E-mail Idiots on Parade
 

I'm going to start posting some of the witty spam that comes along my way. Feel free to post your own.

--
From: (name)
Tel: (number).

Attn: PRESIDENT / DIRECTOR

CONFIDENTIAL

Dear Sir,

I am (name) the only daughter of late former Director of finance,(name) Sierra-Leone diamond and mining corporation. I must confess my agitation is real, and my words is
my bond, in this proposal. My late father diverted this money meant for purchase of ammunition, for my country, during the peak of disastrous civil war in my country, now he has
deposited the money with (bank and city), where I am
residing under political asylum with my mother (name) and younger brother.

Now the war in my country is over with the help of ECOMOG soldiers, the present government of Sierra Leone has revoked the passport of all officers who served under the former regime and now ask countries to expel such person at the same time freeze their account and confiscate their asset, it is on this note
that I am contacting you, all I needed from you is to furnish me with your bank particulars:

1) Account name
2) Account number
3) Bank address, telephone and fax number
For you to assist me transfer this money in your private bank account, the said amount is (Twenty seven Million Dollars) $27 Million.
I am compensating you with 15 % of the total money amount, now all my hope is banked on you and I really wants to invest this money in your country, were their is stability of Government, political and economic welfare.

Honestly I want you to believe that this transaction is real and never a joke. My late father (name) gave me the photocopies of the certificate of deposit issued to me by (bank) on the date of deposit, for you to be clarify because, I do not expose my self to anybody I see, I believe that you are able to keep this transaction secret for me because this money is
the hope of our life, it is important.

Please call me immediately after you must have gone through my message fill free and make it urgent. That is the reason why I offered you 15 % of the total money amount, and in case of any other necessary expenses you might incur during this transaction.

N.B Try and negotiate for us some profitable blue chip investment opportunities which is risky free which I can invest with this money when it is transferred to your account, personally I am interested in estate management and hotel business, please advise me.

Call me back immediately you receive this message for more explanation.And promisse me my younger brother and our mother to be a father considering our situation and not to betray us.

Thanks and God bless
Best regards

(name) TEL: (number).
NB: my late father used my brother the only son as the beneficiary / next of kin on the day of deposit and also told me I need a foreign assistance of a foreigner with a legitimate bank Account abroad who will stand as co-beneficiary and partner abroad.
--

Sycamore sez: "Look stupid ass, if you're going to send me spam like this, at least learn how to write in decent English."

Wow...two in one night!

--
(name)
Confidential Tel :++ (number)
Confidential Fax:++ (number)
Office Tel ++ (number)
Email Add: (address)

Dear Sir,

STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL & URGENT.

I am (name), a native of Cape Town in South Africa and I am an Executive Accountant with the South Africa Department of Mining & Natural Resources. First and foremost, I apologized using this medium to reach you for a transaction/business of this magnitude, but this is due to confidentiality and prompt access reposed on this medium. Be informed that a member of the South Africa Export Promotion Council (SEPC) who was at the government delegation to your country during a trade exhibition gave your enviable credentials/particulars to me.

I have decided to seek a confidential co-operation with you in the execution of the deal described hereunder for the benefit of all parties and hope you will keep it as a top secret because of the
nature of this transaction. Within the Department of Mining & Natural Resources where I work as an Executive Accountant and with the cooperation of four other top officials, we have in our
possession as overdue payment bills totaling Eighteen Million, Five Hundred Thousand U. S. Dollars (US$18,500,000.00) which we want to transfer abroad with the assistance and
cooperation of a foreign company/individual to receive the said fund on our behalf or a reliable foreign non-company account to receive such funds. More so, we are handicapped in the
circumstances, as the South Africa Civil Service Code of Conduct does not allow us to operate offshore account hence your importance in the whole transaction.

This amount (US$18.5m) represents the balance of the total contract value executed on behalf of my Department by a foreign contracting firm, which we the officials over-invoiced deliberately.
Though the actual contract cost have been paid to the original contractor, leaving the balance in the tune of the said amount which we have in principles gotten approval to remit by Telegraphic Transfer (T.T) to any foreign bank account you will provide by filing in an application through the Justice Ministry here in South Africa for the transfer of rights and privileges of the former contractor to you. I have the authority of my partners involved to propose that should you be willing to assist us in the transaction, your share of the sum will be 30% of the US$18.5 million, 60% for us and 10% for taxation and miscellaneous expenses. The business itself is 100% safe, on your part provided you treat it with utmost secrecy and confidentiality. Also your area of specialization is not a hindra!nce to the successful execution of this transaction.

I have reposed my confidence in you and hope that you will not disappoint me. Endeavor to contact me immediately through my above tel/fax number or my e-mail address (address), whether or not you are interested in this deal. If you are not, it will enable me contact other another Foreign partner with recommendation to carry out this deal. I want to assure you that myself and my partners are in a position to make the payment of this claim
possible provided you can give us a very strong assurance and guarantee that our share will be secured and Please remember to treat this matter as very confidential matter; because we will not comprehend with any form of exposure as we are still in active Government Service and remember once again that time is of the essence in this business.

I wait in anticipation of your fullest co-operation. I am available to entertain any questions concerning the clarity of this transaction.

Yours faithfully,

(name)
--

Sycamore sez: "My enviable credentials? What? And only 10% for taxes...South African taxes must be really low."

dammit. i never get good spam. its always 'get a degree' this and 'lose weight now' that. no one ever offers to rob me blind.

~james

The spam has gotten more interesting since I bought my domain name 6 months ago.

(PLUG: Visit sycamoreland.com today! ;) )

I first got this as a spam fax at my old job in Maryland 2 years ago. The same setup, only the person was from Nigeria.

A couple from the Philadelphia area fell for a similar scam recently.

U N I V E R S I T Y . D I P L O M A S .

Do you want for a prosperous future, increased money earning power, and the respect of all?

We can assist with Diplomas from prestigious non-accredited universities based on your present knowledge and life experience.

No required tests, classes, books, or interviews.

Bachelors, masters, MBA, and doctorate (PhD) diplomas available in the field of your choice - that's right, you can become a Doctor, Lawyer or Accountant and receive all the benefits and admiration that comes with it!

No one is turned down!

Confidentiality assured - Change your Life Today!

you can call us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week! (including Sundays and holidays):

1 - 310 - 388 - 6087

I got that one when I worked in Maryland. We called the number one day for fun...IIRC, they tell you to send them $5 for a catalog or something.

So, what digree you got?

a batchelers in sikologie wif a miner in soshul werk :)

this may also fit in the Slothfulness thread
 

We are looking for 100 lazy people who want to make lots

of money without working....



We are not looking for people who are self-motivated.



We are not looking for people who join every 'get rich quick'

scheme offered on the Internet.



We are not looking for class presidents, beautiful people,

career builders or even college graduates. We don't even

want union workers or trade school graduates.



We want the laziest people that exist - the men and

women who expect to make money without lifting a

finger.



We want the people who have a hard time getting out

of bed before noon.



We want those of you who think that getting out of bed

to go lay on the couch is an effort that is best not thought

about.



If you meet this criteria, just click HERE and send
us an email. BE SURE TO TYPE IN THE

Subject Line the following words... "I do not want to work".

In fact, if you are so lazy that typing those words in the

Subject Line is too much of an effort, than just type

"work sucks" and we'll get the picture.



Either way, we will be absolutely certain that you are

the kind of person we want to be associated with and

we will make sure that you get the information

to bring you home with us.



In case you haven't figured it out yet, we want the kind

of people who DO NOT take risks. If you are the kind

of person who will consider doing something that's

NOT a 'Sure Thing', then do NOT respond. This is

too easy a way to make money and there's no

challenge in it.



If you can ever find the energy to make it to our website,

you will be able to see the first home business in history

that requires practically no work. NONE. By opting in

and asking for the link to our website, you will be telling

us that you want to make enough money that you can

quit your regular job and sleep all day, not to mention

some serious movie watching - if that's your thing



We are not looking for a commitment from you and we

don't even want your money at this stage.



As a matter of fact, we don't even want to hear from

you if the idea of making lots of money with very little

effort does not interest you. So my friend, this is the

first and last email we will ever send you. Just click

the link below and then go back to daydreaming or

whatever your current hobby is.



However, if nothing else, remember this - to make
money without working for it, just send an email with

the following words in the Subject Line: "I do not want

to work" by clicking on THIS LINK and we will email

you back with a link that gives you information on the

best of both worlds... a way to make money without

having to hardly even work.



Sweet Dreams,



Maxwell



To opt out of our mailing list please click on the

THIS LINK and you will be permanently taken

Off our list.

Gerber
 

This little gem is making the rounds again. mmmm somthin fer nothin....






A good friend sent this tome and I wanted to share it with you.

OK this is not an email joke. I am holding a piece of paper in my hand
and re typing this for all of you!!!! It came from a Doctor's office
Harry Alexanderian,M.D. 1010 Susq. Ave. W. Pittston Pa 18643



Do with it what you want.


Here goes. for any of you that want to cut, paste, and forward.



Gerber foods has lost a class action suit. Gerber claimed that their
foods were all natural but they were found to have preservatives. The
class action suites have been settled. This suit entitles every child
in the U.S. that was born between 1985 and 1997 to a $500.00 Savings
Bond. Gerber has no obligation to contact the parents or to send flyers
concerning this matter. If you have paper please get copies and send
them to your church, neighboring churches, relatives and friends. In
order to reserve this savings bond, you must send a copy of your child's
birth certificate and social security card. Make sure you send your
correct mailing address to the address below.

General Foods Distribution
P.O. Box 1602
Minneapolis. Minnesota


If you have questions, you can call:
Eva M. Jefferson
Family Community Specialist
(801) 736-9564

She is a representative from:
Pearl River Valley, Opportunity, Inc.
P.O. Box 1881
Columbia, Mississippi 32429-09564

Did you really retype all that? You da man!

That IS funny though.

A libertarian's dream? :)

--
Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, John Hancock, Samuel Adams...

These are just a few of the people who signed the original
Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776.

These people changed the world as we know it.

They were the voice of OUR United States Of America.

These are true American HEROES!

What did they stand for?

They were the voice to end the tyranny and excessive taxation of
the British Crown.

America declared it's independence from King George III
because of his excessive taxation and illegal measures he used to
enforce it.

Now, about OUR CURRENT United States of America...

Today, taxation and the illegal measures used to extract it are no
different than back then. In fact, the % of taxation is HIGHER
now than it was on July 4, 1776. That's right! Taxes are now
HIGHER than at the time of the revolution.

So what can you do about it?

LEARN all you can- Gather and research all the FREE information that is available.

There are many ways to reduce or even eliminate your voluntary
income tax. That's right - VOLUNTARY!

Don't believe it? Well, listen to a few experts on the subject:

"Our tax system is based on individual self assessment and
voluntary compliance." - 1975 Internal Revenue Audit Manual, Mortimer Caplin

"Not a nickel of what is collected goes to government services
people expect." - Grace Commission Report to President Reagan, 1984

"Thank you for making this nation's tax system the most
effective system of voluntary compliance in the world." - 1993 Internal Revenue 1040 booklet, Margaret Richardson

"Your income tax is 100% voluntary, your liquor tax is 100%
enforced. Now the situation is as different as day and night."
- Head of IRS Alcohol and Tobacco Division, William Avis

· INDIVIDUAL INCOME TAXES ARE VOLUNTARY!

· LEARN TO LEGALLY UNVOLUNTEER!

· STOP YOUR EMPLOYER FROM WITHHOLDING!

· KEEP 100% OF YOUR PAYCHECK!

· LAWFULLY REFUSE AN IRS AUDIT!

· LAWFULLY EXERCISE YOUR RIGHT TO PRIVACY!

· LEARN THE TRUTH THAT THE GOVERNMENT HAS HIDDEN FROM YOU!

Our goal is to educate you with FACTS and SOLUTIONS to
"Lawfully and Ethically Never Pay Federal Income Tax!"

We have LIVE calls where you can hear Tax Professionals
educate and explain how you DO NOT OWE and ARE NOT
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By filling out the contact form, one of our associates will call to
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Depending on how you answer the questions, you will be given
the telephone number to access this incredible information.

HELP US HELP YOU BECOME TAX-FREE.

Please give yourself the gift of KNOWLEDGE.

You don't have to sign a Declaration of Independence, just fill
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Tell Me More

After learning more, you just may want to sign a declaration!

Be sure to ask about our reseller program. We are currently
experiencing rapid growth and in search of quality individuals.

These folks have followed me for 3 years in 3 different cities. The e-mail is verbatim.

--
Dear [firstname] [lastname],

We selected your resume posted on Monster.com. We have opportunities in Marketing, Sales and
Management. We are PFS/Citigroup, the largest financial services company in the world with over
1 Trillion dollars in assets. We require no prior experience in our field.

Primerica is a member of Citigroup and offers financial solutions to families like yours and mine. If
you are seeking an exciting career change we would like to talk with you about building a
rewarding business based on helping others to become debt free and financially independent.

Using a diagnostic tool called the Financial Needs Analysis, you will identify financial concerns and
help clients determine how to structure their finances to achieve their goals and dreams.

In addition to helping families, our company is expanding and we are seeking qualified individuals
to join our business. The Primerica business opportunity can work for you full time or part time.
Many people are interested in making a career change. Many others (at least in the beginning) just
want a great extra income opportunity to fulfill a specific need.

When you are in business with Primerica, you have access to the support system of an
entrepreneurs dream! You will work with a company heralded around the globe as a financial
powerhouse and have the support of high-tech, high-touch solutions designed to propel your
business forward.

As part of our national and international expansion efforts, we are conducting corporate overviews
around the world. If there is a mutual interest you will be invited to apply to work with our
company. We would like to invite you to attend one of our next overviews, which will take place
on June 25th, 26th and 29th. Please choose the one that is more convenient for you.

1- Tuesday, June 25th at 7:00 PM
2- Wednesday, June 26th at 12 PM
3- Saturday, June 29th at 1 PM

The Corporate Overviews will take place at the Primerica Financial Services office, One Bala
Plaza (West Tower) Suite 625, Bala Cynwyd, PA 19004. Phone # (610) 668-6388

Please visit our site at www.primerica.com. After reviewing our site thoroughly, feel free to email
us at Citigroup101@aol.com to reserve your seat for one of these exciting career events.

We look forward to meeting with you.

Cordially,

Jon Lavin
Senior National Sales Director (SNSD)
PFS / Citigroup

Ha, I hope its clear that someone else did me this huge favor of wasting her time re-typing that, wise guy. The first time I saw this it was a fax memo with some really cheesey Gerber graphics that a mom I know was handing out. I've gotten a couple variations of the Afri-scam, I guess its been pretty successful. Yah gotta love the phoney degree game, classic. Don't tell me you guys are still voluntarily submitting to the unconstitutional income tax, who is the sucker here? ;)

Griff, I wasn't sure. :)

I got this in response to a resume I sent. I hate when automated replies are sent in Word format, b/c I don't have it at home. Luckily, I have it here at work.

There's nothing special about this, except I found the misspelling in it to be funny.

--
June 25, 2002

Thank you for the interest you have expressed in our Client Service Speciallst opening.

We will consider your resume closely. If you are not contacted in the next few weeks your resume will be retained for a six-month period, during this period we will contact you in the event our employment needs extend.

We appreciate your interest in our company and wish you success in your search for a suitable career position.

Sincerely,
Colleen Walls
Director of Human Resources

Heh heh, they don't need any office help, do they?

Subject from a recent piece of spam: "Make Money Sitting on your Butt !!!!"

My reply: "I already do. I sit for 7 or so hours a day doing my job." :)

Since registering my domain name, I've been getting a lot of e-mail from Taiwan. The subject of the most recent one:

BAR¦¨¤H¼v*µ¤¤¤ß¤»¤ë·s¼W³qª¾ @@¨C¤ù¤@«ß40¤¸@@

:)

Usually, I delete these before they open. Sometimes, I'll wind up opening them...most of the time I can never read them, since they are in Chinese. But I happened to open this one (to see if it looked like the subject line above), and it had a naked woman...god, I hope it wasn't an underage girl. :(

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Today's interesting subject line: "Your a winner," then some b.s. about getting a loan.

Sycamore sez: "Thank you. I do real well job."

This is too funny.

Subject: Ralph Waldo Emerson
Date: Thu, 04 Jul 2002 14:58:36 -0400
From: idiot@stoopnagel.com

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To Claim Your 30 Day Trial Offer.. Go To:

http://www.hebalist.com/?id=625

Oh shit...this African scam is getting better and better.

URGENT AND CONFIDENTIAL

ATTN: MANAGING DIRECTOR/C.E.O

DR. AMIR YUNZER (this is for you, Mike :) )

LAGOS - NIGERIA


REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

I will advise that you read thoroughly and carefully, through this mail.

This transaction is highly confidential and 100% risk free. It should be strictly between you and me.Note clearly that this transaction has been well planned and masterminded by my colleagues and I. We have followed all the required official contract award/payment procedures, and all documents to facilitate the smooth conclusion of this transaction are legitimate and officially in order. There is no problem, this contract is LEGAL. THIS TRANSACTION IS A BUSINESS DEAL BETWEEN YOU AND US, BUT IT IS LEGITIMATE AND GENUINE TO THE AUTHORITIES. I want to assure you that you have nothing to fear about, your main priority should be to give us your total co-operation, and follow our advice /instruction. You should consider this transaction as already successful & concluded. This transaction is for real, its no Childs play. As the Chairman of the Committee I hereby solicit strongly for your total co-operation and confidentiality, in this transaction and also hope that you will not betray the confidence that we have reposed on you, for you will benefit immensely from this transaction.

Please send us the following information's:

(a)company name and Beneficiary of account

(b) Your Personal TeL. Number and Fax Number

(c) Bank account/Sort/ABA/Routing numbers were the funds will be transfered to.

(d) Your Bankers Address, Telephone and Fax Number.

We need this information to enable us award the
contract in your name/company name and prepare letters of claim in your name/ company name as the N.N.P.C foreign sub-contractor and sole beneficiary to the contract payment and then forward it to the appropriate quarters for N.N.P.C payment approval before we now finally submit all the details to the Central Bank of Nigeria for processing of final payment approvals/remittance of the contract sum of US$21.5M into the bank account provided by you.

We have agreed to share the money thus:

1. 20% for the Account owner (you)

2. 70% for us (The officials)

3. 10% to be used in settling taxation and all
local and foreign expenses.

Consider this transaction as successful and completed for we have taken care of all modalities and official procedures involved legitimately and as required.

Note clearly that as top Government officials in Nigeria, occupying very sensitive top Government position we receive little salaries compared to our positions, and we are not allowed to operate Foreign Bank account. You will assist us to receive this money into your Bank account; our own share of the fund will be invested into a lucrative business in your country and part of it into Telecommunication in Japan. As soon as the fund is transferred into your Bank account, we will travel down to your country for disbursement according to the agreed percentage. Once more I want you to understand that this transaction is 100% risk free.

For security reasons , I will advise you reach me on my email address : (blockhead@toolbag.com) or the email box I used in sending you this letter and as time goes on I will give to you my personal phone number . Do not ever send any mail to any other e-mail address except these.

My colleagues and I are highly respected in our country. We have our reputation to protect. We will appreciate it that this transaction remains between ONLY YOU IN PERSON AND ME.Confidentiality should be our watchword. We appreciate all your efforts and look forward to a mutual business relationship with you, built on trust and co-operation in which we shall all benefit immensely from. I look forward to receiving your reply, along with your complete Bank account details and detailed information about your Company. Thanks for your co-operation, I await your quick reply today.

Yours faithfully,

Amir Yunzer.

Note, I will explain to you better when I hear from you.

--
Alright:

1) First, if you want to scam me, at least give me details, you pinhead.

2) Though I am the CEO of The Sycamore Group, that is merely in my head and in my own little world...how the hell did you find out?

3) If you keep babbling about how legit this shit is, the less likely I am to believe that it is.

4) Who wants to take bets on where the next one will come from? So far, we have South Africa, Sierra Leone, and Nigeria. I'm going to go with Gabon, Equatorial Guinea, or Ghana. :)

5) $10 says that this shit is now being propagated by good ol' US citizens.

6) Most people call this the Nigerian scam. That really sucks b/c I'm sure most Nigerians are good people. We have a growing Nigerian community here in Philadelphia that was featured in last week's Philadelphia Weekly.

Syc, you scumbag ... posting his private correspondence in the Cellar. You can't be trusted to keep this personalized spam confidential. ;)

Yeah, I need to watch out for the Nigerian mafia now. :)

So I get this e-mail the other day that looks like this:

From: Administrator
Subject: Re: Your Student Loans

Now I was pretty sure this was fake, but was curious, so I looked at it...sure enough, it was a stoopid fucking promo for consolidating student loans.

This makes me wonder though: Did I get that e-mail just for shits and grins (b/c I'm on some marketer's list), or do they actually KNOW that I have a student loan? And if the latter is the case, that would piss me off. I know that some states will sell your information to advertisers, but I didn't think the Feds would...and my loans are only from the government.

Strange...

The creativity never ceases to amaze me. :)

--
hi, i saw your profile and it sounded interesting, well it was more like a user profile than an ad so i couldn't tell if seeking a relationship or not, if it's a meeting your looking for so am i. i'd like to send a picture but i don't know how to do much on the computer so i can't send you one direct.i figured out a way to do it online, i had a friend help me put one on a personals site along with a full profile.

just go on down,take a look and if you like the way i look then i guess we can take the next step. the site is in the link below, i think you will like my profile cause it's kind of sexy, but don't worry it's not a porno site, ( what kind of girl do you think i am!! LOL!! ) it's just on the sexy side, and i used it because it's a little out of the way, which reduces the chances of people i know stumbling across it. well bye for now.

hope to talk soon,
jenifer342

www.threehornyhousewives.org

It appears I was wrong...another one from Nigeria. :)

--
Attn.,

First, I must solicit your strictest confidence in this transaction. This is by virtue of its nature as being utterly confidential and "top secret". We are top officials of the Federal
Government Contract Review Panel who are interested in importation of goods into our country with funds that are presently trapped in Nigeria. In order to commence this
business, we solicit your assistance to enable us transfer into your account the said-trapped funds.

The source of the fund is as follows: During the regime of the last Military transitional government of Gen. Abdulsalami Abubakar, government officials set up companies and awarded themselves contracts which were grossly over invoiced in various ministries. The present democratic government of President Olusegun Obasanjo set up the Contract Review Panel and we have identified a lot of inflated contract funds that are presently floating in the Central Bank of Nigeria ready for payment. However, by virtue of our position as civil servants and members of this panel, we cannot acquire this money in our names. I have therefore been delegated as a matter of trust by my colleagues in the panel, to look for an oversea partner into whose account we would transfer the sum of US$31,320,000.00 (Thirty-One Million, Three Hundred and Twenty thousand United States Dollars) in which we hope to use in purchasing Agro Allied equipment, and to enable us to own properties and invest in the stable economy of your country. Hence, we are sending you this email message. We have agreed to share the money thus:


1. 20% for the account owner (you)
2. 70% for us (the officials of the CRP)
3. 10% to be used in settling taxation and all local and foreign expenses.

Please acknowledge receipt of this message for proper briefing on the safe modality for the execution by strictly sending your aceptance to both emails accounts: stupidphuck11
@lycos.com and stupidphuck11@excite.com

Yours faithfully
Dr. Stu Pidass

NOTE: PLEASE QUOTE THIS REFERENCE NUMBER (RB/07/02) IN ALL YOUR REPONSE.

I swear this is exactly as it arrived.
 

Dear :

Your name was referred to me!

Work From Home using Mail Order or Internet
Put your Personal Computer to work for you!

Start your own in home business that works for you
While you are at work or asleep!

Earn an extra $500 to $3000 per month part time!

FREE Training! FREE Vacations!
We pay 30% higher than anyone else in our industry!

For details, please visit:

[url deleted so as not to give this asshole a free ad]

Start Making Money From Home!!!


Thank you.

Jason
2002-07-15

I've gotten one similar to that before. You Canadians get ripped off though...they offer us $5000 down here. ;)

The relatively new concept of giving away money
is called the Free Grant Giveaway Program.


No longer are Free Grants the domain of the privileged and choice few,
but now they can be awarded to everyday people like you.


These are genuine programs offering money to those candidates
that meet their eligibility criteria.
Everything in this announcement is perfectly legal
and the verifiable, honest truth.


See if you QUALIFY NOW!

Limited time offer!! Ends at MIDNIGHT!

The sender of spam I received yesterday: "The Answer"

A.I. is sending ME e-mail?! :)

From today:

"A review of your resume at Monster.com indicates that you may possess some of the skills, aptitudes, and/or experiences needed for success within our company. We are looking for a select number of qualified individuals who have the capability to become Supervisor Executives and have a genuine desire to be successful and wealthy. If you are interested in becoming a part of our team, please visit our website at: www.BecomeProsperous.com .

Please do not reply by email. We ask that you go to our website and download the information. We use this screening process to eliminate those candidates who are not serious or qualified to be part of our team."
--

Now then...

1) Download what? Am I supposed to blindly follow you, shit for brains?

2) I have no desire to be successful and wealthy...just unsuccessful and poor. :)

Apparently, A.I. is sending me e-mail again...


From: The Answer

To: sycamore

Subject: Friend, This should help...

That break you've been asking for all this time,
THIS IS IT!

http://www.crackwhore.com (not the real url)
Let me know what you think.

Finally! A new country on the African scam:

Dear Sir,
I am Jacques Strappe, the secretary of Commercial farmers
Union (CFUZ) of Zimbabwe. After the last general elections
in my country where the incumbent president Mr. Robert Mugabe
won the presidential election, the government has adopted a
very aggressive land reforms programme. This programme is
solely aimed at taking the land owned by white African farmers
for redistribution to black Africans. This programme has
attracted worldwide condemnation from world leaders including
British Prime Minister, Mr. Tony Blair and also forced several
white farmers to flee the country for fear of
victimization and physical abuse. A few weeks ago,
our headquarters in Harare was attacked and looted by
black protesters and in the process burnt down the whole building.
Fortunately, they did not get access to the huge funds kept
in the strong room which belongs to the co-operation.
This cash was kept at the secretariat rather than in the bank
for fear of seizure by the government. Now I have the funds
in my possession and would need to get it invested in a
viable business venture in europe.
The cash in question is US$46Million US$dollars.
Once I can get your commitment and sincerity of investing this
funds on our behalf then I would proceed to get the funds freighted to Europe,
where you would be required to pick it up for investment for us.
You do not have anything to worry about as I would undertake all
charges involved in freighting the funds to europe,
and the business proposal is 100% legal and risk free.
You would be adequately compensated for all your effort
once we have gotten the funds to europe.
Please get back to me if you can be of assistance
and I would want our correspondence to be via email as most
phone lines of white farmers are bugged by the government.
I expect 100% confidentiality and your prompt response to this
mail so as to proceed.
Kind regards,

Jacques Strappe.

Incidentally, I received a similar one Thursday from someone claiming to be the son of former Zaire dictator Mobutu Sese Seko. This Zimbabwe guy offers $10 million more though. :)

Bummer
 

Let me ask you this...which is worse:

A. The engine on your Lexus freezes up at 160,000 miles instead of 300,000. You take a financial hit and you are forced to buy a Camry this time.

B. You start bleeding during bowel movements. You go to the doctor and get poked, prodded, X-ray'd, biopsied, etc. 3 days later you get a call for a consultation. The doctor informs you that you have advanced colon cancer at 45 years old. You have anywhere from 6 months to 5 years left to live. He tells you it's time to get your house in order because you'll be checking out soon. Chemotherapy starts today.

A friend of mine who was a science and health researcher at the University of Chicago, just died this past year of colon cancer at 42. In the midst of the prime of his life, he said goodbye, and left his wife and child behind, wondering what just hit them.

Why do you brush your teeth? Are your teeth falling out right now? For most of us, we do it so we won't need false teeth and Fixodent down the road...right? We want to be able to eat apples. Hey, I agree with that. Natural teeth are great.

But have you ever seen someone who was forced to endure a colonectomy? Someone who now will be spending the rest of their life carrying a bag around?

Incredibly, this is an area where even the staunchest MD's AGREE with us!! Can you believe it? If they knew you had the greatest colon cleanse in the world, I bet they might even refer people to you. NO, I'm not kidding...

This subject is not even up for debate. It's a proven fact. The problem is, most people are not doing anything about it. Please don't be one of them.

****WARNING*****

The next section of this email contains graphic material which may not be suitable for squeamish individuals.

Let's talk stools.

The stool tells you a lot about your colon health. If it's dark brown in color, and it sinks, and it stinks, that's not good. And don't feel bad, that's the way most people are. What you want to see is light brown color, which means it's full of fresh bile from the liver, very mild odor, and a stool that floats. We're talking low-density here folks. The more compaction you have the darker the color and the faster it sinks. Compaction is not good. Also, moving bowels should be SIMPLE. If the veins are popping out of your neck and you feel like your doing the bench press, you NEED to cleanse your colon.

When you do the cleanse, for the first few days....things are a little weird. But you know you're cleansed when you see the above good stuff happening, and you are eliminating at least 2-3 times per day.

Cleansing your colon is a 30-day process. Its also very economical at under $50. You may be very surprised at some of the benefits you will receive besides just losing 1-5 lbs of cr*p from your body and brightening your future health.

People have reported more energy, less allergies, clearing of acne, cessation of migraines, and many other results, not to mention restored regularity. When your body is void of old, poisonous toxins that are constantly being reabsorbed through the colon walls, it can begin to heal again. And when the colon walls are clean, the good nutrients from your food and supplements can be absorbed again. You will be thrilled with the results.

At this point you are either nauseated thinking about what is inside your own colon, or you're ready to do something about cleaning it out.

Want more info? Click here and I'll send it to you, including instructions on how to take it. It is private, all natural, totally safe, inexpensive, and very effective. And yes, I have taken it myself.

Currently available only in the U.S. and Canada. Seeking Distributors to meet high demand.

Just got a spam 5 minutes ago with only a Subject; no body:

Subject: Cop pulls you over and Free ink all in todays Special fun

Now what the hell does that mean?????? :3eye:

Subject from spam e-mail: Tired of life with only one USB hub?

Sycamore sez: "I can't go on any more with just one hub!"

Subject from spam e-mail: True Freedom of Speech!

First paragraph: TAKE THE AOL CHALLENGE AND GET: TRUE FREEDOM OF SPEECH
GET 5000 FREE MINUTES OF LONG DISTANCE WHEN YOU TRY AOL
1000 HOURS FREE FOR 45 DAYS!

Sycamore sez: "Thank you for protecting the 1st amendment, AOL Time Warner." :p

Thats just wrong.

I was reading an article online last week...can't remember if it was MSNBC or ZDNet. It discussed how spammers operate (anonymous e-mail servers, "plain" subject lines, etc.) and how some of the ISPs are taking them to court. In a couple of instances, a couple of spammers are suing ISPs (Earthlink, I believe, in particular) for "messing with their business."

I became a forced member of Earthlink 3 years ago (when they swallowed Mindspring), and I must say that I am impressed with their efforts to at least reduce the amount of spam that hits my accounts. They have the "Spaminator," which takes out a ton of the spam that I get. On average, I get 5-10 spams a day, the majority of them through my Earthlink accounts. The Spaminator takes out about 30-40 messages a day.

For some reason, junk mail doesn't bother me, but spam does. *shrugs*

Amazing Gadgets!
 

Military L.E.D light - $30 Value, FREE!


FREE Military Superbright L.E.D, pay only $5.99 S&H

Intensity. Convenience. Longevity. Words that sure fit THIS hot little item! A beam powerful enough to be seen a mile away. A casing smaller than your car keys. And a bulb that'll put everything else to shame! (10,000 + hours!) Tired of fumbling to find the lock to your front door after dark? Or trying to read a roadmap without switching on the annoying overhead light? Looking for something really cool to take hiking and camping? Here's real power...for just a little squeeze! Lithium batteries INCLUDED!
Buy Now! Click HERE

I got one last Christmas, it works well but I'm not sure why its a military keychain

----- Original Message -----

From: Ruth
To: expect
Sent: Sunday, September 22, 2002 8:36 AM
Subject: Can we have dinner sometime? ZBR


Hello

My name is Natalie. I live in St.Petersberg and I am looking for a real relationship with a real man. I signed up with this internet service to meet good western men -- I hope you are really there.

Please see and write me here if you like me

____________________________________________________

Well, Ruth or Natalie or whatever your name is ... I hope you're really there too because I am looking for a real relationship with a really stupid woman from St. Petersberg. :rolleyes:

I'm curious Nic...did you actually go to the link?

The reason I ask is b/c that sounds like something that could actually be true. You know...desperate Russian girl wants to hook up with someone from N. America or Western Europe to get married and get a green card (or the equivalent of such in countries outside the US).

A guy that used to work at an internet cafe I frequented in St. Louis was always on those sorta sites. He was dead serious about getting a mail order bride. :)

I didn't go to that link.

I think the word is out all over St. Petersberg that I'm still available, because I'm getting a few of these messages every day from other Russian babes.

I really gotta stay off that http://www.kournikova.com/ website.

Hey, western pervert. You can't have Anna, but we've got others who will go to dinner with you!

Among other things. ;)

Damn ... it's 2:00 a.m. and I just opened this email.

Anybody on the left coast who could use a free grant not exceeding $5,000,000 is welcome to jump all over this one!

Who would know what to do with the excess, anyway?

Perfect for those who already know it all and are just in school to get a degree
 

Need A University Diploma On Your Wall?

NO PROBLEM!

BEST OF ALL:
NO required tests, NO classes, NO books, and NO interviews.


CALL TODAY!


1 - 7 7 3 - 6 0 4 - 1 6 6 0


All YOU have to do is PICK!

Here's what's available...in the field of YOUR choice:

* Bachelors diplomas
* Masters diplomas
* MBA diplomas
* Doctorate (PhD) diplomas

No one is turned down.

Confidentiality assured.

CALL NOW to receive your diploma within days!!!


1 - 7 7 3 - 6 0 4 - 1 6 6 0


Call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week,
including Sundays and holidays.

For Removal mailto:no_degree_xyz@excite.com

Last I remember, they were running that scam out of either LA or Toronto. So, they've either moved or set up a branch office in Chicago now. :)

from: tracking you
subject: Friend, I'm Tracking You

Good...now come and find me, ya bastard!

from: Juliana Bulifant
subject: RE: did you lose some weight?

Yes, as a matter of fact, I did. :)

Good news about the 419 scam.

the wiring part not the US threat part

CK One - or some kinda bi-sexual cologne, i guess
 

this is probably appropriate here...

the image below is cut from my hotmail inbox. the first column is the sender, the second is the subject line. the one in the middle is the interesting one.

http://www.sugarbead.com/personal/msn_spam.jpg

in all fairness, the word 'control' at the end was truncated, but i nearly pissed myself laughing at this.

~james

Well, it could have been a new flavor of Spam...or perhaps Spam has been made healthier. Maybe MSN wanted to send you a free can of Spam? :)

I had Spam for dinner tonight...good stuff.

Nic those pheramone ones are funny. Entertaining theory, great for luring desperate guys i guess.

Yeah, since I've been using these new fagrances, all I've been attracting are desperate guys. :(

Although, it's not as bad as that Stag Semen stuff I was using last year. Boy, was my love life ever in a rut.

No, see...emails hyping MSN 8 *are* the new generation of spam. That's MSFTs idea of "innovation".

These are the subject headers:

Normal aging is a natural process. From the moment we are born, the cells,

From the moment we are born the cells within our bodies are dying and

And the pitch:

WORK FROM HOME
$1500/mo - PART-TIME
$5000/mo - FULL-TIME
3-Minute,Business Hotline:
1-512-703-8041(24hr)
1-716-812-2144(9-12Mid)

Blowmee, you live in Austin, right? That first number should be a local call for you...call 'em and see what they say. :)

I could sure use the $3 Million in time for Christmas ...
 

FROM THE DESK OF:

MR. LIU CHAN
CHINATRUST COMMERCIAL BANK.
NAN KAN BRANCH, TAIWAN
REPUBLIC OF CHINA

I am Mr. Liu Chan To, Bank Manager of Chinatrust Commercial Bank, Nan Kan branch,
Taiwan, R.O.C. I have urgent and very confidential business proposition for you.

On June 6, 1998, a British Oil consultant/contractor with the Chinese Solid Minerals
Corporation, Mr. Smith Lawrence made a numbered time (Fixed) Deposit for twelve
calendar months, valued at
US$30,000,000.00 (Thirty Million Dollars) in my branch. Upon maturity, I sent a routine
notification to his forwarding address but got no reply. After a month, we sent a reminder
and finally we
discovered from his contract employers, the Chinese Solid Minerals Corporation that Mr.
Smith Lawrence died from an automobile accident. On further investigation, I found out that
he died
without making a WILL, and all attempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless.

I therefore made further investigation and discovered that Mr. Smith Lawrence did not
declare any kin or relations in all his official documents, including his Bank Deposit
paperwork in my Bank.
This sum of US$30,000,000.00 is still sitting in my Bank and the interest is being rolled over
with the principal sum at the end of each year. No one will ever come forward to claim it.
According to
Laws of Republic of China, at the expiration of 5 (five) years, the money will revert to the
ownership of the Chinese Government if nobody applies to claim the fund.

Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand in as the next of kin
to Mr. Smith Lawrence so that the fruits of this old man's labor will not get into the hands of
some corrupt
government officials. This is simple, I will like you to provide immediately your full names and
address so that the attorney will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits that will
put you in
place as the next of kin. We shall employ the services of an attorney for drafting and
notarization of the WILL and to obtain the necessary documents and letter of
probate/administration in your
favor for the transfer. A bank account in any part of the world that you will provide will then
facilitate the transfer of this money to you as the beneficiary/next of kin. The money will be
paid into
your account for us to share in the ratio of 90% for me and 10% for you.

There is no risk at all as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the attorney
and my position as the Branch Manager guarantees the successful execution of this
transaction. If you
are interested, please reply immediately via the private email address above. Upon your
response, I shall then provide you with more details and relevant documents that will help
you understand
the transaction. Please send me your confidential telephone and fax numbers for easy
communication.

Please observe utmost confidentiality, and rest assured that this transaction would be most
profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to invest my share in your
country.

Awaiting your urgent reply via my email address.

Thanks and regards.

Mr. Liu Chan.
E-mail: