I don't know what the problem is, here, but...
 

Ok, I don't know what wolf's problem is with me.

Apparantly she doesn't like my opinions, or she doesn't like me because I'm new, so much so that she feels the need to be a jerk to me everytime I make a post. I have too much BS in my life to have to deal with it online. I come here to relax.

Sometimes you just DON'T like someone. That's fine. Maybe I rub her the wrong way for some unintentional reason. I can live with that. In that case you avoid the person who annoys you; you don't attempt to provoke them at every opportunity.

Anyway, like I said, I don't know what the problem is. I've never done anything to wolf. But if she won't avoid me, I'll avoid her.

I know she's a regular, but that doesn't mean I have to tolerate petty behavior from her. I'm not being a bitch, I'm just tired of it. There's no reason to be that way. I try to get along with everyone, but I don't suppose it's possible in this case, and I'm not going to go back and forth with her.

wolf, if you don't like me or my opinions, then ignore us both. Very simple solution.


Sidhe

Re: I don't know what the problem is, here, but...
 

The point of a discussion board is to DISCUSS. If you don't want your opinions challenged or questioned, don't post 'em.

Yeah, that Wolf is such a bitch...fucking conservative gun freak.

So someone might not like you...BFD. Did you consider maybe sending her an e-mail or PM asking her if there was some sort of problem?

Get some tougher skin, fight back, see above or ignore her. This thread makes you sound like a big whiny baby.

It's worse than that, syc ... she had her husband IM me, not identify himself as such, and then ask about her.

Entirely too high school.

You don't discuss, at least not with me. You make petty comments. My husband already told me that he asked you what the problem was, and you specifically told him that you didn't like me.

Therefore, it seems that your "discussions" are rooted not in a true desire for discussion, but in some weird desire to annoy me. If you have something relevant to say within a thread, then I have no problem having a discussion with you, whether we agree or not. But if you're just going to post things like,

"You got permission from the copyright holder to post the whole article, right?"

"My word, that's trivial.
You fact-checked all of that before you posted it, right?"

then why bother? That's not discussion. If you think it's trivial, then don't read it. If you think I'm lying or making it up, look it up before you make groundless and smart-ass comments. It's not rocket science.

I like to discuss, and I've been nice to you. But apparantly nothing I say is going to change your opinion of me. That's fine. I won't even bother trying anymore. No law says you have to like me. No law says I have to respond to your petty comments, either.

If you'd like to justify my attitude about this, to yourself, by saying that I can't deal with people having differing opinions, by all means, do so-- if that makes you feel better or if it's what you'd like to believe. You apparantly feel that I have to justify myself to you, and on that count, you're quite mistaken. The petty comments have, quite frankly, become tedious.

So post them if you feel you must. Everyone's gotta have a hobby. I'll save them up and start a "petty barbs" thread just for you, and see how many we can get per week.


If ya can't join em....laugh at em.


Sidhe

I didn't have my husband IM you. I didn't even know he was talking to you until he told me what you said. Whether you believe that or not is your own affair. No point in getting him to say the same because you'll just say he's backing his wife. It's a no-win situation.

I have a thick skin. I'm not offended, I'm just over it. I come here to relax and have stimulating conversation. What's the point of being bitchy for no reason? I don't get it.

And the whole point of the thread was not really to start a discussion, as such. After my husband told me what was said, I figured there was no reason to try to be friendly or discuss things with her anymore. It was just to make my intent known and why I made the decision.

Sidhe

Point of technical fact, I did not tell your husband I didn't like you. I told him I thought you were an idiot. There's a difference.

As far as the comment on the Triva thread ... first, YOU started with the trivia, and second, everybody in the fucking world continually sends out that shit in email, and most of it is not true. The Cellar is high quality here, at least do us, as readers, the courtesy of visiting snopes first.

Posting entire articles to the forum has a couple of problems, even beyond the obvious one of violating copyright. That's UT's bandwith you're filling.

If I wanted to just read news, I'd go to one of several news sites. The Cellar is about commentary on the news ... say what you think about this that or the other with a link to that content.

Oh, and you're the one who established that your vanity forum would be for groundless and smart-ass comments.

Don't make the rules and then cry about them.

Oooh, oooh....mud wrestling. Yeah, that's the ticket. :haha:

I visit snopes regularly, and I didn't say my forum would be for smart ass and groundless comments. I said it would be to bitch if you wanted to. Start a bitch thread. I also said that I expected at least tolerance on the forum...

And I will concede the point about the articles and the length. It didn't occur to me about the bandwith. Sorry, Undertoad. I'll avoid doing that in the future.

And wolf, you don't know me. Therefore you cannot say with any authority that I am, indeed, an idiot. My IQ is rather high, so I don't fall into the "idiot" category. You're in psych. You should know all about the categories.

Speaking of which, it seems that all this started when you found we were in the same field. That's interesting.


Sidhe

Damn Sidhe, that sounds like a challenge.:cool:

I'm gonna go grab my popcorn...this looks to be a fun match.

Nope, not a challenge. Like I said, I intend to ignore her from now on. I can't make her like me, I don't care if she likes me, and it's not worth my time. I can have interesting conversations with plenty of other people. I try to get along with everyone, and I can even be nice to people I don't like...there's no reason, IMO, to be hateful to anyone...but I'm not going to waste my time going back and forth with someone who's determined not to be nice no matter what. She wants a fight for some reason, but I'm not going to give it to her. I have better things to do.

(like right now, I'm watching the paint on my toenails dry ;) )

As of now, the bickering is done, at least on my side of it. Keeping it up just makes us BOTH look silly. *shrugs*

Sidhe

Oh, a PS from the husband:

"My DSM-IV is bigger than your DSM-IV..."

"Idiot" is not defined solely by IQ.

Few people are worth the energy "hating" requires. I simply don't give a shit.

Sidhe, I think you are completely wrong. What Wolf posted IS intelligent commentary. Just because it offends you doesn't make it not so.

Ta-daaa


Here I am!

Lady Sidhe, allow me give you some unsolicited advice that may keep you here a while.

**Feel free to use the ignore feature**

For those people that really irritate you, there's nothing like it.* :)



* This is not to be read as an insult to Wolf or any other member - please do not be offended at my attempt to be humorous and leave the forum.

Where's famous ring announcer Michael Buffer when you need him..... 'Let's get reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaady to ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuumble'

I dont get it. I really dont.

In everyday life, people have to deal with people they see as assholes. If your neighbor is an asshole, you dont start a whiney discussion throughout the neighborhood. If your co-worker is an asshole or you dont like him/her, you learn to deal with it and work around it and not complain to your boss.

Internet forums are the same deal. In life, you wont like certain people, there should be no exception on an internet forum.

There are all sorts of people in the real world, and there are all sorts of people in any given interney forum, granted they might share a common intrest, but that doesnt mean they have to like eachother.


Sidhe, wolf, play nice.

And if you choose not to, dont make me hear about it.


-The Newbie

People start whiny discussions about their neighbors and coworkers all the time. It's called gossip.

Arent gossipers highly disrespected?

Hmm. Methinks so.


Anyways, I stand by my point. There are assholes in life. Deal with em.

It depends. Sometimes, I find them to be scum. Other days, they are a valuable source of information.

Yeah, me too. Oh well.

Wow, this is great. I thoroughly enjoy a good mud-slinging contest in the morning. ;)

*applaud*

It's funny b/c Sidhe honestly reminds me a lot of my ex. At 25, my ex is in her junior year for an under-grad in Physics, and is already setting plans for her masters in Physics... and planning to move on for her PhD. She talks about how much she loves it. Great future, etc etc.

But honestly it's all a show. She really doesn't like it. She can barely understand it. She *kills* herself just to squeek by. All because she has some idea in her head that if she gets a PhD in Physics then people will finally have to admit that she's smart. If anyone ever calls her an idiot, or stupid, whatever, all she has to do is wave that piece of paper above her head and shout, "No I am not! I am a certified smart person!"

She reads. She reads every book that society deems intellectual, or insightful. But she never understands them. She can't remember most of the key plot points, and she doesn't understand any of the deeper meanings. It's all a show so that when she meets people she can feel equal or better since she's read such a great range of titles.

She's stuck in her beliefs. Somehow she believes she's open-minded, and can stand for a good debate. But once she's fixated on an idea then *bam*, that's the honest to God truth, and she will never bend. You can talk yourself blue in the face and give 100 examples but she will not budge on a single point. And the reason? Because if she DID change her mind then she feels like she'd be admitting that she is wrong, and you are right. (I once argued for 30 minutes trying to convince her that when you're sick, getting extra sleep is a good thing. She maintained that when you're sick you should sleep *less*, that sleep is *bad* for you. Her entire argument? When you're sick and you wake up in the morning you feel terrible. Once you're up and moving you feel better.) *smacks forehead*

Don't get me wrong, I don't think Sidhe is near half that bad. She actually is well spoken and understands things at a deeper level than most. But still, the parallels are... amusing.

Uh oh, I think the love is gone...

At one point somebody mentioned that Lady Sidhe was just like April but 15 years older.

My god...you were so right.

I didn't really buy it at the time. But damn...you were so right!


This post sounds exactly like the crap April was pulling.

"Ok FNF, just ignore me, I'll ignore you." 15 seconds later.

Thread: "STAY AWAY FROM FNF!!!!!!!"

This is the exact same thing.

There is no need to post "Why won't wolf play nice with me?" threads.

We really don't care if Wolf is being a bully.

Hell if I was you I'd be happy that Insoluble isn't around or that I don't think that you're 'all that bad' despite your idiotic forum. (Which I think is great because it keeps you confined.) But with every idiotic thread like this you make me want to flame you at every opportunity, and with you there are plenty.

Sidhe, if you have the thick skin that you claim, and you really don't care whether Wolf likes you, and your intent truly is to ignore her from now on, why even start this thread? What's the point? If you're going to ignore someone, there is little to gain in announcing it to the world as you did, aside from trying to tarnish everyone else's opinion of that person. But I think your only accomplishment here was to make yourself look like an over-sensitive drama queen. If you don't like someone, use the Ignore button, or the handy Ignore feature in your head. But if you feel the desire to rebutt, the Post Reply button is a better option than the New Thread button.

I don't waste my time watching soap operas, so why would I want to participate in one? Only YOU can save the Cellar from drama pollution!

And even if these types of post are well-intentioned they normally do tend to take a turn for the worse.

I even regret the earlier post I made, b/c it just adds a little more negativity to the mix. It's easy to keep threads civil as long as they are about ideas, thoughts & events. But as soon as a post is created about someone then it typically errodes to a WWE wrestling match.

There's a lot of smack-talking, name-calling, everyone gets all worked up and all the spectators get really excited... And in the end no one really gets hurt, the fighters look silly, and 99% of the time you're not even sure who really won.

A little bit of banter back-and-forth in a debate is fine. But when the focus of discussion becomes a problem with another member the best course of action is to typically take it to PM's. Airing dirty laundry in public is rarely the best choice.

The extent to which Lady Sidhe makes herself look foolish is not my concern.

Sidhe I am not trying to jump down your back here, and I don't know Wolf well enough to side with her, BUT I have read a lot of what she has posted back to you on other threads (esp. since you started this thread) and from my point of view most of it doesn't appear as bad as you seem to be taking it. Yes there were a few comments but none frankly seemed all that bad. Like I said I am not trying to gang up on you as I really don't care if you like Wolf or not, but maybe a step back should be taken as I think your allowing more emotion to get involved then you think you are. Just my opinion, take it or leave it.

Sometimes the less said, the better. Message boards are full of posts that are unneccesary, going on and on about nothing. Sometimes people forget the rules, both legal and of simple general good conduct. In those instances, perhaps a reminder, subtle or not, is better welcomed than spurned.

Of course, that being said, the squeaky wheel gets the grease, doesn't it? High profile, loud...attention getting. I may employ that ignore function yet, for the first time.

I have a question. Sidhe, is your husband a member of the cellar? what's his name?

ok that's 2 questions. dont start a thread about me. :)

I plan to. Thanks. :)

Sidhe

Its not that folk here don't care about people getting into fights and arguments. Its that we all expect everyone to mostly be able to account for themselves. At least that's my impression. Were I inclined to get involved, I would have done so in the thread(s) in question. Bringing it out here to the main board doesn't really change my view.

I am a member, but haven't been for very long.

As far as IMing Wolf to interrogate her, that was my intent, but not to tattle to my wife. I was merely curious as to what would cause the two of them to enjoy each other's company so much. There was no dissembly on my part.

I think all of this is terribly amusing really. I've been a member of the online world for about ten years now, and I know forums such as this develop a sense of community, a sense of cohesion if you will, after a while. Communities protect the status quo generally. The Cellar already had a nutwrangler/criminal justice representative. Conflict was bound to occur.

In any event while I may have a certain domestic obligation to fulfill, cat-fights are fun to watch. This isn't the real world, no one is going to lose their lives. I say stand back and let the chicks fall as they may.

Look, I'm not doing this to try to make wolf look bad. I don't even know that much about her, certainly not enough to consider her an idiot merely because she disagrees with me. And in retrospect, perhaps I should've said nothing. But I just got tired of the smart ass comments, and I knew that if I said anything to her, she'd start making an issue over the idea she has that I can't stand to be disagreed with. Which she HAS done.

I haven't been here long enough for anyone to see things from my side, so I don't really expect it. I know what kind of person I am. I'm not a drama queen, and I'm not thin-skinned. I was merely explaining my behavior.

I don't need her approval, and I don't care anymore whether I get anyone else's. She's been here longer than I have, so it's natural that people consider her a friend and are more likely to see things from her side of it. Like I said, I try to be pleasant to everyone. I didn't start the name-calling, and I'm not going to allow myself to be provoked into any kind of online argument. If she doesn't care about me, like she says, then why does she even bother to go to my forum?

Like I said, I'm just going to ignore her. It's over.

Sidhe

Which brings up another interesting thought...

What is it in people that for some strange reason makes us instantly dislike some people? I'm sure we've all met people like this in real life and on the 'net as well...

There are just some people that the moment you meet them, read their posts, hear them speak, whatever... something just grates you the wrong way. They don't really SAY anything *wrong*, but there is still some level of animosity.

So strange.

I've met people in real life who strike me that way. I think in that situation it would be subtle body language that we read that subconsciously bothers us in some way. As to people online, I've never really met anyone I've disliked right off the bat. I realize that one can't always tell tone from type, so I generally read several of their posts before I start forming an impression of them. I think that's also why I make an effort to type so as to be as clear as possible concerning "tone."

But there's a first time for everything, I guess.

Sidhe

I hate everyone by default...it makes things so much easier.

There's absolutely no way to prove to someone that you're open-minded if they refuse to believe it. If you defend your ideas, that, to them, proves their point. One can be open-minded and yet still argue their point without sacrificing open-mindedness. I have no problem admitting when I'm wrong. However, I'm not just going to give up my ideas (which I've formed through both gathering of information and debate) because someone disagrees with me, any more than anyone else would. If that makes me closed-minded in the eyes of some, so be it.

And I'm glad to hear that I'm not completely intolerable....:)

Sidhe

I had suggested one reason. Some people, more than others, associate external items, actions, or accomplishments as personal extensions of their own being. For example, if one were a graduate of an Ivy League school, and very much personally attached to that accomplishment, then anything I say demeaning of that school would be a personal insult. How some perceive themselves can become that shallow. And yet that is what their entire life has been about. You cannot change that nor expect them to change that personal bias.

Amazing how important in public life it is to 'say the right thing'. Tell a truth but don't say it properly, and others will read hidden meanings into that statement. Not just take a different perspective. They may even take personal offense in how it was said. Simply what we do as people. Too often people see into statements and actions things well beyond the originator's intent. Call it bias. Such is life.

Equal oppurtunity hater. Sounds too politically correct for me.

Disclaimer - these are not fighting words.

PC? Nah...equality at its finest.

Not yet...time will tell.

Well, that's one way of looking at it ;)

I don't like people in general, but I like individuals, if that makes sense. People in general, or as groups, get on my nerves for some reason. I'm not sure why, but people as individuals are great to be around.


Maybe it's some kind of weird person-related agorophobia--or maybe it's really more common than everyone thinks. You know what I mean;

For instance, when you're on the road and are on a schedule, you wish all the other cars on the road would just disappear because, although THEY apparantly have no place to be, YOU do

...or when you've waited for thirty minutes in a grocery line, and then the person in front of you takes ten minutes to fill out a check that could've been filled out already except for the amount

....or when you're headed down a road that has many side roads, and a car just sits there and waits till you're twenty feet away then decides to pull right out in front of you as if you weren't there

....or when traffic stops dead when the light is green, but for some inexplicable reason starts moving when the light is red (what's up with THAT? Am I the only person that happens to?).

That's the kind of stuff about people in general that I hate. Brings to mind that quote--can't remember who said it right offhand, but it goes:

"What this world needs is a damned good plague."


Sidhe

Fair enough. I can accept that.

Sidhe

As I said before, I didn't post this in order to polarize people. And also as I said before, perhaps I should not have posted it in the first place.

A combination of external stressors and then having to deal with behavior that, IMO, was unprovoked, just aggravated me to the point that I wanted to make clear why I was doing what I did. I wasn't trying to START an argument. I was just making clear that I wasn't going to be pulled into one.

I can fully admit that maybe I wasn't thinking, or thinking of the "ignore" button for that matter (I don't often go to the user cp, so I forgot completely that the ignore feature was there). I allowed someone to annoy me to the point that I just reacted. However, my "ignore" list is now properly updated, so it's no longer an issue.

Sidhe

Fortunately, my family moved from near Default out here to Grandview many years ago. That's why Syc and I are such pals...

:D

So, you weren't trying to start an argument, so you thought you'd create a thread to not have an argument on?

Oh, and wouldn't THIS topic have been best suited for the think hole since it's mainly about you?

I think you're a little mixed up. Have you been eating your vegetables?

Lady Sidhe, i'm guessing you wish you hadn't, in a fit of pique, started this thread but you did and, in all fairness, got your just desserts.
Now moving from my soap box to the pressure cooker atmosphere of a warship on deployment ( * oh no he's on about warships again* ), the very things that caused interpersonal tension later became the fond memories we laughed about over a cold beer. Naturally this is an accelerated process in such close confines whereas in the real world you simply walk away from those who shit you.
On a ship i'm trapped physically but here i'm also trapped cos I like coming here. It's streets ahead of most other rooms i've seen.
I intend to hang around so eventually i'll ruffle someone's feathers ( I recall calling Wolf a man shortly after joining ) or they'll ruffle mine. It's inevitable.
The point i'm trying laboriously to make is BIG DEAL. Everybody concerned will get over it unless I a/ ceaselessy bitch about it or b/make it personal.
Don't sweat it.

There is nothing here that cannot be solved by a good get naked party.

Maybe ( or aprilfly ) Lady Sidhe and Wolf are the same person suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder !!!!! Judith Martin

amen to that.

I am over it :) . She's on my ignore list. And I do appreciate your not jumping down my back over it.

I have learned an unspoken rule from this thread, though: you're not allowed any oopses if you're new, because you're automatically seen as being whiny and melodramatic. I'll definitely change my attitude. Not everyone's been that way to me, for which I thank them, but many have acted as if I'm trying to make trouble, which I'm not. It seems that "I apoligize" doesn't mean much when people are determined to see you the way they want to see you.

Shit happens. Like you said, I'm not sweating it. I'll just go on doing what I always do, and that's try to be as pleasant to others as they are to me.

Sidhe

6

Fore!

This is why I voted in favor of giving you your own forum.

[By the way, the chances that your occupation has anything to do with wolf's apparent dislike of you are minimal.]

Minimal to the point of approaching zero.

If people really work at it you might also end up on her ignore list ...

Apparently there's another unspoken rule, which dictates that the "regulars" may never be at all critical of new members who are unfamiliar with how the community works, because new people tend to be delicate, and are easily emotionally bruised. Well, we've just been stomping around on those eggshells like a bunch of bone-eating ogres, haven't we? So sorry.

The Ignore List is such a blessing for people intolerant of the opinions of others... it lets one filter out any views not in line with one's own. The sticking-fingers-in-the-ears-and-going-LA-LA-LA-LA defense makes debate so much more warm and unabrasive... like a good, satisfying bowel movement.

^^^ well said.

I used to feel the same way Sidhe does about online posting. It's a great thing when everyone almost agrees about something, and only the details need to be ironed out.

But when you get people that sit on opposite ends of the spectrum it's very easy to slip into an emotional shelter to protect the logical argument. It becomes easier to question character since both parties see their stance as so blindingly obvious there's no way to just "explain it to them".

And that's when the fur starts to fly.

But now I like confrontation. It's a great way to point out each and every tiny flaw in your argument/idea/post, and forces you to make concessions and alter your mode of speech in order to get your point across. So the theme remains the same... but your ability to express it improves.

But yeah, if things turn into on all-out personal attack time after time.... ignore is the answer! (Although I doubt wolf would resort to a baseless diatribe).

Thanks for the vote of confidence, Riddil.

No baseless diatribes here ... only based ones.

I don't usually need to go to diatribe level, anyway.

I had kind of held back on this, because I recently made some similar statements about negativity. I think the big difference was that I realized relatively quickly that i was being a sissy about it, and backed off. Sidhe, I've noticed, however is nearly unshakable from her position. claims to be open minded do not in itself make you open minded. I realized as i read th eabove posts that sidhe was the one that had the friend who's hubby was fooling around, and while she started the thread asking for advice, she basically just stuck to her initial opinion and argued with everyone who had a different perception of what she described.

so, considering what I've just said, I'd make a slight adjustment to your unspoken rule:

"you're not allowed to be whiny and melodramatic if you're new"


That's because no one knows you well enough to like you yet, and you will not often be given a pass by EVERYONE. if 5 or 6 people have given you some shit, i think it's safe to assume that twice or three times that number had similar thoughts but just didn;t say it out loud (kind of like cockroaches where every one you see represents 50 you don;t)