Come-back Kings and Queens Converge.....
 

My high-school freshman-to-be is saving his growth spurt for a special occasion, and as a result is still a smidge shy of footfootfootfootfoot. He is playing hockey and polo with the teams that he will join, and could use a repertoire of retorts for those dumb enough to comment that he's short.

We have:

Yeah and you're ugly, but I'm gonna grow
Yeah, but I'm only 6, imagine how good I'm gonna be when I'm 14....

as you can see we need help, so have at it......

ooh ooh....

I'm environmentally friendly -less packaging, more product

How bout, i might be short, but you defo need to grow up.

I like the ugly one. It's simple, direct, and right on target. If you come up with something that's really clever, it makes it look like he's trying too hard. He needs to make it look like he doesn't care.

The most crushing put-down I ever received was when I was doing a show, and we had to hoist someone up on a series of wooden disks. I was part of the kneeling crew, others held their disk at waist height and finally there were those who shared the weight on their shoulders.

Nick was our best singer, and I said without thinking, "Why doesn't Nick do it?" He looked at me and said simply and directly, "Because I'm 16 stone, why do you think?"

I hadn't actually meant to joke about his size, but I was crushed. As crushed as we'd have been if we hefted Nick up there :meanface:

The best comeback is to treat teasing as if it's completely irrelevant.
I never learned that trick myself, so I do like the other suggestions. Maybe he could tell them his parents have given him permission to cunt-punt them.

nope, not on a sports team. But srsly, this is for shits and grins and general amusement, otherwise it would be in parenting.

When I was a kid the advice for those of smaller stature (other than to ignore it which these days is key to pile it on harder) was to say "precious things come in small packages" (yeah, like poison ;) )

Dude, my eyes are at tit level.

the best defense being a good offense, he should say "can i borrow a dollar? I'm a little short."

snort

Nose to nose, his toes are....


Nah.. too soon.

Ha!

"You know who else was tall? Hitler."



It's not actually true, Hitler was on the short side. But I'd bet most teens don't know that.

multiple lols

My height? It's to make you think I'm easy to overlook ...


Sent by thought transference

you know why you should never raise your hand against me, doncha?


it leaves your groin exposed.

I'll research some good comebacks, but most of the short people I know wrestled and were charming. The ones that weren't charming would just sucker-punch (or head-butt if you are British) the commenter then proceed to go completely apeshit on him until they were pulled off. End of comments. for. ever.

In a similar vein, when it comes to comebacks they have to be swift and decisive, almost always leading to stuff like "Your mother/sister/girlfriend didn't think I was short last night." Then he has to follow that up with an ass kicking, probably.

The whole thing has to be very first and second chakra, don't bother appealing to their purported intellect.

Wait, what? That's got to be a regional definition. To me, a sucker punch is an unprovoked/unexpected punch with the fist.

Yes, a sucker punch as I mean it is an unexpected punch with the fist usually to the head. I think the Brits employ a headbutt where we would employ a suckerpunch. i.e. A surprise attack. Not to mean the terms or actions are synonymous, just parallel.

Ah, it must be those stiff upper lips that cause them to prefer headbutting.

AKA the Glasgow Kiss.