This isn't a Sitcom. This is Actually My Life.
 

So, I go out to the kitchen this morning, start up the coffee, and as the fumes waft out from the coffee maker and the brain starts working, I see something on the counter.

A cereal bowl.

But that is not cereal in there.

It's something else.

wolf: momwolf, did you separate all the raisins out of the Raisin Bran Crunch Extra Cereal?

momwolf: Yes, I did. I know I asked you to buy it at the store, but I tried it and it was really too hard for my teeth. I just know I'm going to break one!

wolf: Yeah, you said that the other night. But why did you take all the raisins out?

momwolf: Well, I asked you if you'd eat it, and you said you wouldn't because you don't like raisins in other foods. So I picked them out. I left the dried cranberries, almond slices, and yogurty clusters in it for you.

wolf: oh ... hmmmm ... you know what, that looks like a whole lot less than two scoops in there, unless they are really tiny scoops.

momwolf: There weren't a lot of raisins to start with, but well, I did eat some of them.

At least she has a hobby.

how very thoughtful of her

Momwolf is the sweetest.


You ARE sure they're raisins...................right?

She was good and right to remove those raisins. Raisins are evil, evil fruit. Let's never speak of them again.

My guess is it's not two scoops because once they started adding the twigs and rocks they used less raisins. I think the two scoops guarantee only applies to real raisin bran.

That's a whole lot going on in a cereal, for me.

You know, though, that does sound like sitcom dialogue, and I should know: I'm a sitcom junkie.

"Scoops" have got to be one of the most precisely defined scientific measurements I can think of.

We used to have a product here on the market called Sultana Bran. We may still do, I don't know. It's Bran Flakes, with sultanas.

My mean Mum refused to buy it. Why? Because it was cheaper to add your own. But they didn't taste the same! The sultanas in Sultana Bran were all dried out from the cereal. And all coated in bran dust. They were a juicy surprise, a treat sensation.

Rasins/ sultanas added are just dried fruit. Pah.

Sell them on eBay. They have a market amongst people like me.

Tap @ the clover honey... Mmmmm

It goes great on the oatmeal.

It goes great on the banana bread.

And it goes great in the coffee.

All purpose condiment.

I will put it on the chicken fingers, but not on the hot dogs and burgers.

That's actually not the standard honey in the wolf household. I just got it because I was at a different supermarket than my usual, and I needed a large amount of honey because I'm considering some baking. The regular stuff is a mid-grade wildflower honey.

But...how do you know?--they don't even have faces!

Their evil faces are hidden behind the wrinkles, just like English bulldogs.

Hmmm...yes, wrinkley things are among the most evil.

Little tiny scoops. :D

I can imagine my mum doing something like wolfs mum. lol Happy memories.

well Wolf now I see where you get yer Phobia of Blue M&Ms ,

Like Moma , Like daughter !!!!!

:D

If it were really a sitcom, your wacky neighbor would have dropped by and done something stupid and/or clever with the raisins.

I didn't realize " yogurty clusters" was actually a term of art, until yesterday, when I saw the commercial.

They meant to say 'spoon'.

And since there is no spoon, what you've got there is a surplus.

I've been know to buy Lucky Charms just to eat the marshmallow candy, leaving the rest of the cereal in the box.

:D lol.

Hehehe....I wish my mom is that nice. :D

Is this True Confessions?

coz I've got a few things to get off my chest...

:D

My Life isn't a Parnoid-Inducng Spy Movie, Either
 

So, the other night I get home and go into the mailroom to grab my mail. I always make a point of checking the package room, just to make sure that the mailman didn't forget to put a slip in my box, you know?

So I go in and start looking around on the package shelf, looking for my apt number. Wasn't anything up there, but the checking includes making sure there aren't any larger boxes on the floor or anything in the bag on the hanger for my overflow mail ...

There wasn't, but then I noticed an index card sitting face up on the footstool that's left in the package room for the short little old ladies so they can reach the package shelf.

There's some letters and numbers on the card, and at first I didn't really pay a lot of attention to it.

Then, as I was turning around to leave it clicked and I was like "WTF???!!"

The two things written on the index card were the account name (which is a nonsensical letter and number combination) and the password for a website that we use at the nuthouse to check insurance eligibility.

Letter for letter. And/Or number.

Mine.

Well, not mine-mine, but my hospital's mine. Possibly even my department's mine, I don't know if billing has their own account and password or there's one for the whole facility.

But here's the WTF-ness.

Nobody that I work with lives here.

NOBODY.

None of the patients do either.

So ... where did this index card come from?

My department doesn't even have index cards.

Seriously.

Hmm.....maybe you wrote it on an index card sometime ago and dropped it and didn't realize it? :p Or someone who works with just moved in? Or simply, you've got a stalker! eeekk!

Could it have been mixed in with some work papers? If it was lying around your apartment, could you or your mother have jotted something on the other side and left it in the laundry room?

Two questions. No, make it one question. The moment you realized what the card was, what was your first suspicion?

Don't forget the obvious thing - kill the account.

Ask your mother if she has seen the index card before.

You indicate that your dept does not have index cards. Look around your apt to see if you can find any. They don't come in packs of one - where's the rest of them? If you find 499 of them in the trash can then you got a live one.

That is very bizzaro but could it be just an unlikely coincidence?

Or someone at the other end, at the website?

Nope. It's not my handwriting. I have never actually written down the account number and password on anything.

It is not the handwriting of anyone else in my department (both supervisors have seen it. One of them responded by saying "wow, that's weird." The other one said "I'll have it looked into.").

You have to go through two locked doors to get into the package room.

This one isn't momwolf wackiness.

I do have index cards at home, but they are blue and of a higher quality paper stock that this thin wobbly one that turned up in my package room.

I saw a comedian talking about how they put WAAAAAY too many raisins in raisin bran now. He said he has to put it on an album cover and use a credit card to get all the raisins out.

;)

Well, I'm usually the first to say: "there must be a logical explanation" but you got me stumped.

Could there be a logical explanation? Even if its sinister. Could there be someone listening to your conversations?

Why do that? If someone wanted to freak wolf out, there are other, easier ways (I would imagine) like tapping on her outside wall, calling from a payphone and hanging up, mailing a photo of a distressed Hello Kitty! doll...this person had to get the occult info, go thru two locked doors, and assumed wolf would get there before someone else did who would just look at the card, shrug, and toss it.

And it doesn't sound like a particularly dangerous piece of information -- not her bank account or some such. Quite random.

I wouldn't recognize my bank account number.

On raisins: Lil' Pete's favorite T.