I'd hate that.

I feel small, insignificant, unimportant, stranded, strangled, downtrodden.

There's no sense in getting into 'why' anymore. I'll just say we had a staff meeting which was a lot of self-love in terms of making sure the wigs and everyone else sees what a goddamn indispensible force of nature they are, and the subsequent kudos from the wigs about how wonderful everyone, EVERYONE, on this 'team' is. With an exception. Obvious.

I just needed to say it. I wish I could make someone see it. I wish someone knew how it feels...to have been a vital, hardworking, involved, concerned, respected even admired entity...to now be whatever the opposite of important is, to be a liability, to be ignored and disdained, to look around at the mutual admiration society and be so far removed from any sense of understanding or appreciation.

What was I thinking in my younger days? That my work ethic would surpass any need to game-play, to toot my own horn, to be someone other than what and who I am? How naive have I been?

I still have one more meeting, on Tuesday. That will determine the next steps.

But right now I feel old, stupid, ugly, detrimental, unlikeable. The only thing I don't feel like is a big giant phony.

Thanks for listening. Really, it's what I need. To be able to talk about it without judgment, without narrowed eyes, without thinly disguised disgust. Because I feel disgusting. Maybe I am.

Oh, and when a 'friend' disses you in semi-public, that helps. Oh, I DO suck? Thank you very much. I'd almost forgotten.

Sorry, you're feeling down, IM.

I think you do yourself no favors when you are so hard on yourself.

Thanks glatt. You're always there with a kind word, and I know how tiresome I am.

I am working on the cognitive exercises I learned in the bin/therapy. Sometimes I forget and have to be reminded. The theory is that eventually the better thought processes become habit. But now I struggle and work at it. And I still get upset and I still get angry. A day of feeling good seems sure to be shot down by, at least, the next day.

But I'm still here (by here I don't mean the physical space I currently occupy, I mean I am 'here' but that ain't all that) and I'm still moving forward, slowly.

Thanks again.

That sounds awful, Infi. Please make sure that you're not under the influence of any of the 15 reasons you may be feeling bad ...
And certainly vent away here! Let it all out! We can take it for ya!

Jumping on Glatt's bandwagon. And I'd like to offer you this free gift at absolutely no cost to you, even if you decide not to keep the steak knives.


To redeem your free gift follow this link:
http://www.cellar.org/showthread.php...359#post861359

:)

Thanks guys.

(Is 'guys' slang for 'y'all' or 'everyone' elsewhere? I always wonder when I say 'guys' it isn't obvious to everyone that I dont' mean 'guys' in the gender term...just thought I'd throw that in.)

It is in STL.

This is upsetting me. Has been for quite a while now. I'm waiting for my dermatologist appointment in a couple of weeks. Hopefully some laser therapy will help. BTW, what you see on this leg is pretty much all over my body. :(

Attachment 43757

I don't think legs are supposed to do that.

They are definitely not supposed to be covered in scaly spots that itch like buggery pretty much all the time, except when they come into contact with another surface, at which time they actually sting and ache. :(

You have legs all over your body! :eek:
Start a religion, I understand they're very lucrative.

haha...yeah...nah! lol not my thing

Infini, the suits forget who does the work ,