The Cellar - Funny stuff we get in emails

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Funny stuff we get in emails

Most of the funny stuff I occasionally get is from my dad. Here's one:

Quote:

GARFIELD ON THE OIL CRISIS

YOU GOTTA LOVE GARFIELD 'S EXPLANATION -- TOO CUTE & ALSO TOO TRUE!!!

http://gal.darkervision.com/wp-conte....thumbnail.jpg

A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in the US. Well, there's a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know we were getting low. The reason for that is purely geographical. Our oil is located in Alaska, California, Coastal Florida, Coastal Louisiana, Coastal Alabama, Coastal Mississippi, Coastal Texas, North Dakota, Wyoming, Colorado, Kansas, Oklahoma, and Pennsylvania. Our dipsticks are located in Washington DC. Any Questions? NO? Didn't think So.

Author unknown

The concept of politics

This pretty much sums it up…

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so! We call her The Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you The People .

The nanny, we will consider her The Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him The Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.

So the little boy! Goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely Soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room Finding the door
locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, 'Dad, I think I
understand the concept of politics now.'

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'

The little boy replies:

'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep, The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.

Wahay it's 70's night :P

From my inbox:

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But did it talk to a chair, dear?

A flurry of teh funneh from teh ehmail:

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Heh, fergot bout the ol 710...anywho...these came in yesterday:

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My inbox:

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Yep, the sale is on sale...:yelsick:

Got this around St. Patrick's Day

Late at night this guy runs into a pub and gets a glass of water from the bartender. The guy drinks it in one gulp then asks for a second glass. Six glasses later, he has recovered enough to speak. "Thanks," he croaks. "That’s one hell of a thirst you’ve got," says the bartender, The guy says, "Any man would be as bad if they’d just had sex with the woman in my car. She’s insatiable. She wants me to go right back out there and do it all again, but I can’t." ‘Where’s your car?" the bartender asks. "At the roadside," the guy gasps. "Tell you what," says the bartender, "you watch the bar for me while I go out and take your place." "Be my guest, the broad’s a nymph. She’ll do anybody." So the bartender goes outside and gets in the car. It’s totally dark, so the woman doesn’t realise she’s with a different man. They get right down to it, humping away. Five minutes later there’s a knock on the window. It’s a cop and he shines his flashlight on the naked couple. "What’s going on here?" he asks. "It’s all right, officer," explains the bartender. "She’s my wife." "Oh, sorry sir, I didn’t realise...""Neither did I till you switched on that damned light."