younger woman with older man
 

Ok this my first love relationship with a man a bit older than me. He is 24 years older. We have been together almost six months.
It has its advantages. He seems more relaxed, and laid back. He knows he he is. He is not trying to 'find' himself.
Yet, if there is anyone else out there with a older man, or woman. I would like to see them post it.

The answers to your inquiry will differ depending on whether you are 12 or 22 ...

please clarify.

I personally have no problems with anyone dating a considerably older partner.

I know someone who married someone 33 years her senior....and I'm currently seeing someone who's 22 years older than myself.

I'm thinking I'd rather date someone older than someone my age or younger - they have themselves together, they know what they want, and they've defined their talents and abilities.

And oh, there's none of the little childish games our behavior one sees with a peer. (At times, YMMV, not all men fit into this pigeon hole...yaddayaddayadda)

older = more money :) (usually)

older = more baggage (usually)

Well my friend is low in the money department, high in the baggage..(8 kids, can't help but think ther'es baggage there)...but he can carry on an intellgent conversation and listens intently to what I have to say. Which is not often a trait in younger men.

My wife told me she was leaving me. Something about how I never listen, I'm not really sure; I wasn't paying attention... ;)

8 kids, can't help but think ther'es baggage there

So does that mean you're the same age as some of his kids?

My bf is 21 years older. He's a complete FREAK in the sack. I like freaky.

No...thankfully I'm older than all of his children.

But he and my mom are the same age...which I will be completely honest, was tough to deal with when the relationship first started.

With the 8 kids, it sounds like it could be VERY complicated :yelsick:

his oldest son is a year older...

Actually, life is as complicated as you let it get. The kids don't complicate things at all. My interaction with them is extremely minimal - simply because the older ones are away at school or involved in their activities - and the younger ones don't quite understand why Mommy and Daddy are not together anymore - adding a girlfriend to the mix would needlessly confuse them.

And then there's the fact that well, i don't think I could handle 8 kids :) I'm a great auntie....but the whole step mom thing scares the pants offa me.

what are the chances that you'll find your soul mate?

consider the odds. first off, do they even exist? 2nd, do they happen to be of the appropraite sex? 3rd, will you happen to encounter them amongst the other 6 billion people on earth? 4th, will you both be single at the time, 5th, are they of compatible ages? that seems like the least of your worries, AmyGail. if it feels good, DO IT!

PS, welcome home, and which is it.... amy or gail....i don't think we have either.

Before you find a soul mate you have to work out who your soul is. Most people never get there, so never find a soul mate. Know yourself to let someone know you.

Yeah yeah hippy shit whatever it makes sense and btw it works ;)

On the other hand, soulmates are a myth to keep us searching and unhappy and make us buy shampoo.

Then you have people like my sister who thinks the ENTIRE world, and I do mean world, revolves around her. She just turned 46 and she still doesn't have a clue. She treats her husband as the third wheel to her and her daughter. Whenever they go to family functions, they take two cars. They never spend time together and if they do it is doing something SHE wants to do.

So on valentines day he says he wants out and she doesn't understand why. :confused:

I think love can overcome all the bagagge that an older lover carries. That also includes my baggage! I feel i am a lucky woman. btw, amygail simply a internet nick.

Soulmates don't exist until you find one. Only when one abandons the idea of a soulmate can one be truly content in a relationship.

That was very Zen ;)

What the hell is a soulmate? Do peoples souls mate? I think as long as they continue to make erectile -enhancing medications this will continue. I doubt you saw many 60 year old men in the 60s' with 30 year old women. Come to think of it, I bet the guy's inventing this stuff are all over 50 years old... Think about it. :mad:

I found my soul mate, he is 26 years older than me. say what you say but you cant go against love. we both KNOW there is a huge age gap..and that our future will have some struggles ( no kids or divorces on both sides), we are planning to get married. he is older than both of my parents. yet we are in a harmonious relationship and are happy together. there is nothing wrong with dating older men or older women for that matter if they can provide emotionally. of course there is financial stability (in most cases) too that is attractive and convinient. there are no rules, we make our life to be what it is and we ought to love the opportunity it gives us to share a life with someone we truly love. so why not?

I'm a seperated 41 year old man and she is 23. We met about 6 months ago and have been dating for 2 months now. I have never been the type of guy where sex ruled my world or my relationships. The thought of being with someone 18 years younger than I never even occurred to me. She pursued me and I declined many times before finally accepting. I have never been happier nor can I believe that she wants ME, just me! For all you doubters, I am not wealthy nor do I hold a position of power in any way. She loves me for the person I am and that is the best thing that life has to offer. I hope to be with her forever. This is the most unusual and wonderful relationship I've ever had, and the issues of age and maturity are there, but we're gonna try and work them out together. Issues like kids (I have 3) have been discussed. She has lupus and cannot have children, but adoption has been discussed. We agree on so many things that I feel this is worth giving a real shot. My greatest concern is that I'll really mess up her life. Feedback??? Please!

Sure. But I need some more information. Please don't skip any questions.
How long ago (in months) did you become separated?
Why are you separated?
What are the ages of your children?
Why do you think you might mess up her life?
Why did you choose the word feedback?
What "feedback" has your best friend given you?
Lastly, tell us one thing you would prefer not to tell us.

Wow. I like the way Beestie thinks.

Marvelous.

(to borrow a word from the Word Ass. Thread)

See, me, I woulda just jumped on the 'feel good' vibe and never looked back. I need and appreciate the more level-headed in our midst.

kudos, Beestie. And, yesman? You'd be wise to consider the questions.

yesman065, when you're ready to retire she'll be in her late 40s and hot to trot. What a great retirement that will be. :jig:

How long ago did you become separated? = 21 months
Why are you separated? = Because my wife Lied constantly, Stole often and cheated repeatedly.
What ages are your children? = 17,15, 14
Why do you think you might mess up her life? = Cuz of the age issues
Why did you choose the word feedback? = Hoping to get more insightful responses than the typical ones.

What "feedback" has your best friend given you? = That he's very happy for me and that if she really makes me happy and I her then to " Never let her go"
Lastly, tell us one thing you would prefer not to tell us. Thats a really hard one. I am scared to death that she's gonna leave me for someone her age. Actually I expect that at some point. We also work together in a very small office with only 3 other employees.

Oh and for Bruce = At least I'll have taken the chance, loved and been loved - better than being 60+ and regretting what could have been.

Absolutely, don't misunderstand me, I'm on your side. I was saying when you're ready to retire you'll have a paramour that's still ready to have fun and not just sit on the porch and rock. :celebrat:

My feedback, based on your answers, would be to make this woman the happiest woman on the planet and not worry about tomorrow. Nothing lasts forever anyway so rather than worrying about when it might end, fool yourself into thinking it will end seven days from now for every now from now till it ends.

And on the chance this advice has meaning for you, I wouldn't worry about whether you deserve it or not. No one has love because they deserve it anymore than anyone who wins the lottery won because they deserved to win.

Enjoy and worry not. Give yourself to her and do not hedge your bet.

OK all, the soap opera continues. I just found out Saturday night that she didn't really "break up" with her boyfriend - she told me that she told him she wanted to "take a break" to see if he really wanted her and blah, blah, blah. She did say that she was 80% sure she was gonna end it for good. Now she went to his place on Sunday to discuss things with him. I was so upset that I haven't spoken to her since. I've got a bad feeling here. And I want to talk to her so bad, but I think she should call me and tell me what happened and where we stand. Unfortunately, I fell asleep really early last night, so I don't know if she tried to call me or not. UGGGHHHH Ain't love grand!

From my experience, "80%" sure is bullshit. It means she's giving boyfriend #1 a huge chance to redeem himself. He could send her roses and, bingo!-he's redeemed. Give it a wide berth. I smell a rat. I think this woman is playing games to soothe her own ego. She's using people.

She writes it off as OK because older guy just wants a fling, not a possible serious love/marriage arrangement. She has more in common with your oldest child than with you. She can't possibly imagine being married to someone with kids in high school when she has spent half of her post-adolescent life in high school. She figures that since you're older and wiser you kind of understand all this stuff and there's no need to spell it out, even if you say meaningful relationship-things. She is not old enough not to know when to not play games.

This going to sound pretty crude, but those here who know me know that sometimes, that's just how I am: Tap it while it is there, grow old and remember the experience fondly. When you're up to it, find a woman who appreciates you and has a bit more substance to her.

I cohabitated with a 23 year old when I was 39. Not as big a difference, but big enough. She was hot, I was lonely, it lasted as long as it lasted. While I would have enjoyed a deeper relationship, there was no way. Actually, as of this writing ten years later, she's *still* not in a committed relationship, and I don't think she will be for some time to come.

I think we old farts lust after young women on two fundamental levels. First, the obvious...they're nice and taut, things stick up instead of hang down, stretch marks are few and far between, they're lively and fun to show off to our friends. This is the visceral level, and those young tarts can really drain off some of the hormonal stuff in fine style. However, that lasts about as long as the next hormonal draining session, and after several of those, you start looking for that second level, the level of "Something More"...and it just isn't there.

I'm sure there are rare exceptions in this; there are certainly youthful women of great substance and depth, but I'm pretty sure they marry much wealthier men than us. :lol:

You covered it pretty well, Els. I'd add that sometimes the younger ones have less baggage........sometimes.
The ones with an ex and kids, even if they're grown and gone, have the most baggage. :smashfrea

I am *such* a tool.
Ohh, yeah...

Well it's over, I asked for her decision and got it. Of course it wasn't the one I wanted, but onward and upward, I guess. The best part was after I got my heart ripped out and handed to me, She followed with "I still love you, and if things don't work out with Him maybe ......" My response " Maybe what? Maybe I could hang around like your lapdog till he treats you like shit AGAIN. Then I can help pick up the pieces and love you until he sweet talks you into another chance??? Not likely! You led me along and I followed willingly. You wanted time - I gave it to you, knowing you were with him. You needed help, I gave it. Support, no problem. I did everything I could for you because I loved you. In return you rejected me. Remember, you said talk is cheap and actions are important. Well, your actions tonight showed me how much you really love me. Right?" And all this 5 days before Christmas. Merry Christmas to all. I hope its a festive time for all of you. I'm damn sure my Christmas will be extra special this year.

Sorry to hear that, man. I know how you feel....yes I do.
Ripping your heart out, dribbling it down the floor and slam dunking it into a Cuisinart, isn't fair....but it isn't fatal.
Don't let bitterness make it worse, because it only makes it worse for you, not her. Someday you'll look back on this experience and wish you'd choked the shit out of her..... but you'll be glad you didn't. ;)

At least I was productive and got back to writing. On my 3rd day without sleep or eats this really sux. Well I guess that theres someone out there for me, but I still wish it was her right now. Oh well, nothing alotta tears and time won't heal - I hope.


Nicole

I love you more than I can say,
And with you my heart will stay,
You've touched me very deep inside,
In the place where my soul resides.

I cannot continue another day,
Without you to show me the way.
The life I thought that we would build,
Has been taken and left a hole to fill.

The dreams I had of a life with you,
Have all been crushed with no rescue,
You were my reason to carry on,
No place to go I've just withdrawn.

You are my love You are my life,
I'll try to fight through any strife,
Till you return I'll have no thrill,
For you I'll wait till time stands still.

I'll love you always, Onward,

Dave

*Trying to look at the glass as half full*

At least for Christmas you got a glimpse of her true self, and gained insight that a lot of people currently in similar relationships have yet to. As much as it hurts now, how much more would it have hurt to find out who she really was later, when you had a lot more time and emotion into the relationship?
Until one learns the golden rule, no matter HOW old they are, they are unlikely to be a good partner. She did not treat you with the honesty that you deserved, and you rightfully told her to hit the road. The timing sucks, but at least you can buy your new, enlightened self a present instead of her. :) You deserve it. *


*Even if you dated someone you work with. Will people never learn? :lol:

Dave...sorry you got your guts handed to you by someone who hasn't had it happen to them enough to know that it hurts a lot. You seem like a pretty sensitive guy. There's a market for that, you know. Get out there, man. Somewhere in (your city name here) there's woman of style, taste and substance who is contemplating Christmas alone after being dumped by yet another toyboy. Find her. She'll probably be sitting in a corner booth all by herself with a big bottle of some moderately priced white wine, maybe with a couple of her married girlfriends who keep checking their watches because they were supposed to be finishing up the Christmas shopping, but are too worried about their friend to leave her alone. They'll appreciate the chance to bug out.

Chat this woman up, give her a taste of what matters, and wind up sweaty on the floor in front of the fireplace on Christmas Eve. Later, you can stick bows on her naughty bits and laugh together.

Go forth and find thee a mature woman! ;)

I'm afraid we spend too much time searching for this "soul mate" person, and as soon as someone comes along who matches a couple of the arbitrary guidelines we've set, we decide "That's the one" and fill in the blanks in our own mind.

Loneliness and hormones can create all kinds of interesting garbage in your brain, from the OMGwehavethisCONNECTIONthatIcan'texplain thing to some variation on "when he/she isn't drinking and cussing me out, he/she is really a good person".

Watch how they treat others -- this is how they will treat you when the new wears off. Don't let them suck you into their personal drama with their old flames. If they haven't decided how they feel about their ex, you're on borrowed time.

There's a stupid old country song that goes, "If it don't come easy, you better let it go." Truer words were never spoken.


edit: However, it's refreshing to see the number of you young 18-25 year olds who fall for the charms of old bastards. Gimme a call :love:

The saga continues: After getting my heart handed to me I COMPLETELY freaked out. She comes to me yesterday and says that she "thinks she made the wrong decision" Well I gotta say that I am a very emotional person who built a wall around my feelings because I just cannot handle the extremes of my emotions. I let everything go with her to try and see what "complete honesty" would be like. Also I have been with like 5 women in my life and married my High School Sweetheart, so I am extremely inexperienced in these situations. Anyway, last night we went to talk and ended up in bed (I know, you're all shocked) It was great, as usual, but now I feel like I want her to try to work things out with this other guy and see what happens. If it does then I never had her anyway, and if it doesn't maybe we can try again later. I gotta say that even after everything she did, my heart, not my ____, still yearns for her, yet I feel sorta empty this am. OK, deep breath, lemme have it.

I don't have to know this "woman" (and I use that term lightly. She's really more of an Orc Girl) any more than what you've described to diagnose her with Emotional Fuckwittage. She's a Fuckwit and she is messing with your head and heart and that is NOT VERY GOOD OF HER. I also think she is high on the drama and feeling the awesome power of her twenty-something sexuality. She's immature, cruel, selfish and just not that interesting, to be brutal and blunt. I KNEW she'd do this to you. It's alllll about her and not about YOU or even the other guy. It's all about the game and the only player who matters is her. Chuck her. There are plenty of women out there who will appreciate you for who you are. She needs to grow the hell up.

Ouch! I'm afraid brutal and blunt is what I need. Don't like it, but it is helping my logic override my emotional desires. Gotta admit it though, I'm still looking for that slim ray of hope...... Always the optimist

Yep, gotta go with Bri on this one. She is enjoying the power of knowing 2 men want her, without any regard to their actual feelings that she is tromping all over. Has she told the other guy she's sleeping with you? Doubt it.

She likely wouldn't be sleeping with you unless there were some feelings there, but why hurt yourself? Instead of pining away for her while she's in someone else's bed, why not get out there and meet someone else worth your time? Oh, and don't even think you can be 'friends' with her after all of this...sheesh. 10 to 1 she decides that that is what she wants. She may not be a bad person, but she IS bad for you.

yesman, I'm sending you an entire pallet of Ball-Gro. Don't move a muscle until it arrives.

Been in your shoes, too. How do you think the other guy feels when she's banging you at your house? He's probably blubbering into a lace hanky, wondering what he can do to make her see that he LOVES her.

She's a demon, and regardless of how deeply she looks into your eyes, how "good" it is when you're together, you have GOT to pull your head out of your ass before she finishes wrecking you.

If you do it quick and ruthlessly, she'll respect you more than if you apologize and cry and spoon and all that other peabrained crap. Cuz now? She's got 0 respect for anyone. She's running back and forth between 2 guys, feigning indecision to squeeze the last drop of attention out of both of you. If you allow it, you need your head examined. DROP THE BITCH. Find a decent woman with her head screwed on straight.

It's not as hard as you are making it out to be -- you're enjoying the drama too, aren't you? C'mon, admit it. The big attraction here is the wide range of emotion you get to be dragged through. It's like heroin.

Cowboy the fuck up. You'll thank us all later.

YesMan, I'm pretty sure I have a graphic around here somewhere that shows a man's heart being directly connected to his crank by way of the stomach. It is a useful visual aid in coming to understand how your heart can hurt after either of the other two organs has been well-satisfied.

This is one horny little minx getting it on with two dudes (possibly in the same day?), and obviously getting something out of it. Now the question becomes...are you getting what *you* need to get out of it? You know, it is entirely possible that you could attempt to sever that penis/heart connection and just enjoy the ride, man. Even better...find that nice mature lady I mentioned earlier, and then let Ms. Thang know that you, too, are now torn between two lovers, feelin' like a fool. Tell her that lovin' both of them, is breakin' all the rules...

You'll only be a doormat if you continue to lay there and get walked on, bro.

Well, I'm taking Patricks advice - sort of. I'm trying to just enjoy the ride and not get caught up in all my feelings. I'm having the best sex of my life and I'm not gonna complain about it. If she wants to give this other guy another chance, then my time may be limited, but I'm happy when I'm with her and thats as far as I'm goin. I'm gonna be happy right now and thats it. I just hope I can keep that penis - heart connection severed.

Attaguy - SHE is not taking the relationship very seriously, so you shouldn't either!

IT WILL NEVER WORK.

His cock is patently connected to his heart. Yes, an abberation, but nevertheless--
'tis true.

[sings/ "I hear the train a-coming, it's comin' down the tracks..."/quits singing]

Thanks guys, but She called ME three times today and I've been unavailable. *SMILE* Heck, I just might get lucky before new years. :yum:

Yeah, sounds like trooooooo wuuuuuuv on her part. Not games. Not desperation but LOVE.

Have fun, cowboy.

Your killin me Brianna, and I know you're prob right, but........

From another perspective. I married a woman 13 years younger than myself. When I was in my 20's there were not many liberated women. There were a lot of women who "just wanted a man to take care of them", but who wants one of those? I finally found one in the younger set. We have been together for 33 years, so I guess it worked.

Since I am older, now pushing 70, much of my financial planning has assumed that I would die first. Now it turns out that she has cancer, and while after some courses of chemo, the cancer is now in remission, she is far from being cured.

Anyway, things do not always turn out as anticipated, so make the best of it while you can.

Chuh. Thirteen years younger is v. different from nearly twenty years.

I'm sorry about your wife, joelnwil. And while things usually don't turn out as anticipated there is no sense in putting yourself in harm's way. I know alllll about that trip. It's hard on your body AND mind. I'm really starting to see that connection between 'what one does' and 'how things are'. Granted, most people figure this out long before my ripe age, but better late than never.

Over Christmas her "other boyfriend" was a real asshole, got her no card, no gift - nothing. He was rude, disrespectful and mean to her. She was really hurt and upset. I thought that was a good thing for me, but I again was wrong. She and I had a long talk and I decided to step aside as she tries to work things out with him. If after all that hes done, she still wants to try with him than she must love him much more than she loves me or be really stupid - maybe both. Either way it doesn't matter. I feel better knowing that she didn't want me to end it, but I did anyway - it was the right thing to do. Maybe she'll realize what a jerk he is and give me a real chance at some point. Its kid of ironic that I love someone who isn't in-love with me and shes in-love someone who isn't in-love with her. Oh well, I'm trying to focus on the positives, whatever they are, and move on, but the emptiness and hollow feelings I have are overwhelming and unbearable at times. The worst part is, I honestly believe I left my heart and soul behind with her, and that sucks. Perhaps thats how everyone feels in this situation. I can only hope that she realizes what she lost before its too late. Onward.

1. She's stupid.

2. You're working on healing.

3. Perhaps some day you can go on Springer and when she begs you to take her back, you can tell her no on national TV and have her carried off the stage by Steve as she flips out and starts beating on you.

She is still at the age where she falls for guys who treat her like shit. Clearly you need to treat her like shit for a while.

See? There's a silver lining to everything!

Seriously, yesman, I know you are in major pain right now, but, the kid is young and doing what kids do--playing games. The fact that the stakes are feelings, emotions and lives just makes it all the more fun for her. UT is right, wolf is right, and you must MoveOn.

For some that age lasts a lifetime. I concur.

I have no idea how I was able to fuck up my life like this. All because I fell in love this is bullshit. Why is it that something that feels so right is just so wrong? Wish I could just "move on", but I have no direction right now and not a clue how to get all of this off my mind. I'm such a sadist cuz I'd still take her back in a second too. I must be a real freakin headcase! Most of my friends and family come to me for advice and I can't figure out how I can always guide others, yet not myself.