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-   -   Misfortune Cookies (http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=26851)

monster 02-09-2012 08:20 PM

Misfortune Cookies
 
They ought to exist.


it is too late for happiness

Your unlucky numbers are any numbers ending in 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, all multiple of 2

Someone close to you will die before you have a chance to ask them

You have heart of fruitfly

Winning lottery number is W

Good Futures are all behind you

Happy endings out of stock



I know you can do better

(^see, that's probably my best one)

Clodfobble 02-09-2012 08:26 PM

They DO exist!

monster 02-09-2012 08:32 PM

Ha! I didn't even think to search, I was just getting slightly irritated by the latest apparent facebook fad of sharing your fortune...... Ann Arborites eat way too much Chinese food methinks.

I still think we can do better.

"you will die alone and poorly dressed" .....bring it! If I died well dressed it would be because I'd been a veg for long enough that nursing home volunteers were choosing my outfits......

monster 02-09-2012 08:35 PM

your posterior does not look big, it looks hippopotamus.

erectile disfunction is foretold for you

your enema will be strong and numerous

Undertoad 02-09-2012 08:36 PM

http://cellar.org/2012/thatwasntchicken.jpg

monster 02-09-2012 08:37 PM

your nude pictures await your discovery on the internet

Aliantha 02-09-2012 08:37 PM

This is your last fortune cookie ever!

monster 02-09-2012 08:38 PM

we saw you make slitty eye sign behind waiter back

ZenGum 02-09-2012 08:46 PM

You so stupid, you think cookie know better than you.
You right.

monster 02-09-2012 08:49 PM

you just ate that cookie, didn't you?

Pete Zicato 02-09-2012 09:23 PM

"You will die like a dog for no good reason."

Not mine, but Hemingway's. But it seems appropriate here.

monster 02-09-2012 09:32 PM

Your gender will be defined for you

Your gender role is pre-determined

Your egg roll is pre-despermined

BigV 02-09-2012 10:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clodfobble (Post 794177)

Yes, yes, they do. And they're sold in 5 pound bags. Their store is about 15 minutes from my house.

Tsue Chong Fortune Cookie & Noodle Factory

Spexxvet 02-10-2012 08:16 AM

You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny

Cook who make cream sauce is masturbator

employees don't wash hands after using potty

You suck

My dog was named Mein. He was Chow

Sundae 02-10-2012 01:40 PM

The thing your mother warned you about will happen.
Your worries are right - your genitals are mis-shapen.
The one you depend on the most will abandon you.
You are right to fear the stairs.

monster 02-10-2012 04:02 PM

Cybermen are real

Griff 02-10-2012 05:01 PM

You waste of cheap cookie.

monster 02-10-2012 07:37 PM

Is this a new genre: insult cookies?

Griff 02-11-2012 08:10 AM

Sounds like a marketing plan.

jimhelm 02-11-2012 09:19 AM

Yes, that was mouse dung. Too bad you ate this cookie last.

Me chinese, me play joke....etc.

Spexxvet 02-11-2012 09:37 AM

Meet me in the ladies' room

My kitty, Mao, say meow

Round eyes will be shot at 9pm

Sundae 02-12-2012 06:02 AM

When they write your obituary, they will spell your name wrong.

monster 02-12-2012 06:50 AM

Your lucky number is

fox of the hunt 02-12-2012 11:23 AM

Help! I'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory!

Sundae 02-12-2012 01:02 PM

Snicker.
Welcome, Fox.

Gravdigr 02-12-2012 05:09 PM

You will fart loudly during the benediction prayer.

infinite monkey 02-12-2012 05:10 PM

I think this piece of paper is mostly filler

This page intentionally left blank

Sundae 02-13-2012 12:06 PM

All your graffiti will be painted over.

wolf 02-13-2012 04:41 PM

Empty fortune cookies are far more disturbing.

Sundae 02-14-2012 04:44 AM

Surely no more disturbing than those filled with cockroaches?

Sundae 02-14-2012 05:21 AM

You will not get any Valentines Day cards this year.

Oh wait, that's not misfortune, or even ironic (sorry Alanis).
Just reality :sniff:


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