Ass Wiping! Do you sit or stand?
 

In the spirit of all things toilet ("take a seat" and "do you piss in the shower") i have come up with a question of my own.

:Flush:

I was having a conversation with a mate about bathroom habits the other day and the topic of ass wiping was brought up. I asked if he remained seated to wipe, or stood up.

One of us were a stand up and the other a sit down wiper. there were equal arguments as to which was better:

The sit down: You have to put you hand into the toilet and your access is limited.

The stand up: Things could get smooshed in between cheeks, and get rather uh.. messy!

:turd:

I'm a sitter, unless it's a public restroom.

Which brings me to another question...

A public restroom.. ?

Now i'm not talking about peeing here, as i'm sure you all figured out.. Do you actually "number two" in a public restroom?

Sometimes it's unavoidable.

I'm a splasher. A turd ejected with enough force can add the convenience of a bidet to any ordinary toilet.

Ugh. Nasty.

more of a leaner.. sitting up all the way is too much trouble..shift.. wipe.. but do you know about the courtesy flush?

oh lordy!!

please tell of the courtesy flush!!

uh well. once you have 'made your deposit' (aka let the kids off at the pool) and you live with someone. or are just visiting...... uh once you make your initial 'deposit' it's a courtesy flush.. (you're not stinking up the house) after that it's the flush flush... maybe I'm weird like that

On a warship it is usual, nay, expected practise to courtesy flush. Not necessarily to remove unsavoury odours but to decrease the likelihood of blockage. The mt's (marine technician's) first question upon arrival is whether there was a courtesy flush. A seasoned hand will respond in the affirmative regardless but a greenhorn, should his/her response be "huh", will find themselves elbow deep in shit under the watchful eye of the supervising mt.

At some point these threads are going to reach the level of self-parody.

HA HA HA HA!!!! my hubby and i have this argument all the time, he's a sitter, i'm a stand up and lean forward a bittter. he uses 20 times the paper i do, and it drives me nuts. if you'd stand up and bend over a bit, you get a whole lot cleaner, quicker. i can't stand sticking my hand IN the potty, even though i clean it, so i know it's CLEAN. this argument is going to get interesting when we start potty training our kid in the next 6 mo or so...as for a public potty, OMG put paper on the seat to do your biz, then stand up to finsh. and flush with your foot!

girls don't poop.

What's the big deal with the public bathrooms? As long as there are no visible soiled areas on the toilet seat, what's the problem? Just do your business, make sure not to touch your face, rub your eyes, etc. until you WASH YOUR HANDS. Then use a shirt sleeve or paper towel to open the door as you leave.

Public bathrooms are cleaner than lots of other places you come into contact with daily. You want to freak out about germs, freak out about door handles. That's where the germs are. Or copiers/fax machines at work.

Just do your business, make sure not to touch your face, rub your eyes, etc. until you WASH YOUR HANDS.

What about drinking a beer while on the pot? Eating, even? Would that be legal?

The cirrrrcle of liiiife...

Ugh. My husband and I are going through this now with our daughter. Because her legs still aren't long enough to touch the floor when she's sitting on the toilet, she can't balance on just one hand and wipe while sitting. So she stands, which leads to every damn pair of underwear having skid marks on it. We have tried and tried to get her to bend over a little and wipe properly, but she won't unless we're there watching her every time.

We went through the same thing with our daughter, who just turned 5. It took her a while, but she finally got the hang of it.

Isn't it amazing how becoming a parent changes your perception of what "gross" is? You learn that just about anything can be washed off your hands, and you go on living.

Aha! been looking for a new sig line, thanks :D

Remember, ladies: Front to back! More hygenic! Helps keep some things out of places where some things shouldn't be!

Glad to help. :biggrin:

And how do you do that neatly sitting down? With a bad back, for example? (I'm a stander upper).

You do it however you manage. The details of the matter are your business! :D

I'm sure I'll take a beating for this, but what the fuck, why not. what's one more beating

how about really really big fat people. how do they manage? i'm talking seriously big here, like the physics won't work......as in, their arm won't reach around their hip. do they have to get help? use a short stick? wrap the toilet brush in TP? sorry about the visual, but this actually came up in conversation the other day, and we were all stumped.

i mean like Gilbert Grape's mom.

I remember hearing somewhere that people of that size use a sponge on a stick to wash themselves in general. That visual stuck with me. I imagine they use something similar to wipe.

Ok. I am chuckling while I write this. But you have waaaay too much free time my friend.

And by the way...... eww.

I used to work with a guy a few jobs ago... about the nicest guy you'd ever meet, but he was monstrously fat. On one occassion I entered the restrooms just as he was leaving, and found an odor lurking inside which made my lunch roll over in its grave. This triggered a line of thought similar to your question... how can a guy that big manage the cleanup process? None of the feasible theories were pleasanat ones, and frankly, the most logical guess involved "leaving the Klingons on the ship's stern" and possibly lining the shorts with TP until bathtime.

But you know what they say about curiosity. I didn't allow my mind to ponder the matter further.

As long as I make at least ONE of you folks laugh a day, it's time well spent. bonus when you tell me about it. and, yes...eww is right.

and, as it's come up, my free time is going to be much less at work now. they moved my assistant into the sales department yesterday, so I'll have more clerical work to do.

Yeah i guess it all depends on how you were taught as a child. if yuo were taught one way, you never really consider doing it any other way.

I am a stander. If i had children with someone who was a sitter, i guess potty training would be a little confusing for the tikes, but i can not handle putting my hand inside the bowl. yuck! as for cheek sqish, there is no such thing, well..i for one dont have that problem. but perhaps if you were o/weight maybe i'm not sure.

PUBLIC TIOLETS: i rarely use them. i have trained myself only to go at home (mornings and nights, even peeing) i wont even go at work unless i'm bout to wet myself and there even we have 5 star bathrooms. It's just what other peole do there is gross! i cant handle the smell/ look/ confined space/ hiding germs.

Lately I've been using the triple-sow-cow position.

lots of milk?

:eyebrow:

This reminds me of a guy I used to see in the canteen of the office building I used to work in in Moscow. He had what in UK would be referred to as 'thalidomide' arms (i.e. they were significantly shortened. so that his hands were at elbow distance from his shoulders, because his mother had taken said drug during pregnancy). How did he take a leak in a public urinal? Did someone hold it for him? I suppose he just sat down, come to think of it... But then, how did he, erm, well, :blush: satisfy himself :blush: ?

PS Edited to add this PS, God, I can't believe I've just posted this :vomitblu:

how long were his legs? if they were short too, perhaps he "kicked off?"

Normal length legs, so he'd have to be pretty supple to do that. Anyway thanks for not being so grossed out you couldn't reply, LJ ...

you'd have to get up pretty early in the morning to gross ME out. I'll tell you what grossed me out, though......the fact that a little cute girl like sparkz started this thread. As I said, girls don't poop. I refuse to believe it.

If you had daughters you would. :dead:

well isn't this thread a mental image minefield.

I have a daughter.(4yr old) One of her favorite tricks is to try to come into the bathroom while jinx is in the bath and take a big stinker. this is more of a philosophical "girls don't poop" ifa ya know whadd i mean. i realize that all animals poop, but can you picture .....say, Courtney Cox pinching a loaf? I can't. In fact, I've used poop therapy to help a friend that got dumped. He was totally in love with her, couldn't stop thinking about her, blah blah blah, so I'm like, "Dan. Whenever you start to think of her, just picture her taking a big dump." He said it helped.

Remember though dar, daughters don't fall into the category of "girls that don't poop" since by definition the latter are supposed to be sexually attractive and in a father's mind his daughter is never ever attractive to anyone--or else. :)

PRECISELY. Am I am once again impressed by your insight, clod.

Ah. Then I'd have to say you used the wrong word. You should have said, "Women, especially hotties, don't poop".

i stand ..or sit....corrected

[quote=glatt]What's the big deal with the public bathrooms? As long as there are no visible soiled areas on the toilet seat, what's the problem? Just do your business, make sure not to touch your face, rub your eyes, etc. until you WASH YOUR HANDS. Then use a shirt sleeve or paper towel to open the door as you leave.

Right. Use paper towels to turn off the sink faucet if it's a manual one. No use washing your hands and then touching those things...I know, the water runs till you find yourself a paper towel and neither is eco-friendly but then again, neither is C. Diff.

When I use a public restroom I try to put paper down on the seat!! (Just in case)

Anyway: Im a sitter......... I could not reach standing!

I went into the men's room at the bar and there's a sign that said "Employees MUST wash hands."

I waited for a while, but, no employee came in, so I just went ahead and washed m'hands m'self.

Ya its a good idea for EVERYONE TO WASH HANDS!!

♪ ♫People all over the world♪ ♫
♪ ♫Wash hands♪ ♫
♪ ♫Join the Lav Train,♪ ♫
♪ ♫The Lav Train♪ ♫

:jig: