:notworthy

That was eggcellent Bruce!

i know i know i'm supposed to be working but.....

That is a great one!

~~~

...

That's our current favorite joke:

Two cannibals are eating a clown and one says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

Yeah. It seems really familiar.

I looked for a Far Side version that they might have taken it from, but found nothing. There are at least 2-3 other "tastes funny" clown eating comics out there, but no Far Side version that I can see.

It's an oldie but a goodie.

I searched for a Far Side once a long time ago and couldn't find it either: the one with the giant bee in the backseat of the car.

Or 'the second to the last of the Mohicans.'

:lol:

The smaller parts can be joking hazards.

ouch

that was funny shel!! :lol2:

So, you guys got me to looking at farside comics on google images, HOLY CRAP I forgot how freakin funny these are!!!

Anthropologists!!! Anthropologists!!!

We have the complete Far Side in hardcover. I have laughed myself sick looking at those books.

I hope you feel better soon.

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame,
two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. -- John Adams

cm, I like that quote so much, I am thinking of changing my IRC tagline from "Ezekiel 23:19-20" to that. LOL

One of my favorite quotes from "1776" (although it's changed a little).

She’s single…
She lives right across the street.
I can see her house from my family room.
I watched as she got home from work this evening.
I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway.
She knocked on my door…

I rushed to open it.

She looks at me, and says, “I just got home, and I am so horny!
I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and make love all night long!
Are you busy tonight?”

I immediately replied, “Nope, I’m free… I have no plans at all!”

Then she said, “Good! In that case, could you watch my dog?”

A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.
He appeared to be deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked.
"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked.
"Yes I do." she replied. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes I remember." "Do you remember your father when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said.
"Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail?"
"Yes I do", she replied. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said,
"You know I would have gotten out today."

...

....

.

That'd be funnier if wasn't true.

This one as well Grav ...

reminds me of that note that I found in a deal....

'do not deposit this check
customer will replace it with
a Cash Years check when they
pick up the car.

-Juan'

reminds me of this old classic
Attachment 37056

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'

So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

Sick, sick, sick - but :D

'

Attachment 37065

sarge? is that you?

very interesting!

.

So long as he's not "boneless"!

gives new meaning to the term "pre-boned"

From e-mail:

Attachment 37163

Ha! good one.

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After regaining control of the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand, but after changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

A woman rushes into the lobby of a large hotel and sprints up to the reception desk. Seeing that the only member of staff is talking on the phone, she hammers on the bell for service. The man at the desk slowly puts down the phone. "Yes?" he says, annoyed. "Excuse me," says the woman, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?" The clerk stares at her for a second and looks her up and down. "Not bad," he smiles. "Not bad at all."

Well, yeah. But Dr. Seuss made it sound more fun.

And indoctrinated a generation of children in the best way possible.

Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had another fight with the wife." "Oh yeah," said Eddie. "And how did this one end?" "When it was over," Harvey replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees." "Really? wow ! What did she say"? "She said, 'come out from under that bed, you gutless coward !!!

an old one that I was reminded of by a cartoon posted on facebook:


So, I was sitting in the bar the other night, and this bombshell saunters in. She's got huge low slung boobs cradled in a low cut silk evening gown, legs up to here, and full rounded hips that would make men crash cars.

She runway walks straight toward me, and sits in the seat next to me. I was quite breathless by now. After a few moments and several stolen glances my way, she leans over to me and asks, "Hey, you smell really nice.... What do you have on?"

I said, without thinking, " A hard-on, but I didn't think you could smell it!"

she slapped me.

HA!

So, these two guys are walkin down the street. One guy turns to the other guy and says "Have you seen your shoes?"

"No," replied the second guy. "Why do you ask?"

"Because," said the first guy "THEY'RE ON YOUR FEET."

(And that's when the second guy bludgeoned the first guy to death.)

:lol2:

Do I laugh now?

Depends.

When did you laugh at the other jokes? ;)

Usually right after everyone else starts.

I've tried to provide appropriate cues. That way, even if the joke isn't funny, you'll know when to laugh.

Can we get a Cellar laugh track? Because that would be cool.

You're right depends would be funnier than shoes.

patience...


:D

Oh seriously, the really sort of funny thing is there was no punch line or 'a-ha' moment in my joke.

It was more of a commentary on the state of jokes in this country. Not really, either.

It's inexplicable! :smack:

:D

I worked with a guy once who loved to do this:

"hey, check out these shoes!"

and you would have to reply, 'nice shoes, Sam.'

and he would say, "Know where I got 'em?"

'no?'

"I got 'em on my feet!" and he'd laugh and laugh. weirdo.

:lol:

Weirdo indeed. ;)

I still get people with my "Hey, did you know I can stand on my hands?" Then I play it up. People get interested. I say it's been a few years, and I've had a couple few beers, but I think I can do it. Some are protesting such a silly move, and others are watching to see me break my neck. :lol:

So after a few apprehensive attempts, starts and stops, nervous acting, I finally bring my arms up and back, for the big swing, take a couple steps back...the crowd is freaking....then I bring my hands down to the ground and stand on them. I don't stand on my hands so much as I stand on them. ;) Feet on hands. Taaa daaaaaa!

Crowd pleaser. I don't know where I stole that joke from. :p:

Perhaps a video is in order.

:lol2:

ETA: I did that to Momdigr just now...I laughed and laughed.