Tacky Sales Rep Behavior
 

Post your funny and/or horrifying examples of bad behavior on the part of salesdroids.

From my voice mail this morning, about 8:15AM (names changed to protect the innocent):

"Hi, Steve, this is Joe Blow with Uranus-Hertz*. You should check out our web site at uranus-hertz.com. I'm going to call you back around 9:15 to schedule an appointment with one of our sales engineers to come out and talk with you."

Can we be just a little more pushy and arrogant?

Oh, and can we actually mention what kind of products we sell? Sure, I could go to the web page and find out, but why should I?

* This is from a Dilbert strip where they're trying to come up with a new name for the company, and it's been suggested that they evoke a hi-tech aura by combining terms from astronomy and physics. I do not know if there is a web site at this addres, and I take no responsibility for what's there if you decide to find out.

On the rare occasion a telemarketer gets to the end of their pitch with me on the other end of the line, I really love it when they go, "So how do you want to pay? Credit card or check by phone?"

Not at all, thankyouverymuch.

sales engineer?

Re: Tacky Sales Rep Behavior
 

[quote]Originally posted by SteveDallas
[b]Post your funny and/or horrifying examples of bad behavior on the part of salesdroids.

"Hi, can I spea..."

"No" ::click::

would my nude greeting of those tacky religion sales droids (jehova's witlesses) constitute tackiness on my part for doing it or their part for still trying to make the sale? i am a male, and while not extremely displeasing to the eye, they were males too, so i would think that withstanding an outright attack like that would be beyond their call of duty. (i just wanted to scare them off)

All I can say is, "Why don't you try it and find out?"

Yep, Torrere, "sales engineer." hahahaha.

the best one that i've had in a while:

phone rings, i pick it up. the guy on the other end has such a poor grasp of the english language and such a thick accent that i have no idea what he's talking about. at first i thought it was a wrong number, and then through either his inflection or a mangled bit of english that made it through i realized that he was trying to sell me something. i stayed on the line for a bit out of amusement. then i said "buddy, i don't even know what the fuck you're saying to me". the place must have either been bad off in terms of their recruitment or they outsourced their telemarketing to india. btw, the my boss is from new delhi and he mentioned the other day that telemarketing is big business there now. they provide their telemarketers with local info for the people they call such as weather and sports team scores so that they can converse jovially with you.....

its about damn time something that nobody wants to do gets outsourced. let 'em have the crappy jobs i say!

A few weeks ago the phone rang on a Saturday morning, waking my wife and I. I answered, and it was a woman from Qwest, our local phone service provider.

She said something along the lines of "Hi! This is perky-sales-woman from Qwest, and we're giving you three FREE! months of our new Worthless Phone-related Service! After three months, you can cancel, or continue using the service, and have it billed to your monthly statement! I just need to give you to select a four-digit PIN to access the service."

"Not interested," I replied, which is less creative than I usually get with telemarketers, but I was groggy and didn't want to get into anything.

"But sir! It's absolutely free! So why don't you go ahead and give me a four-digit..."

"You know," I interrupted, "We don't even own a telephone, so I can't use this fancy new service... it's no good to me."

Silence for a moment or two.

"You... don't own a telephone?" she asked in a confused tone.

"Nope. Sorry."

"Well... have a ... good day then, sir." Click. My wife laughed for about ten minutes.

this happened a while ago, shortly after Case and I got married. Phone rings, I answer.

Me: "Hello?"
Bitch: "May I speak with Casey (her maiden name, mispronounced - badly)?" (No "hi", and her tone was curt).
Me: "Let me see, can I get your name?"
Bitch: "This is Diane." (Hmmm, Casey doesn't know anyone by that name, as far as I know)
Me: "Okay, Diane, who are you with?"
Bitch: "This is a courtesy call" (Oh, okay)
Me: "I'm not going to put her on the line until I know who you're with"
Bitch: "Well it really isn't any of your business" (Oh, really?)
Me: "Well, I am her husband, and you're a telemarketer, so I really have the upper hand here. You'll tell me who you're with or you won't be talking to her."
Bitch: "I didn't know you were her husband and its none of your concern who I'm with and why I want to talk to her"
Me: "Do you know you suck at your job? Don't call this number again." (Yay me! The wife is proud)

Next night, the phone rings...

Me: "Hello?"
Bitch: "May I speak with Casey (her maiden name, mispronounced - badly - again)?"
Me: "Let me see, can I get your name?"
Bitch: "This is Diane."
Me: "Diane you called here last night and I told you not to call this number again."
Bitch "No I didn't I've never spoken to you before!"
Me: "Yes you did. I told you you sucked at your job, remember?"

Click. Never heard from my best friend Diane again.

HaHaHaHaHa...Agh.... (Scope tries to breathe after splitting his side..)

That one had both me and the BF laughing while we were reading... LOL

Whenever I get a sales call (usually for siding or windows), I like to listen intently, getting more and more excited every time I respond, gushing about how much I need their products, asking for lots and lots of intimate details, inquiring as to how soon they can do the installation, what colors do they have to select from, and all that.

Then, right as they getting ready to schedule an appointment with their on-site sales person, I say "Oh...by the way, is it going to be a problem getting financing?"

"Why, no sir, we have a terrific finance plan!"

"That's great! Because I just filed bankruptcy last week, and I wasn't at all sure how to pay for this."

That usually ends things nicely.

One of my friend's favorite tactics (and this goes back a good many years) was to figure out some way to make it clear that the product was in no way needed in your life. If this could be expressed in a way to screw with the telemarketer's head, all the better.

"Hi, this is Edie from Time-Life books ... we'd like to send your the introductory volume from our new series "The Fascination with Lint" absolutely free ..."

"Goddamit, I've just gone BLIND!! How dare you be so insensitive ... etc."

He was a master of this stuff.

My own efforts are somewhat more subtle. Prior to the PA Do Not Call list going into effect, I stopped telemarketers cold by interrupting their sales pitch with one of my own ... asking for their name address and billing information, since THEY contacted MY consulting business, and this was billable time for me ... at a rate of $100/hr, minimum three hours. I usually didn't make it through the terms and conditions before they were hanging up.

When I was a kid, my step dad (who rarely drank) told me when I answered the door to the Jehovahs, to just say "My Dad was out drinking all night and if I have to wake him up, boy is he gonna be pissed"

I've found that one simple number gets rid of most mortgage-refinance telemarketers

Telemarketer: blah blah blah refinance blah blah low rates blah

Me, interrupting: Can you beat 4.75%

Them: Uhh, no sir, thank you for your time.

Or, in one case

Them: Fixed?

Me: Fixed.

Them: Uhh, no sir, thank you for your time.

Window and siding guys are more fun. My old way was

Them: Hi, this is Sears calling with blah blah blah windows, blah blah blah doors, blah blah blah siding...

Me: (puts phone down, waits a few minutes for noise to stop)

Me: (Picks up phone) "Sounds really great, but I rent" <click>

New way, same thing but "It's a condo".

note about "courtesy calls"
 

these are usually the "friendly" first line of attack from a collection agency. I've heard plenty of these calls in my time and even shared living accomodations with one. Pests, the lot of 'em.

Best disguised title for a collection department: "The Verizon Welcome Center"

HAR

Brian

Or realtors wanting to get you to buy a house, or banks wanting you to take a loan, or in this case, a Credit Card company wanting to offer Case a "Great Low Rate!". How do I know? They tried again the next night, only it was some guy at the other end, not poor pitiful Diane. But he knew Diane, and he wasn't in the least bit surprised that I behaved the way I did with her. He was also kind enough to take us off their call list. :)

Thanks to the do-not-call program, I rarely get telemarketing at home these days.

At work, I screen every call that comes in as a transfer. 90% of the time if they don't have my direct number, it's a cold sales call where they called up and asked for the person in charge of the computers. I even had the bright idea that I could help this along by putting the main switchboard number on anything that was likely to be used for marketing, like registrations for trade shows.

My friend, G, drove away some Jehovah's Witnesses from my house a few weeks back. She just stared at them without saying anything. They asked, "Do you speak English?" She used her stereotypically Korean features to full effect, and some Jedi mind trickery as well, no doubt. Didn't take them long to drop their little "Watchtower" magazines and move on.

"And ummm...this is a really great deal...and you can always, like, take the free trial, and then, like, cancel it after a month."--part of a recent call from someone doing telemarketing work for Comcast (our cable company)