November 21, 2006: Boy sent as postage
 

http://cellar.org/2006/boysentaspostage.jpg

xoB finds this pic, and highlights a section of text, from the Smithsonian Photography Initiative. It highlights a different time in history, when we didn't know it might be inappropriate to mail certain items.

Straight faces
 

I hear the photographer:

From the USPS website:

Hazard Classes
For purposes of transportation and shipping, federal regulations assign each hazardous material to one of the following nine hazard classes. The following list provides examples of items that are subject to mailing restrictions or prohibitions.

• Class 1: Explosives
Fireworks, ammunition, fuses, model rocket engines

• Class 2: Gases
Aerosols, air bag inflators, scuba tanks

• Class 3: Flammable Liquids
Gasoline, some paints or inks, varnishes, alcoholic beverages

• Class 4: Flammable Solids
Some cosmetics, matches, signal flares

• Class 5: Oxidizers and Organic Peroxides
Oxidizing liquids, nitrates, swimming pool chemicals, peroxides

• Class 6: Poisonous Materials and Infectious Substances
Arsenic, potassium cyanide, parathion, pesticides, tear gas, irritating materials, items containing etiologic agents, used sharps, used medical equipment

• Class 7: Radioactive Materials
Products with a radioactive warning label

• Class 8: Corrosives
Chlorine bleach, ammonia, batteries, drain cleaners, acids, mercury

• Class 9: Miscellaneous Hazardous Materials
Magnetized materials, dry ice, self-inflating life saving devices

Doesn't mention children anywhere! :right:

so, how are mail-ordered brides delivered?

Fed Ex-when it absolutely positively has to be there on time.

Sure it does:
• Class 1: Explosives
• Class 2: Gases
• Class 3: Flammable Liquids
• Class 4: Flammable Solids
• Class 6: Poisonous Materials and Infectious Substances
• Class 9: Miscellaneous Hazardous Materials

If you cant find ways to fit anklebiters into each of these categories, you haven't spent enough time around children.

This is what happens when a marginally literate frontiersperson writes out a prayer and asks for a "mail child".

Sure it does. Right there in Class 6, under Irritating Materials.

:lol:

Welcome Nil!

bzzzt! When you absolutely, positively have to have it overnight.

Oh come on 10 posts and no body has said ANY thing about deepfrieng this kid !!!

:eyebrow:

Nah, too much fat, not enough good meat. The carrier's the way to go. A little stringy maybe, but plenty of lean muscle.

:D Nonsense, UPS or DHL even Airborne. I won't buy from companies that ship Fedex, if I can help it.
75% (not a number I pulled out of my butt) of the time, they can't find my house. Even after I talked to the actual driver on the phone. My house ain't hard to find.
One package took less than two days from Seattle to ten miles from me and eight days from there to me. Grrrr :mad:



Oh, welcome to the Cellar nil orally.

It's nice to be welcomed. Thanks folks. I'll see what I can do to modify that sentiment.:D

FedEx... Today after waiting three days and a weekend for all the parts for my new computer I'm building. The guy drops off two boxes. Big one with all the bits in it. And the computer case (Antec Sonata II). The case has a 3" hole punched thru it!!!! Cr*p!!

FedEx.. don't get me started.

Just rest assured, my fellow cellarites, I don't work for Fed Ex. :)

Oh the stories I could tell ya about what people will ship through UPS. Ive been with the company for 7 years now and I've seen everything! Well, except for live humans, live dogs, and live cats. Note: I said "live" :D . Can't STAND FedEx. Ive had more things lost with them than any other carrier. I won't do buisness with someone who won't ship via UPS or USPS.

The oddest package we've ever received was a stack of birthday presents sans shipping box.

Packages, all prettily wrapped, complete with ribbon and bows. I think three packages all held together with packaging tape and a label on top.

Our UPS guy was very amused and I was amazed that it made it through.

Funny thing about the FedEx bashing . . .

I had a friend who had some packaging and shipping stores. He had more problems with UPS than anyone else and bashed them constantly.

FedEx was like the creme de la creme.

I actually heard a shpiel about their very intricate tracking system.

Seems like nothing should ever get lost (stolen maybe) with the intricacies of the systems and the scanning that is done every step of the way.

But then, I never figured out how a package made it across the US to my main post office, but never to my house and never to be found. Someone at the main post office scanned it in . . . then what??

Perhaps mount a 3 inch cooling fan there??? :right:

Of course, the child in question was not sent *as* postage, he was sent *for* postage.

postage: n the charge for mailing something

Hmmm...

I wonder if that's how Madonna's new adoptee will find himself getting back to Africa after the shine wears off?

Nah, they have people for that . . .

We still get baby chicks through the mail now and then. PETA has been agitating, but so far so good. The post mistress likes to see the chicks when they come through.:)

After years of receiving packages I've seen them all screw the pooch.

For Ebay, I prefer the seller ships USPS. that way if the seller gets up to shenanigans (they have) it becomes mail fraud, and I let the P.O. deal with the aggra.

My brother was telling me this weekend that FedEx Home Delivery is by independent contractors. He claims a friend of his has a franchise in northern New England, had to buy the Fedex truck, and is paid by the delivery. :confused:

Three inch fan... Very clever.. :apistola:

Actually I believe only the "FedEx Ground" is contracted. The same guy came back and by that time I had the box relabeled and postage paid to ship the crushed case back. He whined bitterly about me giving it to him because he had nothing to do with "Ground" (which I naturally choose to send I it back with). He said ground was contracted and that he would have to find a Ground guy to give it to.. He was feeling a little guilty since they'd killed my box to death, so he took it.

The good thing about FE is they deliver around noon. Stinkin UPS delivers around 6pm which means 3 day FE is the same service as 2 day UPS so why use UPS unless you don't care about the time.

The Bad thing about FE is they are scam artists. Here's how it works. Their insidious scam is called "Re-dimensioning". If anywhere in the system they decide your package is bigger they summarily change the shipping charge!! This can be by any confused or mis-calibrated machine somewhere in there vast hegemony. So you have little recourse if you even notice a month later when the bill comes by. So they quietly charge everyone a little more without anyone normally noticing.

I took a package down to the FE office, the guy measured everything weighted it, and then came up with a charge. I took the credit card charge receipt home. A month later the bill comes in. It's like 4 dollars more on my credit card!! I call them up and ask what the heck is this??!! They said it was "re-dimensioned" in some hub 6 states away. I pointed out that I measured it carefully and they said, "you must have made a mistake". So I said, "And then I had your office measure it and I have the receipt to prove it!" They said, "um... we're sorry we will credit you the difference. Have a nice day.." Get the picture... :sheep:

UPS evidently depends on where you are in the system. My family in MA has a number of busnesses where they can drop a package before 4pm and I have it the next day, at the cheapest ground rate. UPS picks up from these drops on the way to Hartford, CT's Bradley field. The packages come into Philly Intl. airport hub and is on the truck to me in the morning. Works every time..... since they built the Philly hub. Going the other way takes three days because, I'm guessing, there's enough steady traffic north to warrant a truck over the road.:driving:

mis-calibrated machine somewhere in there vast hegemony.

I take OFFENCE to this !!! We ( the company I work for ) install,and maintain these machines ( in the Memphis area Hubs for the brown box company as well as brand X ) . These are IN-MOTION systems as in they do this calc on the fly , hanging flaps of paper , open boxes , etc can totaly mess up this caluculation , oh a stupid operators can mess this up as well ( We had a whole SORT ( whole shipping nite with MILLLLLLIONS of boxes )get F**Ked up just because some body desided to mess with things and set the demintioners in metric )
What you are speaking of is called a dim-weight ( Dimentional weight ) it is a calucation of length width height and weight , as in a 50 lb shoe box sized box coste different that a 30"x30" 2 pound box ,

hehe zippy.. I'm an EE and have had my nights in the barrel too. That sounded like a major FUBAR. I pitydahfool who dicked with the settings.

I got the distinct feeling that they rather don't care what comes out of your machines as long as the numbers are the same or bigger than the box is already billed at. If you actually discover it and call them on it it they quietly correct it. Making millions a day on this kind of thing. Just like most hospitals. Get a bill for your child's birth and look at it. About 50% of the stuff you never used, saw, touched, or required. If you actually call them on this stuff they instantly deduct it. Otherwise....$$$

I built a sophisticated leather measuring machine for a local tannery. It could measure the hides (huge jagged pieces like a steamrollered cow) to about +/-10 square inches. They loved it. They loved it because the industry standard was "up to 5% oversize measurements were allowed". The high accuracy allowed them to diddle the numbers up to 10 square inches less than 5% for EVERY side they measured and billed for. Think of it an instant 5% of pure profit! For the whole tannery for millions of hides a year. Sheesh.