How long did you date?
 

Ok so I've been dating a gorgeous and intelligent and sweet girl thats about 4 months younger than me (she turns 19 this week) and we've cracked that magical 1 year barrier. I'm in no dashing hurry to get married tomorrow, but I want to just compare some of your experiences of how long you took to get a ring on that finger yo! I am hoping to marry her if we stay together early to mid twenties.

So.... how long did u date before popping the question

and how long was the engagement.

Also... any of you get married on horseback or something to do with horses? SO is really into horses and I wouldn't mind this sorta thing :)

Cheers
Brendon

P.S. great site!

I met my wife in February and popped the question in November. We were married the following April. That was 10 Aprils ago this year.

Best thing I ever did.

There's no real reason to keep staring at the calendar. If you are sure then make your move.

As far as getting married on horseback... I dunno... horses can surprise you sometimes and surprises are what you don't need at a wedding. I can think of several things right off the bat that would ruin everything but I'll spare you the visuals from my twisted imagination.

Maybe get married on the ground (outside) and instead of driving off in a car, ride off on horseback - now that would be cool.

Congratulations in advance!

We got there in about three years. You guys are pretty young so I'd just ride along for a while and see if you've got compatible dreams, no need to push things early. Enjoy what you have!

My wife and I dated for less than a year before we got engaged, and it was another year before we got married. That was about 15 years ago, and we are still going strong.

The tricky part is being sure you have the right person. Waiting until your early to mid 20s is a good idea. Take your time. That will give any incompatibilities a chance to make themselves know, and then you can make a more informed decision.

16 years, 4 months, 21 days (give or take an hour or two).

18 - 22 are maybe the most formative years of your life, especially if you're in college. The person you will be in 3 or 4 years will be so radically different than the person you are now, and so will she. Wait to see how those two people get along before you rock her finger.

Ok, end of lecture.

My wife and I dated for 2 years, but I knew after the first month. She took a little more convincing. We got engaged and then (and I highly recommend this) I left on tour for 6 months while she planned the wedding. I didn't have to pretend to have an opinion on china patterns for the reception, and she didn't have to pretend to be offended that I didn't care.

I got back into town 6 months later, got married 2 weeks after that, and it's been a pretty damn fantastic 7 years this August.

sm's lecture is good advice. (am I surprised?) I proposed to SWMBO about 6 months after we started dating, which was 6 years after we met. I was also 36 at the time. I had flamed through a lot of relationships by that time, exorcising my demons, making bad choices, finally figuring a few key things out.

Obviously, you had a different upbringing than I did, and hopefully have less crazyness to undo, but as SM points out: you and your s/o will be significantly different people when you are 20,25, 30, etc.

Try a road trip of three months, see if you even want to speak to one another after that.

good luck

We met and started dating the first day of freshman orientation, got married the week after I finished my Master's. So 5.5 years... I'd echo SM's advice -- wait a few years, till your personalities, plans and outlooks have had a chance to crystalize.
Oh, and we've been married for eight years. I'm trying to think of something cool to do for our 10th anniversary -- Maui?

We met in Oct '99, started dating Dec '99, got engaged Mar '02, married May '03, been happy the whole darn time... Well, let’s not be crazy, MOST of the time. :D

Mr. chainsaw and I went to premarital counseling (advise of some family members) while we were engaged. We thought it couldn't hurt. We went to three sessions and realized we didn't have any major issues to work out and we got along very well. Honesty and openness are key. We're very alike in a lot of ways, but we have our times, like all married couples. Overall, we are super happy. Wow, that sounded cheesy. :blush:

There’s nothing wrong with a long engagement, but give yourselves a goal – 2 to 3 years, whatever fits you – AFTER dating for about 2 years. That’s just my opinion. Good luck, regardless. :)

about 2 years. most that long-distance. she's from australia, and i am from texas. emails, phone calls, a few trips, and we made it. she's the very best thing to happen to me.

Shack up with her for a while see if she can put up with the burping and farting ( and if you can from her ) ,
openess and honesty help make it work ,
also a few things my wife and I established befor we got married ,
1 ) when one party is being crasy ( guys or girls ) , being pissed off about some thing WAY stupid , the other has the right to say " Look , you are being crasy , we need to talk about this when we BOTH have calmed down "
2) Don't make any Major desions with out the others opinion .
3) That each of you has VETO power over the other , not malicious veto power , but well thought out and logical .

Just my 2 cents .

1 year as of some weeks ago. We're in no hurry, mostly because we have enough going on that a wedding isn't even feasible at the moment (school, etc).

Heh. That would have been a much more interesting question: how long was it before you both felt comfortable farting around each other? The Japanese already know!

i echo footfootfoot. take a good extended trip together to somewhere neither of you are familiar with; you're sure to find yourselves in some trying conditions. and if you want to vaguely simulate the experience of having children, take a puppy along with you. good luck, and don't forget to report back.

peace, nate.

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i belong to you, pass it on.

About 13 hours.

Shorty is hot though. That makes all the difference.

We met 5 Apr02, we have been together since 9 Apr 02.
You know you were ment to be, when you go to take a shower together and one of you takes a big dump, and you both comment.

We have been blissfully happy for, 4 years. Just like Shrek, and Fiona.:lovers:

Indeed! and a shot of tequilla helps.

Hello all! Figured I'd throw in my two cents.

I think the wait period before getting married deffinitely varies from situation to situation. I dated my SO for only 3 monhts before we decided to move in together. We have been living together now for a year and its deffinitely working out. Right now we are not technically engaged but plan on getting married next summer. But I'm 25 and he has 36! We have had plenty of time to figure out what we want. Hell, I'm still a little iffy...

You are young enough to be able to give it plenty of time. I have to suggest living together for at least a year before deciding on marriage...it is a real eye opener, and if it works out it would remove a huge stresser that often happens right after marriage...

Good luck though! :)

I've heard that statistically speaking, people who live together before getting married have a greater likelyhood than the general population of getting divorced. I believe it.

I thinks it's because the kinds of people who would live together are also more often the kinds of people who might not be as serious about a vow of "'til death do us part." I think it's also that if you have to test the waters in order to be convinced that you should marry someone, then you probably shouldn't be marrying them.

Having said that, I lived with my wife for about 9 months before we got married. For me, it was that I wanted to be with her right away. In my mind, we were already married. We had to go through the planning, etc. of a real wedding to make it official, but my lifelong commitment to her had already been made. Kind of like a secret marriage.

It's all about the attitude when entering into the relationship.

I don't know if I believe that. Not trying to call you a liar. I just don't really understand why that would be the case. I mean, I would think that living with someone, you get to know so much more about them, and you would have a better idea of whether or not it woudl wourk out.

Why is that?

It's hard for me to explain. Basically it has to do with intent. If a couple moves in together to test the waters, they know that they can always bail out if they don't like it. They are not promising to be together for the rest of their lives. They aren't being serious about it. If they start off with a casual attitude toward the relationship, they are likely to keep that attitude after they get married. A casual attitude toward marriage is not ideal if you want the marriage to last forever.

There are many people who live together and then go on to have great marriages. My wife and I are one such couple. But statistics say it's rare. A quick Google search turned up this marriage counselor's site, which says that 85% of all couples that lived together before marriage ended in divorce. That statistic may no longer be true, but I bet the number is still high. Do a Google search on it. There are a lot of religious sites you have to wade through, but there's some info out there.

We lived together for three years, then lived apart for a year to be sure, before we got married.
That's me and the ex I'm speaking of. :D

glatt: Ill deffinitely do some research. I can understand your point of view, and Im sure there are plenty of people who move in together aren't serious about it. I just also believe that there are plenty, like yourself, who move in together to make sure their life styles are compatable. I know I love my boyfriend, but wouldn't want to marry him and THEN find out all the crap about him that I found out when we first moved in together. I found that I could deal with those quirks and changes but some people may not have...and I think its better to "test the waters" before taking the plunge.

Hopefully I can find some statistics that break it down beyond just moving in together before marriage. Im sure there are a lot of other factors... like age, and how long they lived together, financial situation, whether or not the couple had children, etc.

******************************edit

Okay, so Im looking around. I deffinitely see the research you are referring to.

"Ironically, the divorce rate among those who once lived together is higher than among those who have not. Experts say that is often because those who choose to cohabit are not great believers in marriage in the first place"

So, you are deffinitely right on the statistics. But that doesn't mean it cant work if both people are actually commited to the relationship. :D

Can you imagine if all those people who lived together rather than getting married actually just got married? Eeek... That would mean even more divorces. I highly doubt that those who lived together then got married and then got divorced, wouldn't have gotten divorced if they had gotten married without living together first. So... the cohabitation before marriage is not a deciding factor, maybe just an indicator. IMO.

One peice of research from Rutgers states that not only does living together before marriage increas the risk of breaking up after marriage, but it increases the risk of domestic violence, and physical and sexual abuse for children... I just don't see how living together before marriage and domestic violence and child abuse are linked...makes no sense to me...

I really don't know. Damn statistics foiled me.

I've read a couple articles on this and was surprised to find that no one considered that religion/social background plays a major role in this and that it really might not be the "living together" aspect that determines the divorce rate. Remove the "living together before marriage" factor and take two couples who are in a marriage that has turned unhappy. Who is more likely to get divorced? Which couple do you think is more likely to feel pressured to stay together? Did they even factor in what couples had children and which didn't?

I think that living together before marriage does not create more unhappy marriages that end in divorce, but rather that getting married quickly under religious terms has a higher tendancy to keep couples, even the unhappy ones, together, either through social/family/religious pressure or that they might be more likely to have children in the early stages of marriage that would encourage the couple to stay together.

Statistics are always fun to play with. In this case, I'd say someone really enjoyed themselves.

Studies show that, of divorced people, 100% of them were married. It is an absolute predictor. If you don't want to get divorced, don't get married.

I've had very similar thoughts. But the 85% number is such a high number, I don't think it can all be explained by the points you made. There has to be some sort of mixture of the two possibilities. But I agree with many of your points.

Even though the numbers can be questioned, I think throwing the warning out there is helpful, because I think marriage is important, and anyone entering in to marriage should be thinking about things like this. I always encourage anyone getting married to enter into premarital counseling. The counseling can do much more than living together can to reveal potential areas of incompatibility. It can also give the couple tools they can use to help work though conflicts that come up during the marriage.

I think it could. Very easily, in fact. Harley even states this in his reply letter about living together:

I agree there are some good points in the article and I do think there is a big difference in how a relationship grows in living together, but I would not weigh heavily on these statistics. Hey, the divorce rate in 1950 was 2.6 for every 1,000 couples, much lower than today's rates. People were also getting married at a very young age on average. So, should we encourage people to get married in their teens, again?

There is a correlation between cohabitation and religious view, so I don't doubt that the statistics play the way they do because of it.

Ah, I see where all of this comes from. Someone is abusing a CDC study.

9%, in this case, would not be significant, not to mention that the interpretation of the CDC study was flawed.

Hey, that's a good site. I'm glad you found it. All I could find in my quick search were a bunch of religious sites and the one I linked to. This is the actual CDC study. Sweet.

Even if there is no causal relationship between living together and the higher rate of divorce, shouldn't someone who is living together take that statisitic as a wake-up call? There is a correlation, even if it isn't causal. Even this site states clearly that if you are living with someone before marriage, you have a 9% greater chance of getting a divorce than if you aren't. (So what does that correspond to, a 60% divorce rate instead of a 50% one for the general public? I don't know those numbers) Regardless of the reasons, that should be a warning to anyone cohabitating before marriage.

I would suggest that anyone in that position take a hard look at their relationship and motivations before getting married.

The website you link to has some pretty good advice for cohabitators who plan to get married.

Sure -- it means that before you get married, you should be: over the age of 25, religious, have a college education, and have an income of more than $50k/year. Lastly and least significant, you shouldn't cohabitate. If you have all of that, you're set based on the statistics. ;)

Once school is out of the way, I'll be staring down the barrel of that gun. I'm really looking forward to it!

What's with all this "cohabitate" garbage? It's called Livin' in SIN!
Why, I'd condemn the lot of you if I weren't a heathen.

ANYONE who is going to get married should take a hard look at their relationship and motivations.

As for the stats...if we all just said "screw it, I guess im not gonna get married" just because their was a possibility that we would get a divorce, no one would get married (well ... almost no one)...

About overall divorce stats :

I think divorce rates are high now for a lot of societal reasons. I think the biggest one has to be that women work now, and are no longer bound to their husbands for survival...therefor if theyre not happy, they get out.

There isn't as much of a social stigma attatched to getting divorced..its just more of an accepted practice.

Id really like to see a study done about how many couples didnt get married because they lived together first. That could be a lot more people counted among the divorced.

We dated for about 9 months before I tricked her into taking the ring (long story), lived in sin for another two-and-a-half years and have been happy for twelve years much more than not.
A very wise man gave me some great advice a few weeks before my wedding.
"All things fade, if you cannot have a sixty-year conversation with this person, don't do it. If you hesitate answering this question, don't do it."

Let's see ... with the FIRST wife I met her in a night class at the local junior college (COBOL, if you can believe that) ...we dated for about 4 years through college ... then I proposed and we were married 6 months later. Lasted 7 years.

Second, current, and final wife, met her in late 98. Started dating July of 99. She moved in August 99.... we bought a house together in CT in late 2000....I proposed late 03. Married 04/04/04 (how is that for a great date that I can't possibly forget!!) :D

04/04/04?!

In chinese, the word for four, "si" 四, is, in a different tone, the word for death, 死. Therefore, most Chinese buildings don't have a fourth floor, and four is a very unlucky number. April fourth, 4/4, is the most unlucky day of the year. 4/4/04, therefore...

1993 and those are Goofys on my vest.
http://tinyurl.com/zkg4o
I'm still the luckiest man in the world... still can't figure it out.
http://tinyurl.com/k5nr7
Perhaps she ain't as bright as she looks...
http://tinyurl.com/kdukv

Good thing we are not Chinese I guess ;)

Same in Japanese culture, except in japanese four has a few pronunciations. Shi and Yon are common.

I dated my ex for two years before we got married. We tied the knot so that I could share my excellent medical benefits with her. Honestly, with how the relationship is now, I wish I hadn't. But there's a ton of issues there, and it shouldn't be taken as any kind of yard stick.

Well I am happy to report that the number 4 only holds fantastic images and hopes for us, regardless of what the Japanese or Chinese think. Hey, it had to be better than 06/06/06, right? And when I (kidding, of course) suggested 12/12/12 I got a real nasty look (it stung). Some cultures consider pork foul, others (like me) love that bacon! To each their own and I won't step on their beliefs as long as they leave mine alone as well.

Back on the subject line of the thread....I don't think the time is an issue if you are right for each other ... I know people who married after only a few months of meeting each other and they are as happy today (15 or so years later) as they were when they first met. Others (like a family member) who lived with someone for a couple years just fine, they got married and were divorced within 6 months ... go figure.