Mutual Break Up
 

Just went through it. It was a bit over due. We just realized, we'd kind of been forcing it for a while, and right now we'd make much better friends than a couple. A relationship is not appropriate right now. But the thing is, I will still see her all the time, and next year we are still going to be active in the club at school we're in, hopefully at the officer position! I know she'll still be my best friend--for a while at least--so I have to move on but keep her in my life as a friend. Just that.

I haven't been single in over three years, and she was my first girlfriend ever! I have no game, I don't know how to be single. Suggestions for: Moving on? Sexual tension? Playing the game? Not getting back together? 20 year old needs help!

You don't need as much help as you think you do Fresh.
You've made a mature and emotionally sensible decision. All you need to do in the immediate future is let the dust settle. This isn't Hollywood, you don't need to finish one relationship and immediately start another.

It might feel peculiar at first, you might end up calling her and get the cold shoulder or she will call you and you won't want to talk, but you'll work it out between you.

In the mean time make time for yourself. Do things she wouldn't have wanted to do. See people perhaps she didn't like to see. And DO THINGS ON YOUR OWN. It's incredibly liberating to have the experience of eating a dinner alone, seeing a movie alone, going to a new place shopping alone. I don't recommend it long term, but if you do it now it won't seem so daunting if you're ever thrown on your own devices again in future.

if you sit on your left hand until it becomes numb, and use that, holding it backwards, it will feel like someone else is doing it.

That's called "The Stranger" ...

::cries laughing::

fukking awesome!

stolen from dave chapelle...

cuz he's the first guy you heard say that.

Just chill, Fresh. If you think you just need a lay in a bit, go for it. Time alone? Cool. Don't make any decisions right away...just be.

...as Lil Jon. :)

Just like your cultural identity, yo.

Don't worry about those two, they are immature fiends who live for forum ridiculing. Quite annoying, to people who enjoy quality posts. Flint's sanity has been questioned here recently too.

Just focus on the things that made you decide to break up. That will be the best way to help you move on. Don't think about getting back together, it will only weaken you emotionally and lead you in a vicious cycle with her. I wouldn't do this "best friend" gig, you need time to be away from her, limited contact. Time for yourself, do the things you want to do, be the person you want to be, not what she wanted you to be. Single life is an amazing world that you have to discover for yourself. Moving on is the healthiest thing you can do for yourself. You guys can become real friends again only if you are truly over her. You owe it to yourself.

I feel for you fresh.

Hang tough.

oh hey....the judgmental humorless bleeding heart know it all but-in-sky society called.... apparently you've got their attitude, and they want it back.

so yeah

I'm doing good with getting over my X, things are on the up and up. Not completely over but I'm doing very well, moving on great, but there's this weird thing...
I keep checking her out every time I see her which is so weird because I don't consciously remember checking her out when we were together. Is this normal?

How come my first thought of seeing her in summer clothes is "dayuuuuum" !!!

already hitting that = bored with it

cannot have = inflamed desire

Wow - ain't that the truth! We all want what we can't have - like me and cigarettes or your ex (not that I want her) but anything really. Its just natural to desire that which is forbidden...

That's what got me into a damaging yo-yo relationship with my ex. We both fancied eachother rotten, were quite possessive and both highly sexed. So we split up, thought they were with someone else, freaked out, got together, remembered it didn't work, split up, thought they were interested in someone, had sex, remembered we didn't get along... repeat ad nauseum. For 7 years.

Check her out, but don't take it any further. You had your chance, time to move on now.

Or, shag her rotten, but in the middle, call her by her roommates name. Then, she'll take care of the "never getting back together again" part for you!

You don't know what you got til it's gone.
You want most what you can't have.

P.S. Sex withdrawal sucks too, if you suck at one night stands or being a man slut. Or any type of slut.

Not into one night stands - at all.... not a man slut - at all....

Bummer.

That is normal.

Do you guys enjoy hearing all of this college drama? Is real life (real life I mean pay bills, 35-50, rear kids, take care of aging parents) drama comparable to college/high school drama? I think there's a big difference between high school and college.

Anyway, so continues the saga of this thread.
So since we broke up, about 2 weeks later there's this guy we both know. A mutual "friend" though heavy acquaintance is more accurate, for me at least. Well I started getting the impression he was making a move in. And since we just ended a 3+ year relationship I find this VERY inappropriate. So I told her yo this dude is trying to get at you and told him to yo dude fucking chill, she was like "no he's not, seriously he's not" and he was like "dude I respect man law I would never do that ok?" She said "I'm not trying to get with anyone either, ok? I have no feelings for him, I told him that."

So I believed this. I mean we had a 3 year relationship built on trust and love, and I still cared for her so I let it be. But for movie purposes, just a couple of days ago she tells me she and him are together. What a naive retard I am. I'm not mad because it's him, or because she got a new boyfriend. I'm mad because I got fucking played, fucking tricked, straight up lied to and disrespected. I knew she'd get a new boyfriend, she's an attractive girl. The dude (whom I think is ugly as fuck and she can do better) isn't even really the problem either, it's just his fucking no respect timing that burns my blood. And for them to both deny anything going to happen and nothing is going on and then for it to materialize not even a month after denying it. SHIT SON. So yeah I call her a slut on a regular basis when I refer to her and him a douchebag. So yeah, what was a cool-mutual-supposed-to-be-very good-friends-end-of-the-relationship-deal, has now turned into an ugly movie drama.

Some people man. Fuck.

Dammit...another dwellar I cant sleep with

Fresh you're not going to want to hear this, but...

Deep breath.

It is not up to you to dictate who falls for whom.
You are NOT with your ex any more. Having a new boyfriend does not make her a slut. If she was lying down with every man who walked past and had cum dripping down her legs onto the sidewalk you might be justified in using that word, but she is not and you are not.

I doubt they were intending to lie to you when they denied anything happening - they were probably denying it to themselves at the time. And after all, your reaction is no doubt one of the reasons they continued to deny it.

I know your feelings have been hurt. But this is not about you.
I am truly sorry they have been hurt though, and as a situation it does suck. Still, you'll never feel worse about it than you do now - things can only get better.

Oh and the drama does decrease as you get older. Partly because you stop seeing every situation only from the inside. Many of the dramas of youth are self-inflicted and you just don't have the energy as you get older!

Well for some people the drama decreases. There are heaps of people who thrive on drama their whole lives. ;)

It's an interesting blast-from-the-past, for one thing. We all went through it, and it's good to remember what it used to be like. Also, you do a pretty good job of taking advice when you ask for it, so people like getting to impart their wisdom. :)

The drama does decrease for most people, but a lot of it just becomes different drama with more serious consequences. Instead of an ex-girlfriend who starts dating someone else, it's an ex-wife who gets re-married and tells the kids to call him "dad," or a coworker who gets you reprimanded for something they fucked up, or a mother-in-law who won't shut up about how you're raising the kids all wrong... But like Sundae said, one of the big differences is how you react to these things. You just get too tired to care as much. It's not drama if you shrug it off.

And yeah, about your current situation: you're way overreacting. She didn't cheat on you, and she's not under some obligation to "mourn" you for some period of time. Try to keep in mind that they're not pretending to like each other just to piss you off--it's not about you. It's perfectly fair for you to have your feelings hurt, many people would, but you don't get to expect things from either of them, and calling them names only makes you look bad.

Go on a date with someone new. You'll feel much better. :)

IIRC you really wanted to control her when you were in the relationship.

Now that you're out, you still do.

Yo! Over here! I mean, I already feel like I have a deep and abiding relationship with you, so its time to consumate, already. :D

Long hard road ahead for you I fear, long hard road....

Fresh, you need to get over yourself a little.

As mentioned, its not about you, as you said..."heavy acquaintance"...there's no man law here.

You didnt get played, you carried on at both of them, so they went on the defensive because you over reacted.

I have to thoroughly agree with Clodfobble, its different drama when you are older and you are more likely to say *fuckit* and keep worrying about the bigger picture...rather than the details.

Please dont feel like a victim here, with the ex situation and the advice you are being given.

I'm sorry you are hurting.

I will try, dwellars. Thanks.
Let me just say this: relationships suck.
=)
I haven't been single in 3+ years, gonna go get my groove on in the heart of my college career, booyakasha.
Well, at least try.

Better now than when you're 40+

Think of it this way - you are still young and have your whole life ahead of you. Live it man - she did you a favor - I know you don't see that yet, but soon you will - open up to the possibilities of, well ...
"better".

What he said. And you will be surprised at how good your next catch will be. 10 years after that you will be saying how lucky you were to not have hooked up with the first one.

Those are the good ones. Bad ones have no benefits. ;)

Sure they do. They teach you what you don't want in the next one.:D