There will be options. I'm just not thinking clearly right now.

And I finally just stopped trying to make sense of it and get some records fixed. No, I won't be delivering your numbers for you, have Inst. Research do that. All I have time to do is fix manually, fix manually, fix manually.

It's lunch and I could lay my head down on my desk and go right to sleep.

Thanks for listening. Thanks for the support. Thanks for caring. I don't really deserve it but somehow you all still find a way to care. :comfort:

Hey IM how about a free week with an old goat? Then you just might think things are't so bad. JK. George Dickel is doing it for me. but but I gotta wash my rags before it rains.

Stop that right now, or there will be slaps.




Sorry it's all on top right now, hon. Deep breaths. Deep calming breaths. And maybe a dartboard with a selection of cow orker mugshots to aim at?

:)

Thanks.

Old goats are alright by me, busterb! However, I might prefer a different beverage.

I'm breathing and calming. So tired my face wants to fall off. Getting some small stuff done, like glatt said...maybe I'll be re-energized on Monday. I do know everyone is tired today: we all worked our brains to death this week.

I'm so glad to hear that.

IM - you've already gotten a lot of good advice. But you know I can't stop myself when I've thought of 2¢ to put in.

I think it will help you to remember what is true.

TRUE - You are a good person.
TRUE - You are a good person who is trying to do a good job.

So whatever shit storm is going on around you, it doesn't say anything about you. They can create chaos all they want. But it won't change the fact that you are a good person.

One of the teachers died on Friday. Heart attack.
Male teacher, private man, but one who had taken time out to thank me for the cakes I left in the staffroom (he was in Key Stage Two so we didn't really share a break) and also complimented me on my weightloss.

I just didn't realise when I got to a certain age that people would start dying around me.
That was something that happened to Mum's friends. I've been asked not to mention it online because school is out and they want to let his class know in person. He also had a distinctive name. Sorry I can't do better as a eulogy, Mr W.

They come to collect Dad's car today.

Sorry to hear that, Sundae. I know what you mean, it's unsettling when it's our generation starting to die.

Do you mean that when a person's license is pulled, his car is impounded? Could your parents have sold it if no one else was going to drive it? Not trying to pry, just wondering how the medical removal of license issues work in Britain.

No, they sold it - sorry, it wasn't clear.
Just that given he was told he is no longer eligible to drive it made sense to get rid of the car ASAP. And today was the day the garage he sold it to came to collect it.

He went out to take a photo before it went. This is a milestone in his life.
They went to the supermarket on the bus (part-way at least) for the first time ever. They could go all the way if they shopped at Sainsburys or Morrissons, but Dad still wants to collect Tesco points in the hopes they can go on holiday. Whether he'll still be up to travel/ insurable is another matter.

In truth, with Dad getting older and petrol and general car ownership costs rising, it will save them money not to own a car. But it needs a real change of mindset, and that's hard.

If and when I can be trusted to be sober, I would like to own a car to help them out. Ste doesn't drive and Laura is far too involved in her own family ever to offer lifts (she didn't when Dad was in hospital for example, back when I lived in London.)

If I need another reason to dry up that surely must be it.

So much happening all at once! Hope things look up for you soon, Sundae.

Popdigr poured a fucking ginormous glass of lemonade into the modem last night.

And I'm forty bucks poorer today.

At least I was absent for the clean-up.

(continued from foot's thread)

Part of the reason I lost it before was that my mom had called and I was crying and telling her that she doesn't want to talk to me about my work struggles and the deaths of friends and she assured me she cares and she was so happy when I committed myself and yet I could see her face this weekeend and it felt to me like she hates me, hates everything I say and do. Well maybe not hates but it's like she wishes her daughters-in-law were her daughters. I bring up the tiniest thing about work and she doesn't want to listen. But she SAID I could talk to her.

And you wouldn't believe how perfect my brothers and their families are. THey would make a normal person look bad: think how they make the black sheep crazy daughter look.

It could be a monday feeling but if I put in a resignation I won't get unemployment but they would pay out my vacation time if I gave 30 days.

I don't know. I'm feeling miserable.

That is all.

I'm sorry Infi.

I don't have any advice for you. The practical side of me would tell you to not leap until you have a place to land, but if you're that miserable, maybe you just need to quit. The jobs outlook these days is kind of bad. You might regret it if you do quit. But you'll also regret it if you don't quit. I'm sorry you're in a bad place now.

Thanks glatt.

I know. It just goes back and forth and keeps returning to the surface.
Torn in too many directions. I can't pick an outcome. I can't pick a resolution. I'm freaking tired of using my new 'skills' to continually overcome the fucked up mess that this is. I'm tired of talking myself off the proverbial ledge. Sick to freaking death of it all. And no end in sight.

But I'm catastrophizing and mind-reading etc and so on.

Lenny: "You're such a Cassandra"
Cassandra: "I'm not SUCH a Cassandra....I'm Cassandra!"

--Woody Allen, Mighty Aphrodite


Like I said, I'm especially down today. Perhaps it'll start perking up again.

Take time off. Tell them you are taking time off. What's the worst that can happen if youjust decide you're having your owed holidays?


[eta] put in a formal request dated to a week on monday.