Spanking
 

I believe there will come a time in the future when people will read history, learn that we had a practice of beating children systematically on their bare buttocks, and they will cringe in the horror of such a bizarrely cruel and ineffective parenting approach to misbehavior.

What say you?

Study: Spanking may lead to sexual problems later

It's the duct tape of parenting. Ugly but quick and effective enough in the short term to make it popular - but the problem will still have to be addresses for real at some point.

I wouldn't be surprised if it's a pendulum-swing phenomenon. People will be surprised we didn't beat teh evil out of them more frequently and thoroughly.

Spare the rod, spoil the child.

maybe it's not the parental spanking but the being studied by Murray Straus that leads to sexual deviance?

The Hawthorne effect can lead to S&M?

OK. So how many of us here were brought up by parents who spanked us? I was and I dont fall into the 'physically or verbally coercing a sexual partner, engaging in risky sexual behavior or engaging in masochistic sex, including sexual arousal by spanking' category.

I was spanked by my parents.

My children have never been spanked.

but has your wife? :eek:


(j/k ;) )

lol @ monnie!

Me too - but not my kids.

Maybe thats the problem with kids today? <runs and hides>

I don't have a problem with spanking kids, with the hand in a reasonable manner and not in anger, for egregious offenses.

I DO have a problem with hitting kids with belts, wire coat hangers, and hairbrushes--all of which were used on me.

rulers, breadboards, yardsticks....

The METAL, SLOTTED hairbrush?

yardstick, yeah, geez. Forgot about that one.

probably not metal or slotted, but with the business end of the brush toward the heiny.

My mom used a metal slotted spatula on my bare behind a couple of times. Once was after she found out I took all the cash out of her wallet and spent it at the dime store.

Ohhhh - Clod! The kitchen utensils, Damn how could I forget? Thats another category. The slotted spoon, the WOODEN spoon, the salad thingies...
my ass is hurtin just thinkin about it.

Love you Mom :)

I was thinking it sounds awfully Freudian, as a theory.

is it a sexual problem if you can't find anybody to spank you the way you really like it?

I sort of thought that was where most of us already were? Though, reading the responses maybe I am wrong:P I don't know anybody in my day to day life who would think that anything but bizarre and outdated. I know a few who'll grab their kid by the hand and slap their arse a couple of times. But over the knee bare bottomed? Haven't known anybody approve of that for decades (for the children anyway...:P)

I used to get belted with dad's belt, his razor strop (he had a cut throat when I was little) and the jug cord when I was a kid. Maybe that's my problem. I've become a deviant sexer.

I've posted about my views on spanking here before. I'm in favour, but I've never hit my kids with anything besides my hand and usually on the back of the legs. In recent history, Aden has copped a couple of sharp ones across the cheek for unaccpetable language/backchat just to pull him up. It is very effective with him. I've hardly ever hit Maverick. It's not necessary.

I think there's a difference between smacking and spanking. Smacking a child across the backs of the legs for instance, though I am not 'in favour' of it, is entirely understandable to me. Systemised 'spanking' or beating isn't. Not because of the 'violence' involved: after all, I am sure many of those parents who do use spankings, probably pull back somewhat and aren't necessarily attempting to cause massive amounts of pain. What makes it unacceptable, to my mind, is the humiliation that such a spanking involves. I see no reason, regardless of how angry the parent or how badly behaved teh child to tackle the problem by humiliating that child. I can't see how that might help.

I can't speak for anyone else, but I can't recall ever smacking my kids in public after the age of about two when a few taps on the backs of the hands are sometimes necessary when teaching kids 'don't touch'. I just found that by shortly after that age, my boys realised that they had to behave in public or they just didn't get to do stuff they liked. I know some people are against it, but when we went shopping for instance, my kids were always told that if they behaved themselves, they'd get a treat at the end, so rather than having to punish them, they were rewarded for good behaviour. Similarly in other social situations. If they behaved, they were rewarded and if not, they were punished. We've always had the same set up at home too, but no one's perfect. I'd rather they misbehave at home than inconvenience me and others when we're out (not that they're naughty kids by any means, but they're not perfect and I don't expect them to be).

What Brits call smacking, Americans call spanking -these days, anyway.

Smacking sounds worse over here, than spanking.

Smacking implies an angry hit, where spanking implies a couple of beats to the bottom, to get their attention.

Beyond that it's called beating, with a couple of smacks to help it along.

That's my take on the word meaning difference, anyway.

The difference being the pants being pulled down? Is that even legal anymore?

it's generally the other way around in the UK, as dana mentioned. A bit like "crap" and "shit" -shit is ruder here, crap is ruder there.

I was glad you pointed that out, dana and mon...it is different.

Now, if we spelled them differently. kingswood? :)

maybe we should adopt the Ministry of Defence/1984 approach and call them Education and Wisdom ;)

It really doesn't get to the seat of the problem, does it. Even if the kid is being a cheeky little ass.

It is still frighteningly common in the African-American community I work in to use a belt on a child. I've heard intellectuals connect it with control/authority taking it all the way back to slavery. Often it is Gramma doing the raising so we're going back a generation in outlook and she may not have the energy for real discipline. This violence equaling authority mind set doesn't work well for the rest of society. Does anyone want to link this to the Southern thread or the hate thread?

Griff, I don't think it's a slavery thing. One of the worst child abuse cases in this country (codicil, there have been others) was perpetrated by an African woman on her great-niece - who had taken said girl into her custody to give her a better life.

I'm not suggesting for a second that black people are more disposed to violence towards their children. But I think blaming slavery would be an equally shocking assumption. What I found hard to understand was the vitriol poured upon Social Services in this and another high profile case (so-called Baby P). Of course I believe children should be protected. Of course if a child dies and is subsequently found to have 128 separet injuries it is horrific. But for goodness sake - the people who draw a wage in this field are not coining it in. They are not deliberately ignoring signs. They are dealing with devious, callous and unpleasant adults.

Those kind of people, do you think they might lie? Duh! Do you think they might deceive? Hello!

Mistakes were made. Of course. A child (children) died. This has got to hurt people who chose to work with vulnerable people far more than it does journalists. But they still cry full tongue and go on the hunt.

Anyway, sorry - diverted.

I was smacked but never spanked. English usage.
This means I was walloped on the back of the legs in anger rather than being placed over a lap and hit repeatedly.

It terrified me. But I was always more scared of my parents' anger than I was the actual blow. Dads could make me cry (genuinely, not crocodile tears - any crying in our house was reviled by Mum) just by telling me how disappointed he was. He lost his temper about 5 times in the whole time I was growing up, and even the memory of it makes me well up now. Not because he was violent - he never was - but because I knew it was my fault.

Mum, now. Well. I've written a lot here about her. But she does have a temper. And so do I. And we rubbed eachother up so much the wrong way. She smacked me on the legs. Sometimes as I was running up the stairs away from her. But far worse was her tongue lashings. The smackings were scary - I mean, really. My adrenaline kicked in. Silly when after all it's just your Mum.

But the things she said. Well - some of them are still with me.
And they were nasty.
Intended to make me behave, conform, get by in society.
All well meant. Some devastating.
And some life-defining. Like saying, "You just wait, you'll have a child who's as spiteful as you and it will serve you right!" No thanks, Mum. No kids for me.

Smacking is pretty bad.
Some things are worse.

Well, I think it does have something to do with where you grew up. In my case in North Carolina spankings were fairly common, including (especially?) at school. Whereas Mrs. Dallas grew up in New Jersey, where it was banned in the schools, and thought it was beyond barbaric when she encountered it in Pennsylvania as a student teacher.

All this reminds me of the spanking thread we had a long time ago where juju got extremely upset and railed and screamed at every parent on here who admitted to spanking their child... until finally it came out that "spanking" as he experienced it as a child meant truly violent child abuse, and he had thought that's what everyone had been talking about the whole time. Ah, good times.

http://www.cellar.org/showthread.php...light=spanking

there is the cutest picture of the mini JJs on there.

I can count on one hand the number of times I was hit by my parents through my childhood. And the only time I was ever spanked (English usage) was really quite tragic lol. My poor Dad was at his wits end. I had driven him absolutely to distraction. Poor bugger was just trying to get some sleep during the day before going to his night job. It is the only time I was ever put across a knee, and he barely tapped me. I honestly barely felt the smacks. But I recall the humiliation. I also know that he felt guilty about it for years after.

The only time he ever hit me hard was on one occasion when he cracked me across the back of the head with his hand. That hurt. But it didn't hurt half as much as I made it seem. Again, this was a desperate response to my keeping him awake when he was trying to sleep. In fact I had quite deliberately wound him up, by stomping up and down the stairs ( I cannot recall why I was doing this). Again this was something he felt very guilty about and he and mum ended up having a big row about it.

The only time I can recall Mum actually hitting me was as a teenager. We had a blazing row and I think I may have screamed the words 'I fucking hate you' in her face ... she was going through some difficult times and I was really not helping matters :P She lost her temper and slapped me accross the face. This is something she still says she feels guilty about, though God knows if ever a teenager 'deserved' a slap in the face it was me :P

I believe Dad started out as an authoritarian type of parent with my Bro, before I came along. I know he was more inclined to smack him when he was little, than he was with me. He'd mellowed and become comfortable with the role of Father by the time I came along and had come to the conclusion (along with Mum who'd always been that way) that it simply was not right to engage in any violent act with children.

Neither of them needed to use smacking/spanking to make their point. Most of the time either one of them could bring us to heel with the very thought that they were disappointed or angry ( I say 'we' by which I mean 'me'; there wasn't much need to bring my Bro to heel he just did his own thing in his own way and didn;t really do 'naughty': a quiet rebel my Bro) Having talked to them as adults I know that on each of those very few occasions where they resorted to such a response, they themselves considered that a failing: they'd lost control and out of anger, or desperation, or tiredness they'd done something that was counter-productive and 'wrong' in their own terms.

When Dad hit me that time after I'd deliberately woken him up (again), it didn't work because it was a 'punishment' or consequence of my action; it worked because I knew I'd pushed him to the point that he had become someone else for a moment. Because My Dad just wouldn't do that. That made me feel bad. And so I engaged in a little childish self-analysis. I had a similar response to Mum slapping me. (after the obligatory storming out and slamming of doors along with the declaration that was leaving!)

What taught me 'consequences' were their non-violent responses. Not being allowed to play out for a few days. That hurt. Being sent to bed early. That hurt. Them being disappointed hurt most of all. Getting hit was just fucking weird. Weirded me out, and weirded them out too.

I was told once that I should never hit my kids out of anger...it just so happens that the only time I've ever wanted to hit my kids is when I've been angry. Following the advice, I've never hit my kids.

I've smacked the boys, never with objects, never with clothing removed.....just a whack on the bum/hand, or in recent times....I clipped Tyler up the back of the head for being a smart cuss and calling his little brother a *fuck head*.

I know, I swear, but I dont use those kinda words at the kids or around them. Must of picked that one up at school.

Well, at least he's learning something.

The eternal refrain of parents from every country and every century. :angel:

I, too, was taught never to strike my children when I'm angry.

I laugh hysterically when I'm beating them though. Not an ounce of anger in it, just pure joy in their misery.

Anyway, both of my children have been spanked and more than likely will be again. There is no one form of discipline that works for every child. Timeout has never once been effective with Lil Lookout, while it is the perfect cure for 2.0. Lil Lookout does respond to a quick spanking as it tends to snap him out of whatever behavior I mean to interrupt. 2.0 is a beast and I could probably beat his ass red and he'd still be laughing, BUT if he get a tap from a wooden spoon his attitude changes immediately. I don't beat him with a spoon, merely a quick tap, but that is only secondary to the real discipline there. 2.0 is in love with having shoes on, so the real issue is removing his shoes.

Weird, but the point is that there is a very big difference between abusive behavior and physical methods for discipline.

That might have made a little more sense if I'd pointed out that the wooden spoon tap is on the heel of the foot. I guess the mention of shoes being removed seemed pretty damn random without that.