It is so hard to swallow
 

your pride. Well, at least for me. That is some of the hardest shit to do in the entire world. But from what I've heard (and been advised) it will make the panoramic view of the issue better and improved, based on the circumstances. But damn it tastes so bad and burns all the way down your throat.

Most people have trouble swallowing their pride. I wouldn't worry too much about it if I were you fresh. You'll get used to it.

Well good on you. I know my life would be a lot better if certain someones would swallow their prides.

good luck in your endevour, whatever it may be

The taste never gets any better, but you will get called an arsehole a lot less in your life if you learn to deal with it.

This is another of those threads where I was expecting something very different.....

you mean like this, of course:

That's more what I had in mind yes...though I always think , y'know...a spoonful of sugar...

or some pineapple

I don't suck cock.

Thats what I ws saying Fresh - I just did it a little more - delicately.

I wasn't thinking last night. I truly didn't mean for this thread to become a jizz gulping one but last nite I wasn't thinking straight because I actually swallowed my pride which turned my world upside down for a little bit. It was just one of those thread titles that leads into a deeper meaning but yeah, I just set myself up bad. Continue with the ingrediants if you want to.

Tell us more of the story fresh.

Young Padowan messed up last nite.

My girlfriend is leaving for LA today and will be gone for two weeks in the Miss Chinese Cosmos Pageant/(bad attempt at reality show) http://fun.utvchina.com/Bw/ (the bandwidth on the site sucks so it might not even load at times).

I was on her facebook (www.facebook.com) about to change her status to something like "In LA rockin' the vote!" When I surf I usually have 3 or four tabs up as I wait for other tabs to load. So when I eventually got back to the facebook tab I forgot I was on her name signed on so I checked "my" inbox. Turns out there was a long 60 replies message b/w her and a friend at work, a dude. It was about how he tells her that he likes this other colleague and how he trusts her so much, I don't know everything cause I didn't read most of it just brushed through it. The last thing he said was "...Oh I love you chika. your the best...." She had apparently agreed to do something for him to help set him up with the other colleague.

That is unacceptable. Very unacceptable. You don't even joke with things like that. He has known her for less than two months and I don't care if he was joking that is unacceptable because if it had been with someone who's more of a jerk than me he woulda had bigger problems. Maybe my reasoning is sexist (Shawnee, anyone?) but I do not find it ok for a guy to say that to a girl. Nope. Don't see it as acceptable. It's different for a girl to say "oh I luv you guys!" because well, that's what girls do. Ok generality, at least a LOT of the girls I know. For a guy to say that, no it just doesn't happen nor IMO should it happen. For a guy who's not a boyfriend to say he loves a girl, no less a girl he met at work and known less than two months. Uh uh. This guy crossed the line and I am very uncomfortable with him saying that.

I messaged him back on facebook through her account (I couldn't directly because I wasn't his "friend") and told him to back the fuck up and leave his girly shit to himself (sorry Shawnee). My girl didn't like this. He messages me and says "I'm not scared of you" and all that tough shit high school guy act and says "you know where I work you got a problem come see me." So I accept his offer to fight and respond "You make the date and place. Be there." I tell her that he wanted to duke it out and she said I shouldn't have provoked him in the first place and I shoulda talked to her about it first if it made me feel uncomfortable.

I shoulda done that. But I can't take it back. I talked to my friend last nite for an hour and my friend told me I was a dumbass too. So I swallowed my pride and messaged him "tonite ive decided that i value my relationship with my girl more than takin on some immature high school cronie. I am still not comfortable with u sayin shit like that to her so dont do it again. ur a dude why u sayin u love a girl u known less than 2 months even if ur jokin u dont joke on shit like that, ur a fool and that shit will get u in trouble in different situations. let this shit alone now if u know whats good for u. if u want to discuss this in real life im more than happy to explain whats going to happen, i know where u work remember u told me." Sorry for the text speak, it's how I communicate when I'm not down here.

But yeah I had a real hard time getting myself to own up for Pandora's box that I opened (as my friend told me) because yeah, I got pride. He's totally gonna think I'm a pussy too, when I could easily handle him (not bragging, but a karate black belt is respectable, ain't it?). That's why I said it in the sternest way possible. Plus in his response to me said I'm not afraid of your 4 foot ass. I'm a respectful 5'6 1/2". But I swallowed and tried to make things better for me and her.

Ugh, you can say "I love you" to a girl without going out with them.

I do it all the time when I'm joking around.


But at least you tried to make things right, which I give you credit. If it comes back up you can just say you were in a really bad mood and you regret saying that and it will be fine since the guy wasn't trying to put a move on your girl.

I seriously wouldn't get worried about what he said and you need to be careful with that sort of thing because what you might find unacceptable, someone else may find completely normal.

So I change my view on unacceptable because he or you think it's fine? I honestly don't care what he finds normal/acceptable because it's my girlfriend he said it to and I am not ok with it, joking or not.

No, I wouldn't like it if some work guy said that to my woman either (when I find her). Not fly.

yes, it's not acceptable for your girlfriend to have a friend like this! after all, she belongs solely to you, no?

No, that's not what I said. It is unacceptable for him to say that. Read what I said, man.

Nothing about it is unacceptable unless you base it on the assumption that she belongs to you.

If she is her own person, she can make her own judgments on what is and isnt okay for people to say to her. If she is 'yours', then you make them for her.
Which is it?

Read what I said, then get back to me.

How does your girlfriend feel about him saying he loves her? How does she interpret it?

I read all of it, FC. All I see is you bitching because some dude talked the wrong way to your lady.

When you stop thinking of her as yours, things like this will cease to be a problem.

She thought I overreacted, which I did. She says he was just kidding and didn't mean it. But still, I am not comfortable with him saying that, joke or not.

I get the "not uncomfortable part" but your reaction as you readily admitted was uncalled for and IMO immature at best. Thats ok you are immature - you should be! You're 19. The fact that you have a problem with him and not her is sort of strange though. SHE is the one with a commitment to you - not him and "60+ im/pm, emails, messages whatever" is rather interesting/telling to me. Did you know that they were friends? That they were talking....?

I gotta admit though - Ibby does have a point in that your reaction makes sense if you are a very possessive person. Just food for thought - then again what the hell do I know?

That's perfectly understandable, fresh. I would probably feel the same way to some extent. I certainly wouldn't act on it like that though. Women don't find jealousy attractive.

What lesson will you take away from this episode?

From my friend last nite, "chill the fuck out." I had my testosterone flare up, panties in a bunch, jock strap rash, whatever you wanna call it. But we all do sometimes.

I'll admit I went through a bit of the same with my last girlfriend fresh'. She had a great habit of going to these seedy clubs with her girl friends and letting guys buy her drinks and all. She wasn't a cheater, never has been and never will be. But I got in this mindset of "well you can control your actions, but you can't control those of people around you. All it take sis one perv, one guy who's had too many and the worst could happen. Control what situations you put yourself in". That turns into a real slippery slope of controlling. Were her actions at all appropriate, in my mind of course not no question. However if you ride her for these things, you will cause her to think that you don't trust her.. and that's huge.

The best defense is a good offense here. If you're treating her right, she's happy and all, she most likely won't have a single reason to mess around or leave you. If she does anyway, then she's got attachment/intimacy issues and you don't want any of that.

The best thing you can do is keep a level head, and talk it out. Don't turn it into a huge ass fight, no one wins in the end with those. Tell her about your reservations about this guy, and ask her what she thinks. Keep cool man. If you really feel for this girl like you've told us, then it would stupid to let something like this ruin what you got.


Hit the nail on the head there glatt.

Jealously is a lack of trust and nothing more.
If you trust her, nothing he says to her will matter.
Why can't her friends say "love you" to her and she the same to them?

Do you trust her?

My only question is why do you have access to her facebook account?

That's just stupid.

No shit.
Creepy!

You did well to swallow your pride and not turn a dumb situation into a completely fucked up one.

But...

You CANT control how others talk to your girlfriend and if you are gonna be one of *those* guys (one that will pick a fight because some guy is flirting with *your* girlfriend)....you will find yourself alone very quickly.

I've had those boyfriends...and as I explained to them....they can not control how guys talk to me, what is said, what they do....but they can trust me:) or not. If its not.....see ya.

Other than that, I wonder....why do you have her password and why were you logged in as her?

Obviously, if there are 60 odd emails, they are more than just acquaintances at work...they are obviously important to each other in some way, shape or form.

Oh...personally, I dont think there is anything wrong with friends saying "love you" to friends...does not matter whether that person has a partner or not.

If the reason you have her password is because she lets you have access to her facebook account....then you just threw her trust back in her face (though fortunately you appear to have rescued the situation:P).

Hey fresh...






























...I love ya mate!
Hope that doesn't offend your g/f. ;)

Everyone: We have each other's passwords because 1. her internet DSL sucks so I have to do stuff for her occasionally and 2. so we can sabotage each other's accounts for mild fun.

I have learnt that (yes I said learnt, waddya gonna do?) the reason why there are so many messages back and forth is because my girl doesn't like to use AIM and so it was all within a small time frame, like a personal conversation on an instant messaging system. I am not worried. Hey, that's an improvement.

Ali: I don't know what to say..............................................................................................................................................

You've never even met my girlfriend! But thanks for sharing the love. :) Much obliged, mate.

What the world, needs now...

P.S. Did I do a type a decent Australian accent?

Oh yeah, you did ok.

But did you get my point?

I did get your point, but did you get my joke? I have a real hard time doing sarcasm through typing. Like I was answering as if I interpreted your words as "I love ya (your) mate (girlfriend)" and therefore answered confused like "but you don't know her/have met her!" Yeah so when I try to explain it makes things worse. I'm off to bed then.

Solution found! Thread, over!

It's ok fresh. I got it. Just wanted to be sure.

I know how you feel. If I saw some chick telling my husband 'I love you' I'd probably be a bit pissed and ask him about, accept his explanation then use it against him for the next couple of weeks in order to increase my shopping budget. ;)

atta girl -

Everyone done soothing their vaginas? All this good will and understanding is making me gag.

*grins* we just all catchin our breath for the next round...

Dude, reading your girlfriend's email and even worse, RESPONDING to even one piece of it, is seriously fucked up.

Seriously.

Be prepared for her to dump your ass so hard it will end up around your shoulders.

That's kind of like reading someone's diary.

I dumped a guy for that when I was 20. I also didn't speak to my mother for a while for that when I was a teenager. Now, I would let my husband read it, but only because I don't fear his judgement. He never has, though.

Most of my friends are men, not sure why. Some of them say "I love you" to me, in a friendly way, like "sure you're scatterbrained, but that's why we love you!" But I do have one male friend who frequently makes comments to me that my husband is uncomfortable with, such as asking for naked pictures, asking to give me a massage, things like that. I understand my husband's concern because if he had a female friend who talked to him like that, I would feel jealous and wonder why he wanted to be friends with her. However, we basically deal with it by communicating and letting each other handle our own lives. Since my husband let me know that this friend's requests bother him, now when the friend gets into that territory I let him know that it wouldn't be fair to my husband for me to participate in that kind of conversation. My husband wouldn't confront one of my friends; he would trust me to set the limits that we've agreed on.

And honestly, some people want their SO to see them as "theirs." We are generally referred to as submissive. I don't know if that term fits FC's girlfriend, but it is entirely possible.

:mg:
wtf kind of friend is this!?

a horny one i'm guessing

Yep, pretty much. :)

I did it. You can too.

you did?

cite?

I think he's talking about when he made amends with Ibram... in the Identity thread, which I am too lazy to go find and link for you.

oh....totally missed that.

you, clobble, are deserving of a gold star for your tireless efforts translating and illuminating the ignorant. I praise you. You rock....

put yourself in the hall of fame for me.

Thanks for posting before me LJ, I was wondering the same thing.

Not just that; Merc's been a reasonable and thoughtful chap lately, IMO.

Yeah...still a pompus right wing weirdo though.

Oh I don't know. His views on abortion are a damn sight less right wing than rk's.

Which is a scary, scary thought.

That's the thing about Merc. It isn't as simple as him just being a right winger. He's right wing on some stuff and he isn't on other stuff.

He's just an independent thinker.

Who happens to be pompus. And thank god he's independant. Imagine if there were more people who thought like he does sometimes!

Believe it or not - there are many, many of them.

Independent thought is what keeps the world, and this forum, in balance. If everyone agreed with me, what fun would there be in the conversation?