I'll Bet None Of You Fuckers...
 

This thread is fairly self-explanatory I hope. Post something you can say that you figger nobody else here can.

I'll bet none of you fuckers have to walk home from work through a monkey-ridden, bonafide fucking jungle.

I'll bet none of you fuckers worked 17 hours yesterday and drove back and forth for three more.

Bet none of you fuckers do 24 and 48 hours for a regular work schedule, followed by 8 to 10 in another job. I put in 80 to 110 hours a week in a regular work week.

Are you old enough to have a job?

I'll bet none of you fuckers have eaten three boxes of thin mints in the past few days.

*hurk*

Admittedly, no, but then I do that every day AT work.

I bet none of you fuckers spent 7 hours watching 77 girls do 4 dives each at the slowest and most badly run championship meet in the world ever. And I bet after all that, none of you would have made your daughter search the 2-foot-deep "chammy-eating" gutter to find their brand new championship present chammy. :D

I'll bet none of your fuckers went to the office this morning 'just for an hour' and ended up staying for half the day on your day off.

I bet that none of you fuckers were greeted by a big black man in tighty whiteys when delivering him food tonight.

I bet none of you fuckers spent 4 hours fucking around like a mad scientist with pH kits and water hardness kits, adding a bit of this and a pinch of that to get the balance right. Fucking fish!!!

I bet none of you fuckers have puncture marks in your neck and shoulders from trying to keep an inquisitive cat from finding out what is behind the living room door (ie the rest of the world). And I don't think he's even registered for piercings.

I'll bet none of you fuckers wore glasses at the age of three.

I bet none of you fuckers are leaving on a 4000+ mile road trip next Saturday :D

i have to ask. really, i do
 

how was his tip?

Ha!
 

$3

Wrong.

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Now I have to stay until 3:00. :(

I'll bet none of you fuckers spent 2 1/2 hours, this morning, shoving leaflets through doors on the council estate that time forgot.

I may have... I'll have to ask my mom. If I was four when I got them, it wasn't by much.

"Dear Penthouse Forum, Usually my shift delivering pizzas is fairly uneventful . . . . . . "

I bet none of you fuckers have sole charge of your kids while your spouse flew off to another continent for two weeks to conduct some operas.

that wasn't the tip I was referring to, but if you have to be coy...

I'll bet none of you fuckers had your appendix removed a week after it had burst.

owww.....fuck me that sounds painful

3 inches...

across...

My uncle had his out six months after it burst. Yeah, my family is full of stubborn idiots. While the doctors looked at him all bug-eyed, he just said, "Well you know, it stopped hurting after awhile..."

I know exactly what you were referring to, shithead...I just decided not to indulge you today. :)

'Are squirting pus and blood out of a hole in your crotch that was not there this morning.

I'll bet none of you fuckers just went out and bought a set of bunk beds and mattresses, a couple of fluro light fittings and 4 bean bags.

I'll bet none of you fuckers left your tax refund check sitting around for so long that it expired.

Ouch.

I'll bet none of you fuckers stayed up all night last night with your sick child then went to work at 6am so that you could do a few hours work and then come home so your husband could then go and do his work day.

'Have gotten pissed on by an adult man as many times as I have this summer (with the exception of wolf maybe)

Bullit, Is this work or pleasure for you?

Heh... no, but I've been there before. I'll never forget the time one of the kids was sick, and I was arranging an appointment with somebody else at the office, and explaining that I had to leave for lunch so my wife could go to work for half her day. Little Miss Single 23 Year Old overheard us talking and piped up, "So wait, you have to, like, take time off from work when your kid's sick?" You can just imagine the stunned silence from everybody in the office that greeted this revelation.

Ibram, what did you do, move to Detroit?

Both in a way.. it's work but $15 /hr cash is sure a pleasure

Cash! Cash? I didn't know you are an illegal.

Eh that was only when I was driving on a daily basis with an expired license earlier this summer.. for almost a month.

Paid for driving without a license? You are an illegal.

Well it is hard for those younguns to understand. ;)

I'll bet none of you all fuckers just walked into a rubber skeletal hand, at hair level.

I'll be none of you fuckers ruined your favorite knee high boots trying to turn the water pump off, that was near knee deep in water.

I'll bet none of you fuckers are sitting on you arse AND being paid for it because your place of work got flooded!

that would have so appealed to me... it must suck to be you!

I bet None of you Fuckers drove 2 hours ONE way to turn on a CAPS LOCK key !!!

OUCH! That blows

Bwahahaha...you got paid for it bippy?

lol..that's a funny one zippy. What'd you have to do that for anyway?

Stupid useless fuckers that contracted with a company we distribute for, I have had to drive all that way to put a printer ON LINE before , NO SHIT !!!
Hell I have had to drive 4 hours ONE WAY to say
"Sir "
CLICK
" You have to turn it on before it will work !!"

Did you do it with a smirk on your face?

No I kept a streight face( Sign here Please ) untill I drove off , then I had to pull over and laugh !!
It happens ALL the time , customers FREAKING over NOTHING !!!!

The System got HIT BY LIGHTNING !!!!!

No the System is GROUNDED , the printer was just off line / the paper was twisted / the ribbon was twisted / the NEW operator didn't know how to operate the equipment / they crashed a 50 ton dump truck in to the side of the truck scale / Oh it DID get HIT DIDN'T IT !!!!!! Power it down and let me grab a FIRE Extinguisher !!!! / etc,,,,,

So your bosses are a bit dopey?

Boss is NEW ( less than 3 years ) I have been doing this job for 18+ years , and I am the sucker than can tell you how to set the time and date on a scale indicator at 2AM blind stinking drunk , how to calabrate it , How to trouble shoot it , etc,,,,,,
My cell phone is BUSY !!!!

Here is a typical call " Well the back up battery is dissconnected , and the Indicator has been powered down for 2 weeks + , do you think some of the settings are corrupted ???"

My responce " Well probley , I would go thru setup again and just look and see what is set to what , and if it is totally Screwed (as I suspect it is ) I would do a factory default on it and start from scratch "

"Oh Man calabration , the ticket and every thing else ??!!??"

Me " YUP !!!"

Velcome to MY world !!!

Gee Zippy, maybe you should just stop being so damned good at your job. ;)

I used to get drafted into doing IT work, and worse, much-MUCH worse, training upper management on Microsoft software at my old company... I finally said "No more... fire me".

I bet none of you fuckers made some of the worlds best booze! The alcohol I made for Cruzan won the best Rum in the world 5 years in a row.... the whole 5 years they were using the batch I made.
I am very proud of that. I worked VERY hard for that company and helped raise the standards of that plant. I was a trainer as well as hands-on.

Though some of you may have been on TV and in Movies like me, bet none of you fuckers were trackers in Nova and National Geographic specials?
Yup, tracking Bald Eagles on our ranch. Many years ago, did it twice, once for each channel.

I bet none of you fuckers are going to try to stay up for 32 hours straight today to change a sleep schedule.










Maybe with an hour or two nap in between.... :D

I used to have to do that every couple of weeks when I was on swing-shift... it sucks, I feel ya' man.

I'll bet none of you fuckers had to pick fly shit out of a pepper shaker...

Ugh, I've done that too many times in my life.

I do it fairly regularly.

Try doing it after a 12-hour plane flight, by staying up the night you get back and then having to go to work the next day - manual labour painting houses, no less.
That certainly kills jetlag, at least... I was up for 48 hours, give or take, then BAM, slept perfectly.

Why didn't you just eat it?

I don't think it would fit through the little holes...