My 1st grader announced the other night that the Bailey's Irish Cream we were drinking looked and smelled like paint.

Smart kid.

"Yeah, kid... enjoy your childhood while you can. When you grow up you too will be so pathetic you drink stuff that tastes like paint."

I nearly made my stepson cry when I once suggested to him that when he was an adult, he would probably actually like some vegetables. He found it tragic that he would someday become such a clearly disgusting person.

A little girl was in the pub on Sunday. Her Mum asked her what was obviously a familiar question
- What do little boys have
- Willies!
- What do little girls have?
- Handbags!

I have no idea whether handbag is a euphemism her Mother uses, or whether it was just her understanding of what the question was asking. Either way she gave both answers with such gusto it really made me laugh.

That is funny.

SG, I'm confused, do you work in a not for profit pub?

SG.....that's entirely what I would expect a little lady over there to say.
Thanks for validating. ;)

Minifob has a laminated placemat of famous landmarks. His favorite?

"Mount Crushmore."

The girl is two, and developing her advanced bossing skills.
"Foofa. SAY IT. Say it, Papa. AGAIN. Say it AGAIN, Papa."
Repeat for every word-for-something that she can think of.

Out of the blue, SonofV offers this:

"Being responsible and living on your own is harder than I thought..."

"Oh?! What are you having trouble with?"

"Cleaning."

My best friend's seven year old was hanging around us adults chit chatting about this that and the other one afternoon... Out of nowhere he pipes up "My daddy's willie has HAIR!" We looked at each other... and just fell out laughing. It was a good twenty minutes before we could breathe well enough for her to explain why that is not a mixed-company topic of conversation... nor a public one. :)

For American History class, Miss Dallas had to complete a worksheet on the presidential election. There was on column each for McCain and Obama. They were supposed to fill in several boxes under each column--political experience, other jobs, family, education, etc. Miss Dallas had filled up the box for family on one side and finished it off writing in the margin. I was giving her a hard time about it, and she said, "I couldn't fit John McCain's freakishly large family in one box!!"

Nope - I work full time for a not for profit Arts company, and two shifts (and often more) in a proper old fashioned London boozer that is run very much on proper old fashioned capitalist lines. It's also where I live for the next week, until I move and I'll be sad to go - it's been sold.

Last week while the boys and I were staying at my Dad's place and I had a cold, my kids snuck into my room while I was sleeping and recorded me snoring with my mobile phone, then they set it as my ringtone.

It was a pretty funny little stunt. lol They were proud of themselves.

That is fucking hilarious. Those kids are enterprising.

Yes, yes they are. ;) Actually, it was probably my oldest boys idea. I'm sure Mav just went along for the ride. lol Dad thought it was pretty funny.

HAHAHAHA - thats a really good one.

I can see MiniTrea pulling that stunt someday...

Isn't the correct term for a MiniTrea Bonsai?

-chuckles- maybe if I were pruning her on a regular basis, or had her in a mini planter on my desk... she doesn't take too kindly to that though.

As best as I could piece together: when my dad was on Saipan in WWII he was concussed by a shell and his mates though he'd been killed and left him on the beach. Everyone was evacutaing and getting back on the boats and one of my dad's pals decided to go back and drag his body onto the boat.

My dad eventually reagined consciousness and was *not dead yet*.

I recently got an email from the widow of the man who rescued my dad, She had been very close with him and my aunts and uncles after the war and is still close with my surving aunts and uncle. She emailed me a pic of my dad at about 17 or 18 years old. He's the one with the goofy hat.

I showed the inch his picture and "This is a picture of my dad when he was so and so's age."

The inch looked at the picture and said: "You know what you can do? You should build your dad up in your mind so you can pretend he is still here."

That's a sweet picture and a sweet thing for your kid to say. Bravo.

nice pic and better story foot3.

Dammit. My carefree days are over. Minifob's language skills have passed the line into being able to repeat anything he hears. And I screwed up.

I'm a big fan of the group Asylum Street Spankers, and they are in heavy rotation on my iPod shuffle. This song came up the other day, and I let it play (skip ahead to 1:30 in, language NSFW):



Catchy, right? Yeah, minifob thought so too. He's been singing "Beer beer beer beer I love beer" for over a week now. Especially in public. And just in time to be around the relatives for the holidays. Greeeeat.

Clod, having listened to the song, you should be grateful he's only singing the beer part!
(not a comment on your parenting, the song made me laugh, but "makes me want to fuck Madonna" really made me laugh :))

Just get another catchy song in his head - I know from the kids on the bus that they'll sing damn-most anything. I remember my niece one year singing the hook to rather an explicit rap song. My BIL shrugged and said at least it as the only part she understood.

Foot I missed your post originally. Wow - that's some good advice. And a lovely picture to have.

Just play the song for them, get the whole group singing! :lol:

Ah, see but the album version says "do Madonna." Which makes it all okay, right? ;)

I think I put a version of "Darktown Strutter's Ball" on my cmep collection. The asylum street spankers do a version of it, but not as good as the vintage classic by the clovers. anyway, you may remember the title was corrupted to "The rotten cocksuckers ball" The lyrics would make Lenny Bruce blush. I'll dig around and see if I have the spanker's version and I'll put it up on cmep3 if I do.

Ahhh, which "Madonna"? Especially at Christmas, this could be fantastic.

Nope, but you're .99 away:
http://www.amazon.com/Rotten-Cocksuc.../dp/B000TPL6VS

When my son was about two, he was riding in the car with his dad and grandpa, and saw some guy jogging. Kid started giggling and pointing at the jogger. "Hey dad," he said, "Look, that guy forgot his car!"

So, a couple days ago my 2 y.o. managed to find her way in our bedroom as we were having a "moment" shall we say. Miette climbed of Vathana (BF/dad), who was on top of me, and she was just giggling away about the dogpile, bouncing on us being silly. We convinced her to go out into the living room (baited with promises of Dora episodes) and as she left the action started back up...hey, it's unfair to leave unfinished business. Miette came back in the room and yelled at Vathana, "No hit Mumma!" She scolded him pretty bad and of coarse we were busting out laughing. She wouldn't leave again until she was satisfied knowing that he wasn't 'hitting' me. My parents had a similar situation where my sister walked in on them and asked my mom why she was bouncing on daddy. Hmm...I think I'm kinda proud that I now have a story. Miette seriously did scolded him good, though. Soooo funny. I wish I could have gotten it on camera.

While watching a bit of TV this morning, an ad for High School Musical 4 came on.

Aden said, "That show's going to go on forever."
I said, "Why do you say that?"
He said, "Well that's what the 4 stands for. 4ever!"

I don't know if this is really all that great...but I think it was. We were all going to get groceries so I could make my BF's mom some Indian curry. My daughter found some snow goggles in the back of the car, so, naturally, I sized it to fit her. She wore them proudly (which covered 3/4 of her face) and stuck out her thumb and said, "I sic" being all bad ass. My BF proudly teaches her this stuff...well, the funny part is that his mom, said, "oh, Miette, you sick? I'm sick too," and she continued talking about how ill she was. Miette just kept proudly sticking out her thumb explaining how "sic" and cool she was.

Thor's first penpal letter
 

to his cousin in England (it's OK, cousins are legal there....)

That's very cool. I was pen pals with my cousin as a kid too! We are still close now and email a couple times a month just to keep in touch.

but did you shag her?

My cousin????? Uh, No!

The entire family is now fluent in LOLspeak, but the kids took it a stage further this morning and were playing "FAIL" in the snow. The aim of the game was to take a flying leap onto the snow tube/sled thing and FAIL so spectacularly that it's actually a pass :lol:

now THAT is funny.

"I haven't figured out how to text and play Guitar Hero at the same time."

Give this kid a drumset.

So we asked the sprogs if they actually knew the story of The Nativity/the birth of Jesus. two said no, and one said "yes, wait, well I know he hung himself up on a cross or something"... :lol:

oops! :o seems we're slacking in our religious education

I got mine from the movies.

I was informed that our little helper-elf was working on the cookie-making project,
and asked her mama whether she could kindly have her "bullcraps." Yeah, I guess I say that.

Also, the other day she was singing a little song: "Dangit, dangit, dang-it! Dangit, dangit, dang-it!"

I dont have any kids, but I did babysit my Moms parrot for a week. She said it started to say 'oh, shit' all the time after that. I had no idea I walked around the house saying that, but I must of.

This was when I was single and living alone.

That's why I like cats. They generally don't repeat what they've heard.
:worried:

As My 2 yr old and I were making cookis she said "I want my bull craps Mama... give me my bull craps" I assume she mrnt the cookie dough... Flint uses that phrase all the time so of course the first thing I did was call him to inform him that his daughter was wanting her bull craps and he was responsible... I have to admit it isn't near as bad as some of the things she has heard from my lips... I bet she is just saving those for a more embaressing moment

I've been watching Good Will Hunting with my older son, and my youngest boy just put in an appearance and asked what we're watching. Aden says, 'Big Wood Hill'. I corrected him and laughed...and he said he nearly got one word right.

Good Will Hunting + teenage boy = big wood hill. :lol:

As part of my astronomy lab, I had to pick a nice, clear night to go outside and look up. There were several questions to answer, both by observing with the naked eye and with binoculars. Last Thursday was that perfect night - not too cold, clear sky.

My 10 year old son went out to "help" me. Actually he was quite a help; he's very smart, and it was good to have another pair of eyes (better ones!) to confirm what I thought I saw. He's also very interested in science stuff.

Of course, up in the sky right around 10 p.m., looking to the South, was Orion. Orion's belt is in the middle - three stars - then two more above, and two more below, for arms and legs.

Below Orion's belt there are three fainter stars in a line. This is commonly called Orion's sword.

But thanks to my son's lively commentary, forever I will think of them as "Orion's Schmekel."

Well, when you look from the Southern hemisphere, the "sword" is sticking up above his belt. Sword, indeed.

I need a pic of that Zen.

I had picked up Miss Dallas from choir practice and we were heading off on another errand. She knew that while she was gone our contractor was supposed to drop off some blueprints for the alleged addition. She asked if the drawings were good.

"Well," I said, "there are three different versions. None of them is 100% ideal, but there's no point in trying to change them until we find out from the town government exactly how far out we can build, because we're getting close to the property line."

"Wait... the town has a government???"

My mom sent me an email today. Apparently they were having dinner with my brother and his wife and the girls. Seinfeld was on, and the 8 year old said "what's a masseuse?"

The 3 year old rolled her eyes and said with exasperation "Dr Masseuss? From Horton Hears a Hoop." She was quite put out that the 8 year old, in all her advanced wisdom, didn't know THAT.

:lol: Big sisters can be so dumb, y'all.

It's like watching a comedy show, those three girls. :)

Hector (9) was trying to tell us which song was his current favorite.

"You know, the one about hanging bitches on the wall"

:rotflol:



(Ashes of Soma, Bedroom Wall, the word is "pictures")

lol

Heard today: my three year old niece, she of the Dr Masseuse, was in the bedroom changing clothes and her mom asked her why she was changing clothes and A replied "I'm not changing clothes, I'm changing my life."

Scarily funny kid.

The Millimeter (22 months) was shouting from the other side of the baby gate at the cat:
"Ernie, come here! Ernie, come here! Come here Ernie, I want to show you something."