Newbie
 

Hello All!!

I'm new to this forum and I would like to introduce myself. I'm 22 and i'm a student at the University of Hartford. I'm looking forward to getting to know all of you wonderful people and having a good time posting away.

Willkommen!

Welcome newbie.. time to empty your mind.

Hello, Hello, Hello :3eye:

Hello Amy

Nice to have you here. (best Trent Lott impersonation) I'd like to apologize in advance for anything that I may say that may seem to be insensitive or just plain wrong.

I used to work out there at a place named Wiremold.

Have you ever fired a handgun from a moving car (through an open window, of course)?

Out of a cannon?

Do BBs count?

Welcome!

Don't pet the egos...:D

Welcome, and I'm kinda a newbie here too, just a few weeks on, but lurked for months.

Glad to have you aboard.

mw

Hola Amy...welcome to this fine little establishment. Enjoy.

I M NOOBY TWO. I LURKED 4 MUNTHZ N JUS STRATED POSTIN LAZZ WEAK!!! WELCUM 2 THA SELLER!

Dave, you forgot the LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!! THIS IS FUKIN KOOL!

Amy! Ive been looking all over for you and there you are. welcome!

Real Funny Dave
 

I have no beef with you, why are you making fun of me? Take my post, rearrange it, and mock me, that's real fucking nice.

Now I see why there are so few people on this board -- the way the "old-timers" attack each damn newbie that comes along is just fucking stupid.

I could say something else that's really mean, but I won't, I won't lower myself to that. I have nothing against you, but I think that your post was uncalled for.

mw

Geez, I didn't take it like dave was busting you, I thought he was just taking a n00b style for the fun of it.

Greetings, Amy...I'm a relative newbie here as well. Don't forget to duck when low-flying flames shoot by!

Seriously, for a public forum, the people here are pretty darn bright (discounting myself, of course) and very interesting in the oddest ways. You'll enjoy it here...or else!

Re: Real Funny Dave
 

Yes, be sure to point out how superior you are by not being mean.

Do me a favor and chill out. I wasn't making fun of you.

Hello Amy,

I'd like to take this opportunity to say that I am watching over you and protecting you. Unless of course you don't believe in me. Then yer on yer own.

This is not an invite to flame me for everything bad that ever happened to you either. I'm a busy man, I can't make everyone's life wine and roses. :)

Ummm Excuse me God Sir... or Madam as the case may be... I have a question I've always wondered about maybe You can Enlighten me...

Can You make a long distance telephone call that lasts so long You can't afford to pay the bill for it?

Oh, and welcome to the Cellar Amy. It's a nice place. No, really it is. :cool:

(God checks the heavenly "unit") Yes, it's there and God is a man, despite silly modern notions that God might be a woman.

As for the phone bill. I make a *lot* of long distance calls since my actual appearance is normally intimidating to mortals. God is big and powerful but also a bit of a cheapass, so I use phone calling cards. Sure I can *miracle* money out of my ass, but I prefer to save my energy for helping people directly, making their breasts/peni bigger, making accounting miracles for the IRS, helping people to pass drug tests and the like.

God also has a lot of shit to do and would rather not deal with monthly bills. It's much easier to buy a pre-paid phone card and put it in a person's file so we can settle up when that person expires.

For some reason, I'm feeling rather less enlightened than I had expected to.

Not what you expected?

Welcome to the boards, dear!
 

Wanna fuck? :blush:

Goddamnit, we turn the childrens controls off, and look at what he does...

Re: Welcome to the boards, dear!
 

Watch out, NBN ... God will smite you ...

Goodness...Here I've just rededicated my life to the worship of my Lord and Savior Billy Mays and now I end up on the same BB as God?


Well, heck! I guess it's back to happy damnation and the Penn and Teller BS board for me...

The Lord works in mysterious ways :)

This is a part of my new PR campaign. I'm trying to be a more approachable and relatable God.

Oxyclean is a wonder to behold. Mine eyes are so clean you can eat off of them! Huzzah!

Grass stains! Clay stains! BLOOD!!!:eek:

30 messages of excited introductions, and yet I find it highly likely that Amy will never return to read or reply to a single one of them.

Alright, people, place your bets! How long will it be before Amy posts again? Will it be...

o  1 day
o  2 days
o  3 days
o  4 days
o  5 days
o  1 week
o  1 month
o  1 year
o &nbsp;<b>never</b>

I'm putting $5 on never. Feel free to invent your own option. :)

I was originally going to say a week, but after Tim's comment, I'm going to say never now.

"Mother! Oh God, Mother! Blood! Blood!!"
---------- Norman Bates (Anthony Perkins), Psycho

Yeah! Well, I'm voting that Amy will lurk for a bit, discover we're mostly harmless, and post in about ... say ... three weeks.

Nyuk!:eek: :p :D

HAMLESS, HARMLESS. your claiming we're harmless, do you realize how many innocent bystanders have been driven insane by this place. Not only that, but with slang hanging around here...Well I'll let you make your own connection. :p

We didn't do that to him. He started out that way. It's natural.

actuall I was refering to the fact that the inclusion of slang makes us even more harmful. ;)

OOOoohhhh.

Yeah. You're right about that.

Yeah, Slang adds about 30 points to the danger IQ, pushing it into genius range.

You must be joking. Let's take a look at the highlights of *my* resume.

<center><h3>Saddam Hussein</h3></center>
<center>0001 Hiddenbunker lane</center>
<center>Baghdad, Iraq</center>

<b>Career objective</b>:
To rule the whole world as I do Iraq, kill everyone that seems to disagree with me on anything, and to fire my rifle in the air from the balcony of the White House.

<b>Education</b>:
BA – Tyranny (It’s an art not a science)
BS – Chemistry with an emphasis on distribution (Comes in handy)
MS – Intercity travel and evasion


<b>Experience</b>:
<b>I think you are all stupid</b> - UN world tour , 1999- Present, Playing the shell game. Orchestrating the schedules of rail and bus mobile chemical weapons labs so as to elude Inspector Clouseau and his merry band of useful idiots. Euthanasing Kurds in Northern Iraq. Killing the family members of those that leave my kingdom without permission (via power drills and gasoline). Training and equipping Al-Qeada members to get those American imperialists off my ass for good.

<b>Rebuilding the War Machine</b> – Germany. France , Russia 1992-1999 Bought WOMDs and “fun shit” for me with the “oil for food” money. Built castles and mansions for my own use while children and the general population were staving, sick, and dying. Managed the supplies and materials through 3rd party sources to keep banned items “off paper”. Forged productive relationships with previous enemies for a common goal (OBL). Sent Republican Guards posing as political refugees into US to assist with OKC bombing and to shoot down TWA flight 800.

<b>The Mother of All Defeats</b> – Kuwait 1990-91 My efforts to annex Kuwait were dashed after the American Infidels launched their new age crusade. Set oil wells ablaze while retreating Kuwait, shit my knickers in Baghdad waiting for the US Marines/Special Forces that spared my life at the last minute.

Now. How dangerous am I in comparison to a rural recluse with a few rifles?

What, are you staying at one of your other 900 bunkers? I thought your official address was 666 Saddam Hussein Blvd., located near the intersection of Saddam Hussein Blvd., Saddam Hussein Pkwy., and the Allah Freeway.

I dont believe in Allah and do not promote religion of any type (it compete's with me as the supreme authority)

As for my mailing address, just put my name on the package and I will recieve it. My people are very well trained and will see to it that I recieve it after decontamination.

Oh, and to the Hollywood left "feel good" women: Stop sending me your panties!

That's the summer residence.

How do you explain putting "Allah is great" on the Iraqi flag just after the Gulf War? Hmmm?

PR to gain support. When you come that close to death and start talking to God, it appears as if you might change for the better.


The Allah I was talking about was ALL......AAhhhh, which was a new ice cream flavor similar to vanilla but with goat's milk. It's really good so it was named (I want it) ALL.....Ahhhh.

hmmmm... are we intentionally scaring away newbies, or is it just a side effect of our own unique personalities?? :3eye:

Whom do you recommend that they send them to?

???

I heard a rumor that Bill Clinton was stitching a "peace flag" from them to to wave at the anti-Bush rallies. He said this was a cause worthy of him parting with the (ENORMOUS) collection. So, they should send them all to Willy, soiled!

Remember back a couple pages ago, we were handicapping the odds of Amy coming back? Believe it or not, I saw those posts and the Hussein ones at the same time... I'm a bit slow. ;)

And I'm the one that gets called a "thread pirate."

Harrumph. :P

Uday! Activate the north Philli cell. Tell them "the wolf" is nipping at my ass. They will know what you mean.

Bring 'em on. I'll give you a call and tell you where you can collect what's left of the bodies. :shotgun:

You haven't been paying attention Wolf. Can your shotgun kill a virus? Why do you think I have gone through so much trouble in moving these mobile labs around?

1 infects 3, those three infect 9, those 9 infect 27, those 27 infect 81......with an incubation period of 2 or three weeks, your whole country could be very ill before you even know what hit you.

1. We'll send you TOURISTS. Biowar is stupid. You can't control the vectors.

2. I have plenty of duct tape and contractor bags.

Saddam, I wouldn't be surprised if some bio-agent was let loose at the Hajj in Mecca this week. Those people could spread it far and wide throughout the Muslim world.

This is looking more and more like World War Three, and I for one intend to survive it.

Unleash the dogs of war!

(Saddam thinks to himself: This *could* turn into the Mother of All Defeats II )

Speaking of thread hijacking, those sound like two of the essential ingredients to my idea of a fabulous date. You also need the jumbo size can of crisco, and a suitable partner . . .

There would also be a need for whipped cream, strawberries, chocolate sauce, peaches, and radial tires.

That must be the .56%.