Goodnight my little wolf
 

I said goodbye to my little Pilaudog at around 00:15 tonight. An hour and a half ago.

He's barely eaten for days. Spent most of Christmas trying to get food into him. Every so often I'd find something that got his interest enough to eat and he'd have a little rally. Then there was two days where he ate almost proper amounts and seemed a lot better. But the weight had dropped off him and then he stopped eating again. Took him to the vets today and he said his heart was quite bad, and the only thing he was able to do was give him an injection to ease his pain and see how he got on over the next 24 hours, to see if I could get him to eat.

Watching him on the sofa, with his breathing laboured, and unable to muster interest for any food, not even forbidden favourites...and then when he couldn't walk properly to get to the garden and stuff...he's been coping more than he's been living, for days now. He started doing little gasping breaths and I just thought, I can't let him go through the night.

It was peaceful. The vet came out and he was on his own sofa at the end. With me sat on the arm of the sofa in full view of him, and J (his daddy) sat next to the sofa. He was calm, and didn't even react when the vet was putting the catheter in. It was so quick, and so peaceful. He just relaxed and went into a sleep and then his heart stopped.

Hardest decision I ever had to make. But it was time. I gave him as much chance as I could to rally if there was any rallying to be done. But at this point, even he'd rallied...for what? For me? *sad smile*

Goodnight my little wolf. You were a Good Dog, even when you were being a little git. You did good.

Aw fuck. :cry:

Dani, so sorry :(

I'm so sorry. What a wonderful fella. :(

Thanks guys. I'm glad I have the Cellar. I think I'd feel extraordinarily alone right now otherwise. The house is horribly empty.

:apaw::apaw::apaw::apaw::apaw::apaw::apaw::apaw::apaw::apaw::apaw::apaw::apaw::apaw::apaw::apaw::apaw::apaw::apaw:

(hugs from my cats)

*smiles* Thankyou. That actually made me smile.

I'm so sorry Dani.

If I could reach across the ocean I'd give you a big hug.

It hurts so much to do the right thing, but Pilau was counting on you to do it and you did not fail him.

:sniff: You have done well by this old dawg. Well done Dani. That's the important thing.

You were with him and for him to the end. He knows that. I hope your pain eases soon, Dana.

He was a lovely friend. sorry D

:hug: you held on til the end....that counts alot. At least he's not in pain anymore and I'm sure he understood your love. Be strong. :hug:

Sorry for your loss Dani .

Oh Dani, my heart goes out to you. He was such a good boy.
You gave him the best life any dog could ask for.
I'm sure he's chasin sticks and such wherever he is.
:hug:

oooh what a lucky dog he was...:sniff:

Goodbye Pilau, Dana's faithful friend and companion.

Im so sorry you have to miss him, Dana.

Sorry to hear Dana. I'm sure he's off running around with my pal Buster and pup Alta, both of whom I lost this year. 18 and 16 years respectively; old age catches up to the best of pets eventually. Horribly empty is the best way to describe my parents' house now as well. Went from 3 last year, two cats and the dog, to none by the end of this year. Deafening silence. You gave him a great life, and I'm sure he was appreciative of having companionship until the very end.

You know I don't believe in the afterlife, Dani.

But what you did for him in the life he had was as much as anyone can do for a dog.
He was loved, understood, knew his place in the pack.
He obviously adored you and thrived.

And he died in the way that any person or domesticated animal would chose.
Quietly and surrounded by love.

It must be bloody hard for you to lose him, and my thoughts are with you.
And J, because he had to feel it very much too.

Much love.

Sorry for your loss Dana. xxx

Im so very sorry for your loss, Dani.

I cant eat a cold sausage without thinking of your best friend.

My thoughts are with you.

Thankyou all. I'm struggling a little to get my head around it today. Doesn't quite feel real, and then it does for a bit and that's even worse. My life was basically built around Pilau. My days structured by the little things he needed, like walks and food and tablets and so on.

Only stopped buying him toys a few months ago.

The world just feels wrong today.

I saw the thread title and I knew. :sniff:

Goodbye, Pilau.

I'm sorry, Dana.

I'm so sorry to hear the news. I had a little cry over it too. I offer a big hug and sympathy. Pilau was almost like a member of our extended family too. I went and looked back at pictures of him over the years. He was such a sweetie!

To me, the hardest thing is gathering up all the toys and bowl and such. It's like erasing a member of the family, which pets truly are. I always tell people who lose a pet to mourn until they are finished, then go get another pet. No new pet can ever replace the niche in your heart that Pilau did, but somehow, they find another niche to fill and bring their own light into your life.

(((HUG)))

love

Pamela

I'm so sorry, Dana. It's devastating to lose your friend. You were good family together.

goodbye Pilau.

:(

Dana I've just seen this. I'm so sorry. There's nothing I can add, apart from my tears, to what everyone else has said here. You gave him the best life he could ever have had, and made the right decision for him when the time came.
My thoughts are with you.

This is so horrible. I feel like someone's ripped out a part of me. He's been so entwined in every aspect of my life.

This is the first time I've ever lived alone. Pilau came with me when me and J split. So, other than the odd night when he stayed at mum's, I have never experienced being the only occupant. I hate it. It feels all wrong. The world feels all wrong.

Can you go and stay at your mum's for a day or two?

aw, Dani.... it gets a little better each day, honey....


So sorry you're hurting... hugs...

this?

I know this may sound sacrilegious right now, but maybe you should consider getting yourself another pet, pronto. It was the only thing that helped me when I lost Beau, my cat . The whole in my life from his death was impossible for me to reconcile. He was mine-all-mine for 13 years when I was single. I was inconsolable for a month, so my husband suggested getting a kitten, and after a while, I agreed. That's when we got Turbo from the pound. It did wonders for me.

We buried Beau in our backyard and I bought a little stone cat statue to mark the spot. Every time I look out the back window I can see it, so Beau has never been forgotten and never will.

Poor Pilau! he had a great life with you. I'll miss the stories of your rambles with him.

He'll pop by from time to time, and you'll almost catch a glimpse, or hear that little snuffling sound he made, or you even may feel his breath against the back of your hand as he's checking it for a treat. And if he's to have a little brother join you, he'll put one in your way, possibly quite unexpectedly.

At least that's what I hope for you.

Hi Dana

I've had dogs all my life. When they die, it's always hard, always. I've waited and waited, too long, really to put down Spirit, a German Shepherd who is still number one in my heart. It hurt like hell. I also put down Bora, another German Shepherd before she deteriorated as far as Spirit had. It hurt just the same. But it was still the better thing to do.

Your dog, Pilau, is in your pack. He lived comfortably with the knowledge that you were the boss. And you have clearly and consistently demonstrated your worthiness as leader, including this most recent, most difficult decision. He trusted you all his life for good reason; you never let him down, ever. The hurt you feel is from the love you shared. That can't be a bad thing, but I know it's painful. You did right by him, as always. I'm sorry you're hurting, perhaps you can take some comfort knowing that he's not hurting.

I'm hanging in there with you Dana. So sorry.

That's beautiful, and I believe this. I still hear Gaines. I know that someday a cat will just happen into my life, and it'll be Toonces and Tajjy and Gaines and Madison conspiring somehow.

And you'll just know. I hope this for Dana too. :)

I'm sorry about ur breaded collie.
:(

I'm just getting caught up. SO sorry, Dana. I know you and he were seriously tight. I hope you are okay. PM me if you wanna chat. We are incredibly pet oriented here at Leslie's (and mine, now) house. I get it.

Dana, I'm so sorry you lost little Pilau. I feel for you.

:blackr::apaw:

Dwellars rock. You all have made me feel just that little better about things.

I will defnately be getting a puppy. Don't know when. But it's pretty much a given. Not a replacement for Pilau, but a successor to him.

I've already been online just scoping out the situation, seeing how many litters are currently selling that kind of thing. Not with a view to doing anything yet, just ya know...reassuring myself that they're out there for when I do.

A little part of me, that I am aware of and know is silly, wants a puppy because it thinks it'll be getting my Pilau back. I need to wait until that feeling has passed.

I can't see me waiting very long though. Pilau would be horrified at the unguarded state of our house.

I just opened what I thought was a late delivered Christmas card. It was addressed to Mr and Mrs C. So, I assumed it was some sort of company Christmas card or some such, something impersonal anyhow.

It was a condolences card from the vets. It has a muddy paw print on the front and says 'We are sorry for the loss of your dear friend and companion, Pilau' from all at Hird and Partners.

It made me bawl like a child, but it's also lovely. It is on my mantelpiece. It seems right. Like he was a person. He deserves a card on the mantlepiece.

Overall, I feel a lot better today than I did yesterday. I woke feeling almost lighthearted (with a considerable well of dark underneath albeit). Like, I got through the worst day and survived. I can do this. One day at a time, but I can do it.

Ummmmm.
Sorry.

I've sent this via Moonpig, but now I realise it might not have been a good idea. I did expect it to make you cry, but the timing is probably all wrong, ripping off newly healing wounds.
You will get it next week, but it's probably better you see this now while you're in the mood to have a cry.

Oh honey, that's beautiful. Really, really lovely. Thankyou so much.

And, yes it is making me cry, and I will probably cry again when it arrives. But that's ok. He's easily worth the tears. And, it makes me feel better that others have treated his death in this way. That it matters, like the passing of any family member.

*hugs*

[eta] that's my favourite pic of him too!

Thanks for being so kind about it.
Mum and Dad have both given their sympathy, so I've mentioned it in the card too.
They know you through me and appreciate what you've done, and they also know about Pilau too.

I wouldn't send a card to everyone who lost a pet.
And I wouldn't usually publicise it - but I can't send images via PM.
But when an animal has been such a part of your life, or the loss comes at a difficult time, then yes, I want to show support.

Helps if I have the address too. There are some human deaths I have wished I could mark but didn't want to intrude.

Oh, I wasn't being kind about it hon. I am genuinely moved and pleased. And I'll be very glad to have that card. It will make a nice little memorial for him in my little box of memories.


On a lighter note: I just saw the new neighbour's cat walking happily through the garden. They only moved in a few days before Christmas, by which time Pilau was no longer up to guarding his territory from the Feline Menace (his words, not mine. I quite like cats). He's a portly looking little chap, with luxurious fur and a satisfied expression. I think they also have a little dog. I'm guessing he's probably not experienced the wrath of a bearded collie in full bark, in what is effectively now his own garden.

Whilst I felt a bit of a twinge that it's no longer Pilau's garden, I also felt slightly pleased for the cat that he won't be chased through said garden or be subjected to the noise of mental barking whenever he passes by the house. He can remain portly and pleased with himself and blissfully unaware of how uninviting that garden might have been.

Don't get another dog until March!
I am about to issue an invite to come stay (open to other Dwellars too).
Need to 100% confirm dates though.

It won't be in the school holidays and the 'rents never go away then. But it will be over at least two weekends so you can make a choice.

I honestly cannot see me making it to March without a puppy. I'm already locked into scouring breeder ad sites. Had to just stop myself picking up the phone for a litter that's ready now in Swansea.

Stopped myself because part of the reason I was drawn to them was that one of them looks just like Pilau as a puppy. Feels like fate...which is ridiculous magical thinking. I am currently forcing myself to wait.

That said, I daresay mum or J or Our Kid would be willing to look after the pup for a couple of nights while I go away.

's possible of course that as life settles down into some kind of normalcy the draw will lessen and I may end up waiting after all.

But in the entire eight years that J and I lived without a dog, I never ever stopped feeling that there was a dog shaped hole in my life. I was one of those sad people who used to buy dog magazines to pore over puppy pics and dream of having my own dog. And think up possible names for future dogs.

Over the last few months during Pil's decline, I reassured myself by imagining his successor sometimes. Which was also partly about remembering his puppyhood.

Me without a dog just doesn't feel right. Never did.

March seems like a long time to me as well. Dog people are pack animals, we need that connection and denying that need reeks of puritanism. I wouldn't call it magical thinking though, maybe primitive lizard brain thinking? We know what our pack looks like. -Merlin via Griff

Hahaha. Well said Merlin. I like that. That's a nice reframe.

Y'know, it's funny. When we got Pilau he turned out to be a sickly little pup. Looked healthy when we brought him home but within a few days the problems started. He nearly died a few times during those first couple of months whilst they tried to figure out what was wrong with him. Turned out he'd been born with a whipworm infection. Difficult to identify in youngsters.

If someone had said to me back then that this dog will get to 13 years old, I would never have believed them.

I am aware that by getting another puppy I am also stepping back onto the worry-go-round :p

Little buggers inevitably get into your heart quicker than you realise and I believe standard practice is to realise they've fully integrated into the household whilst waiting to see if the chicken bone they've swallowed is going to be safely removed, or some such equally scary nighttime visit to the emergency vets.

Rudyard Kipling explained this obsession so brilliantly in his work The Power Of The Dog.

No matter when a dog comes into your life again Dana, he can be certain that he is a very lucky dog indeed :)

What a great card SG, with a lovely picture!! Dana is quite right, it is good to cry. Cry all you want to, let the grief out.

Sorry for your loss, Dana.

I remember making a joke about similar traits between dogs and marines...

Yet there's one big quality they have in common. Fidelity.

Thankyou. Honestly I don't know how I'd be coping right now if it wasn't for all of you. I've been pretty ok for most of today. The odd wobbly moment, but mostly ok. But right now, this very moment I'm feeling bereft. I miss my Pilau. And it seems wrong that I'm about to enter a new year that he won't be any part of.

And I see him everywhere in my mind's eye. Sometimes nice but sometimes not so nice memories keep flitting through my mind. The truth is I left the decision a couple of days too long. But that's with hindsight. I'm not beating myself up over it. But it means there are some fucking tragic images in my mind right now.

He was a beautiful dog.

I know I'm being a bit maudlin. But I'm having a really bad moment just now.

You've probably made up your mind, but I would suggest getting a mutt, rather than another BC. A true successor, rather a replacement. They're easier to come by, and more in need, also. Just a thought.:blush:

Ach...It'll be another beardie

I fell in love with the breed before I got Pilau. Mum had a beardie pup that died in an accident at 6 months. That's why I ended up getting a bearded collie. He was beautiful. A real bonny lad. Prior to that we (the family) had always tended towards smaller dogs, like terriers.

I like the particular character of the bearded collie. Almost as intelligent as a border collie but much less highly strung.

Yeah, thought so. :lol:

*grins*

I'm nothing if not consistent :p

I know what you mean, Dani.

I love cats - all cats - but if I had the time and money I would get another Singapura.
I've tried to persuade family and friends looking for cats to do the same - no dice.
They cuddle Diz like they're going to eat him up when they come here though.

Do what makes you happy.

I can't imagine you choosing any other cat than a Singapura, if you had your druthers.

If I ever decided to get a cat I'd give serious consideration to that breed, because he is one of the most staggeringly beautiful cats I've ever seen. I never stopped being fascinated by Pilau's fur. The colour of him and the way he looked when he was in motion, for instance. Singapuras are similarly fascinating. To be able to see the ancient wild cat in his movements, yet to have such a friendly character is a lovely mix.

Its hard getting another puppy after losing your life friend. When I lost Marty (Rotti at 10 yrs old), I was a mess for weeks....had days off work, wasnt getting another puppy because I didnt want to feel that loss ever again.

A month later, although the live in bf had Tazzie (Irish Wolfhound) that I loved, I felt something was missing and it took me a little while to realise I needed another dog. I was not getting another Rotti because I didnt want to compare it to him all the time, but I needed another best mate.

I got a Clyde, who had a bit of Bulldog in him.....now I am in love with the American Bulldog breed. I realised from Lucy that all the traits I loved in Clyde - came from that part of him.

Although I am really really over Jackson's clothesline antics and his general naughtiness, and I miss Clyde a great deal still...I bawl over him and my Dad weekly...I love having that male dog in my life and you "know" when its time...which you do....you also know that you love that breed.

I look forward to meeting the new addition when the time and the puppy is right.