Do your banks have a claims process where that money can be returned to your account after going through a dispute process? Most of the time when stuff like that happens here you don't end up having to be out of pocket, so I just wondered if they have a similar system in the US.

eta: I hope things get better for you soon. I'll try to keep out of your way. ;)

I miss my friend and wish I had spoke up when it could have made a difference.
Details intentionally left out. I just wanted to post this publicly.

Our good friend died yesterday from metastatic colon cancer. We will be escorting his body via a motorcade of over 50 motorcycles. I will be a pall barer. His BIL will ride his Harley. RIP friend.

Sorry to hear that Merc.

Condolences Merc. Never easy burying a friend.




[eta] Oh, and classic: so sorry you're missing your friend. *hugs*

Same thing that finished my Mum off. It must have been a tough finish. I'm sorry for your loss Merc.

Back at you Ali.

Here is a guy that I was sharing a pint with not 12 weeks ago. If you are over 50 get your routine cancer screening done. Esp if you have a family history. The guy refused to have routine cancer screening colonoscopy. It killed him. Do your breast self exams, get your pap smears, do the right thing.

Mum was diagnosed and dead within 5 months. Doesn't take long. She'd already had a large tumor removed from her liver previously though, and had part of her bowel removed, so was getting checkups regularly.

Sometimes when your time's up, it's just up I think. :(

I just got mine yanked today. I feel good now that it is gone and I too had to travel 60 miles away but getting the specialist WAS worth it. ahh nitrous and codine. I'm good.

I don't know how you feel about me so I am not going to say this because I am wanting brownie points. I just get a good sense about you. You have a beautiful inner self. I think anyone would agree. I know this doesn't take the bleak feeling away but perhaps when you are looking for something to hold onto please hold on to these people here you care about so much because I know they care about you in the same way.

I hope that came out ok in my vicodin befuddled mind.

Merc: I'm so sorry for your loss. It does run in my family; as soon as I hit 40, I'll probably bring it up with my GP. Let me just add, Fuck Cancer!

Bri: hang in there. :grouphug:

My condolences Merc.

I am so sorry, Merc.

Sorry for your loss, Merc, and best wishes for your friend's family.

So did you go?

umm....no


I arsed around in the morning getting ready and checking emails and so on...so was a little late leaving house. Got to bus stop in time to see my bus sailing away. Next one due in 30 mins.

I was standing there gradually wilting in the heat. yesterday was ridiculously hot. I seriously don't cope with heat and sun well. My body's ability to regulate temperature is completely fucked up and my eczema is currently very flared. I couldn't stand there for hal an hour in that heat so I went back home with a vague notion of going back out in half an hour. Trouble is that wuold still have left me sitting on buses for two hours during the hottest part of the day. I'd struggled with the heat the day before when I went into uni and am still sore from the flare it provoked. So...I ended up phoning the dentist and re arranging. Soonest they can fit me in is 1st week in July. I expressed concern about the recent dental abcess but she said if I ran into any trouble with it to phone and they can post me anti-biotics registered post to get to me the next day.

I was glad I made the decision not to go. I stayed in my cool house. When I eventually went out to walk the dog around 6pm (he'd had a morning walk before it got really hot) it was still too hot for me and I had a blinding headache by the time I got down the hill to Ma's. The bus journey at the height of the midday sun would have been a real problem I think. Even in my cool house, the heat rash was almost unbearable.

This wasn't dental phobia stopping me, because they werent going to do anything anyway. It was just to assess the treatment needed and arrange for the work to be done.

that's an awful lot of justification....... :eyebrow:

Yah. But it really was far too hot. The downside of being out in the sun for me is quite nasty. Even wearing visored hat (my leather flat cap) to shield my face and long sleeves to protect my arms. I was a mess when I got back from Leeds on Monday. And it was much hotter yesterday.


I think it may be time to dig out the electric fans.

And your rescheduled appointment is for . . . . when?

(Yeah, I know a slight bit about dental rationalization.)

please oh please for your own comfort sake get those antibiotics and get rid of the infection before they pull it. They would or should do this anyway.

I still had a bit of infection left and I learned the meaning of the line,'cruel to be kind'.

Oh, I had a course of antibiotics from the hospital. This was if it flared back up before I got to see them.

i just got back from my new psych and I am more depressed than ever.

he wants to put me on 1000mg of a medicine that makes you WANT TO EAT and is practically guaranteed to make you gain weight. SO, they weighed me to see my starting point. I weigh more now than I ever have IN MY LIFE. I'm NOT taking the drugs, I'm NOT going to any fucking group, and I'm NOT going back.

to say I loathe myself is an understatement. I cancelled my appt with my onco because, frankly, i don't give a shit if the cancer comes back, I'm NOT going to be VP for a student assoc. on campus (it's a fucking mess of an organization anyway) and I'm NOT going to see anybody today. Or tomorrow.

I'm just going to sit here and despise the fucking gross idiot asshole that I am.

Try to cut yourself some slack Bri. From where I'm sitting, there's nothing to loathe.

You know on an intellectual level that this is temporary, right? You're going to get through this.
:comfort:

Bri, I won't tell you to get up and go somewhere today. But try to give yourself SOMETHING to distract your mind. Music always worked for me. YMMV.

I'm not a psychiatrist, but there are at least a dozen antidepressants on the market these days, and it's hard to believe there isn't one that doesn't carry a weight gain side effect. If you told him about your weight gain concern and he ignored it, I say it's time for a new doctor. (Hopefully one that will not only take your weight concern into account, but also has experience dealing with psychological aftereffects of cancer.)

Bri, concentrate on the good? What are some good things in your life, right now? Like name three?

And Bri, let me (hopefully gently) urge you to reconsider the Onc appointment. You will feel better some day -- maybe not tomorrow, but someday soon. And then you don't want to be blind-sided by the big C again.

Sure, ditch the student assoc -- you don't owe them anything. But you do owe yourself proper medical care.

Please?

What they said Bri. Try to maybe find something in your life that you DO feel good about and immerse yourself in it for the time being.

And agreed about the Onc. We need you around here, so FUCK CANCER. Kick it's arse.

*hugs* Sorry you're feeling shit Bri. It'll pass. It must. The others' advice seems sound to me. There must be other options in terms of anti-depressants. But try to stay well whilst you ride this one out. You'll be glad of it when you get clear, which you will. Like every thing else this horrible feeling will just be a memory soon enough.

Hey Bri, maybe your onco can point you in the direction of a psych who will better understand where you're coming from? Please reschedule that appt for a day when you're more ready to kick ass -there's too much C going around as it is.

and when you're feeling more feisty...

Did you tell the psych that you weren't going to take the new drug? or did you lie and say you'd try it? because if the latter, call them and tell them actually, no I'm not going to take this, give me something that'll work for all aspects of my life, and if the former, dump him and get a new new psych

I'm going to call him and tell him NO WAY am I taking this drug at the weight I am at currently. I took myself off prozac about 2 months ago and I'm going to put myself back on it (started today) as I have some refills of it.

I won't go into all the details, but it's very difficult for me to exercise (I walk that terrier everyday and it KILLS my legs and back, but I do it) but my eating habits suck huge big macs and taco bells. I eat like shit. I know this. I have to change it.

this is my second 'new' psych doc in four months. the first new one put me on abilify which costs 500.00/month (which my ins. co.won't cover) and when I called to tell them I needed something else they said, "It'll take six weeks for you to get an appointment" so WTF? I had just seen him, he just needed to write a new, cheaper script!

This new guy is nice and seems to care, but...ain't no way I"m taking depakote 1000mg and gain 40 more pounds. Frankly, I'd rather have a cross town bus hit me than gain one more ounce. I will tell them that. They can do whatever they want with that info.

I'm finding it hard to care about anything at all. I don't care if I do my paper, I don't care if I take a shower, I don't care if I die.

gee, maybe in six weeks, after the prozac starts to kick in, I'll give a shit. This feeling is like zombiefication. I cannot wait to see what my othello paper looks like. Hilarious, I'm sure.

oh, and someone I kinda depended on has just given me the bums rush. everything , EVERYTHING is over. so many undeserving, happy people die...and here I am. Life is a joke.

Not a problem. We'll do the caring for you till you are up to it.

Its perfectly reasonable and understandable to me that you can get tired fighting all the fights you've been fighting. That's why they have 'rounds' in boxing - you can't keep that up for 12 rounds without a break.

Your human - your tired. It makes sense. Hang out with us for a bit till you get your wind back. We can worry about what to do after that after then.

What Beestie said.

Hang in there Bri...you will get through this. Or I'll get mad. ;)

Bri.... my advice (free, worth every penny, etc.) is that you try very hard not to blow off the paper. Even if you feel it'll be a half-assed effort, it's better than nothing. Because, if you do blow it off, you're sacrificing at least in part your efforts for all the rest of the semester up till now.

Or, better yet, you might consider getting your psych to endorse an incomplete and/or extension for you on medical grounds.

Now, I may be wrong, but I'm guessing you're getting ready to spit nails at the very suggestion. I know you take your studies seriously, and I can tell your self-identity as a good student, not just one that shows up and slides by, is very important to you. But dammit, there are limits. If it's feasible, you'll be more satisfied in the long run if you can finish off your work in a way that doesn't compromise your expectations of yourself, rather than doing it under what looks to me like pretty severe duress. (Besides, I guarantee you legions of "spolied little bitches" have gotten those extensions with far, far less justification than you have.)

Very good thought on the extension. Worth looking into.

Or, you might get a kick out of writing a paper that is so way out there that the prof is moved to give you a grade of "A...W T F?!" You could begin a new grading system.

phlegm is upsetting me today. that and procrastination. the web would be a much better place if i just just get my ass in gear and actually do the stuff I need to get done instead of sharing my thoughts with cyberspace.

So, basically, anything that starts with the letter 'P'?

Oh noes, who is sponsoring Sesame Street today? :eek:

I'll have a P please, Bob.

Pat! PAT! Or, Vanna.

Are you taking the P?

payroll is the thing i'm procrastinating about, as it happens.

Oh PUH-leeze! Pay the pauper people, ya penny-pinchin' piece of puh, puh, puh...(ran out of p words.)

*Dad voice* You should have thought of that before you left the house.

I'll have an E please Bob *cheeky grin*

Eezer Goode, Eezer Goode, He's Ebenezer Goode

has anybody got any Veras?

hahahaha ohmi happy days. Chemically happy, but hey happy's happy right?

Kinda pisses me off that right now..in this moment.. I don't really have anything that upsets me. Imagine that.

And by the way.... I'll have an O, Bob. A big O.

Update on post 4020. Still stressing. I have an opportunity that I'm pursuing even though it has me twisted.

I have the ability to sell my practice to an associate. The company name and all assets save for a handful of accounts go with the sale. With the proceeds I can be debt free except for house and one car. That's the same as before except I've been contacted by a friend at my old firm. One of their bigger producers in the area left and they need an experienced guy with my particular skill set to go in and save the office... right now. I would be selling my existing practice and taking only a few of my clients over to my old company AND I'd receive an incentive package and a whole new practice from my old firm.

It screams win win win all the way around, but it still has my stomach in knots.

As you know, in your business, no one ever got ahead without taking risk. Of course you have people doing that around you all the time and maybe it is your job to help them do it, so you may not be so good at it yourself. (assumption)

I say go for it. Sell the practice, take the new job, pay off the debts, and start with a clean slate. Few ever have that opportunity. Worst case is you will have to start again. But you have done that once and when you did it before you probably had more debt. This time you will have little. Nothing good in life comes easy. Good luck. Let us know what you do.

Not upsetting so much as occasionally popping into my head: my graduation ceremony is next month. I so wanted to graduate whilst Dad was still here to see it. He'd have loved it, I know. I made him wait an awfully long time to be proud of me. After the troubled years of teens and twenties. I really wanted him to see it.

I'm sure he was proud of you every step of the way, Dana.

A former co-worker committed suicide this morning at a local park.

He had been arrested for embezzling from my employer last fall. I feel badly for his wife and three children, his son and my son were friends as they both worked as temps/interns for my employer.

Why do people choose this route to 'solve' their problems?

This is not a dig on your friend. But a number of my kids friends have committed suicide. I have always told them that it is a cowards way out of ones problems unless you are terminally ill. I hold that opinion to this day.

Well if you told them before they killed themselves, it wasn't convincing, and if you told them after, they weren't listening.

Sometimes people just don't see a way through. Also, depression can do funny things to your thinking. A lot of people who attempt/commit suicide believe that they are releiving their loved ones of a burden.

I don't think it's a cowards way out. It's a very scary thing to try and take your own life. The moment of truth takes a kind of courage. Misguided and tragic, but a kind of courage nonetheless.

Dana, I'm sure your dad was proud of you every step of the way. I found myself suddenly crying the other day, when it hit me that my grandmother would've loved to see me graduate last month. Though she wasn't around to see the culmination of all my hard work, she saw the path I was on and I bet she was happy to see where I was headed. I imagine your dad felt similarly, though that knowledge doesn't quite remove the sting of his absence.

ETA: Missed Shawnee's response because I wanted to reply too quickly. Oops! Sentiment remains the same although the words have already been said. (Great minds, eh?)

*smiles* thanks. I am so glad he got to see me win the second year history prize. That helps. And I bet your Gran was really proud of where you were headed, chika.

Dang kids these days...

For the second night in a row, my seemingly simple veggie side has come out completely inedible. I had backups, S.O.P. when trying new recipes, so no one went hungry, but still. Failure irritates the crap out of me.

Ach. That's frustrating Clod. A new day a new meal eh?

Missed this thread.
Hey Dana - I think he was there, you just couldn't see him. He is proud of you, you just can't hear him tell you. Just my :2cents: (cuz that's what I believe about my daddy)