HAIKU
 

I haiku, do you?

for those of you who missed this in school, haiku is defined as:

hai·ku Audio pronunciation of haiku ( P ) Pronunciation Key (hk)
n. pl. haiku, also hai·kus

1. A Japanese lyric verse form having three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables, traditionally invoking an aspect of nature or the seasons.
2. A poem written in this form.




So why don't you try
to write a haiku for us
and see how you do

Jimbo is a turd
He must have nothing to do
Quit polluting, jerk!

that's a very nice
poem you sonofabitch
now go suck a dick

i love my coffee
hot, steamy and very strong
it gets me wired

What is wrong, Jimbo?
Did you not like my haiku?
The truth, it can hurt

just be thankful, bitch
that i don't come over there
and tear your arms off





hey, this is really fun.

much more fun than regular pretty little haiku.

IT'S THE HAIKU INSULT THREAD!!

The only thing that
Jim will tear off is his dick
He jerks off too much

whale penis baby
cellar madness haiku smack
bring it on biotch

Haiku rocks. Haiku is the manliest poetry there is. Haiku actually promotes the production of testosterone. (*cough*)

Here are a few of mine from my website:

what to do today
I can't rhyme stuff dumbass
oh man this sucks bad

C-M-N-B-N

O-I-C-I-C-U-T

L-M-F-A-O

Inside the mailbox
A new Ebay purchase came
Antique light meter

who's the dumbass now?
you cannot count to seven?
worse than sycamore!

I hate all haiku
never was able to do
fuck you to haiku

:)

Ahhh fuck!!!! I actually changed "anyway" to "stuff".

You need to go spend time with your family LJ.

Pay no mind to Jim
He's just jealous because he
Can't compete with me

LJim is working
He's not currently at home
Mind your own business

you are home alone
do you do phone sex or cam
jim will never know

I am syc's hero
he wants to be just like me
but he's too stupid





syc, it seems to me
you only heckle my posts
ever since you left





you must miss me, pal
el ciberbosque cannot lure
me from the cellar




it's because you don't
even have your own t-shirt
or cd exchange

psst! dont show him the pictures!

pssst! Send the pictures ASAP. Blur out LJ's huge head.

Phone sex is for chumps
No sex now, with kids awake
I scream much too loud

heads!

Hey, whadya know...this is fun.

I see the blue sky
and the sycamore trees bent
with the blowing wind

Sell the money jim
to the suckers buying cars
Bring me home some cash

Fill my Jeep with gas
And change the kitty litter
When you get back home

Jimbo, you sound a
bit self-centered. Like it is
all about you, turd

I've given you shit
since day one. It's like you have
a "Kick me" sign on

You may have noticed
That I give lots of people
Shit. That's just my style

If you don't want me
To heckle you, there is a
simple fix for it

Quit giving me the
Ammunition to do so
But that might be tough

The only wind I
Feel is the hot air that comes
From your non-stop mouth

So, are you done yet?
What do you have to say now?
Make my fucking day

my dear sycamore
what do I have to say now?
don't be such a troll

i wouldn't want to
hurt your delicate ego
and make you leave twice

Sycamore sounds mad
Like sand in his vagina
this must hurt like hell






[for the record] this has been, i hope, in good fun. You might be getting a little edgy, so i want to say that i really DO think you're a dick...no!... i mean, i was just kidding[/for the record]

:D

It's all good. I wasn't mad, but you have reacted poorly to people giving you shit before, so I wasn't sure where you were going with it. The first 3 were serious, but the rest of it was me trying to remain humorous.

:)

Its too bad we don't have an "inserts foot in mouth" smiley face.

Undertoad, you think we could get one just for LJ? :)

i don;t taste feet. when did it go in?

As your local representative of reason and calm, I shall now bring you the world famous works of Doctor Toast .

A slice of calmness
In mankind's world of bloodshed
Spread some marmalade

Angry toastless man
Malfunctioning appliance
Senseless killing spree

Whole-grain metaphor
Anguish soon will dissipate
A bread transfigured

Intensely focused
I anticipate my toast
Somewhere a dog barks

Proudly I preside
Nineteen toasters hum in sync
A kitchen aflame

Scrape into the sink
Constellation of black stars
A toast neglected

(Keep in mind that I'm using the American pronunciation of "jaguar," which is "ja-gwar."

Jaguar? Reason? Calm?
What a bunch of damned nonsense!
What a fucking scam!

this wasn't a shot at sycamore...... we have actual sycamore trees outside the dealership, and they were blowing in the wind. it's a legitimate poem....well.........you know

Tasty, delicious
Nothing like it in the world
I love eating foot

Hecklers boo and woo
Productive, instructive, cool
Japanese Haiku

all three horses stand
against the three rails of white
no shelter from wind


orange and blue sky
seen from the back of a truck
work is almost done


door in a stairwell
in grey paint on old window
the word "reflections"

in my mind i see
a picture folded over
is it me or her?


chinese poet comes
quoting work of Mao Zedong
it ryhmes in english


our poems don't ryhme
if we translate to chinese
will it ryhme to them?

is this one called " i fart a lot in this chair"?

1-2-11
17-28
33-15 :)

only 6 in 17-28 try 17-27

If we could shuffle the order a bit, and if I'm counting right, we could quote the Joker:
If not, ah whavever. I could never do these things right.

Quzah.

Thus says robert frost
poetry, translated, gets lost
rhymed versions do cost

Thus laughs lumberjim
translators out on a limb
laugh at me, not him

are we done with this?
it is driving me crazy
i was close before

now i am closer
to hell in a handbasket
and i am afraid

Technically, a haiku's lines should all be stand-alone... a phrase should not span lines. I don't always follow the rules myself, however.

Improperly formatted Haiku. I'm such a rebel (*cough*)

I own all of you
because I'm the champion
of making Haiku

*******


the champion, huh?

would you mind sharing a real one with us, then?

Boring silliness
The Internet wastes my time
I'll go read a book

half cup chocolate
one and a half cups of cream
the mousse is so good

semisweet is best
heavy whipping cream's a must
first boil the cream

add the chocolate
melt the chocolate in cream
whip the mix up good

refrigerate it
now you are ready to eat
you will see heaven

Formatting Haiku
Is not very important
if it all adds up

The number of lines
is fairly irrelevant
and the poet's choice

But if you insist, I can format my poem, to make you happy.

Libertarian, defender of liberty, our last and best hope.

the night i noticed
as the river rolled by me
i was so happy

I joined The Cellar,
Looking for enlightenment,
I got a T-Shirt

Screeching, groaning, graunch.
Shuddering to a shaky halt,
My brakes need honing

Greasy demeanour,
Poking in my cars privates,
"It's gonna cost ya"

Sigh. Resignation.
My baby monstered by this thug,
Go ahead, be gentle!

Belies appearance,
His surgery leaves no scars
She stops on a dime.

Annoying these are.
Much like Yoda-speech they sound.
Talk normal, dammit!

:APPLAUSE: novice & rich.....good ones!

I read these haikus
Their fine precision moves me
Such exact rhythm
So precise the syllables
So LumberJim, tanka you:p

Haiku Pikachu
I choose you to fight for me
Fast attack George Bush



Image of the Day
Cute animals on fridays
Pot luck otherwise



Google whale penis
The Cellar will be rank one
We stand by this cause



Haiku on diet
It has lost five syllables