even good enough to keep Della.

A good friend is a dog catcher in NJ, and she has contact with a lot of the rescue groups. She gets frustrated as hell with the attitudes of some of these placement people. They are worst than human adoption agencies, and constantly bitch about not being to rescue more dogs but won't give up the ones they have. So don't be so sure it's you, it's likely them.

I absolutely concur with that Bruce.

Moar, whilst some of the centres employ sensible systems to ensure new owners know what they're taking on and reduce the likelihood of a dog being returned to them at a later date, a lot of them go way too far in there assessment and adoption procedures.

I know quite a few that are, frankly, ridiculous. I know of several people who've gone through similar experiences to yours, where they have taken on a dog to foster with the hope of adopting and then had the rug pulled out from under them because the centre decided they weren't the perfect home for the breed. In one case, they said that the house and environment was not sutable for a bearded collie...not that this would be any kind of a block if they had decided to go buy a puppy. Not everyone has a large secure garden for their dog to play. How is that a reason to deny an adoption, if the person is an experienced dog owner willing to go for two hours of walking every day?

It's shitty. But, please do not internalise their decision as some kind of valid judgement of your capacity to look after a dog. They're being dicks. Be upset that you can't have him, sure. But that's them at fault, not you.

Of course you are good enough to keep Della. Don't let their silliness poison your enjoyment of her. She's a happy little dog and she has a lovely life.

Thank you Dani and Bruce. I'm still upset he isn't mine, but I am feeling better about myself. I know I'm a good home and its sad for Toby that he can't be here with us. I just hope they truly find another good home for him.

I'm so sorry More, I've been involved in rescue in one way shape or form for 20+ years now... all I can tell you is "not all rescues are created equal' it's as hard sometimes to find the right rescue organization as it is to find a good/right breeder. Mostly good rescues just want some relative peace of mind that the animal isn't going to end up in distress again (I know one large east coast rescue run by a lawyer who in half jest frequently threatens to knee cap anyone returning a dog that behaves exactly as described :)) I'm currently trying to help my mom understand that at 82 yrs old, living alone in an apartment, who needs a walker to get around - looking for a young dog - most rescues aren't going to see her as a good bet. But frankly - making you write a letter to the board??? That really blows my mind.... I've never heard of such a thing.

I'm so sorry they've put you through this.

I'd offer to put you in touch with someone in your area ... but I know, you want your Toby :(

Thanks Ocean, I understand their decision, I just wish they would have made it faster. Hopefully in a couple of months I'll be ready for another dog and have a job so I can get one. Della is getting older (she's 5 now) and I really want a younger dog to help keep her active since she doesn't usually play with the dogs at the dog park. She likes to play in the apartment though.

I understand their decision, having chatted about it, but I think they went about making it in the wrong way. All that waiting and making you jump through hoops was totally unfair and, given the reason for their decision, somewhat irresponsible imo.

I first expected not to get him back, and then they got my hopes up about maybe getting him back only to pull the rug back out from under my feet.

I've said it before, but you might not have read it MTP.
When I lived in Leicester, I was not allowed a rescue cat/ cats.
Because I lived on a main road.
Even though there were two doors between my flat and the road. And I told them from the start I wanted an indoor cat because I had no secure outdoor space. NB - neither of my boys ever got onto the main road.

It's more common now, in fact the very charities that turned me down now put out Homes Needed notices for "indoor cat only".

But that's why I ended up with two pedigrees.
And because they were older I got them at a discount, and by the time I'd have paid all the fees and the obligatory donation there was only about £50 difference. And I was working then.

The breeder wouldn't have sold to me if she had a crystal ball.
Losing Dylan and leading Diz a rackety old life in other people's houses.
But she didn't and I didn't.
And there is no doubt my remaining boy loves the very bones of me, as I do him - in our different ways.
Physically it would probably still be kinder to give him up.
With my health problems and financial problems I am ill suited to a cat who may start showing signs of old-age soon.
But emotionally and in terms of having formed a bond, I know we would both be miserable apart.

And no, I don't think I am projecting. Cat used to follow me to work. He still follows me about the house. Warm fire and Mum's welcome arms and lap in the living room (she loves both her troubled charges) and he'd still rather sit on my lap in an unheated bedroom while I read. Although I admit I will often pull the duvet up over him. After our freezy time in the draughty Leicester flat his favourite place has always been snoozing on my legs with the covers drawn up over his head :)
And when I am away (3-5 days max) he hides in my room, comes down to eat, then hides again. He's been living here for ?4? years.

Sorry, none of that helps you.

Just sharing how I feel, in sympathy. A dog on a string sitting next to a busker can be happier and feel more secure than a dog who is scolded every time they walk across the kitchen floor with wet paws or is shut away in a garage with a Mercedes for company all day.

I'm just glad you have Della. And I'm so sorry you were able to form a bond and then have the chance taken away from you. And from Toby.

Thank you Sundae for this. I get what you're saying about the cats, and it helps me not feel like I've been such a bad doggy parent.

Shitty rescue groups around here are driving people back to pet stores and Amish puppy mills. I'm certain of it.

They should do something about those Amish puppies.

It gets tiring calling them: Here Ezekial, Here Jebediah, Here Zachariah!

But they're great Lapp dogs.

And forget shock collars. They're electric! (boogie woogie woogie)

Absolutely. Dogs don't give a shit for luxury, cleanliness and good food. What they want and need is their pack. That pack can live anywhere. A dog that's loved and included in whatever your life is will be happy.



Hah! Out the house in Greenwich and down to the little art collective place?

And you can't even give the critters coffee to wake them up in the morn!
Or is that just Mormons?
That's it. But Dylan, Diz and later Hely (because she had to stay at Steve's when I moved into the pub) all came under the yard gate, so their journey was even quicker than mine.

Diz would wait patiently by the backdoor to the workspace.
Hely had an abandoned cat's instinct. She creeped under the gates to and from the yard and sat by the front door to the office instead. She even knew my gait and would hear me from halfway down the street, meowing and bussing me on the legs.

I don't write about her often because we were in eachother's lives so briefly, and I know the home she went to was very loving. But I still hurt that I imprinted myself on a rescue cat and had to leave her because of Diz.

I was just picking myself up from this morning's round of disappointing life-realizations, or trying to, starting by answering new emails and clearing junk (start as you hope to go on, right?).... when one came in that was a heartbreaking punch in the gut -no bad news, but the type of email that means bad news is coming "call me at x-o'clock to hear it" x o'clock is a long way away. I really don't know how to go on, but I don't know how to make it stop either. I don't have anyone to talk to.

Oh I wonder wonder wonder who...
who knows what my usertitle says

Anon there is nothing you can do.
Breathe.
Whatever the news is, it has already happened.
Because I don't know the circumstances I can't say any more, but it pretty much works for every situation.

If someone has found something out they shouldn't. It's done, breathe.
If it's bad health, or a worse prognosis than expected, it's already been happening. Breathe.
If someone is leaving, or contemplating leaving, it doesn't hinge on this call, it's part of a process. Breathe.

I'm absolutely rubbish about putting things in perspective. I suffer from anxiety even though I'm on medication. Sometimes the only way I can get to sleep is to remember what Mum used to say to me when I was crying myself sick over some minor issue, "What can you do about it? Right now? What can you do?" And the answer was always, of course, "Nothing." So her advice to relax and deal with it in the morning at least got me to sleep.

It doesn't work as well now I'm an adult. And it certainly doesn't work when Mum and I are in conflict! But the base-line is there and I appreciate it. That and breathing. It helps you stay alive.

Much love. Hope it doesn't hurt too much.

I hate that state of limbo: where you know there's some sort of 'outcome' and yet you have to wait for it to be revealed. On what I am sure is a much lesser extent, I'm in limbo here, and it sucks.

Just hang in there, anon. Nothing that happens between now and the call, least of all worrying, will change anything. But I wish I could tell you not to worry, and I wish you didn't have to worry.

Keep on keepin' on.

You know, the bombing of Boston has had me asking myself some searching questions.
About life, death, causes, death tolls, the importance of human life, where death matters and when it matters and politics and funding.

I think it helped me resolve some questions re the difference between American and UK politics and general attitudes of the population.
I'm painting with a broad brush and accept it may be wrong written small.
But I think we (the English - specifically the English) have an attitude toward terrorism, and our immediate neighbours, and our overseas counterparts, and our sense - or lack - of identity that is unique in the world.

I could not believe Clinton shook Gerry McGuiness's hand.
To me that would be like David Cameron shaking Tamerlan Tsarnaev's hand.
And he only killed three people.

I started listing IRA deaths but I've done it before and I'm tired of it, frankly.
But where were the main centres of fundraising for this kind of terrorism in Ireland? New York and Boston.

Mulling it over I think it's because as an island fortress we were always open to attack.
There were times of peace. Long lazy summers of it.
The majority of people were poor and hungry, and when the industrial revolution came and they moved off the land they were poor and hungry and sick. It wasn't all Downton Abbey.

Then came WWI.
Men who survived came home shellshocked, and even those without diagnosis had seen friends blown apart and rotting corpses used as part of the defenses.

"Between the wars" was a real and tangible time. People trying to cope, to fit back in, to forget.

But Chamberlain came back with a worthless piece of paper.
WWII

You saw what happened in Boston.
Imagine that to infinity.
Think about every single building in your city, town, village or hamlet smashed to bits. And any that weren't were shit in by foreign soldiers, because they had nowhere else to relieve themselves. Crops gone, woodland gone, homes gone, places of worship gone.

Didn't happen here, but bombed out streets, destroyed buildings, running for shelter, curfews and blackouts did. It haunted my grandparents' generation and filtered down to my parents (Dad was born in 1940 and bombed out of his house.) I heard Nanny and Grandad's stories and as I got older I heard Grandad relate the stories of their friends.

And then the IRA. All over the country (England - called the Mainland.)
Old men, boys, shoppers, trainee musicians who happened to think their best career choice was within the Army. Not a few people in a marathon. CHILDREN killed out shopping. Not once, but again and again and again.

And in NI the taxi drivers, builders, pizza delivery men. Because it was tit for tat. You kill a Catholic we kill a Protestant. Wrong religion - target. Same as Sunnis and Shi'ites.

So I do feel bad that people died and some lost their limbs in America.
Of course I do, that's what makes me human and stops me taking out my anger by killing.

I just think, I just hope, that people can focus on the cause rather than the result. Little helped in the Troubles, too much history and hatred ingrained.
Clinton did try in the end. Even though he had to talk to a murderer.

I'm glad America can and will move on.
I just hope those in command remember that being the biggest kid in the playground doesn't make you right. Hey, I'm English; of course I believe stiff upper lip is sometimes better than smackdown.

Right from the start, the 'British' national identity was forged first and foremost in opposition to the French. It took form against a backdrop of regular invasion scares. The sense of ourselves as an island at risk of invasion is as fundamental as the American sense of themselves as successful rebels against an overweaning empire.

That would explain the cooking...

Sundae, I remember how saddened and frustrated I was
over the daily/weekly reports on our tv of the killings in Ireland.
I really could not see how the British government was ever going to be able to end it all.
Even when the Irish Catholic and Protestant women joined together
trying to end the violence, it kept going.
It was a terrible time there.

Now, it's tempting to think back about what might have happened after the First Gulf War,
when all the American airbases in the middle east were closed,
and what might have happened when the neighborhoods of Manhattan
filled with Americans helping to build a new mosque.
It has been a terrible time here.

It was pretty devastating news. I'm afraid for the future but I must stay strong. I need to go to bed, I can barely keep my eyes open, but every time they close, they cry.

Thank you all for your thoughts. Goodnight.

knowing part of what the future brings is how you start conquering the future. damn the future, full speed ahead.

FTR.

I was on a rant when I posted about terrorism.
Anyone who has read my posts know how I can foam at the mouth about the terrorism I encountered as a child.
But it was probably ill-placed here.

I admit I had been thinking about various stories and how they are reported worldwide - or not.

It was partly brought to mind because of a great book I've just read, The Boy Who Could See Demons. It's set in Belfast, and is grounded in fact, in that there are intergenerational effects affecting all children who had to live through and with the Troubles.

We expect it in places like Somalia, the Congo, Sudan. But children in what is effectively my country, although not actually child soldiers, lived with sectarianism, family and friends with extreme views, being harrassed on the way to school. It's bloody awful and sometimes it just spews out of me.

It was also prompted by someone who spoke at Meeting on Sunday, about cause célèbre. He noted that this country publicly mourned the death of three people in America, but ignored the death of 48 mental health patients in Russia, burned alive due to sedation or confinement. It affected him because of his own history as a psychiatric nurse.
Even he admitted we can't mourn everyone and everything.

So that was what was on my mind.
Sometimes I wonder at my own arrogance, that I can squander this privileged life, when so many others fight to just stay upright.

Sundae,

I'm reading Life After Life...I really need to read it again I got a little confused.

BUT, reading about the bombing in London in WWII, the Blitz...I mean, every single day they expected bombing. I can't even imagine. For like 57 days.

Just a tangential thought, but it really made me think.

Anon, I don't know what your situation is, but it sounds like you are working up the resolve to face whatever it is. You know you can come here to talk to us.

Thanks, hon.

My Dad (73 today!) played on bombsites as a child.
Nan was given her first cigarette to calm her nerves during an air-raid. By a Doctor.
And Auntie Alice (or maybe she was telling it about one of her sisters?) risked a doodlebug in an air-raid to get home on time, Nanny Doyle's wrath being more immediate than bombing.

WWII is over.
The wounds of the Troubles are slowly healing.
My heart goes out to current generations of children living through violent conflict throughout this world. It is now as it's always been. But it's damaging. We're so much closer to primitive than we want to admit.

This is post whoring of the whoriest kind.
If you can access it, it's me on the radio.

I listen to BBC Radio Five Live every day, but especially enjoy it on Saturday mornings.
Danny Baker and then Fighting Talk.
But although Danny Baker hosts an eclectic show, it's still nominally sports based, so I have never felt qualified to call in.
This morning however, one of the topics was "people you have argued with in dreams" and I had the perfect dream-related anecdote (you know me and my dreams!)

So I texted. And they called back. And I was on the show!
This is the link to the show, no idea if it can be accessed outside the UK - assuming you even want to. FFWD to 1:37 (one hour 37 minutes into the show.)

It's me!

Wishing you strength. Share with us what you can and know we're here for you.

Sent by thought transference

So I thought I was supposed to start work today so I showed up...found out its really tomorrow. Oops.

That's what employers want... enthusiasm !!!

Pondering what sort of job to go after for next year and where ... whatever happens, a move will be involved. Change is good, I think ... I could be in upstate New York or in West Virginia or in North Carolina. If I were to win the lottery and score an Ivy, hell yes. Texas or San Fran, possible but probably not. I'd prefer the east coast for family reasons. But whether to go for academic or non-academic ... still up in the air. The scales are leaning toward academic.

"...spiteful *and* bitchy." I hope you set them straight! Criticizing your decor, the nerve!

Actually I didn't dare tell Danny that my reaction was to stammer out a few words and then go blub.
The production team were not happy because it made all blotchy for the next shots, but they blamed me and not the band!

Now you can see why I held a grudge for so long :mad:

Out of pretty much nowhere, I decided to defrost and clean my fridge/freezer this afternoon. Granted, it needed it, but WTF? Like I didn't have other stuff I could be doing?

Can't sleep. I have to be up in 3 hours for a six hour industrial plant tour, then a 5 hour drive home. Two more long-distance site visits this week. I'm so tired.