Whale Penis
 

Feel free to talk about whale penises here.

Whale penis trivia
 

The average length of a right whale's penis is around 2.3 meters (7.5 feet), or about 14% of its body length of 55 ft. The combined weight of a right whale's two testes is one ton.

I read the other day that the whale that exploded in Taiwan recently only had a 5-foot long penis.

It must've been tough for him...

Wouldn't that be whale peni? You stupid frenchy whale penis.

why not cow testicles?

It's penises or penes, you stupid fucking drunk-ass mick whale penis!

Because we're talking about whale penises.

Hey, if you ever find some, send a pic to the Star.

Slang looks like a whale penis.

Sycamore is extremely jealous of slang's whale penis. :yum:

I thought it would be good to have a photo of a whale penis to illustrate the thread, but I couldn't dig one up immediately. (There were a couple pickled ones, but I think it would better to show the whale penis still attached to the live whale. And of course bonus for an "action shot".) Further research will be needed; I'll report back.

Dude! The whole reason we are #19 for whale penis is the IotD of it:

http://cellar.org/showthread.php?s=&...ht=whale+penis

Yawn. Like I said, it's pickled. We need one still attached to the original owner.

not directly related to this topic, but this reminds me of an ancient horny guy who switched his penis with one of a horse. And then he deserted his wife and went homeless or something.

This came up first when I googled for whale penis images. Looks more like a whale shark to me..... but then I thought the stupid dolphin was a shark too....

did you ever hear the one about the guy that switched his member for a baby elephant trunk?

That is a whale shark ... and that's not it's penis.

Do tell.

Okay, how about this one, then? Looks reasonably like the pickled one, and it does appear to be attached to something large and in the ocean, plus the page it comes from is devoted to Grey Whales, albeit in Japanese.

yep you got it. i saw that on a documentary once. but I'm pretty sure they were larger whales. I specifically remember them saying it was 12' long and prehensile......it was the first time i remember having whale penis envy.


:blush:

Sounds like a good joke. Tell. Tell.

I think i posted it once before, but, i can;t find it. anyway, here's the short version:

older man marries younger woman. he cant get it up. she takes him to a specialist that is pioneering a new procedure. It involves replacing the defective unit with the trunk of a baby elephant. great control, and you can go all night. So, after some debate, they do it. everything is great.

one night, while they were over her folks house having dinner, the mother in law serves steak, baked potatoes, and veggies. in the midst of mom telling a story, she sees, out of the corner of her eye, something gray come up onto the table, and the husband's potato dissapears.

she's slightly shocked and disbelieving, so she asks him to "do that again"

he says, " I'd be glad to oblige, but I don't think I can fit another potato up my ass."

#2!!! This thread is now #2 on Google for "whale penis"!!!

#2 & #20!

Damn, folks...we *cannot* be the Avis Rent a Car of Whale Penises! We must try harder!

Hell of a leap, though. I feel sort of gratified, in a sick and twisted way.

What's amazing is how fast it picked it up. Google must be fuckin' close to sentience at this point.

Google is the whale penis of search engines!

I don't know about sentient, but it does seem to be almost prehensile.

Just like a whale penis.

LOL!

For my money, you can never use the word "prehensile" too often.

We're #1!!!
 

Congratulations, Cellarites...this thread is now the #1 response to the Google search term "whale penis".

Now...what other bizarre and disgusting things can we shill for here? The Mrs. suggests "turkey vomit".

Fuck...we dropped back down to #7. I wonder if Google picked up on us...

Whale penis today!
Whale penis tomorrow!
WHALE PENIS FOREVER!!!

I'm working during the day this week, which is totally disorienting, although it does mean that I'll get to watch some tv when it airs instead of two to three weeks later ...

But I will have additional time to truly appreciate the joys of a good whale penis.

(Don't suppose anyone got a screenshot of our number one whale penis entry?)

<img src="http://pic7.picturetrail.com/VOL205/1498938/3687095/45646031.jpg">

you rock!

Nah, just bored.

This MSNBC article is further down the list. Discussing the exploded sperm whale in Tainan, featued in IotD;

<b>Once moved to a nearby nature preserve, the male specimen -- the largest whale ever recorded in Taiwan -- drew the attention of locals because of its large [whale] penis, measured at some five feet, the Taipei Times reported.</b>

We're back at #1...

monkey urines are sweet, pig intestines taste wonderful, yadayadayada, don't forget to attend Church regularly.

OK....we are the masters of the whale penis. Now what?

I can't begin to explain just how disturbing this statement is...

To solidify the grip on the whale penis crowd, it would help us rise to the occasion, to fill a page of copy/pasted whale penis text.

But I am not gonna do it. It would be vulgar to say whale penis so many times.

"Google goes far beyond the number of times a term appears on a page and examines all aspects of the page's content (and the content of the pages linking to it) to determine if it's a good match for your query."

pretty vague. and an interesting concept...it reads the results before you do, and determines whether or not it is interesting enough.

Whale penis to that I say.

Suddenly the waters around them slowly swelled in broad circles; then quickly upheaved, as if sideways sliding from a submerged berg of ice, swiftly rising to the surface. A low rumbling sound was heard; a subterraneous hum; and then all held their breaths; as bedraggled with trailing ropes, and harpoons, and lances, a vast form shot lengthwise, but obliquely from the sea. Shrouded in a thin drooping veil of mist, it hovered for a moment in the rainbowed air; and then fell swamping back into the deep. Crushed thirty feet upwards, the waters flashed for an instant like heaps of fountains, then brokenly sank in a shower of flakes, leaving the circling surface creamed like new milk round the marble trunk of the whale.

What if we add some literary value to the whale penis?

You mean like this?

A low rumbling sound was heard; a subterraneous hum; and then all held their breaths; as bedraggled with trailing ropes, and harpoons, and lances, a vast form shot lengthwise, but obliquely from the sea. Shrouded in a thin drooping veil of mist, it hovered for a moment in the rainbowed air, its mighty member menacing against the blackening sky, as only a whale penis can be; and then fell swamping back into the deep. . .

Whale Penis Cellar
Bringing It to the Table
We Are Number One

Cam Wandered the Web
A Modern Day Ishmael
Seeking Whale Penis




edit- welcome back :)

It was threads like this that I was missing, only in the cellar could you find 3 pages on a thread entitled "Whale Penis".

And here comes this whale, nekkid as a jaybird, I yelled out "Undertoad, look away from the penis!"...but it was too late.

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

Lord ha'mercy....

And I thought a dolphin penis was big.

Keep whale penis number 1!!!!!!!! :D

"Consider the plight of the whale, mighty leviathan of the briny deep...

For all his magnificence, for all his sheer brute strength, despite unequalled aquatic grace and endurance, the Lord of the Seas is a besorrowed beastie.

'Tis not the booming of the harpoon cannon as it fires its deadly prongs, bound to lodge in his stippled and scarred flesh.

'Tis not the grief of at the sight of his mate and offspring as they are pulled away to be carved up to fuel the engines of industry and the lamps of the hearth and home.

'Tis not the prospect of a cold, dark grave at the bottom of vast and heartless sea.

Nay, all these woes do pale before the whale's realization that his fins are so short, and his whale penis so far away from them, and the knowledge that his need to self-pleasure can never be satisfied."

Els, you have entirely too much free time.

So, what...? You didn't find that to be sort of turn of the 20th Century poetic? Damn.

Call me Ishmael no more...

Hell with whale penises, I want to see some of those "Big, Huge Penis pictures" on the sponsored link!

You might be disappointed.... I understand it's the pictures that are huge, not.... welll..... :blush:

We're back down to #4, so I think it's important to mention whale penis at this time.

As tired as I am after a long day slaving over hot lunatics, that whale penis sure perks me up!

Perhaps we should be focusing here on the length and breadth of the whale penis, and it's overall effect on this great nation's history?

Why would men have ventured forth onto the storm tossed Atlantic Seas unless they knew that the whale penis beckoned from the horizon?

Imagine if you got pissed on by a whale penis...I imagine that that would be like a tidal wave...