My Family
 

I thought I would start a new thread.
I intended to piggyback Ali's, but it seems unfair because she is in a very different position to me, and therefore I don't think the threads naturally blend.

Ali is stable and settled, with three bonny sons, a caring husband and a house. She is 12 weeks pregnant, sick as a dog and an experienced mother.

For those unaware, I am an Aunt to a 17 yo girl carrying twins.
There has been some family upset. No-one is rejecting her, but there is disappointment and anger.

We've had a fairly casual relationship, as my sister is not particularly fond of me. She veers from outright hostility to indifference most of the time. About once every five years I get a kind of tepid acceptance (this is my opinion - it may well be untrue).

Abs is having twin boys.
They are due in August, but twins are expected to be premature. Average weight 5.5lb (I've been researching!)

After the bombshell last weekend I've been keeping in touch with her.
Asking about scans, about Con (the bf - abbreviated but not hiding, they are both on Facebook) etc.
I might not be an obvious person to turn to - divorced Aunt living with her parents and no children. But for the short space she is in limbo with the family (between horror and delight) I hope I can help a little.

SO. That's the history out of the way.

And the other two I got on the 5th March, they couldn't get them both in the screen so it's both their heads seperately.

ETA I asked her specific permission to share the scans. She told me Con has shared them online so it's okay.

Nice. I think you'll enjoy this journey with your niece Sundae. Maybe it will help facilitate family harmony in more ways than one.

Good job.

xx

They're all blobs to me until they're about...2. ;) Kidding, of course.

Seriously, twins...very exciting. A cow orker has triplet granddaughters. Two of them look exactly alike...how does that work? Two identicals and a fraternal? They're only 5 years old. Can you imagine how fun they must be?

Good Aunt, you are.

I know you'll be a great support to your niece, Sundae!


Sent by thought transference

Is she expecting trouble or do you guys just do a lot more scans over there? Way back in the dark ages, when we were having kids, we (they) were minimizing ultra-sounds because of the unknown effect on developing fetuses. We had zero with little Pete and one with Lil' Griff.

She's considered at risk. I think this might be to do with her age and size and the fact that it's twins. Certainly none of the pregnant women I knew in my 30s had scans that often.

Last time I did it, the standard was one scan at about 6 weeks (or whenever you first came in) to confirm pregnancy, and count the number of fetuses. Then one at 20 weeks to check gender and look for any abnormalities. If there were problems at that point, you were likely to have frequent ones thereafter, but if not, you probably wouldn't have another one unless the doctor asked for one just before delivery, to measure the size of baby, or check presentation, or make sure there was enough amniotic fluid left if the baby was looking like it might go past 40 weeks.

They're identical, so they share a placenta.
Twin males are least common apparently.

The growth of the womb needs to be checked frequently, as does the growth of the twins, to make sure it is even.

Do you have any idea of possible names yet?

Bwahahahaha!
I have so many ideas for possible names! I might even have to sew my mouth shut.
From what I have gathered, the best way to irritate a pregnant member of your family is to offer names. Bear in mind I am trying to be Nice Auntie, before I am Great Auntie.
Careful how understanding you are. I'll get you and Monster making future heirlooms...

Having a multiple birth, even twins is considered high risk over here and they'll do many more scans.

Got a text from my sister today to thank me for her birthday gift (that's okay, I bought it in the Sales when I was still working at Boots and got an extra 10% discount on top of the 50% reduction)

She also thanked me for "all my support" with Abs.
I knew they were too close for it to be a secret. Not that I intended it to be one, I just wanted her to have someone to be enthusiastic with. I just think Sissy isn't sharing everything with Mum at present. Her choice. I'm glad to be perceived as supportive anyway.

I suggested names. Blame Bri for goading me.
Abs actually likes Oscar! It was on her shortlist, but she says she might push harder for it now.
Bound not to make it, but I am just happy to have had it considered.

Liam seems to be a favourite so far.
Can't say I'm keen. But that's because I spend five afternoons a week saying it through gritted teeth...
James also a fave for a second name. Nice. Grandad's name.

Mav wants to name the next baby in our house Oscar, but Dazza doesn't like it, so I doubt it'll happen.

Law and Abs came over today. After about 15 mins I suggested Abs might want to see something on the computer. I herded her off upstairs. She knew it would happen, Mum knew it would happen (and had suggested it).

I thought Law was going to paint Mum's toenails - she's hella better at the decoration than I ever was and does a near professional job for free. I ended up gifting her a lot of my Cellar prizes just because she uses them so well.

Abs & I had a chat and I started slowly, thinking we had at least 30 mins, and then Law was knocking at the door ready to go after 15, so a truncated session.

Anyway, showed her the bundle of clothes I have gathered. Some new without tags - unworn. Some donated and barely used. Some worn and with bobbling (very few) but all washed by me in Fairy Non-Bio and including Premie sizes as well as 0-3, which she won't reach for a while.

I explained she could discard them (pref to a charity shop) or stuff them away for emergencies if she wanted her own choice, but I am confident that with twins, the vests and sleepsuits I gave her will be handy at least.

She seemed genuinely happy.
But after she left, Mum said Laura had said, "We don't want anyone buying anything for her yet. It's too soon. You never know what might happen." While this is true, to me it is also a sign of denial. If the whole frigging lot goes to a charity shop I'd rather my neice thought someone cared before she slipped down the stairs.

No, I'm not cross.
Just a bit frustrated.

Reiterated to Abs that she has wonderful parents and I do not want to make them unhappy.
Said she could keep the clothes here as long as she wanted.
And if other larger items were bought (not by us) they could be stored here too as long as they weren't secrets.

And finally offered to host a baby shower here if she wanted one and it couldn't happen at home (Cellar advice, don't remember if it was Monster or Clod). Again I said my sister was to be as involved as she wanted.

Mum leaned over from behind me and gave me a kiss on the cheek tonight as I was typing away (not in the Cellar!)
She'd been talking to the evil witch who told her I was not depressed because I coloured my hair.
Witch said I was being very responsible and a great part of the family.
I don't forgive her, but at least she's talking sense for once.

And the kiss from Mum was wonderful.

Oh, ouch. Major denial. Sounds like Laura is pushing for adoption. Those hormones are going to be flowing; if Abs isn't already talking strongly about giving them up, no way is it going to happen after they're born. Sometimes even the ones who do have every intention of doing it can't go through with it when the time comes.

You're a good aunt, and Abs will thank you for it someday.

Given that they waited to tell us until Abigail was beyond abortion range, I think denial is the main issue here. They might still hope she will give them up for adoption, but it is so not going to happen. I can say that with confidence, having spoken to her face to face now.

Typical of my family. I never know the rules until I transgress them. They might still be hoping for adoption and I come blundering in with baby clothes and thermometers! No-one told me not to. As far as I can tell it's just a dirty little secret. And although I know better than to thrust in their faces I'm not going to behave in that way too.

She might well be a silly girl. But today she looked strong. Not hiding behind bleached hair. Not kohl'd like an owl. Fresh and scrubbed and maintaining eye-contact. Appearances mean little, but her choice in the one she is projecting is positive.

I was right in that she flatly refuses to breastfeed. Or even consider it.
But no-one has spoken to her of colustrum. No-one.

I'm not going to press her too much.
But if she's not even getting basic information, I should at least try.
She's likely to leak to start with regardless. And it's useful stuff, not moip.

Sundae, I know everyone says breast milk is best, and of course we know it's true, but it's also true that formula for babies is fantastic these days, so unless Abs is incredibly unlucky, her kids wont suffer just because she doesn't breast feed.

Believe me, I know all the arguments for and against, but ultimately, she's going to be in a precarious state when these kids arrive, so if she can make a choice she feels happy with and stick to it, then she needs to be supported.

While breast feeding is cheaper, it doesn't always work, and the stress it can cause if you think it's what you should be doing (even when you just can't physically) can be overwhelming. I know. I've been there. I've failed and felt like I'm depriving my child/ren.

Yes tell her all you can think of to tell her, but I think it's really important that she doesn't feel judged over the choice she makes in the end. Kids grow up healthy and strong whether they're formula or breast fed these days. This is probably one of the least things others should worry about, but it's one of the most controversial issues most new mothers face, and it's horrible.

To put the picture personally, I've decided not to even bother trying breast feeding this time around simply because I can't stand to deal with the stress of simply not being able to no matter what I've tried - and believe me, I've tried everything to encourage milk flow but it just doesn't happen.

If that happens with Abs and you've changed her mind and made her think it's really the best option, how will she cope with the guilt, knowing that she's already going to be stressed out of her brain with twins and a family who are largely against the notion of the kids in the first place.

anyway, sorry if I'm being rude. I just wanted to say that. I hope it's come across as I wanted it to. I don't want you to feel bad either sundae. xxx

No you're not being rude. I do understand the issues surrounding breast feeding.

I really am just trying to open her up to ideas. She won't hear them at home, and of course she has no friends who've been through it either. Because of my previous job I've met more pregnant women/ new mothers than your average person. The plural of hearsay is not expertise, but it does allow me a wider view of bumps than other childless women.

And in the end, I do want what's best for her.

Yeah, I figured as much. She's probably right on the defensive with everyone, after the reception she's had in general, so I can imagine why she'd be that way.

I just had to say something knowing how much the issue of breast feeding has messed with my mind, and I'm a seasoned campaigner as far as raising kids goes. ;)

Not wanting things bought might also be a way of protecting her should something go wrong with the pregnancy. Given her youth and the fact that she's carrying twins.

It could be that of course.
But given she has already suggested this as a welcome outcome I think it's still part of her denial. I'm not good at thinking the best of her of course.

Had another email from Abigail tonight.
Wow. Talk about building bridges.
She said she's already tried on the support belt and she can feel where it will help.
She writes as a teen/ young adult, not as a child writing a thank you letter for another set of scented drawer liners.

She's made up about the baby shower offer, has mentioned it to me and Mum again and thanked us. Apparently her friends really want to organise one. I imagine she's been a bit torn, wanting one but unsure of how it would be viewed at home. Of course I have reiterated that her Mum should be as involved as she wants to be, but now I've said it I'll just let her get on with it. What teen girl doesn't want to plan a party? Oh, probably lots, but I remember planning my best friend's 16th. Even though her parents were going to be upstairs. It occupied us from my birthday (July) until hers (October). It was worth it though - I did get to snog Geoff.

So, June half term.
And we're already in April.
Her bessie (who has been going to the scans with her) will contact me later this week. I'll let her have her head. We'll cater simply with a good cake, sandwiches, soft drinks etc and she and her friends can go to town with blue balloons, banners, flowers whatever. It's what I love to do too, but this is not about me.

Dad will have to go round to Stevo's for the day. Ste still has all the Sky Sports channels (we've had to give them up). The place will be a frothy palace of baby blue and gushing teens. I intend to serve and gracefully retire. Like a Great Aunt should.

She may yet lose one or both of the twins.
I am aware of this is as possibility.
Tennant at school is a surviving identical twin - his brother died after they were born.
If she loses one or both I will do what I can to help pick up the pieces. And the charity shops will be grateful for some Fairy Non-Bio capsules, some vests and sleepsuits and some size 1 nappies.

It's true I'm a spender not a saver. So although I'm buying no more clothes, where I see a Buy One Get One Free on babywipes, as I did today, I'll stick them in my shopping basket.

The mundane things will help if she gets through this safely.
And the willingness to see it as a future, not an ending is already helping her.
Goodness. I sound all Donna there.
(Noble)

I think you're handling this brilliantly. One or two people making positive noises and treating this as, if not the preferred option, at the very least a potentially lovely thing will do a lot to offset the upset and turmoil of it all.


[eta] frankly, the potential dangers to one or both twins makes it all the more imporatant that she gets to own this now.

How far along is she again? It's true that twins are high risk, but in all honesty, she is in the prime of her child bearing years (even though society chooses to have kids later), so she has the best chance of a healthy delivery unless there are other complications.

I think in all things, you must focus on the positive side of things and just assume it's all going to be fine. Especially with babies.

I think you're doing the right thing helping out Sundae. If things do go balls up, I would be willing to bet she might tread the same path again some time in the next couple of years anyway, so it wont all be for nothing.

I just worked it out. She must be about 15 or 16 weeks?

That scan was pretty early to be able to determine the sex of the babies definitively. I had one at 12 weeks and there was no way to tell.

Just curious. :)

I'm 14 weeks and a couple of days, so that means Abs is only a couple of weeks in front of me.

Which, since twins often emerge early, means it is neck and neck for the Delivery Stakes!

i thought it was a 20 week scan

There's a strong tendency for people to see what they want to see. If she's hopeful, Sundae's words to her will ring out. Keep up the good work Sundae.

Well that's what I had in my mind too, so maybe it was mentioned elsewhere? Can't remember, and it's very possible I am wrong. lol

The reason I was confused was because of the discussion about things going wrong, but if it's after 20 weeks, then things are looking pretty good, and every extra week means the prognosis is better and better.

She is 22 weeks on Friday.
And yes, my consideration is that she is safe, but as I say I worked around plenty of pregnancies, and I had to do quite a few sad returns.

Mum is going with her for the scan on Friday.
She's trying very hard. Still trash talking Abs to her friends of course, but you can't change the habits of a lifetime.

So, Easter.
It went pretty much as well as any family event.
We (in this house) did not ask any questions about the pregnancy in front of my BIL and the subject didn't come up.

I skipped out on all the help with preparing and cleaning up afterwards and chatted with the children & Gary instead. This was to deliberately give Mum & Laura a chance to talk in the kitchen, although I don't think babies came up. Still, it was their mother & daughter time. And it was nice to laze about in my own house :)

I don't know whether Gary was making a concerted effort with me, and if so whether Laura had prompted him that the way to my heart is through my cat, but he was full of praise for Diz. Then again, he is a cat-lover and had had a few sherberts so it's probably me over-analysing :ninja:

We had a leg of lamb for dinner, roast and boiled potatoes, Yorkshire pud, veg, gravy, mint sauce. Yum.

Abs. Not obviously showing.
And me, because I was the only one taking photos and you might have forgotten what I look like by now.

Typical teenager has her phone melded to her hand.

They had to leave in a hurry as Samuel started to react badly (to Diz he said, but we're not sure, more likely to be Mia) and hadn't brought his inhaler with him. Still, we got in a couple of rounds of Who Wants to be a Millionaire on someone's i-phone before they did. I feel Laura was the only one who was really concerned about samuel, the rest of us were having too much fun! I do love a family quiz.

Ste & E came over on Bank Holiday Monday.
This is after Dad had his "faint" and was checked out by a paramedic (see here for details). So there was a muted feel to the evening. No boozing for a start!

I called Stevo out to help with the drying up, then disappeared as soon as it was done so they could have mother and son time. They talked all about the situation and the future and Mum's feelings and what Law has said and what Abs has texted etc etc. It probably did Mum the world of good. I sat and chatted with Erika, but to be honest she was happy talking to Dad about football (the results were coming in on the TV) so I was a bit of a spare wheel.

Leftover lamb/ four-bird-roast (the stuffing was too sage-y for me) and all the usual.

Desserts, also from yesterday.
Homemade cake (Mum's), shop bought fruit tart.

Tell me about it!
Okay we'd finished eating at this point, but here is Nan and Grandson enjoying the after-lunch lull in their different ways...

It looks like you all had a pretty good time, all told. Kudos to you for trying to ensure that your mum got a private chat with everyone important. x

Meet one of my Great-Nephews!
I am calling them Tiger and Bubba, but I am not sure which one this is.

They are 2 lb, 2oz (hang on, how come we still use Imperial for babies?! - must confuse the hell out of Abs who's grown up with Metric). One is a little larger than the other. One is in breach position.

Three more appointments for her. Mum will be at two of them, one is when Mum is in Australia, but she has offered Dad as a driver and suggested she takes a friend as she will have finished her exams by then.

She'll get a definite date for the [non-elective] Caesarian at the final appointment. Early-mid July as previously mentioned.

Her blood pressure and urine are fine, they are happy with the growth of the boys. The consultant did say, "They don't have much room to move, even now" but Abs confirmed there is still plenty of movement from her point of view!

Hope she is using her pregnancy belt and cushion - I only saw her as I was leaving for school this morning (her appointment was at 09.00). Had a few secs to show her the snowsuits I bought. 3-6 months, didn't go over £2 on either. Bought them while we were having a mini heat wave about a month ago. What idiot would buy a snowsuit when it was hot? Especially for a child already 3 months old. Ha ha ha - wily old Great Aunts, that's who. Even a mild winter isn't all that mild for babbas after all.

Lovely all round. :)

My Great-Nephews will officially arrive on 9 July.
Currently weighing in at just under and just over 3lbs each. My sister took the morning off school to take Abs to her scan (the first one she has attended). Surprise all round here, but I uess she had to get involved at some point. Six weeks before birth is better than not at all.

Mum & Dad are taking Abigail out for lunch on Friday as she finishes school at 13.30.
Boo, hiss - we're not finishing early for half term so I miss out.
Then again, Mum says Dad is already muttering under his breath about having to buy his Grandaughter lunch, let alone his daughter freeloading!

I'll get Mum to take lunch photos - her final practice before flying out to Oz.
She needs to practice on food and faces.
They're only going to the Dairy Maid, so I think you've seen the whole menu photographed at some point or other anyway, but she needs to get it right for when she meets Ali!

Photo of Dad, taken by Mum today.
She's not getting the "faces" bit right, but I can't really fault the photo.

Oooh yeah, not long till your Mum gets here and I still haven't sent my number to you. lol I'd better get onto that. :)

My 40th birthday, Sundae. Sunday I mean.
Had a family BBQ.
There were supposed to be other celebrations but I have been feeling exceptionally low lately, and in the end this was all I could agree to.

It went off well.
Have met "Dad" now, as in the father of my Great-Nephews.
My Sis & BIL finally came round to the idea that this is going to happen and like it or not he is involved.
To be fair to Gary, he admitted that if it was five years down the line he'd have been delighted with him as a prospective son in law - he's polite, decent, interested in sport and has strong family values. But of course it's not five years down the line, so he spent five months wanting to punch Connor's lights out.

Anyway. I was pleasantly surprised to find some of the attention on me. People really seemed to respect the fact it was my 40th and seek me out, rather than the way things usually are, where I seek out conversations.

I got vouchers and money; £40 to go to the GTG in December, Mum is holding it for me and then £40 vouchers. A good haul. Also flowers, a personalised glass and a photo frame. Ste knocked up a presentation pack for our trip to Thorpe Park in November. We're going on Bonfire Night and I get to ride rollercoasters in the dark - woohoo! He's paying for travel and everything, bless him. It included a park map, the actual tickets and an IOU for the train.

Also had a photo-cake. Me on my first birthday.

The flowers were gorgeous - a pink, glittery extravaganza with four balloons. They arrived Saturday as florists don't deliver on Sundays. Still looking good today.

Below, the sides and condiments table before the big-hitters came out. Missing are bread and potatoes and of course MEAT! I didn't take any other pics of food so you just have to imagine... Chips & dips and various snacks also not on display as they were on side tables.

The whole motley crew. Taken by a non-familial guest. She suggested and organised the photo and I am very grateful for that - I was just snapping individuals as my own personal record of the day.

Left to right, Erika (SIL) with Diz, Laura (sis), Gary (BIL), Samuel (nephew), Mum, Dad, Abs (niece & great-nephews), Connor (tall), Stevo (bro) and yours truly.

And here I am waiting for a photo to be taken. The one with me smiling is blurred so you get this slightly bemused one instead.

Connor seems like a really good chap.
I can see how relaxed Abigail is around him. She is completely herself, so he was able to slot into the occasion without wondering why she had become a completely different person (this sounds obvious but it's not always the case with 17 year olds!)

He was quite sanguine. I quizzed him quite extensively and he took it all in good humour. Some of it was genuine questions but more was just silliness ("vampire or werewolf?") and he seemed very natural, admitting when he had no clue or had little opinion to offer.

As I said on the day, it's nice to see some height potential being added to the family gene pool ;) In this photo she is standing on a higher step of the decking. See previous post for the real height difference.

Mum and Dad of course. Mum wearing Dad's Aussie hat - it was a day of sunshine and showers and we were in and out of the house a couple of times.

Laura & Gary.
More relaxed and happier than I have seen them all year.
They've had to make a concerted effort to save their marriage while going through all this. They're still unhappy, but they are coming through it as a committed unit. I sincerely admire tham for this.

Even if G still regards me as some bizarre comic-turn that says the most extraordinary things. I admit I'm ruder in front of him that anywhere else other then here. But he eggs me on because he genuinely doesn't seem to believe the things I say or admit to having done. And he doesn't know the half of it!!

Abs & Samuel. My only good pic of Sams because he is in Annoying Younger Brother Mode and deliberately moves or obscures his face in the second after the button is depressed. He's not camera shy, just thinks it's funny. He is also in full-on double entendre mode. Fnarr, fnarr to any mention of bottom, box, cream, cheese etc etc. It's wearing, but I do have a lot of time for him. I had to be careful what I said as he's still innocent despite his attempted crudity. I did manage some subtle heading off at the pass though. "Eugh! You just said it came in a nice box!"
"Yes, I was talking about the gift-wrap. Did you think I was talking about the contents of someone's knickers?"

I expect the next time I see Abigail is when the twins are born (9 July) or as soon after as possible. Everyone had told me how HUGE she was. Judge for yourself. Yes, she's carrying 9lb of babies, but I wouldn't put her past 6 months with one child, let alone 8 months with two. They're all happy and healthy though, and I can report that she is eating well. Even though she had to go pee behind a bush on her way back from walking Connor to the bus stop!

So this is Diz, chilling out and enjoying a moment of alone time after being fussed quite a bit by various people.
And a last shot of me because it was my birthday after all.

looks like a lovely day!

Happy Birthday.

Love your hair Chezza!

Looks like everyone had a good time.

Damn - I meant to give you this yesterday!!! :dunce: I'll look after it for you shall I?

Attachment 39378

Happy birthday!!
:tuba::celebrat:

Oh! And it looks like you had a lovely time! I am glad!!

Yes please, look after it very carefully!
Then post it to me if the weather starts looking grim so that I can selfishly treasure it and not worry about whether you will make it over from Arran...

I'm a bit worried about whether the Megabus will be running on the night of the 23rd. I mean it must be, right? It arrives on the morning of Christmas Eve and everyone is still working then. Right?

It's not possible book that far ahead, so I'll have to keep checking and rechecking.
I console myself that if I am stranded on the way home at least I'll already have seen you & Dani & JB. I might buy a SheWee just in case though...

How nice! Connor looks like a good chap. At first I thought your nephew was her beau, and was frightened.

I agree with you, Abigail doesn't look giant as far as pregnant chicks go. But 9 lbs of baby isn't really that much; my second one was more than that all by herself. I recently saw a picture of a woman (friend of a friend) the day before she delivered twins that were roughly 8.5 pounds each. She was unable to stand for more than a few minutes at a time, and her proportions were genuinely disturbing.

She's been very carefully monitored. Her age and size have made her "at risk" from the start.
I don't completely know why - my teacher quizzed me about it yesterday with quite an accusing tone. Then again pretty much everything she says sounds critical and I've finally learned to accept it as just her way. Just in time to leave her class :)

But you're saying what I think Clod - she doesn't even look like she's carrying 9lbs, so where the HUGE came from I can only guess. And my guess is my skinny sister. Who did not wear any maternity clothes during either of her pregnancies, choosing instead to wear her normal jeans with an extender belt under her neat tidy bump, and slightly larger tops which I inherited, being bigger in the bust than her even at my slimmest.

Connor is 20, soon to be 21. Not to be mistaken for my baby-faced 14yo nephew :)

Yes, I am pleased with him. I can see how his calm attitude has brought L & G round. And the fact that his Mum has been so kind and accepting towards Abigail.

Yeah, I like the look of Connor.

And they look good together, comfortable with each other.

Me, so busy talking that I do not realise a butterfly has perched on my nose.

And back to the real purpose for the thread - please welcome Jack (4lb 4.5oz) and Liam (4lb 5oz) And no, I'm not sure which one is which in this picture. I get to go see Abigail tomorrow - no guarantee I will see the babies.

She is well, but tired, and upset that she cannot see her babies but Connor can (he's already fed them). She is worried they will bond with him and not her. She was talked through this before the birth of course, but I imagine it feels very different now. Mum was reassuring her, and I'm sure the nurses will too.

Awww. Oh look at them. How gorgeous are they?

How come she can't see her bairns?

Lovely!