It's Cancer
 

I knew it. I knew it when I saw the mammo.

I see a surgeon sometime next week---holiday weekend and all, won't be able to talk to one till tuesday.

It's big and leggy.


I am really not ready to have a mastectomy or to die. I'm kinda in shock.

Oh, oh Bri...

But here's the deal, see? Don't go thinking of the worst possible case in your head, because maybe it won't be the worst possible. Focus on what is good. Whatever this thing is, you can surely beat it. It's something you can face with energy. It's a part of life, and dealing with such seriousness often changes people for the better. Look at Michael J Fox who, after a few years of dealing with his sad and chronic condition, wrote a book about his life and situation and titled it "Lucky Man". Lucky, he calls himself. You are too: because aside from being this cool person, which I know you are, you can beat whatever this is, and I know you can. And out the other side will be a new person with greater wisdom and a different sense of what life means.

We love you Bri. Stand strong, woman, and kick the shit out of this thing.

You can manage this. I've seen enough of it in my family to know you can beat it. Be strong.

I'm very sorry to hear this. Being a nurse, you probably know way more about the subject than I do, but I'm going to write this anyway. Most cancers are survivable by a majority of the people who are diagnosed with them.

You know you can work on the odds by taking care of yourself. One of the more recent studies, ironically using registered nurses, showed that diet and exercise can help with the odds.

Take care of yourself. Help others to take care of you.

You are going to beat this.

cock :(

Bri, I"m here for you. Good luck.

Thankyou all so much---god, my eyes actually hurt from no sleep (went to my son's football game [he's captain!!!] last night [they won 45-zero!]) and then had a rotten cry this morning.

My family's reaction has been...well, like they themselves, it's been strange. My older sis (a pediatric nurse) has been amazing, my little sis (nearly dual citizenship with Jamaica d/t her deep love of the ganja) has been good and my mother--a woman I am closer to than any other person on earth--is acting like nothing is going on at all! Like, well, it's a cold, you'll get better. Now, I know why she is doing this--but in all honesty, it's weird. My father said NOTHING. My exhubby (the one I LOVED--HA!) said, "Claudette, I'm taking what you're saying and cutting it in half--you make mountains out of molehills....blah, blah, blah..." and, I will concede, he does have a point. I do tend to (to use a fucking AA term) "awfulize"--in my defense, I SAW the mammo. I SAW it. I was a member of the American Registry of Radiologic Technologists and I took another test to be Mammo certified tech AND I was an ultrasound tech--I know all this does not sit with many cellarites ideas about me, but, honestly, I was good at what I did and I had a critical radar (some call it intuition) that allowed me to see what was going on (a gift that I, not knowing how to handle, squandered and let destroy a part of me) and I know NOW what is going on. i was able to kid myself for this past week--oh, most lumps are benign, 90% are false positives, etc., etc. but, I saw the mammo thursday (the tech left it out while she had the spot films checked by the rad) and I saw the monster--all tentacles, from my armpit legging down toward my nipple---all legs. THEN I saw the US (I had to see it, I was facing the screen--plus, I used to work there) and I saw that the edges were blurry (bad) and there were echos in the mass itself (not liquid, like a simple cyst) I begged the US tech to tell my what the Rad. said and she onlly said, "Claudette, we're going to expedite this--your doc will have the resutls tomorrow." I knew then I had cancer.

Look--I've had an amazing life. I really have. I cannot doubt that this thing has metzed. Microcalcifications, huge, leggy, by my armpit--at the very least it's in my lymph nodes (the bodys Highway!!).

The point of all this is: thank you, all. For your compassion and love and fellowship.


I'm going to fight, yes. but If i don't win---it;s oK, too.

That sucks! Don't give up. If it's at all possible, get a second opinion. When my sister had it she got a completely inappropriate level of chemotherapy.

Even if it had metastacized, you can still beat it. One of my friends has been living with it for 10 years. It's never going to go, but she has it beat. She's living with it, not dying slowly.

Bri, I'm so sorry, but you've already given yourself the best chance you have -you're coming out fighting. Good on ya.

My mother-in-law is almost a year out of her mastectomy due to stage 1. She finished chemo about 2 months ago...her hair is growing back now and she gets her fake boob after our wedding.

Hang in there, Bri...I'll be sure to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

ahh but now you can get away with smokeing some weed , kemo ,angziety , etc,,,,, ;)

Seriusely though , hang tough , all will be well !!!!!!!

My mother is a survivor...I've lost track of how many years.

You will beat this. If nothing else, you'll sarcasm the crap out of it and it will run fleeing from your body.

Bri, I don't know what to say, aside from trying to make a joke out of sheer speechlessness, but know that I am not far away and if there is anything I can do let me know.

Love ya, girl.

Hey Bri -- you're right, you are an expert in this field. Take charge of your own wellbeing. Do the research, read the papers, get accurate typing and diagnosis, and above all, pay attention! Don't like your onc? Fire him/her and get another. Visit the experts. Take charge.
You are uniquely poised to be the best health care provider possible for yourself, both by training and by inclination. Make the effort, because you are surely worth it.
- Pie

Oh...and if you die, Bri, I will be offended and never speak to you again!

Much healing mojo headed your way - get in the fight we support you.

seriously, indescribably, sucky. :(

That being said, positive thoughts help a lot, so I'm sending you some.

This is good advice. I'm with this guy. Bri, we're all here for you.

Bri, I don't know what to say. But I have seen many women survive this and be happy in their lives. The way I deal with my medical conditions is ignore them, and try to make them insignificant in my mind. This will work. My own problems are not as serious as yours, and never will be. You have survived a lot, and can survive this, it is all up to you.

Wow. I'm a blessed creature. I thank you all for taking the time to give me some of your love and hope and good news--THAT is what the cellar is. That's why it's so important to all of us. What a great network of caring people here---pls. forgive my maudlin gush---i mean every word---i'm just an emotional wreck today. Tomorrow I'll be "in UR reality Stealin UR STuff!"

Bri, you can and will whip the shit out of this, without question. I know that it will seem incredibly insensitive of me to say this, but it is something that I feel I know more than a little bit about. If they have to do a radical mastectomy, it is not going to make you one bit less beautiful, desireable or worthy of love. I've been carved up like a Thanksgiving turkey. I have an ostomy bag, a gigantic cavernous scar that runs the length of my abdomen from the aftermath of the wound infection following the colectomy, a zipper from the bypass surgery, I'm 80 pounds overweight, short, with gray and thinning hair and generally not a physical specimen of any traditionally desireable qualities. Yet I am blessed with a beautiful wife (whom I met after becoming an ostomate), a couple of damn hot girlfriends, an incredible wealth of friends and loved ones and a pretty damned enviable life in most every way.

I say this because I want you to know, and to truly believe, that even if you lose a breast to this bitch of a cancer, you will do so to maintain a life that has incredible value, full of purpose and potential, and in the end, you will be beautiful, desireable, and a whole person...just as you are now. You will be stronger, tested, and even more formidable than you can now imagine.

We will love you, pray for you, send you all the energy it takes to beat this fucker into submission and walk away as the goddess you truly are. I personally will put you on a pedestal...and then look up your dress every chance I get.

You've no idea how much that means to me!~ *love*

Bri, you can beat this. You know the drill, eat lots of fresh fruit and veg, give your body as much help as you can. People can and do survive this, no reason why you shouldn't be one of them.

Bri...when the time comes for treatment, be it surgery or other...do you have people there for you? Family? Kids old enough to drive and provide appropriate support? If not, you need to let us know that as soon as possible so efforts can be made on your behalf. Please don't try to do everything yourself as you go through this. People need people to prop them up when times get tough.

We're people.

Fuck yeah...you might even meet some of us. Though that could scare you to death...hmmm...

Ah, shit. I was so angry to see this thread title. I know you can beat this thing, Bri. And you know what else?

A mastectomy is not the end of the world. I know two women who've had them and their new boobs look great. And if you get a new one then we'll be expecting new pictures, of course. ;)

Well fuck me running.... this is not good news. :headshake I'm sorry you have to deal with this major health cluster fuck Bri. Seriously though, do what you need to do to take care of this. Get it done and we'll talk about new boobies.

Bri, I'm so sorry. I mostly lurk, so I hope you don't mind me sending my best wishes and good thoughts for healing. You'll beat this. And everyone here will be cheering you on. {{{hugs}}}

Hey bri...you're a strong girl...you'll beat this no problem. Specially with the entire cellar backing you.. *sends good vibes towards you*

Bri, honey, I idolise you, you know that....and I dont do that willynilly....so I know you are going to kick the snot out of this biatch, and you will do so in a very Bri-like manner. Youre awesome, I have complete faith in you.

This sucks, I wish I was closer to help....like....take you out on a girlie nite out to get plastered and make oodles of guys fall in love with us :)

I think we need to get cancer to register as a dwellar so we can all get the pleasure of watching Bri outpost that fucker in a zillion ways.....

Cancer is very beatable these days. You'll kick it. You're young and healthy otherwise, so get positive and start fighting. I know it's shocking. But give yourself a little time to get over the news and get your head in the right place and you'll have a better chance. One of the most important things you can do for your own mental health is not to take on other people's grief and shock when they find out. Let them deal with it and don't be afraid to tell them to get the fuck out if they get all weepy. You don't need that shit. You need to surround yourself with positive people.

Don't worry about your mum. She'll come to grips with it and she'll be the best damn nurse anyone ever had when you're recovering from surgery. Mothers have a hard time dealing with knowing there's really nothing they can do to fix their kids other than to love them. You might even find it's good to have someone around you who just treats you like normal.

Just remember, you don't need to lose this fight.

Too late. I am oodles of guys all by myself, and I'm already desperately in love with both of you.

I want to bear your children. Either that, or feed your children to bears.

Shit.

Well I didn't buy the "maudlin gush", 'cause I know when you're put upon, you're meaner than a junk yard dog. The only reason you won't beat this with sheer will, is you don't want to pass up the chance to meet some hot doctors and male nurses.
But I'll still be waiting when you've gone through those boy toys.

You know we all love you and believe in you.

Add my good thoughts to the pile here. (HUGS)

From some of the posts on this board, I think it already has.:right:

But if you mean that she's a tough grrrrl, than I agree. The body of an angel, and the guts of a harbor chick.


Go Bri!

Give yourself whatever gifts of time and rest you need to feel better and know that you're surrounded by caring thoughts and prayers and heartfelt wishes. Rest easy. Get well.

Good luck. My thoughts are with you.

For you and everyone else check out:

http://www.savethetatas.com/

My wife and I bought t-shirts today.

A number of very close people in my life have delt with Breast Ca.

Hang in there Bri, you've gotten through life this far don't let some damn little cells stand in your way!

Tru B - it's just a stupid bunch of cells! Once it's outside your body you could stamp on it in the street and reduce it to nothing but a pile of goo!

that's a good image, that.

Dammmm this holiday weekend. I'm so antsy---I want to know if this has metzed, what we're going to do, if I should cut my hair short and who can make a wig out of my own hair, how many tests do I have to have: CT? MRI? Nuc Med?...all these things. Plus, I need to clean my house, get new pajamas (the kind that button up the front) and yet I feel paralyzed to do anything. I'm jumpy.

Fuck. This sucks.

Bri, let me jump in with everyone else and tell you that you will beat this. Only personal experience I have is my aunt, and she beat this too. That was like 15 years ago and she's doing great. Medicine has only gotten better since then.

The waiting is the hardest part. Once you get all the results back, then you can attack this thing. Feel like you are doing something, etc.

You want to be doing something now, right? I'm no expert at all in this, but there are probably a few thing you could be doing now to begin to prepare for the fight. Two things come to mind. Depending on your treatments, you may have no appetite later, so start packing in the calories today. Eat healthy. Eat a lot. Second is that you should try to start thinking positive. Say out loud to yourself that you are going to beat this. Come back and keep reading this thread over and over. We are here for you, and you will beat this.

Oh, and while we all may have ooh-la-lahed over your pictures on the bike, that's not what defines you. You're boobs aren't what make you hot. Having a mastectomy won't change that at all. Els probably said it better than I could, because he has more practice, but he's got the right idea.

You're going to beat this.

I still say "at least you're not living 100 years ago..." . . . I know you can't see it at the moment, but you know you'll be okay (because you have to)

Bri, I spoke to Sundae Girl today and she asked me to relay her support and well wishes to you. She's as stunned as everyone else and feels equally sure that you, more than anyone, will beat this thing. Unfortunately she doesn't have internet access to post herself, but she wants you to know she's thinking of you.

Thanks so much, Dana---that means a lot to me

I'm sorry to hear about this, Brianna.
Have no fear, you will beat this.

Bri, I don't know if this is too soon, in which case I apologise, but I heard a woman on the radio talking about breast cancer (she had it a few years ago I think) and she mentioned a forum/website that she found really helpful. It's basically just a place to talk with other women who've been through it, or are going through it.

http://www.bcpals.org.uk/content/links.html

Again, Dana, thank-you. It's a great link---I've spent the good part of this early morning reading it!

Today, I hope hope hope I get in to see the surgeon. This waiting around is killing me and I imagine the beast growing and stretching and eating my cells for every minute that is wasted.

Bri - I know you have what it takes to get well, and I know you'll do what it takes to get well. Don't worry about leaving a lymph node or boob behind. You are not a body part, you're Claudette. The first thread I can remember reading at the Cellar was when you offered oral sex to the first person to solve a math problem for you. That wasn't a lymph node posting. Add my love and positive energy to all that you've gotten so far.

Geez, the stuff I miss over the weekends. I'm so sorry for what you’re going thru and can't possibly begin to know. I do second everything, everyone has said - you can beat this - so many have. Maybe you can find local support groups of people; you can actually speak with face to face and gather the much needed strength from those who've gone thru it as well. Kids can be a big help as well, I'm sure your son has a strong shoulder for you to lean on. Don’t be afraid of that; let him help you thru this. Good Luck.

Oh Brianna. That's terrible! Sorry.
I have to make a call today about the slowly growing (enormous)lump on the side of my husbands neck. We were just about in an insurance program and didn't make it.....
I fear the worst. I just don't know yet and I'm scared. Do I quickly buy the insurance before?

Oh, Cicero, how awful for you both. you need insurance and have the chance to get some now or were you turned down before? I'm sorry, I'm a little confused. How much would the quick insurance cost/month and more importantly, is there a pre-exsisting condition clause that they might try to pull on you two? I'm so sorry, but, call the doc asap. GEtting the treatment ball going is half the battle.

Just saw this thread, and want to let you know that I am thinking about you too. My mother in law has been breast cancer free now for over 2 years. She found a lot of help in fellow cancer survivors via face-to-face groups (she's not internet savvy). Good luck.

We are here. We will be here. Just let us know what we can do.

:::huge hug:::

Bri, a big hug from me to you.

Even if it's in your lymph nodes, you'll still be able to get rid of it. A healthy diet, your strong will and the chemo/radiation will make sure of that.

I know it's much easier said than done, but try not to overly-stress out. I don't think stress is very helpful to the healing process.

God Cicero, how scary for you both. I don't really understand how the American healthcare system works, so I have no advice to offer regarding insurance or the order in which things need to happen. All I can offer is a hug *hugs* and an assurance that the Dwellars are here and sympathetic.

Oh, and a quick hug for Bri whilst I am here *hugs* :P

Cicero, I don't know what your financial situation is like, but...if the lump turns out to be serious and requires long-term care, your husband ought to try applying for Medicaid. Depending on your circumstances, it may be possible to qualify even if your income is decent.

My mother's work insurance hadn't kicked in by the time she was diagnosed with cancer, so she was able to get Medicaid to pay for her treatment.

Blue do you have any advice on how to go about applying (maximising chances of acceptance etc) ?

I'll have to ask my mother what application process she had to go through. I do know that the cancer treatment facility in Albuquerque is very good, if Cicero's husband has to go that route...but hopefully not, of course. Let's hope it's just a big cyst, or at the very worst, a benign growth.

Goiter?

link 1

link 2

What everybody's said -- and they've said it all. Be well.