need really really bad advice
 

Things are going pretty well, do you guys have some advice for me?

get a job on a fishing boat and go out to sea in the middle of a storm.

tell your girlfriend that her friend's tits would be softer.

tell your girlfriend that you miss your ex.

borrow over $1000 from your girl and don't pay it back when you say you will

do not thank your woman for buying all of your groceries and taking you out for dinner and drinks

try anal beads

betray your wife and let her find out

quit your job without having another one lined up.

this should be enough to screw you up for awhile...if you need more ideas, let me know, and i'll go ask my husband. he is great at coming up with this stuff and he tests it out in real life to make sure it can absolutely screw your life up...

Well, short of telling you to put a gun to your head, or amputate your own whale penis, that's gonna be pretty hard to top...

Wear... sunscreen. :)

Help out one of those poor Nigerian people who are having trouble processing the payments from their dead relatives' estates.

Buy a buffalo!

Whenever someone starts talking to you, let them go for a second and then interrupt them and very seriously say, "Dude... seriously.. shut the fuck up."

Then, if they start to say something else, just roll your eyes and walk away.

Get a career at an IT help desk.

Follow advice from a website.

Close the thread. You can't get worse than that.

Oh, wait, you can. Get promoted so you're not only in charge of the help desk, but also the budgeting and the telephones.

Start a thread about personal differences with another online person and state why you are going to ignore that person instead of just ignoring them in the first place. ;)

Let's bring that up a notch. How about being in charge of transitioning your call center to an offshore call center. You have to train the person that will replace you.

A call center in India where the person you're training speaks better english than you do, has twice the education and works for a quarter fo the wages.

Believe everything I tell you.

Get a tech journalism degree, become a freelance writer. When contracts become insufficient for maintaining a suitable income, go to work for a temp agency that gives you assignments in the tech industry. Bonus points for assignments at formerly powerhouse companies that dangle the prospect of permanent employment in front of you while constantly jerking it away because of "headcount" issues.

Not that I have any personal experience with this.

Have you joined the teachers' union yet, Griff? If not, do that.

I hear there are a lot of new IPOs of dotcoms coming onto the stock market. Put all of your money into one of them, the one with no discernable product or profits.

Put all your savings into airline stock.

Go get a bachelors degree in art history.

Isolate yourself from the majority of the world, buy a mandolin and drink adult beverages as you post stinging commentary of the American political system.


No wait.....that's what you do now. Nevermind. :D

Shave your head but grow a Taliban beard, caress a gun 24 hours a day and make friends with a mouse.

Let someone talk you into selling Amway (or whatever the fk they call it now). Cut yourself every time you don't close a sale. If you do manage to sucker someone, you get to stitch up one of your cuts.


This is the most addictive site I have ever been to. And I'm an addiction-friendly type. Damn you, cellar.org

Now THAT is really BAD advice! You shouldnt post those kinds of suggestions, someone might actually do something crazy like that.

my advice?\\for griff???


rock on, dude. rock on....

I did music history, plus 2 years of grad school... close enough?? :eek:

get a job operating a honey wagon. (septic/port-a-potie cleaner)

Call up your father-in-law, and say, "DUUDE! I'm fucking your daughter, RIGHT NOW!!! AHHHhhhhahahahahahahahah!!".

and then hang up.

Also, you could mail him pictures of the act, along with a little yellow post-it note that said, "Dude, thank you SO much for this..."

Good one! there are so many possible twists on this.....

Hey, did you know she likes to rough it?????
Anyhoo, Griff, be sure to let us know which ones of these you end up doing.

i like jujus' 1st one..

dude, shut the fuck up....no seriously.....

i'll be using that for sure.

Yeah...I think that'll work. ;)

Griff, since you're really close anyway ... move across the line into NY state.

That's about the baddest advice I can muster.

ouch.

I'll just add, using a dull and improper tool, trim your toenails painfully short and not straight across.

No offense is meant towards anyone with a bachelors in art history. It's just one of those degrees that you can't do much with, like English...or psychology.

Yes. I wholeheartly recommend a useful degree, like Geography and Planning.

Ladies and gentleman, whale penis for everyone! I fear that a few of these were already implemented in some form. Useless History degree, poor pedal hygeine, shaved head + beard, teachers union, tempory NY residency status, mid-coital conversation with father(s)-in-law, temp work,... I hope to soon implement my "dude, shut the fuck up" regimen. I won't buy a buffalo. Imma gonna get a murder of them, a veritible covey, I can taste the succulent wings now. I will not challenge stacey's russkie on any of that remarkable resume'.

My wife says to go into a bank with a toy gun, and shout, "BANG BANG BANG BANG!!" really loud.

That has to be one of the most SuckASS ( ALL puns intended ) job there ever could be !!!!!

Just imagen a bunch of working class guys sitting at a bar "I am an elcetrition . What do you do ?"
Next dude " Oh I'm a brick layer."
Next dude " I'm a carpenter. "
Next dude " I'm a plumer ."
Honey dipper ( dude that drives the honey wagon) ,
"I SUCK SHIT ."

And every body moves away from him there on the group "W" bench .

*jumping up and down*Kill, kill, kill...

...and we were both jumping up and down, yelling "Kill, kill, KILL!"....and the sergeant came over, pinned a medal on me, sent me down the hall and said, "you're our boy."


I didn't feel too good about it....

now, when i saw that sidhe had replied to this thread, i was just as sure as i could have been, that her advice would have been for griff to set up his own forum.

Make a ton of water balloons. Next, go to a public restroom and throw them over the stalls when you know someone is in them. Do not, in any circumstance, leave the restroom afterwards.

Then yell, "Whatchyou think of that, BITCH?? HAAAHHAHAHAH!!!".

Then wait and start the cycle all over again whenever someone else enters.

May I suggest at the police station or the Karate Acadamy.:haha:

Ooh, ooh...in the men's room at an Eagles game!

Actually, I posted because I wanted to see how long it would take wolf to hunt down the record in the hopes of contradicting me...:D

Sidhe

Go to an Eagles game wearing the jersey of the opposing team.

Re: need really really bad advice
 

Completely and utterly ignore your SO on a day that's special to her, like Valentine's day, her birthday, Christmas, or your anniversary. Act like she's not even there. That usually works when you really need difficulties in your life.


Sidhe

Re: Re: need really really bad advice
 

Dang, screwed that up. Got Pete the Norah Jones cds for v day... maybe next year.

need really really bad advice
 

Griff,
Move out here to Utah, post on your vehicle (has to be a big truck or SUV) That you support recycling, saving the canyons, religious freedom, selling liquor in the grocery stores, taxing the rich so the many children of this great state can have some &*%$# schoolbooks and also that you are vehemently against importing nuclear waste.

Buy OTC stock. Wear a Yankees jersey to Fenway Park*.


* or wear a Yankees anything and walk into a bar on Lansdowne Street.

Buy a car from Lumberjim. Pay his asking price.

"Yeah, sure. Come on down! I'll getcha a good deal!"

Heh heh heh.

yooo guys.......gawsh......


i'll give you a great deal on the car.......it's the interest rate, gap insurance, extended warranty, and undercoating that will make you bleed from your ass!

Sorry.. I'm so goddamned tired right now I don't know what the hell I'm saying. That's why I'm holding off on a couple meaty replies until later. :)

Ha! I didn't get any of that! Not even the interest rate!

go to the mall with a bag full of powdered sugar. start throwing it everywhere while yelling "you're all gonna die!"

Buy those P3N|S ENLARGMNT P|LLS that you get spamed about all the time...

Take them till you have a whale penis.

Join a group-suicide alien-revering cult and spend your children's college savings on homeopathics and/or dianetics.