How do you like THAT?
 

I've just been kicked out of class by my favorite professor. He said, and I quote, "It's too emotionally upsetting," for me to be in class. He wants me to withdrawal. He said it was 'difficult' for him to teach with me in class. I cried. I told him that class was all I had. He still said I should withdrawal. Last week we agreed I would audit the course as I had to miss too many classes for chemo related bullshit but now he says I'm effecting his teaching which is effecting the entire class (I find that hard to believe) and now I am feeling super rejected and retarded for liking this man who so obviously has issues. He did say a weird thing last week---when I asked him if he would grade my paper he said no, that when you audit you get no grades, etc. but he said he would read it and we could discuss it "over a cup of coffee.'


what the fdge is going on with him, me and the entire world?

I don't know, but your stories are my favorite. It's like a reality-soap-opera-blog.

i'm serious you dimwit.

that sucks. Bri, i think it is quite obvious that this guy has taken a liking to you and doesn't know how to deal with that. it is hard to say from the few facts you've posted but my guess would be that you aren't affecting his teaching at all, but as he has found himself intrigued and attracted to you he doesn't know how to deal with the fact that he is afraid and doesn't understand the big C, so avoidance is his easiest answer.

or i might be completely full of shit. either way, i'm sorry to hear that.

That sounds about right. Brianna is intriguing.

should I go after the disability thing? you know, if he found a guy in a wheelchair 'upsetting" that would be just too damn bad. you can't kick someone out for having CA.

on the other hand, i really don't want to antagonize the guy. english IS my major (or, at least, it was). *sadface*

He can't be thinking rationally, to have told you what he did. You go for nutjobs.

truer words were never spoken (or keyboarded)

ok, stop and take a breath.

do you think he kicked you out because he doesn't "like" people with cancer? or is it possible, albeit strange that he might genuinely be having an emotional reaction here.
I personally wouldn't go the disability route because I would want to explore all other options first.

Mmmmmm....they may all be right...(cellar members)


But I think he needs the shit kicked out of him and at minimum a lawsuit. That pisses me off.

yeah, it might be an emotional reaction. his emotional reaction has just cost me my financial aid package, though and he KNOWS this. you know---i must have been mafi in my previous life for all this payback.

I just did my Freezer Spell, though, and I feel a bit better. It's truly, TRULY his loss coz my paper was gonna be excellent.

I would start with the dean of the department. If there is more hem-hawing around, go to VP of whatever (student services, education...they're different at every school.)

I just don't like the way this sounds, Bri. In this day and age where accomodations are made for all sorts of personal issues I find it hard to believe that he can just say you're affecting the class. He has issues with CA? Tough shit, fella...you're going to have to learn to deal with that.

As someone who works in higher education, I'm amazed that this happened. If he has any "real" grounds let him convince some of his higher-ups. Often I see professors who see themselves as infallible and godlike. We know this is not usually true! At the very least, he may have to examine his own issues and the role he is supposed to play.

Oh, and it effed up your aid? No no no, girl. Fight this. That shit will hang over your head; by law all outstanding debts to a college must be reported to the Attorney General in a certain time frame. Not to mention the effect it may have on any future attempts at aid. Things can be done for extreme circumstances. Please look at your options.

I have no experience with this, but I can't believe that a prof can kick you out of a class for no plausable reason. I know you are emotionally drained, but you must look into getting this fixed. I am not familiar with the options you have to begin an investigation, but you need to at least file a complaint and get to the bottom of this.

This is unexcusable, no matter what. What a shithead. Good luck!

I was poised to recommend just that when I read the first half of your post... but, you probably have little recourse if you're auditing. If you've paid an audit fee, he probably has to let you come to the course, or they have to give you the fee back--and most places give individual instructors wide latitude as to whether they will take auditors. (He's definitely within his rights to not grade your paper, I'm afraid.)

If you didn't pay an auditing fee, I'm afraid the official ranks of the administration will probably say you shouldn't be in the class anyways.

This sucks sucks sucks.. you might speak to someone in disabled student services... but if you're not registered for credit, my guess is they won't be able to do much.

the thing is---i LIKE this guy AND I don't want to alienate the entire dept. by being a bitch. (bitch is the right word for 'assertive woman who refuses to be treated like dirt', right?) I WANT his approval. I also asked my professor with the tiny dick to write him an email telling him how important it is to my health to have something to take my mind off the whole illness thing (which this other, kick-me-out professor KNOWS as we've talked about it) so we shall see if professor one (tiny) can convince professor two (only his wife knows) of my merit as a student. I can't believe this is my life. Mafia or possibly Judas Iscariot in previous life.

SD--as of now I am a registered student, not audited, not withdrawan. I understand he can't grade the paper--but he's the one who said 'coffee' not me.

Christ on a bike Bri, what an absolute bodyblow.

Do you have a pastoral tutor? Someone who is there to assist with advice etc on the overall course rather than specific modules? (Personal Tutor) If so I would advise having a chat with them and exploring your options on the whole situation: the possibility of taking a break from uni and picking it back up at a later stage and whether or not the financial aid would also pick back up, stuff like that. Talking to the Dean also sounds like a good idea.

The fact he suggested you and he may wish to discuss the paper over coffee makes me think he's become emotionally engaged with you and this may be why it's affecting his teaching.....well, that is his issue to deal with, not yours. If he can't successfully separate his emotional responses from his professional conduct then he's not much of a professional is he? I would suggest when you talk to the dean that you mention that bit also, because it runs uncomfortably close to the sexual harrassment slope.

If, as he seems to believe, he is so fucking emotionally affected by this, it's funny he's not remotely emotionally affected by the thought of you having to cope with all this and being broke on top of it. Shallow. Arrogant. Unprofessional. Fuck.

I love you, dana. thanks---you're completely right---I SOBBED when i told him class was the only thing I had (which is true) and he was adamant. I should leave. what a jerk. I'm always misjudging people. It's amazing I've made it thus far. I should've been a victim of a serial killer long ago.

So if you don't withdraw, he'll fail you and make you WISH you'd withdrawn? Grrrr....

If that weren't the case, I'd tell him to kiss my royal ass. And to deal with his neuroses on his own damn time.

Stormie

OMG - what a jerk. I would've just told him "I'm so sorry that ME having cancer is such a BURDEN on YOU!"

I'm so sorry that you are getting treated like this.

Whoa! ok, that changes things. I was under the impression that you were just chilling in his class for the love of learning while waiting to regain your health before becoming an official student again. I wouldn't go immediately for the WMD's (lawsuit, formal complaint) just yet, but it cannot hurt to sit down and calmly discuss this with him one more time. If that doesn't work, move up the chain in his dept, all the time using your best "let's be friends" demeanor - remember this is a dept that you will be an official member of again in the near future. At some point along the way you will find someone who can look at it logically.

Sorry, that you have to deal with it all though.

Does your place have an ombudsman? They are supposed to resolve these types of issues.

And if not resolved to your satisfaction, go ahead and sue their ivory-towered asses!

It was under HIS guidance that she started auditing.

They can too do much. They won't if you don't push it. It's inexcusable, and I can tell you without a doubt if our VP of Student Services got wind of she would find out what the hell is going on.

As I said: things CAN be done, concessions CAN be made.

But what do I know?

Oh gee. I have so much compassion for him. Poor thing. He's being emotionally effected...So what manipulative fuck trip is this? I don't think you want to sign on for it. I think you should emotionally distance yourself and take another look at the situation.

Bri- If it were me in your place what would you say?


Go to the first post, read it again as if it were, say me, or Sundae, or anyone else but you writing it.....

What would you say to them?

Bri, whatever you decide to do about the class, DO NOT let them take away your financial aid over this. Talk to the dean. Explain that you're even willing to not alienate/bitch/sue over the whole thing, but that financially penalizing you because of his issues is not acceptable.

Clodfobble Gives sound advice
 

Here's the thing: the FA dept may be following the fed regulations involving that particular situation. There is very little leeway as far as changing FA regs: the way to circumvent the issue is to get the registration, or whatever, changed.

This is from someone who actually works in Student Services. There ARE things that can be done...but decisions to cancel or not cancel any federal or state based funds is basically out of the hands of those who administer those programs. The tweaking must come with dates used for drops, refund periods, etc. Auditors will not go along with "we let her keep her aid because we felt she deserved it." Audits happen every year. A bad audit leads to a program review by the feds. A bad program review can lead to the institution losing its right to participate in Title IV programs. If she keeps aid because the administrators, such as registrar, in other areas were able to make concessions based on that situation (and there ARE appeals that can accomplish this)...that is OK to do.

Unless it is institution based aid (which it might be, I don't know) a school cannot just decide to pull your aid any more than they can decide to give you extra. There is no gray in these areas. It is what it is. It ain't always great. I still think you should contact a rep in Student SErvices. That is what we (they) are here for.

They can fail you for not going to enough classes, but they can't fail you because you have cancer.

If he's asked you to leave class because you have cancer, regardless of how he put it in his pussy footing baby arsed way, what he's trying to do is illegal.

Speak to someone who can defend you on this properly if he's not willing to reconsider his assertions.

...it's not really my place to comment here, but I'm gonna do it anyway, because I can't mind my own business.

An individual professor has the right to fail you, but certainly NOT kick you out of class. I had some medical issues myself when I was a full-time student a few years back, and I found that meeting with the Dean was really helpful; my Dean did everything within his power to help me out when I had difficulties getting to all my classes.

I must agree with lookout and everyone else who has said that it sounds like your professor has gotten attached to you, but it's absolutely 100% true that his attachment to you should in no way affect your education. There are a lot of issues at work here, but that one should be pretty clear--or else his professional reputation is at stake. I think everyone's right. Petition with him one more time and explain your desire to remain in the class. If he still insists that you withdraw, take it to the Dean. I wouldn't even mention the "coffee" comment, since that isn't ultimately the issue, and it will only get your Professor in trouble.

Best of luck to you. I've been lurking here for quite a while, and I just want to tell you that my thoughts are with you.

O.K. I didn't read all the posts, I'm pissed off. The MAN needs to grow a nutsack, and get over his "emotions" and do the right thing. The right thing being teaching the class he said he would.

so sucky. I'm tempted to suggest that you stand up in front of the class and make a scene. Oh, but you said you didn't want to antagonize him . . .

Seriously, look for an advocate and don't give up. Bureaucracy is a bitch.

It totally sucks, but:

::dons cellar-wrath-proof-armor::

Did he mention it was your cancer that was causing him the emotional distress? You didn't say that.

He's your favorite prof. You like him as a man, too. I suspect this is the guy you've mentioned before. You cried when he asked you to withdraw and said that it's "all you have". (That may be true, although I suspect you have many other things too, but either way, it's a helluva package to hand someone who'd just trying to do their job).

You are auditing the course, but asking him to make exceptions and grade your paper.

You almost read "date" into a discussion over a cup of coffee. I never went to a supervision in the UK that didn't involve a cup of coffee and we're a nation of tea-drinkers. it's a universal safe phrase -in most circumstances.

Maybe he did mean "date" by the cup of coffee. You like him as a man, if he likes you, you can't be his student if it's going to progress.

I sucks to hell and back, but maybe he has a point. You're clearly pretty emotionally dependant on him and this link to normality in what is currently a completely fucked-up world for you. None of that is wrong or abnormal, but it's a HUGE thing for you to ask him to deal with professionally. And if he fancies you too, it's even huger.

It totally totally sucky, but probably the best course for him if not you both. For sure take it further if you think you have a case -I think Shawnee's advice is awesome, but just be truly aware of what you are getting into. Is it really the cancer at the root of this, or something more ....ahem...personal? If it's the former, go for it with guns blazing. If maybe there's even a hint of the latter, be careful and decide what your absolute optimal outcome is before opening fire.

Oh and -they're all right about the Financial aid thing -fight that loss tooth and nail -regardless of whether you choose to withdraw from the class of fight the prof. Separete issues. Totally. If he asked you to withdraw for emotional reasons, that has nothing to do with eligability for Financial Aid.

Slip some chemo in his coffee.

Dazza dated students once or twice. It's completely above board over here as long as the lecturer/tutor states what's going on and the students papers are subject to review if anyone queries the grading.

I think things are slightly different when it comes to uni etc. It's not the same as school.

I didn't read all of this either, so I'm sure I missed something...but...

This isn't the same fuckwit you were doing in the past, is it?

No, see post 16.

There is that one glaring truth among a paragraph of consessions.

Bri,
Refusing to be treated like this dosn't make you a bitch. It makes you a strong human. You have the right to be treated with dignity and no you don't want to settle for a push and a wink regardless of what your lying heart is telling you. Go with the gut.

Monster--I am NOT currently auditing the class. I've never audited a class and I only asked if that includes grading my paper or do I even need to write one. I wasn't saying, "I"m auditing but I expect special treatment and for you to go against rules and grade my paper." I don't know if its my cancer that is bothering him or something else--he didn't specify. He just said he's emotionally involved and it's effecting his teaching-"Making it difficult to teach my class," is what he said. He has been very kind to me in the past and has said i am one of his favorite students. I don't want to go into this with guns blazing---I just want the right to be in a class I paid for.

Sorry Bri, I obviously got confused. If you paid to attend this class then you are fully entitled to take it unless you are physically disrupting the class. You should persue it, and you should be able to do it without all guns blazing. I would assume (but it's not like I've never been wrong) that the "disability" services are able to deal with such things discretely -it's bad enough having an extra battle to fight without being made an example of. Good luck, I'm sorry, I'm about as much use as a chocolate teapot, and when I tried to look at it from the other side I only succeeded in pissing you off. I just find it incredible that he could behave like that. I'm sorry, again. I'll STFU now.

no worries--i just wanted to be clear that i never have asked for special favors from any prof---ever. I know a lot of whiney students who think the world revolves around them but I am truly not one of them--the rules are laid down and I go by them--if I miss class and am docked, I don't come mewling with some damn story or other---I take my lumps. I like the chocolate teapot idea, though!

he asked you to leave?

say no.

Yeah, but how uncomfortable would that be, sitting in a class with a prof giving you the evil eye, staring daggers, what have you. If I'm not wanted, I either litagate or cry. In this instance, I cried (with lots of snot) and he was NOT MOVED.

THEN FUCK HIM. and i don't mean fuck him.

He is an asshole - sit in the class YOU PAID for and let him TEACH. Don't let him make you leave - that just justifies his assholiness and he'll do it again. Screw him, if you aren't gonna go to battle with guns blazin - let him squirm - not you.

Oops, when you said "we had agreed that I would audit the course" I thought you meant you were already auditing it. Never mind.

Nail him.

Yeah, that's what I read too. I agree. Don't let him get away with it. Don't let him make you feel like the bad guy. Oops, I promised to shut up. sorry.

You're doing it again.....

looking for love in all the wrong places.
Looking for love in too many faces.
Searching their eyes, looking for traces
of what I'm dreaming of.

Eliciting desire, or even empathy, is not validation of worth.
You and I, know you're smart, capable and sexy... you don't need that cock's approval. Make 'em do the right thing.

I'm back in love with bruce.

why-o-why doesn't he live in OHIO?

Then I'd be fightin' you for him, Bri. ;)

Let us know what path you take and how it works out.

I would just hate to see you lose so much because of his hang-ups and your desire to not make waves (which is understandable...you're going through enough.) Hang in there!

I wrote him an email: here it is:


Dear ------

I haven't been able to sleep since you've asked me to leave your
class. I don't know what I have done (other than being an inattentive
student on Thursday but everyone has bad days now and again). Is it my
cancer that is bothering you--the other students? I've tried to be as
normal as possible; not call attention to myself. I was so looking
forward to the Plath study; Dr. -------, I just don't know what to say
to you to convince you that I won't be any trouble to you, that I will
simply come and go to class if you'll allow it and I won't be emotional-
--if I am I will just stay home.

Dr.----- did write an email on my behalf and I apologize if you
think that presumptuous but he offered to do it and my desperation made
me accept. I think that at the very least I deserve an explanation as
to why I am being asked to leave. When there are students in much more
dire straights than I who attend classes with nary a glance, I find my
cancer to be small potatoes!!

My desire is not to alienate you further and I sincerely hope you are
not offened by this missive---I am half afraid to send it, but
discretion being the better part of valor is not my family motto.
(sadly).


Sincerely,
C------

It's the being "asked to" leave part I don't get. If he's asking, don't leave.

Personally, I would get him to "ask you" to leave, in writing (if he hasn't already). Let him go on record with this silly business.

that's what I'm sayn' yo.

Why do you care if you offend him? He has already been more offensive and insensitive than any human should ever be. Fuck him and the tenure he rode in on. Seriously.

he DID ask me to leave in writing: Yo:

Hi, Claudette --

I didn't mind the letter from Dr------ Plainly, he thinks very
highly of you, as do I.

But I am still absolutely convinced that you should not come to class
this term. You must wait. I have to keep in mind the welfare of my
entire class, and I cannot teach effectively if you are upset, and I am
upset.

J-----

This sounds like it's in reference to something specific. Did you have a breakdown in class or something that set off this whole thing?


(You missed a name edit in your first paragraph, BTW.)

I don't get it either.

No, I wasn't emotional. I just sat there, elbow on table, head down looking a my paper--no outburst. If I had HAD an outburst I would tell you all. what name did I not edit? I went thru and can't find it----oh, thanks, bruce. how stupid of me!

People, even intelligent, educated, ones, have strange reactions to people with cancer some times. They act like it's cooties.

Brianna is a flirt, partially conscious, partially subconscious. It's her personality, just part of how, and who, she is.

The prof thought maybe he'd get some, maybe even heard that "little dick" got some, and now is disappointed that she got sick. It ruined his fantasy, which is an important perk for profs, and he wants her out of his life, until she's fantasy material again.