bleagh
 

An old friend, a woman got in touch with me the other day. Turns out she still cares for me. She's in a bad marriage, why it's bad I don't know for sure. I didn't realize she loved me twenty years ago when we were teenagers. Even if I had, I was too fucked up to handle it.
So what?
So I want to go to her.
That's a big problem.

That *is* a big problem.
I'd tell her you sympathize with her situation, but she needs to get herself untangled before you can commit to pursuing anything with her. It would be the only fair thing to do...it isn't fair of her to drag you through her mud puddle so you can be the rope she pulls herself out on.
hh

Exactly, she searched her past for someone she could use to save her from her "bad marriage".
There's a reason you didn't know she loved you 20 years ago... she didn't. Run away.

Ummm...are you currently married or in a relationship yourself? That's the big one for me.

As to the rest, well, we all have someone in the past that we wonder 'what if' about. Ultimately there's usually a good reason it never worked out with them, but you do hear about people 'finding' eachother in later years and then living happily ever after.

I'd be thinking about the reality of the situation and not getting caught up in the whole romance, white knight thing if I were you.

Teenage love seldom transfers well into adult love, after you've spent a decade or two on different paths. [/experience]

What does the prospect of "going to her" get you away from?
That's what I think you should be thinking about.
Oh, and what everyone else said, too.
good luck!

I'm glad you posted this. Now I don't have to spend 20 minutes trying to write something that wouldn't be half as good.

Anon - what Bruce said.
I've been that woman. It didn't work out and hurt three people, only one of whom deserved it.

*nods*

As an addition, I'd say it depends on what she's looking for as well. The thing is, apart from practical assistance and moral support, the only person who can rescue her from her bad marriage is herself. If she's looking to you to provide moral support, then it kind of begs the question, why has she nobody in her life currently who can offer that? If she's looking for something else, romance of some kind, then she's an emotionally dangerous person to anyone who gets involved. Relationships aren't like jobs: the best thing isn't to line up a replacement before you leave the one you hate.

Just going off that little snippet you've posted, I'd suggest she may be in a confused and vulnerable state. What contact method has she used? Is it possible to maintain a correspondence with her, in order to perhaps offer a little of the moral support without getting drawn into the mess itsef?

update
 

contact was established on line and remains that way. We are both married with children. Neither of us wishes harm on our spouses. We both know that establishing the contact we desire would cause great harm to people who do not deserve it. We are agreed to restrain ourselves. We are not pleased at this.

Be careful how involved you get even if it is online. Chances are it'll come out eventually, and as we all know after some recent issues here, it can all work out pretty badly. Just be careful, if you truly don't wish to hurt your wife.

this lady sounds like maybe she "has to have a man":neutral:...some people find it very scary going it alone.hell it is scary the older you get:eek:..i'd take my time with it all if i were you:)

Wives read email, dude. Don't even talk online, even if you're sure in your own head that it's innocuous. There is no way this ends well unless it ends right now, 100%.

Yeh I agree with Clod on that this has to end immediately. There is some attraction to going back to a simpler time, recapturing your youth, oh what could have been.... You're in your 40's right? TRUST ME! End it now. You got kids and a family that love you, whether you realize it or not. Put 10000% of your energy into that.

You already know the answer as evidenced by your using the anonymous account. You know contacting this woman is wrong. The best thing for you, for your marriage, and for your family is to cut all contact with this woman.

the main thing is.....we all want to know who you are now..


we will find you.....oh yes we will.

Shut up Jim. Ya cockleberry!.

Sheesh - real helpful you are - try this link

I bet I know! I'm psychic that way.

And it seems way obvious. :right:

awesome!

are there a lot of EAD pics out there?

Another thread another time...

BAIL! DUDE, BAIL!

Show your significant other the email, admit you fucked up and weren't thinking straight, explain that it was a momentary echo of adolescent fantasy, then get down to work on fixing the shit in your own marriage that caused you to even think this was a good idea!

What he says.

Smooth once again has the winning entry. Apparently there is something to be said for being a moral guy in LA.

Goddangit, why didn't I think of that? This is another post that should definitively put an end to this thread. Don't be a dumbass. Don't troll for people to give you justification to do something stupid and destructive. Pull your head out of your ass. And be ahsamed of yourself. For all of the above.

Thinking about it, I'm old enough now that I have heard this scene play out about 10 times, with various people.

Nothing good ever comes of it, in any of the stories.

Thank you all, you've been very helpful. I needed to hear it.

I'm pretty sure I know who anon is too, and he's not in a happy marriage atm, are you?

his wife is hot though....


dude....remember this. the grass is always greener. there is a reason why her husband is sick of her shit. she farts in her sleep or she nags him....or some mundane crap.

your life is fine. stop being a tool, and make a point of going the extra mile for your family. buy her her favorite treat.....sing her her favorite song........tell her that you would marry her all over again. and then give her oral to fruition.

your family and your wife are more important than that old chick you passed on 20 years ago. she probably has vaginosis.

...
 

Ali :(

LJ :)

my two cents: I totally understand how hearing from her probably makes you feel good about yourself - all warm and fuzzy - the prospect of something new and different and exciting, the possibility she may love you and adore you and appreciate you like your wife hasn't lately.........NOPE! Doesn't work that way.

Appreciate what you have. Fix whatever doesn't work. And what everyone else said.

I can tell you... I've been that girl too... and really what it comes down to is... you can't go back... no matter how much you cared for someone 20 yrs ago... or in my case 16 yrs ago... thats a significant amount of time and a lot of life and change has occured... you aren't even the same person on a cellular level.

Anon; what everyone else said.

And everybody else, stop trying to guess who anonymous is. Maybe you are very clever, but FFS, don't blow it. A-N-O-N-Y-M-O-U-S.... WITHOUT A NAME.

OK, I won't guess.

You're just upset cause you can't figure it out. lol

I agree Zen. We want people feeling comfortable about using this account if it helps them seek advice on tricky matters.

Isn't that the whole point of having it, Dana? I totally agree - if you want to guess, that fine, but not on the public board.

Nobody was guessing. Nobody posted any names, and the fact that I posted about the poster being in an unhappy marriage doesn't give anything away anyway. You'd have to assume someone was unhappy in order to be considering an old flame anyway.

anon hasn't complained about what I posted either, and if he was upset about it, I'm certain he'd let me know.

you dirty bitch. i was just trying to share my dilemma. and you had to go and ruin it. I hate you. you know good and goddamnwell that when you say that you know who i am and that my marriage isnt going well, everyone knows who i am. You're not fooling anyone with your 'nobody is guessing' BULLSHIT! i don't know why you are so mean. it's not fair

hardiharhar!

dude...

i dont know who you are........ but look out for classic signs of smooth pieces of flint that might get into your foot.

huh?

He was trying to be subtle and yet cover all his bases.

Haggis!



is that right?

NO yes I SAID i wasn't going to guess!

and you missed a couple

Classic isn't married and Pie is a girl. So n'yeah.

I was personally going on the theory it was a woman who had switched the genders of everyone in the story so as to be more secretive.

Actually, that's a lie. I assumed it was tw.

tw is MARRIED? :eek:

I just like the image of tw being "too fucked up to handle" a teenage romance. Even as a teen he was straight-laced and deathly logical, I just know it.

cough/pocketprotecter/cough