New Intimacy Poll again
 

OK, I obviously had a brain fart and just closed the box rather than hit post or I am having a "beautiful mind" level deja vu.

So here goes again, this time with enhanced questions, for your pleasure(s)

This time you can vote multiple times so if you feel giving and receiving are both in the same category or whatever permutations you feel the need to create. I left the poll open for 69 days...

By the way this is about intimacy and not the legal or otherwise definition of what constitutes sex, sodomy, rum, or the lash. We're trying to look at whether men and women have different ideas about what is a more intimate act.

Smart ass thoughts come to mind, but I voted it's all the same instead.

I know some people didn't like Clouds comment in the other thread, but I really think what she said was right. for me it was anyway. Being intimate with someone is just that. If you're swapping fluids, it doesn't matter where they're going or where they came from, for me, it's all the same. All part of the same thing.

I guess what I'm saying is I don't feel any more or less reserved about either.

How could anyone not like Cloud's comment, this is about personal preference and that's her's... and your's. That's cool.

I thought it was about what was more intimate not personal preference.

I didn't really like the word intimate. I mean, when I think of intimate I think of lingere', candlelight dinners, midnight walks on the beach.

When I think of sex I think hot sweaty and face to face which is my preference but it's ALL pretty intimate when you are touching or being touched no matter what the preference.

Using your definition of intimate, which could also be called romantic, he's asking if we think any of the oral combinations is more or less intimate, than the hot, sweaty, slam-bam-thank-you-sir/m'am.

Or does oral, giving or receiving, make you less apt to be thinking about the ceiling needs painting.

I never think about the ceiling. I strive for la petite mort.


...and if there is oral sex it doesn't preclude the other.

I may or may not kick them out in the morning.


Just a thought.
My last boyfriend used to cook breakfast and dinner for me. I thought that was intimate.
Sex with him, not so much. I would have kept him for companionship, just for that intimacy alone if it wasn't for his basket full of presumptions.

Owww, use 'em up and throw 'em out, Ms Cruella. :lol:

I try not too. :(

I stay alone for the good of mankind. :)

My, uh, 'going downtown' is just part of the whole thing. If she don't wanna 'go there', that's fine. But I gotta. I just gotta.

For clarification, again, what we're looking for here is intimacy in terms of connectedness. Some people think or say "Eating ain't cheating" implying that sort of thing doesn't really count because, presumably "your heart isn't in it"

So what I'm really wondering is if, for example, you could have oral sex with someone you didn't really care about, but not genital sex-- because that is special or vice versa.

I've read and heard a number of differing opinions on the topic and I'm curious how you all think.

WTF? "genital sex" as opposed to what--mental sex?

if I got down on my knees and gave someone oral sex . . . without kissing or removing clothes or otherwise touching, that's not intimate.

But I would never do that (unless it would be with a regular partner), so it's all intimate to me.

Cloud, your mouth is not a genital. Genital sex obviously means genital to genital.

there pretty much has to be some genitals in there somewhere.

yep, same here

Wait wait... anal. New poll, we need 4 more answers.

But it might be for him, that's why there are so many options in the pole.

What about shoulder sex?

Head & Shoulders sounds like good clean fun.

That's what I'm talking about here. The disconnect between the act of sex and sex with intimacy.

Sex as an expression of intimacy, rather than carnal pleasure. Like asking her name when I pay her? :haha:

You paying by check?

No, in cash. That's why asking her name would make it more intimate.

Having someone's junk in your mouth is pretty fucking intimate!

It's intimate, but it doesn't have to be an act of intimacy.
I've been in situations that perhaps the average person in the street hasn't.
I don't boast about them, but I'm not ashamed of them - I lived my life the way I did and unless I get my hands ona time machine I can't change that.

In my past I've given a BJ to get out of an awkward situtation - ie where I didn't want sex but felt things could get awkward. So to me, a BJ was an acceptable compromise.

Men reading this would not want that for their daughters - my Dad wouldn't. But the choices I made, the situations I was in, I was able to shrug off what happened. And no, I'm not saying it was good behaviour on my part or theirs, just explaining why on earth I'd suck off someone I wasn't prepared to have sex with.

Going down on a man I have a real connection with is completely different. Completely. I've been accused of being "like a man" in my approach to sex before. Usually as a criticism. I'm not sure it's a valid somment given the huge range of male beliefs and opinions.

On the notion of "eating ain't cheating:" I would actually be even more offended to discover a significant other had performed oral sex on another person, as opposed to having typical intercourse. At least with intercourse you could try to paint it as a carnal need that the offender wanted to satisfy. Giving oral without getting anything in return means he was doing it all for her, making it emotionally unfaithful as well as physically.

But what if it was "She [just] gave me a bj." Worse or better than "We fucked."?

i reject this poll for not giving fair choices for those outside the construct of binary gender.

Does it make a difference, ibby? Isn't i how you feel about the act? Rather than which types of genitals are involved?

So you assume Ibby, nowhere does it state the the oral sex is hetero. Methinks thou doth protest too much.

Put me down as an 'other'. I can't find an appropriate answer.

It would depend on if the partner is of the same or other sex and whether he/she is part of a long term relationship or something more casual.

There are two options given for gender: i'm a male, and i'm a female. trans erasure and cisnormativity = sadface.

Ahh, I re-read your post more closely, and yes, then this poll is out of bounds for you. Sorry. But feel free to create your own poll.

No, no, there doesn't have to be an option that completely describes the voters lifestyle, ferchrisake, don't make it so damn complicated. If you qualify in a number of categories, just has to pick which one you feel is the most intimate.

If someone is 'transgender' then that is not a lifestyle choice bruce.

If someone is bi-sexual, then yes, ok, you could argue a lifestyle choice...only inasmuch as someone acting on sexual impulse is exercising 'choice'.

'transgender' is what someone is, not what someone chooses to do. It also does not in any way dictate sexual preference. It is a sexual identity, not a sexual orientation.

I don't think Bruce was suggesting that Ib's lifestyle is a choice, just that it's a lifestyle that doesn't quite fit in with the bounds of the poll, but that that's ok and no one should worry too much about it.

I'd say just pick the answer that's closest to how you feel and that'd be good enough.

You're right Ali, but Professor Dana likes to lecture. :p:
Since when is the kid transgendered, last I heard he was like the farmers old rooster, nailing everything in sight and trying to get the buzzard too?

He's not TG, he's at PCU.

That's why I misread his post, last time we heard form Ib he was identifying as bisexual. But I guess that was too bourgeois for him so he decided to go TG.

What's PCU, I thought he was at Bennington?

ridiculous.

Bennington = Politically Correct U. Maybe one of the top in the world.

ahhh yes.

Well shit, if he wants to keep batting both ways, all he's doing is changing his wardrobe. If he makes the swap he loses half the action, because he can only be a catcher. Sounds like a downgrade to me, unless he really needs to use the ladies tee.

Worse than that, I think only about 50% retain the ability to orgasm post-switch. Lose-lose.

When you first came here, living with the family, kind of representing the USA in the public eye, you were stifled, repressed. In HS things opened up some, you got laid, and things were looking up. Then in VT it's all, Top-of-the-World-Ma, giddy with new found freedom and success. I hope to hell you aren't conjuring up an excuse to repress yourself.

After all we've done for you, encouraging, guiding, nurturing, sharing your ups & downs, waiting forever for you to come out of the bathroom, sitting politely through your vacation slides. The ladies gave you secret inside information on scoring, even merc played nice.
Oi, this is how you repay us, by making us worry all over again, when we thought you had all your shit in one sock? Don't make us come up there and slap the shit outta you, young man person. :facepalm:

It also floated to the top of Lil' Griff's college list as of last week.

lil Griff might go to school with Ibbeh?

I think he'll be graduated by then? She's part of the Doomsday Class of 2012. She still has a lot of programs to check out but Bennington really connected for her.

I only live about ten minutes from him, I could do it, i suppose. If I had to. Give him a talking to, I mean.

Be careful, he'll try to seduce you.

For some reason I thought you were closer to Saratoga Springs.

'Toga is about 45 minutes west and North Bennington is about 20 minutes south east.

Let me know if you come to town, I'll give you the nickel tour.

Too many dangly bits, not enough of dowas, not enough x chromosomes either.

Cool!

(It's Lil' Pete btw, I mixed up my pseudonyms)

It's all about the dowas.