19 too old 4 me?
 

hey i met this guy, he's 19. i am 14 just wanted to know if you all thought that was to old for me?

1. It's way past your bedtime.

2. Check your local laws.

Is he a convict? Do you think he might like prison?

If you have to ask, probably a boy of 14 is too old for you.

For God's sake people, can't you have a little respect? Just because she is young doesn't mean she doesn't deserve any.

Well, he will most likely just use you for sex. Even if you don't think this is true, it still is true, because that is what all guys do to girls. Even apart from that, the gap in emotional maturity is huge. He will understand you but you won't understand all of him. It's just no good -- lovers and partners need to be equal for things to work. He will be the dominant partner because he'll have more experience in life.

And I do speak from experience. I dated a 38 year old when i was 22, and a 17 year old when I was 24.

Urban folklore suggests that the younger person should be at least half the age plus seven years. This rule is usually applied to middle aged men (eg, a 48 yo should not date a 30 yo). In this case a 19 yo should only date folks at least 16. There is often some wisdom in folklore.

It is very flattering to get nice attention from an older guy. You must be a charming person. You can probably imagine nice things coming from dating this person.

But, there is a lot of risk in it that you probably aren't considering. In fact, as you gain dating experience, you will be able to see the pluses and minuses much more clearly. It's best if you can get more dating experience with people your own age.

Some guidelines and rules of society are too strict and evolve over time. But, many rules of society serve us well, having stood the test of time.

April never mentioned having a sister?

If he is in fact interested in you, prepare for a LOT of sneaking around.

If you bring home a nineteen-year-old, much less get caught making out on the couch with him, your parents are very likely to shit coconuts. Whether they'd go the full nine yards and (a) beat the living hell out of him, (b) have him formally charged with statutory rape and/or (c) engage in intense and repeated screaming matches with you is open to debate.

Still up for it? That's up to you. Buy lots of Advil.

Things to consider:

1. Its against the law to have sex with this guy.
2. A 19yo who would date a 14yo is very immature or at least probably intimidated by women his own age - either way, it doesn't bode well for you.
3. If you did date him, sex is out of the question and as soon as he figures out that you won't have sex with him, he's probably as good as gone as soon as he finds someone who will.
4. Its not that 19 is too old for you as much as it is that 14 is too young for him. A light bulb should be going off right now that you have the courage and wisdom to ask whereas he probably doesn't.

A relationship with this guy might seem like nirvanna from the outside but chances are pretty good that you could sustain some pretty severe emotional scars from such a venture. You could wind up pregnant, he could wind up in jail - these things are very possible and you need to ask yourself a) what are the chances that they could happen and b) how much control do you have to make sure that they don't?

Good luck - is there an adult that you can talk to about this? Get some more advice from someone older that you can trust. And don't do anything impulsive - follow your brain and not your heart. That you asked is your brain's way of telling your heart that its probably not a good idea.

If she does, she might soon have a cousin.

Mrs. Dallas and I started dating when I was 19 and she was 31. We've now been married over 13 years. I think juju is right that the partners should be equal, but that doesn't translate into a simple calculation that can be universally applied.

Having said all that, I'll venture to say that yes, he's too old for you. I don't think anybody would blink an eye at you dating a 25-yo when you're 20, but you're not 20.

Yes, I agree, Steve. There isn't always so much of a gap in emotional maturity when both parties are past the teenage-years hump, because they both have <i>some</i> experience and maturity. But in a 14 and 19 year old pairing, I'd say it's pretty safe to say there will always be a gap.

By the way, I detest the word maturity, as it was routinely used in my household to mean "I'm better than you". But in some cases I have to grudgingly admit it has merit.

Yes, it's too old.

Seriously, at 14 you are a mature person. Your mind and body are physically at the point where you are able to have sex.

HOWEVER.

Even if you start going out with this 19yo with the idea that you are not going to have sex... let me warn you about 19yo boys. Even if he's a "good guy"... I don't care if he's the leader of the local church group... there's a high chance that you will actually 'fool around', and when teenage boys start fooling around it can get carried away pretty quickly.

Seriously, at 14 you should focus on casual relationships with people closer to your age. I strongly, strongly recommend that you wait for sex (or anything beyond "2nd base") until you're over 16 at the very least.

I know a lot of girls who at 14 they felt they were ready for sex. When they got older they've come to regret the decision... they didn't care about the guy, they felt used, they wished they would have saved it for a "special person", or whatever.

The point is, even if you feel you're ready now there is no harm in waiting. Just because you might regret it is reason enough to wait... wait until you KNOW the time is right.

Oh, and for the flip side of the argument, if you believe that you will be able to date a 19yo boy and not get into any sexual situations then you don't understand guys well enough.

Anyhow, as a guy, I can't tell you strongly enough that you should NOT go out with this guy. Bad idea all around.

PS: my 21yo brother is currently married to a 37yo woman. Yes, age differences can be worked out... but when you're 14 you need more time to get to know yourself before latching onto someone that much older.

If you were my daughter, I would have to evaluate the situation very thoroughly. I'd probably know how emotionally mature and self-responsible you were already, so I'd concentrate on the 19 year old intended. He would have to be pretty damn special before I would even consider allowing you to date.

Historically, my experience with 19 year old males isn't positive enough for me to even imagine that I'd let one date my 14 year old daughter. And I do tend to agree with a lot of what the others have said here...why in hell is this guy even interested in a 14 year old?

I've met my share of 14-year-olds who had 18-year-old racks.

Regardless, you would still be an unusual father. When presented with this situation, most fathers would take the additional step of physically beating the 19-year-old boy to death with a tack hammer for his presumed intentions towards Daddy's Little Girl.

When i was 15 i dated a 20 yr old guy, and even though he was a nice guy, and we are still mates now.. it was the WORST mistake of my life, i regret nearly everything that happened betwen us. i wasnt ready (even though i thought i was) to be in such a heavy relationship.

Girls do have a tendancy to mature quicker than guys, but physically and sexually a 19/20yr old will be leaps and bounds ahead of a 14 yr old and if you think that it wont affect your relationship with him, your only fooling yourself.

^^^ Wise words from a worldly woman. :D

Re: 19 too old 4 me?
 

I think we're all assuming that H20 is a girl. What if that's not right? would that change any one's opinion?

Also, there was no mention of sex or even a relationship. what is your intent, h20? do you want him to be your "boyfriend", or do you just want to party and hang out with him? What kind of a 14 year old are you? Waht kind of a 19 yr old is HE? do you have many older friends? how did you meet?

What I'm saying is that there's not enough info given for us to judge anything, just enough to tell you our general preconceptions. we'll need to know more. give it.

[jules]Check out the big brain on Jimbo! You a smart muthaphucka![/winnfield]

as always, syc, you have a way with words. most people just comment on the size of my noggin!

Eather way dude will be saying ,

Well, thank you, but I must give credit where credit is due...Quentin Tarantino is god-like.

I'd be skipping right over the evaluation part to the calling slang about a clean pistol part.

Re: Re: 19 too old 4 me?
 

It doesn't matter to me. If my son were 14 (he's really 18), wanted to hang out with a 19 yo guy as a friend, I would still have a problem with that.

Hey, h20, did you find all this feedback useful?

Re: Re: 19 too old 4 me?
 

Doesn't matter. 19 and 14 do not mix on any level. Hell, 19 and 14 yo siblings don't even mix on most levels.

Re: Re: Re: 19 too old 4 me?
 

I think you forget what it was like to be 14. I also don;t think you can make a blanket statement like that about it. It really depends on the 14 yr old, and the 19 yr old. Some 14 year olds have grown up with older kids, and are more mature as a result of it. NORMALLY, the age gap at that young and pivotal age, is a bad thing; for most of the reasons listed herein. NORMALLY

Re: Re: Re: Re: 19 too old 4 me?
 

NO. One or the other becomes separated from their peer group and put into a peer group where they don't fit or belong. The alternative is they spend all their time alone together and that's trouble.

When I was 21, I dated a 17-year old...Jesus fucking Christ, I was apparently on some serious crack. Thank God it didn't last long.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 19 too old 4 me?
 

Well, that's what I'm saying. IF the younger person's peer group IS older, than that makes the age difference LESS of a factor because the 14 yr old would be more learned in the ways that 19 yr olds act. It is still a factor though, and I personally believe that sex should not be an option. (also because it's illegal to boink a minor)

I have no personal stake in this, as I've never experienced it, but I refer to jinx's childhood where she went to a school that had mixed classes and she hung with much older kids ( her sister is 3 yrs older) also, my son goes to a similar school, and at 5, his best friend is 9? I think.

It is unlikely that H2O has had this type of upbringing, but it is possible. I think it is more likely that she/he will get into some real trouble, but with only one brief post, we just don;t know.


oh, and you forgot your smiley :worried:

what didn't last long? the sex or the crack?

We only dated for 2 months. Didn't get any out of her...a shame, really...plus she had really big boobs.

Incidentally, my crack supply has run dry. Jimbo, could you give me a call at work tomorrow regarding this issue? Hook a brother up!

the only crack i have is plumbers crack.....now if you need a little of this::blunt: :joint:, I happen to know that bruce is holding.

you finally hit my egress button?


i just have that there because it only appears on the first page, and when i squat at jinx's cpu, i have to log out when i'm done, or she'll hurt me and do bad awful things to me.

You basically have your own computer, right? So why don't you just use that one, you lazy slob?

it's all the way at the other end of the mansion! and jinx gets lonely if i go upstairs and "ignore" her after working 12 hrs......women!

I know...Rho keeps hogging our living room TV...like I'm going to connect the PS2 to a 13" TV! Ha!

The only thing I'm holding is what I'm always holding but if you want to smoke it, Woo Hoo.:)

5 and 9 makes me wonder who's learning what from whom. That usually spans Santa Claus and a host of normal developmental steps.
14 to 19 spans driving, possibly legal drinking and maybe even HS graduation.
As for Jinx's experience, she ended up with you. I rest my case.:cool:

Yeah, I wondered how the santa thing would go this year.... but it wasn't an issue. It continually amazes me how well the kids treat each other at his school. I really can't say enough good things about the place - especially with regard to the age mixing.

Shooooot, you didn't complain when you did it before! HA! :D

And I can always take the PS2 away...*evil grin*

You really would have been on crack to even want to have sex with a 17 year old...I don't care if she WAS only 4 years younger! The law is the law, and I don't date criminals..lol! :p

Anyway, about this 19 yr old dude. It's pretty simple to me: he's too told, 14 yr old is too young to even be worrying about relationships. Call me old fashioned, but that's how I was raised. When I was 14, the last thing on my mind was boys (at least, getting serious with one..flirting with them..well that was another thing...hehe). I'd suggest more concentration on school and getting good grades. Boys can wait a couple of more years, I think.

Don't look now, but H2O has skedaddled (I think). The post that started this thread was her one and only.

Any chance she's lurking?

Hey smart one, the age of consent in Missouri and Illinois is 17. So nyah!

That was the PlayStation...this is the PlayStation 2. And you ain't taking shit away, fool!

See that girl standin' by the record machine?
She's much too pretty to be a day over 15.;)

No, I don't covet 15 year old girls.
But I damn well remember what they feel like.

And you people probably wondered why I didn't post any actual sage advice ... why waste it on someone who will forget the URL and/or her login name and password.

Also, I'm not one to give advice to 14 year olds that may get me in trouble with her parents. Or the law. Heck, I don't generally dispense advice to adults, despite there being a public perception that such would be part of my job ... I help others "explore possible options."

Just a note here about H20 --- but where is she? She made the post and everyone has been responding but she has said nothing.. Why no comments to what everyone is saying.... H2O are you out there? ..... :D

I'm sorry, but she's in my black windowless van now.

*shrug*

It's no surprise that she vamoose'd. She walks in here with stars in her eyes b/c she really wants to connect with this 19yo guy. But that little nagging bit of conscious tells her, "but everyone has told me that 19 is too old for me." She doesn't feel that way, but she figures that since everyone says it that she might as well ask for advice about it.

My guess is 1 of 2 things motivated her departure:

1) She didn't like the answers, or they embarrassed her since ppl were addressing her as a child

2) She already hooked up with the 19yo

Things just go so FAST when you're that age. Waiting around a few days for net advice takes eons. If she did hook up with the 19yo, what's she going to say? "Oh, thanks for all the advice telling me to stay away. But he's my boyfriend now! Yay!"

Shine on you crazy diamond.

So that the when the next H2O/April/Whatever comes along, we can just point to this thread.;)

troll on, tune out
 

does it really matter if a troll sticks around to reply to the stir they cause? I think as long as they create some conversation, the end result is the same. It's a little more fun when you get to argue the point with the starter of the issue, but as long as some of the resident denizens have opinions, it usually makes for interesting reading.