Why were you late for work
 

From CNN the top twelve excuses for being late.
I figure we can come up with some much more creative ones.

Here are 12 of the most outrageous excuses employers have heard for being late to work:

Whatcha got cellarites?

Had one from a student recently. He was supposed to be giving a presentation with his partner, but was AWOL. Partner phones him and gets the following excuse:

My housemate locked the door when he left and I can't get out of my flat.

I fell asleep on the shitter while solving a Sudoku.

I always say my car was broken into.

Haha.
About 10 years ago i missed a day of school because my cousin (who walked me to the bus stop) needed to do a poo before we left, he took so long i missed the bus.

I felt like the greatest contribution I could make to the world today would be to stay in bed and not inflict my presence on anybody. So I did. But then my wife wanted to make the bed so she threw me out. I figured if I had to be fucking miserable I might as well come in to work and share with everybody at the office.

Heh, I think I may have used something similar at my old job. I think I told my boss that no one would want to be around me that day...it was a joke based in reality.

This excuse is completely plausible for me:

I was late because I was enjoying breakfast and reading the paper and just left a bit later than usual. Sorry.

I was late because I had better things to do -- like sleep.

I was late because there were a bunch of idiots on the interstate and I had to stop and kill a few of them.

Never been late for work, or anything, in my life. I'd rather get where I need to be 2 hours early than 1 minute late.

Wow Shel, you sure are anal.

I got to work late because I got home(from work) at 1 am, dickhole.

Once I had a supervisor giving me shit for being late. I pointed out the bar didn't close til three, I stayed til four, and as it was now 6:30 I was pretty sure I wasn't sober yet... He couldn't say much because he wasn't either and didn't want his boss to know.

Same guy busting my chops another time for being an hour late, he just walked away when my response was, "you saw that stripper right?".

My 20's are a blur.

Last time I called in late I told them I couldnt leave until my husband came home because I grounded my stepson.

Pico and ME : Meany stepmom

I was late because the Hobo was faster than most. :footpyth:

That too. ;)

So I gues you don't dick around when you're getting ready for work in the morning? ;)

Fixed that for ya...

"I have an eye problem. I just can't see myself coming to work today."

Actually had a cow orker call in to say her boyfriend fucked her so hard the night before she couldn't walk.

We were more amazed that she found a guy to fuck her in the first place (or anyplace else for that matter) than we were that she used that excuse.

:cheerldr::lovers:
I was out celebrating Vermont's legalization of gay marriage.

The only response I get if I am late for work is ... "Moo?" Occasionally it is "Moo Moo Moo!!!" And if I am lucky they make me a pie....
Um nothing at all like the Pie above :headshake

Well I had to either refill my happy pills or buy some more ammo. It turned out the drugstore wasn't open yet.

My usual route is only open after 10:00am.

Motorcade.

funeral procession?

The interstate was closed because there was a pig on the loose.

I was playing online poker and it would have been rude to stop and not let my tablemates have a chance at winning something back.

There was a tree down across the road and the detour is 30 miles ... [actually I rather foolishly drove the car under the tree ...] ....

I was playing online poker and some asshole from Valley Forge National Park was winning all my money.

(Note: In reality this is no excuse. Just play poker from work.)

I can't get the crazy squirrel out of my car. It won't leave.

(It was the truth, and I wasn't going to have a batshit crazy squirrel run across my body while driving.)

Once while working around Sacramento, CA. I missed about a weeks work. So I went by to get my money and the boss asked me what happened. I asked him" well you want the truth or a lie?" I'd been on a BIG drunk. He put me back to work and I lasted about another 2 weeks and missed more time. I had coonass country on my mine. Been gone about a year. I've never called in sick or anyother reason. If I miss over a few days, I'm sick of the job! Get my time.

There are two reasons that I'm late typically. The first is because my girlfriend is dropping me off that day and she is physically incapable of leaving on time. The second is because the 8-mile bike ride some times takes longer than I anticipate.

how 'bout Plantar Fasciitis? that really hurts, Charlie.

Takes me a good half hour of hobbling in the morning just to get a cuppa; so, I'm late due to hobbling.

The excuse I used today: I forgot to turn my clock forward so it was an hour behind. Hehe.....Yeah, I was an hour late to work today. :p And that was my real, total honest reason. The clock in my bedroom is still an hour behind. :D

"I was having 'lady problems'".

"But you're a guy..."

"And my boss is female. Any more questions?"

When I pulled into the parking lot, there were only 10 minutes left to go on my audiobook, "How To Backstab Your Coworkers And Totally Ruin Your Boss' Career," so I sat and listened to the end.

[Paul Thorn]
Well I was running late for work so I grabbed me some coffee to go
Just before I had a flat tire I spilled it all over my clothes
When the highway patrolman pulled up
I thought that help was on the way
But when he saw that tire tool in my hand
He shot me with the pepper spray

...

When I finally made it to work I was fifteen minutes late
I told my boss about the flat tire but he fired me anyway
So I'm sitting out here in the parking lot waiting by his Corvette
I'm gonna give him a good-bye present he never will forget [/Paul Thorn]