Time for some TTF stories
 

A few years back my girlfriend and I were traveling to Malaysia. We always had a practical joke thing going on.

We had already checked our luggage and were in the very long line to go through the security checkpoint....chatting away about the great adventures we would have in Malaysia.

[she's a very ditzy blonde but shes also a ditzy brunette occasionally)

Anyways, Manda puts her gear on the conveyor ...walks through *beep*, the guy.... "please remove your shoes miss"...she walks through...no further issues.

Security guy at the screen signals to the other dude, he walks over, looks at the screen, then walks back to us ..."we are going to need to look in your bags".

No less than 4!! security guards have followed us over to this little table and they start methodically pulling things out of our hand luggage. Theres a couple of other guys there booting their laptops, emptying bags etc.

One of the security guards gets rummaging around in Manda's gear when out he pulls this HUGE glow in the dark vibrator. Manda goes pale, I start snorting, the security guards are all very straight faced...albeit struggling to stay that way, the two laptop guys are chuckling, one asked jokingly (I think) for our phone numbers.

Not finished with mortifying poor Manda, they security guard asks her to turn the dildo on (all 3 speeds) and off, unscrew the base and remove the batteries to make sure there is nothing sinister shoved up there.

It was reassembled and we were sent on our way, cheeky guard commenting that he hoped she wouldnt need to use that item whilst on vacation.

It was only then that it dawned on my very good friend that >I< had planted the vibrator in her hand luggage.

She's still thinking of revenge sweet enough to satisfy her.

This one actually happened at work yesterday....


As I've mentioned, I work in quite a dysfunctional work environment and my boss is the porn king!!!

Yesterday, whilst one of our sales guys and I are sitting in my boss' office, a customer call was put through to his office and as he had his head set on, he just hit the switch and received the call.

He had been talking for a couple of minutes when he turned his chair around and his elbow must of bumped the keyboard......starting a porn video on his screen.

I glanced over at the first *oooohhhhHHHhhhh* and saw this lady (I use the term loosely :p) in a compromising position taking it up the bottbott!!.

She was particularly vocal and the volume was up really loud and by the time she got to a series of "OHhhhHHH YessssSSSSsss" my boss lets out with this "Oh, can you hear them in the next office? I'm terribly sorry, I cant believe they are at it again.....(cups hand over mouth piece and hollers)..WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU TWO ABOUT THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR!!!"


I near wet myself

Eh, its one of those things, it was really funny at the time :blush:

Good lord, where do you work?

Are they hiring???

I resent your slurs against left-handed persons.

I really dont want to say what industry I work in, because there will be a series of "uhuh, that explains everything"-s.

Its weird, but fun.

Why are there not more stories in here????

Because I don't know what TTF means.

Is your industry the SEX TOY industry?

Ohh thats great - for those who don't know we can hijack this and turn it into: "what does Ducks Do?"


Sorry Ducks, just kidding

She's the model for plastic vaginas. They take the mold right from her - how you say? - twat.

C'mon, get with it!

http://www.ttf.org.au/

fucken hell - this is why you shouldnt start threads under the influence....its TFF!!! Too Fucken Funny!!!

*Bruuuceeee, wooolllffffff* - come help a girl out and fix puleeze!!

I'm sure it wont take too many guesses to figure out what I do, but you cant play yesman, coz you know :p

What about me? Can I play???

Nooo farkin way!!

Unless its tiddly winks, then you can play :)

What, spoil the fun? :D

Inspector #69 at the adult novelty factory?

Product tester at the adult novelty factory? ;)

No, no, she's the inspector of the product tester at the adult novelty factory...

where quality is job ...ummm one?

warmer

Fluff girl !!! ;)
or Fluff girl trainer !!!!! ;) ;) ;)

fluffers make movies: (NSFW)
http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...=fluffer&hl=en

muahahaha thats awesomel foot3!!!

I have a story for this thread, but it might be more suitable for the TMI thread, mostly because it involved vomit once again. Anyway, I'll put it here and you can decide what you think.

Two g/f''s and I went to Byron Bay one way weekend for a girls weekend. We went to the local hotel and proceeded to get pretty pissed. The evening wore on and one of the girls decided she'd had enough, so me and gf 1 took gf 2 back to the hotel room we were staying at.

After we put her to bed, we then decided we'd head up to a different pub where we'd heard there was a great band playing (and they were pretty good). After another hour or two we decided to call it a night and wandered back to our room.

When we got there everything seemed fairly fine, and I went into the bathroom to use the facilities. I opened the door and flicked the light on, then decided to close the door. Gf 1 asked why I didn't go in and I suggested she might not like to either, but against my advice, she opened the door and walked straight in.

She was met with wall to wall vomit. It was as if gf 2 had been auditioning for a role in the excorcist and had stood in the middle of the room with her head spinning around spewing vomit.

Gf 1 came out of the room and said, "I see what you mean".

We left an extra $100 on the bed for the cleaning staff although gf 1 did do a reasonable job of hosing it down with the shower head.

After typing this story, I think it probably should be in the TMI, but it was still funny.

Ducknuts - Phone sex girl?

Hmmm I think $5.95 a minute is an insult spexxie!!!!

But if you would like to gimme your credit card details, I'll call and we can discuss it.

do you work in a retail environment where customers come in to your establishment to procure your goods or service?

both lj

Are you a professional massage therapist?

I bet thats along the right lines ,
BUT I wounder just WHAT she massages ???

One of my friends did this in his own home. He was unfortunately quite pliable when it came to a third friend tricking him into overdrinking. It started with a few friendly shots of tequila, if there is such a thing, and progressed to tumblers-full.

We heard a crash upstairs and rushed up to find him lying in a pool of his own vomit on the bathroom floor. His wife, in great distress, asked, "Honey, why did you throw up into the heating vent?"

"Because it was there."

Priceless.

She was VERY pissed, and as far as I know, to this day has not spoken to the other guy.

I puked in a co-workers suit case on while out of town ,,,,
Scrath that , I Puked in my BOSSES suite cese once while out of town !!

that's funny.

unless you are the BOSS. in which case, that really sucks.

what manner of retaliation were you subjected to?

Me the Boss ???
Funny !!!
No Retalition , just years of heckeling !!!

I'm not a puker by any means, generally I never puke.... but one time I did manage to mix a substantial amount of alcohol with smoking something funky and I chundered my head off.

Unfortunately, it was in my boyfriend (at the times) pride and joy vehicle....hey I blame him!!!!

If he had stopped when i asked him to, I wouldnt of puke alllll down the sides and the puke wouldnt of blown all over the interior roof or filled up the little map holderie bit in the doors.

Just Splodeing with the stuff !!!!

Well I wasn't responsible for my friend getting so sick. The three of us were doing shouts, but we didn't realise every time vomit girl went to the bar she was having a couple of shots while she was at it.

Served her right I thought. :)

I didn't know that was your salary! You're worth more than that doing ANYTHING.

In HS I had a teach, Smith, who was given alot of leeway b/c he was an awesome UIL/NHS coordinator and theatre teach. He HATED to see a boy's pants hangin low so that their boxers showed and he had a veteran student who would often wear his pants this way. It became Smith's habit to take the boy by the shirt, push him into the wall (not very hard but kinda) and say "NO BDDs" (brand of boxer I think). Well one day I'm in the teach's office and there is a class goin outside, and I hear "No" bang "B" bang "DDs" CRACK! There was a large hole in the wall (the kid wasn't hurt). We had to report the damage and when the principal came down to see what had happened, he just laughed.

And here I thought Too, too funny. :right:

A high-school buddy once told me of a grim afternoon with carsickness. He turned his head and barfed all down his brother's shirt front. The telling detail was his breast pocket was standing well away from the rest of his shirt because it was full of buddy's lost lunch.

This thread has great potential and should be revived. It seems to have morphed into a funny-vomit-story theme, but it can be saved.

This was a SteveDallas random thread.

Don't go blaming me.

Foul! You can't bump a thread without adding to it. 10 yards and loss of down.

True, but all I could think of was funny vomit stories.

You said, yourself that it is about those, now...so give it up. :D

One for the road - so to speak. Back in my misspent youth, I was heading home from some party. Pulled up behind a brand new yellow Corvette at a stop sign. Girl (passenger) says something to the guy driving which made him gesture wildly toward the outside. (Can you see this one coming?) She barely gets the window down and barfs all down the side of his shiny new toy. Probably got some down the window channel as well. I could hear the screaming with my windows up.:D

I made my BGF retch and hack up a lurgy out the window, and onto the side of my car, when I did a particularly potent morning-after-a-huge-nite fart.

By the time we got to our destination I was mortified because it had traveled from the passenger door to the rear of the car and left a dirty big snail trail....and it was STILL STUCK TO THE CAR!!

Was the loogy or the fart still stuck to the car?:D
Ducks, ya made me laff my ass off!