The Grocery List
 

Last summer I went to my friend's house and she showed me a grocery list she had made a day or two earlier. She couldn't figure out everything she wrote on it. She was really drunk at the time. :rolleyes:

We took it to meet up with friends at a bar one summer afternoon, and it was hilarious asking people what they thought it said.

Knowing the answers, they all seem easy to me now. But there were two in particular that took some time to figure out. So I told her I'd post it online and I just found it in my purse a couple days ago.

So, can you name everything on my friend's grocery list? It might not be as mysterious as I remember. :blush:

Bonus question: from whom did she get that paper and where did whom get it? :p:

The only one I'm a little unsure about is third from the bottom. My instinct would be cocoa, but in that case it's misspelled--so I'm thinking it could also be Coca-Cola, since she also abbreviated "dressing" as "Dr." higher up. But with the milk, butter, vanilla, and sucralose also on there, I'm betting it's cocoa.

You're right...that one's cocoa.

I can't figure out that cocaine one, or the bath mat one, or the succotash one. The rest I got.

Hahhahaaaaa!

Well, that was fun.

So ends the newest craze in game shows: The Grocery List.

(wahhhh wahhhhh wahhhhhhhhhh) <----Pacman loser sound.

But that's not really a bath mat and succotash, is it?

Yeah, it really is! :lol:

I mean, who actually buys succotash? It just comes on your tray in the school cafeteria.

Well hang on then, I was wrong--I thought "succotash" was "sucralose."

I assumed that having "bath mat" on there just meant she shopped for groceries at a WalMart.

I know, right?

I think it was an Aldi trip. My friend wouldn't know from 'sucralose.'

This is my buddy who uses the wrong words a LOT. I write them down. Yes, she knows about it. We have quite the laugh when I pull out my old notes. Maybe we're just acting juvial. But she made out like a banshee on free beers at our grocery list session. Don't forget, to slander someone is ethnically wrong. She has a short extensions span, cannot diaphragm a sentence, and has one of those fans that ovulates.

But I love her. She is really funny.

My list

Rotisserie league chicken
35-pack bottled water
Bacon
Whole-wheat bread
lettuce
caesar dressing
frozen broccoli
mushrooms
milk
half and half
red quinoa
chkn broth

We should hook her up with Juan

Sucrets

Herb net


Cocai....oh shit, I shouldn't write that one down.

Is that the guy who pees like a racist?

No, that's someone else on the Cellar I think.

However, her husband told me...as we were talking about zodiac signs, that his sister was born right on the crisp! Right ON THE CRISP (he was quite adamant.)

Like I said, they know about this, I kid them. They think it's funny too. We accept our differences. And I think my sarcastic rib-poking wit comes off much better IRL, because people IRL sort of like me. ;)

This morning my toast was burnt to a cusp, so it's not impossible she was born on the crisp.

I have a friend who claims he has lysdexia, but he's always trying to increase his word power and throw a few three dollar words into the conversation, usually with about 30% accuracy. He is so earnest and really trying hard I don't have the heart to correct him. It's an insecurity with him. Also they are not as funny as your friend's mistakes.

Actually, I coined that one.

Juan is the guy with the cash years check, go pound salt, loaded down with all the niceties....etc

My whole family says "i don't like to cast asparagus, but..." because some friend of my' rents said that once. They couldn't tell if he was kidding or not. This has stuck since i was a kid. :)

My current list:

printer paper
cantaloupe
honey
grapeseed oil
parchment paper
small ziplocks
applesauces
pork chops

But this only gets me through Sunday, I'll have to add food for several more dinners before I actually go.

Well fuck that's a whole lot neater than our lists. And the notes on the back of my hand.....

My friend is also totally OCD. Cleanest place you'll ever see. So her grocery lists, while often illegible, are always right on. She's smart and organized.