Revenge ideas needed!
 

Let me preface this little story by telling you all that I am very well aware of the importance of being on time - especially if I am the one who is supposed to open up in the morning. I do not believe my ADHD gives me a "get out of jail free card" over this issue. If you would like to write an essay on how everyone needs to be prompt and not show up late, please start a new thread and post your thoughts there. However, if anyone has any tips on getting places on time, I'd love to see them!

OK. This morning I simply couldn't wake up. I am a night owl, and my adderall makes this situation worse. I can seldom fall asleep before 1:00am or 2:00am in the morning. If I have to get up at 6:30am, I am just a mess. I barely can crawl out of my bed, I drink my coffee and stare off into space, thinking about all sorts of things, none of which have anything to do with getting to work on time. I have caught myself falling back to sleep, sitting upright on the sofa, coffee cup in hand.

Well, today was one of those mornings, and I got to work 10 minutes late which made me 10 minutes late opening up the motel. About a half hour after I got there, the owner showed up to collect yesterday's cash and deposit it in the bank. Apparently Motel Maintenance Man (3M) had zipped out of his room (3M lives at the motel, so HE's never late for work), and told the owner that I was late and that a potential customer had come to the door and left because it was closed.

I have a VERY hard time swallowing 3M's story. Anything is possible, but in the 6 months I've worked here I have NEVER had a customer check in before 9:00am. And only a few people have come THAT early. Housekeeping doesn't even finish cleaning up the rooms until noon; check out time is at 11:00am. I have had to tell early bird customers to come back later when we will have a room ready for them.

So, I think 3M told the owner some fairy tale just so he could twist the knife in my back a little better. Personally, I never would report a co-worker for being 10 minutes late - even if they were relieving me of my shift. I want to do something really mean to 3M. I always knew he was a jerk, and now I know he is an asshole in addition.

Right now, I'm having lots of revenge fantasies and feeling very frustrated over my inability to be consistantly on time for stuff - especially work. Not a good start to the day.

So, I came to the experts - The Cellar! I need you guys to help me out with creative revenge fantasies - the meaner the better! :mad2::thepain::mad2:

Superglue his room door shut for a start. Get the lock changed while he's out

Put Nair in his shampoo.

(Set your clocks fast. Works for me, even though I know they are fast it still jolts me out of the door when I look up and see we're late already)

be nice to him. befriend him. mean it.

put cling film over the toilet bowl
hide shrimp tails in the air conditioner
keep unfixing things he's fixed
put a banana in the tailpipe of his car

go into one unspecified room, take apart the sink faucet and break the O-ring between the hot and cold water. That'll keep him busy for months!

Oh, grasshopper, since when have you become a Zen master? Actually, up to now, I have always tried to be friendly with him and make small talk and comment on what a good job he's done on the bedbugs in room 4.

His response to this has been to knife me in the back. I know all that crap about right living and praying for your enemies, but I have no patience with someone whom I now know is all too willing to do their worst given the chance. In fact 3M just came into the office, and I was so cool toward him, his big ol' bushy beard froze. Fuck him.

Keep going, Monster!

needs to be his room

FTW (permanently) mail a bag of dope from him to the wrong person including an inculpatory note. Maybe the name on the package is john doe but the address is the local cop shop. The note might include the mention of owed $ for previous sales...

hide alarm clocks all over his room set to go off every hour in the night.
put rice krispies in his bed.
put ads on craigslist with his phone number for bargains and for young blonde exchange-student tourists looking for a local guide to show them the hotspots....

Fuck him in the ass and don't bother to thank him. Oh, wait, that's my revenge SEX idea.


;)

place an ad with his address and room # asking for suplliers of viagra and extra small condoms....

there are many things to be achieved with local free ads

report him dui anonymously

give sheldon his number

Tell us your deep dark secret but don't tell him...... :D

Amelie has a great revenge sequence, worth watching as there are too many things to list. Her technique was progressive.

You mean this? Loved that movie.

this one

I had the right movie but really didn't get to watch the clips as I'm up front today. Thanks! :)

Send 2 craigslist hookers to his room every night for the next month. He won't know whether to be happy or scared, but he'll definitely be confused.

well... If you're serious about this, you could always contract some nasty STDs and have unprotected sex with him?

Oh you horrors! Guess what i'm wasting my afternoon watching?

I would just own up. Put yourself in his position.

What if it was you trying to explain why the place wasn't open yet.

Why take revenge on someone telling the truth? Accusing him of lying is just a way to excuse yourself.

It doesn't really matter if there was a person at the door or not. You were late.

Revenge idea. Tell him you are sorry you put him in that position. Watch his eyes pop out of his head.

Don't do it in passing. Stop him and look straight in his eyes. Then you'll know the truth.

ROFL "Nair in his shampoo..."

> Put a webcam in his bathroom, direct feed to the movie channel in the hotel or some suitable public feed. Mall? Diner? Internet?

> Apple smashed against lock opening so keyhole is full. If this has time to dry it is like superglue and untraceable. Someone did this to me in school and I had to cut off the lock. And DON'T SMASH AN iPOD, NOT THAT KIND OF APPLE!! haha

> Put some of your meds in his beer/whiskey whatever he drinks. Then when he isn't able to get up and is 10 minutes late, call your boss and say "is 3M off today? Haven't seen him...". If you are able, seed every drink he leaves laying around so that he falls asleep everywhere.

> Is he computer savvy? Does he use the comp at work? If he uses unique words, go into the dictionary and sub the word. i.e. in this feature, every time he types "Buddy" it comes out "Hairy arsehole" (I say unique so that you don't get someone else all freaked out). If you don't know the fix, it is completely baffling. I used to do this to people who fuck around on Facebook instead of working. The look on their face? PRICELESS

> Put an ad on the worst most twisted fetish board around town. "Horny handyman needs to be spanked"... etc.

> Cut a hole from his room to the next room. When that room's renter sees the hole they will go MENTAL. I know a guy who did this in a frat house and he almost got beaten to death by a girl's BF.

> File the tips off all his keys. Doesn't have to be much, take the point off and he's screwed if the lock is remotely new.


^^ In no order, and money is no object. All I could come up with on short notice, and haven't touched his car yet. I am going to assume you tried the carrot, and he is still a fucking asshole. So now the stick? Sometimes a person has to fight fire with fire.

I have had several of these pussies in my work life, and it is tough. These people are the epitome of cocksucker. They have some imagined hardon for you and this is the result.

If anything, your boss should have said "well, 3M, he may have been late but did you at least ask said customer to wait for 5 min?" He is so eager to stab you in the back he is screwing over his boss. I worked for a guy once who was right in the face of these jerks that have nothing better to do than throw sticks in other's wheels. He'd rip THEM a new one and make it quite clear that it isn't Grade 4 anymore.

Great, huh?

And Amelie knows how to use wire cutters. :lol:

THIS

Please read the OP. Thank you. :rtfm:

did you really expect people to follow instructions?

I did.

IM you are bad

now it's 4:30 and I've done sweet FA all day. I want revenge.


Place a new weird object on his toilet tank every day. ladies' knickers, can of dog food, photo of someone he doesn't know.....

hang the clothes other punters leave behind in his shower.

turn all his clocks back an hour

shake itching powder in his underwear drawer

put mayonnaise in his shoes

put a police wanted notice in the reception area with his picture on it.

turn all the drawers in his dresser upside down

glue pairs of googly eyes everywhere in his room (I always feel like, somebody's watching me..... :lol:)

put fake video cameras on all his ceilings

You may need industrial rubber gloves and a gas mask for some of these.....

Sew the bottoms of his pants together and the cuffs in his sweaters.

Cut the toes out of all his socks, or better still cut out smiley faces

Draw underwear on all the models in his pron stash, or cut out clothes from the Sears catalog and stick them on.

Get in touch with the local mormons and tell him you're worried for his soul, you think he's considering suicide and they may be able to help....

Stir Jello into the toilet tank (red is probably best)

Draw penises on all the lightbulbs in his room

What?

You've done Financial Aid all day? Me too! You can come help me tomorrow. :)

Actually getting out of here at lunch tomorrow because I am working an off-campus recruiting event on Saturday. YAY, beer by noon-thirty. ;)

Greatest revenge tool EVAH: Great Stuff Expanding Foam Sealant.

Run the little hose on the can all the way around the seam around the car door. Fill it.

Stick the hose through the spokes in the wheels of the car. Fill 'em.

House doors, refrigerator, bunghole, computer case, side of the house, etc., etc., etc.

Use your imagination, the possibilities are literally endless. Well, until you run out of Great Stuff, anyway.

Anywhere that hose goes, is fukt.

Oooooh, I loved that movie, too. And you've given me a wonderful idea for revenge. What motel doesn't offer "FREE CABLE TV"? Heh, heh, heh! *EVIL laugh*

I can see it now: It's a busy Saturday night. The motel is jammed with guests. Sam sneaks around back and plays the role of Amelie in the Great Cable Disaster. She disconnects the cable and then replaces it just as the cable guy arrives. Huh? No problem.

Sam does it again. And again. Unknowningly, 3 M guy plays the supporting role in this drama. "Call maintenance!" 3 M guy goes insane.

On the CELLAR!? Of course not. That's why I posted here for revenge ideas in the first place. I've never found a more clever group of social outlaws anywhere else on the Net, so far. ;)

The apple thing is another great idea for a motel. I plan to implement it as quick as I can get to the grocery to buy some apples.

And I love the thought of ODing him on adderall which - yes, Virginia - is mixed AMPHETAMINE salts. Rapid heartbeat. Headache. Feels like a freight train going 180mph with no brakes. CAN'T SLEEP! 60mg won't kill him, but if he doesn't know what he's taken, he's in for a very exciting day in a very bad way. Heh, heh, heh.

Your suggestions have kept me laughing all day. I'm sure I can find ways to incorporate at least a few of them in my general scheme of revenge.

And thanks to EVERYONE for all your terrific ideas. As many as actually possible will be implemented. I have endless time on my hands at that motel. Especially when I get to work from 8:00am (OK, 8:10am) to 10:00pm. The majority of people check in from around 5:00pm to 9:00pm. This gives me 10 hours with not much to do - until now. I will report back here and let you all know the results.

Fear not. 3M man will not be physically harmed. Despite the temptation to carry out a few of the more radical suggestions, no motel property (except for key-holes) will be damaged.

3M guy is just gonna wish he was never born.

And finally, I just love the following. I'm ordering it today. :eek:
http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electronic/b278/

And even if I end up not doing any of this stuff (although I really may do one or two), the fantasies kept me smiling my entire shift!

Oh thank fuck for that. I was beginning to think that all y'all were taking me too seriously to have a laugh!

If he has beers in his fridge, pinhole and drain them and put them back.

Put an embarrassing bumper sticker on his truck (?honk if you think I'm pretty....)

If you have a lobby restroom that punters can use in an emergency, block every room toilet you can (preferably with something embarrassing for 3M to fish out)

OK ways not to be late.

Set your clocks a little ahead.

Work out as much as you can -gets you to bed earlier and you sleep more soundly. It doesn't have to be an official workout, just get some physical exercise. Stuck behind a desk bored? do squats. Or something.

Have two alarms -one that goes off 10 minutes before you really need to get up.

Find a way to nap at work when nothing is happening.

I would love to be able to do curls or pushups or something at work, but i sweat at the drop of a hat... and i don't stop for like an hour..... it would cost too much in dry cleaning.

Anyone else think Monster is a bit too adept at these suggestions? :eyebrow:


:bolt:

yup.

This.

Quit pointing the finger at other people as a way of avoiding responsibility.

Whether your "theory" is right or wrong (and there is no way of knowing), it offers NOTHING constructive for you to move forward with. You're spinning your wheels. You'll never get anywhere in life with this shitty, excuse-making attitude. Am I making myself clear?

Dingdingding... and Flint for the win.

Don't misunderstand, I'm not condemning you for being late. Shit happens, I've certainly been late a few times myself, but suck it up and realize only you control your actions so it is your fault you were late. It may be someone else's fault you were caught, but you wouldn't be at the mercy of someone else's motives if you hadn't made the mistake to begin with.

offs. regain your sense of fun, your kids will thank you. this thread is not about career advice.

I stand by what I said.

Take a hot bath, as hot as you can stand, about 30 mins before bed. The heat is supposed to help release chemicals in your brain to help you sleep. Also get an essential oil scent you like ( I use a lavender and lemon blend) put it in a spray bottle with some water. As you are going to bed, spray some onto a tissue and place in your pillow case. As you do say out loud, "this will help me sleep", and mean it! Do it every night. After a few weeks, that scent will be a trigger for you to be tired, and get a better nights sleep. I have Fibromyalgia and this honestly worked for me.

good. now chill and have some off-duty fun.

And so monster commandeth...

And there goes levity... :bolt:

offs

STFU This R SRS thread. Sam needs moar chastisement.....

Revenge idea # 264

Fuck something up real bad then play all friendly with M3 and give him Flint's # as the helpline....

:lol:

...or recommend lookout123 as a financial advisor....

I am one of the most revengeful-mo-fo's you will ever meet. Send me your problems....

she did. we await your suggestions

Suggetion #1. Shoot yourself and put the issue behind you.

Read my OP. Thank you. :rtfm: