I really suck at relationships.
 

No really, I'm worse than you are.

I have to get up for work at 5am, so I really want to go to bed by 10 at the latest (9 would be preferable). But then, he thinks that he has to go to bed at the same I do and he wants to have sex. I do too, but I'm just too practical, after 9 is really too late to get started on that. I know I should make the move if I want to earlier, but I'd prefer it if he did. I guess its just a confidence boost thing. Other than being sick lately, I also just feel fat and generally unsexy, even if he says otherwise.
I know I'm just kinda generally whining. He is a good guy, things are mostly good. Just feeling...I dunno.
Things are all serious (moved in together and all), maybe I'm getting cold feet. TBH, I don't see us getting married, but I don't see myself getting married AT ALL. I haven't kept this to myself, he knows that I'm not looking to get married anytime soon. There is that part of me though that doesn't believe him when he says he feels the same way about it. Guys are just so much more easier to break but try harder to hide it. It doesn't help that my family (even my heathen brother) keeps telling me that I shouldn't be in such a serious relationship if I'm not ready/willing to marry. I feel like I'm obligated to stay in a relationship with him. Although I don't WANT to not be with him, I still hate this feeling of being trapped.

Don't bet any money on that. Everybody's different, but I know for sure, there's a lot of guys that would rather not get married, and maintain the status quo. He may very well have part of him that doesn't believe you, or at least feels afraid you'll change your mind.

That said, try not to worry about what may happen in the future, it has a habit of ruining the present. Paying interest on money you didn't borrow, comes to mind.

Oh, on initiating... just use signals. If he wants it, he can like tap you on the shoulder three times, and if you want it, tap his dick... once.:blush:

This older man married a younger woman. After they consummated the marriage, the husband said, "Honey, any time you want sex, you don't even have to ask. Just pull my dick a few times."

"What if I don't want sex?" she asked.

He replied, "Pull it 30 or 40 times."

He's not old, it takes a lot longer than that.

Grab him , throw him a Quickey , then Playfully kick him out of the bed saying I have to get up early , Go watch tv !!!

If I could, I would. I know this is not a normal complaint, but he has too much stamina. I'm ALWAYS done well before he is. :(
Which that increases my anxiety about it, I can't figure out how I'm doing wrong.

Do him first thing in the morning when you wake up. Once he understands what it feels like to honestly have to weigh sleepiness and sex, maybe he'll be more willing to jump your bones right after dinner instead.

Get your cookie, then finish him off with a handjob. That is simply the quickest way around that particular problem.

No, no...That'll just make him late for work!:p:


Sex is like dinner in a Chinese restaurant...It ain't over till you both get your cookie.

mtp, I'm concerned with the last two sentences in your OP. Maybe the feeling of being trapped is just normal apprehension, but make sure. If you feel obligated you may feel obligated to marry down the road even if you aren't ready or sure.

Best of luck. Relationships can be so hard.

Is it the leg irons?

I would love to have morning sex, but that would mean getting up even earlier than I already do, and I just don't think I can face 4:30am. I don't have "days off" cuz those days I have a 10am class. I can try on those days, but that still means getting up before 7am since he has to go to work and is late on his own without my help.


@Grav: see posts #4 and #6....I can get my cookie, getting his is just much much much more difficult.

No, I padded them so they don't rub his ankles raw...


@Shaw, see I think the "trapped" part is due to my family and not him. Although I feel some obligation, and that I would feel terribly guilty if I left him. It would be all my fault/mistake for breaking his heart. That might be due to my mother though, she treated me pretty shitty for breaking up with my last boyfriend...

I know, I shouldn't be letting all they other people meddle with my mind. Its just so ingrained its hard to tell if they feelings are my own, or caused by someone else...

Everyone's got baggage to work through, mtp, that doesn't make you a bad person. But Shaw's right, definitely don't let the guilt talk you into marriage sometime down the line. Just hold things steady while you're figuring out your own mind, don't make any big decisions either way.

MTP - I know this is going to sound selfish, but right now, just continue to take care of yourself and don't worry about him or his needs AT ALL. Just worry about yours, because I think at this time you are really needing to - you really seem to have a lot on your plate, girl. If he loves you, he will want to be with you while you are doing this. And if he really does exhibits that patience and devotion towards you, you will be that much more happy with him. If he doesn't, then he will leave and you wont be any worse off.

Later down the road, there will be plenty of time to find a relationship that you can ENJOY working on.

What I'm thinking is, damn, how long does it take?

I have a feeling I've been cheated for a while in this department . . . ;-)

Seems like you need a new routine. How about showering together after work....

Or ya could grudge-fuck.

@Grav: No, bj is quicker. Again tho, quicker is not very quick. After I get mine I really don't want to have to labor on him for 15-20 min more. If it works, sometimes, he just simply can't.

@Jay: I never honestly thought I would have a problem with a guy having stamina. Then you get what you wished for and you realize its not all that awesome. Don't feel cheated, unless your man doesn't attempt to make you get finished. That's one good thing about being a woman, I can have multiple cookies in much briefer period than the average male. :P

@Monnie, we shower together a lot, but he's a mechanic, he HAS to shower right after work and if I'm not home...not much can be done about that. I probably need to be more spontaneous and be willing to have sex BEFORE a shower. I'm really nervous when doing that though, I just feel much more comfortable having sex right after a shower. That might be common for people though, IDK.

@Pico: I got into this relationship looking for some selfish sex. (Hell it started with sexing him up at the drunken 4th of July party!) I tried to stay casual and selfish, but my altruistic side just gets the better of me.

Why does he take so long? That is long.... especially for someone his age

Perhaps he's jerking off too hard. I've been informed by at least one adult male that frequent rough handling will dull sensitivity, and that he should first take a moratorium for as long as he can stand, and then only use a feather-light touch when he inevitably resumes the practice. Unfortunately, the only way to relay this advice to him involves mtp admitting that he's taking too long, which I imagine is not a conversation she wants to have.

Tell him to stop thinking about dead kittens and old nuns. Maybe you need to talk dirty or something. Maybe you need to dress up like a nun? Maybe he's gay?

A twenty minute bj.:rolleyes:

Leave that poorly functioning unit, and come to Kentucky!! You will never want for ANYthing. I promise. [/kidding] call me.

:p:

I've been awake for two hours and now I'm already horny.:headshake

Wow, that long? Have you seen a doctor about that?

No health insurance.

I should say, its not 100% of the time its that bad. It still does take awhile for him on most occasions.

I broke down and cried last night when the time came about. I just couldn't get my mind past it and I basically has an anxiety attack. Which made both of us feel horrible. He blames himself and I blame myself, blah blah blah.
CF, should he just abstain from self-pleasure, or from both me and self for awhile and then see how it goes? Maybe it is that he is too desensitized. It seems odd to me, cuz I kinda had to "practice"(yes thats what I'm calling it) to get as sensitive as I am. Also, he was disfigured (AKA circumcised) and its a possibility (a scary one) that it wasn't done just right? As far as I know, he hasn't had any issue with self-pleasure though.

Well, not having a schlong myself, I honestly don't know. ;) But I would imagine that abstaining from hands would be the idea, both his and yours, since those would be the things that might rub too vigorously (especially if lube's not involved...) I doubt even a virginal Asian midget vajayjay would be friction-y enough to cause long-term desensitization. [/tasteless]

Male =/= Female. Don't even try to make parallels, they are doomed to confusion and disappointment. Only guys understand their own dangly bits, and vice versa.

If there is no medication involved (anti-depressants in particular can cause delayed orgasm), it seems more likely that you guys are inside your own heads too much, and he is picking up on your anxiety and this is preventing intimacy.

My guess is that you need to fully talk about and explore this whole thing, together.

That's very normal. The male is ready from the git-go, age 13 or whatever, while gals take longer, and greater emotional connection, to find their orgasmic rhythm.

he needs to stop wanking for a while, for sure

KY His and Hers....




thats all.

A Little lotion for the Motion !!!!:D:cool:

Well there's the problem. What the hell are you doing eating cookies when you're supposed to be having a fuck? Men can't multi-task. No wonder it's taking him so long to fire the spuzz-cannon into the orgasm chasm.

Not to mention all the crumbs that get in the bed. Maybe you're right, should keep the cookies out of the sex.


Things are going OK, 'cept I kinda got annoyed with him and called him dumb. We have a slight difference in intelligence. He is very good mechanically ect, and I'm much more academic. He has a tendency to say shit like "what does it even matter" when I'm on a long winded rant....that really really pisses me off. It'd be like me telling him the spark plugs or something don't matter. He just gets bored with what I'm talking about and can't follow. For example: the other day he thought the US civil war was only the 13colonies, and that the Civil War occurred BEFORE the Texas revolution....*sigh*

What does it even matter?

Someone needs to explain to him the beauty of the all encompassing
"Yes, dear."
:3eye:

HLJ, I'm just a very aggressive debater, some might even say a master.
I just like to have people who're on my level when it comes to politics, history, and science. I don't mind him not being on my level, but I do mind him not trying or not being interested in it.

Like you're interested in his stuff?

Wait, let's backtrack. So when you get older your stamina increases?

...yes....
<<tiger woods fistpump>>

I listen to him and comment, try to understand. I'm coming from zero knowledge in cars, but I never tell him "it doesn't matter" or say "why is that even important." I practice the art of "yes dear" very well. Its hard when about 70% of what I'm passionate about, he has no interest or knowledge of.