Corrupted Wish
 

The game goes something like this. Person 1 posts a wish. Person two grants the wish, but with some added feature that makes it a corrupted thing. Person 2 then posts their own wish. For example:


Person 1: I wish I had a million dollars

Person 2: You get a million dollars, but it comes in the form of an insurance check to cover the costs of your debilitating penis cancer.

I wish I was one of the cool kids

Person 3: You are one of the cool kids, but your neck strains from having to duck under your mother goat's belly to suckle. Still, those sunglasses do look cool.

I wish ....

You get the idea. I'll start

I wish I could lose 30 lbs and get in shape.

*evil chuckle*

Ok, you CAN lose 30 lbs. and get in shape but you have to eat less and exercize! EVERY DAY!

Bwa-ha-ha-ha-hahahahahahahahah!! Ehx-cellent! :evil3:

I wish I had a sweet, kind boyfriend.

You lose 30 pounds and get in shape.. but it is because you lost a leg in a viscious moped drive-by ax chopping. You are in shape now because it is alot more work hobbling everywhere on one leg, the hospital ran out of wheel chairs and prosthetic limbs.


I wish I could move back to SoCal one day.

you lose the thirty pounds in a freak accident where you are pinned by your arm for 5 days under a rock. you have to cut your own arm off with a pen knife, losing 20 lbs. you lose the other ten and get in shape from starving, and walking the 4 miles back to your car.

I wish I had all of Jimmy Page's guitar skills and knowledge

Crap Brianna!!!!

goddammit

Of course he's sweet and kind he's gay as the day is long.

I wish my research paper was done.

Poof! You have a sweet, kind boyfriend, but you have to blow him/take it up the rear anytime he asks and have dinner ready when he comes home from work.

I wish my wife hadn't've left me.

bullit-you move back to SoCal but the very next day it falls into the sea due to an earthquake of historical proportions.

LJ has all of Jimmy Page's guitar skills and knowledge, but you get into a lumberjack accident (maybe a tree falls on your SUV with you in it?) and you lose both hands and become deaf and dumb.

Griff, your research paper is done but, inexplicably, the prof runs it thru LookItUp.com and finds you've plagarized it. He reports you to the judiciary committee.


laebedahs, your wife returns to you and you have wild sex with her--but she gives you a scathing hot case of Herpes Simplex II.

Hmmm...this is going smoothly.

yeah, we don;t do rules well.

I wish we did, though

The new userbase includes a merger with Mennonite message board, and you will be banned for non-compliance.

I wish all spammers could be wiped off the face of the planet.

Griff:

Your paper *is* done, in fact, when you print out your final draft and submit it to your professor, you learn that it was done before. By someone else. You have to defend yourself against a charge of plagarism.


I wish I understood everything my wife said to me.


edit: I guess I should read the posts before I submit mine. I *honestly* didn't know Bri corrupted your wish in the same way I did. I swear! Wow. Talk about karma. yeesh!

All spammers mysteriously disappear from the planet, but the federal government passes a $10,000/year/user head tax on all ISPs and hosting services.

I wish I could be a working journalist.

You are but you cover the pizza delivery beat.

I wish my goats would stay in.

You are a working journalist, now that you have been fixed. In the cut off your balls sense of the word.

I wish I were turning 21 instead of 30 on Friday.

Bam! Griff's goats are now the most popular item on the catwalks, and from coast-to-coast their popularity is comparable to Paris Hilton's, and just as incomprehensible. The endless parade of dealmaking weasels at Griff's door ruins his life of rural ease.

I wish everyone would refresh the thread before submitting their reply.

i refreshed the thread box before replying, but in an unbelievable twist if irony, i was unable to think of anything whitty to reply with.




cock.

i wish you all thought that was as funny as i do

Everyone begins refreshing the thread. Everyone in the whole damn world. The resulting bandwidth spikes at 120gb per hour, costing UT billuns and billuns of cash money in hosting fees.

I still wish I were turning 21 instead of 30 on friday.

rofl...everyone except YOU!

You turn 21 and you realize how much everyone hates a confident poised 21 yo.

I wish I could score the winning goal in the world cup.

We do. Deep inside you know how funny that is.

I wish I was a successful dope farmer.

You score the winning goal in the world cup, with an amazing fly kick, but you land wrong and you femur bone penetrates your pelic bone severing your penis in front of the entire world.

I wish i could live the simple life in a beach cabin somewhere and just surf all day and sit by a bon fire all night..

Griff, you are a successful dope farmer--but your goats get out one night, eat your whole crop, and go on a rampage doing tens of thousands of dollars in damage to the city.

Sun_Sparkz, you live the simple life in a beach cabin--but the hurricane kills you a week later.

I wish I didn't hate my job.

An enterprising young HR exec sees "A Clockwork Orange", and brainwashes you into loving your job using the same therapies as they used on Alex.

I wish I were an Oscar Mayer weiner.

You find yourself in a dark place. It's hot and steamy. and crowded. there are two other prescences close by, but you cant see them. Only one eye seems to be working, and it's very dark. suddenly, you feel something heavy thump against you. then there is a horrifically loud rending sound, and light spills in around you. You are crushed between two giant blunt pincers. They pull on you until you feel like you might fly into the air, but then you realize that you have no legs or feet, and your body is planted tightly in the ground. Ground? no time to look any closer, your head is stretched forward by the pincers, and you feel a powerfull surge from within. opening your one good eye, you are confronted by an enormous urinal. The surge grows, and you feel a fluid rushing up within you, and now your sight goes blurry as it fountains out of your eye. All of the sudden, it dawns on you. You're a dick. Humiliated, you wait for the body to stop pissing you off. Just before it happens, you remember the shake. Oh no. You utter a quick prayer that he's not a wringer or a flicker. Before it comes, though, you hear a booming voice. this is not your body's voice. it comes from behind. "Oscar? Oscar Maier?" your body turns, exposing you to a view of a man in a mustard bottle costume. "Oscar! Man, I'ts been ages! How've you been!?"

Remembering your wish, you shrivel. you're an Oscar Maier Weiner.

I wish I had a bottomless bag of diamonds.

looking back at the long trail of glittering diamonds leading back up the side of the mountain, you suddenly wish you had asked for an endlessly refilling bag of diamonds, instead of just a bag with no bottom.

I wish I got to live 50 hours in every day, while everyone else still got 24.

Smooth was enjoying his newly granted gift from the gods until one day. One day as he probed the alarming number of new wrinkles he saw in the mirror did he then understand that when he was effectively a decrepit one hundred years old, we would still be a youthful forty-eight.

I wish that I could know the answer to any question I asked.

Bam! You're Alex Trebek.

I wish we had a better political system.

Bam. Our political system now runs like clockwork. Too bad it's a dictatorship and you're in the work camp.

I wish my kids would do their chores without asking.

Your kids do their chores, but you are struck mute and your hands and arms fall off.

I wish I could predict the outcome of sporting events.

Poof!
You become a Pro Wrestling scriptwriter.

I wish I could keep my health indefinately.

even after the dozens of tests, the doctors still can't give you a definitive answer on why your teeth keep exploding.

I wish I could take financial risks without having any negative consequences.

Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose... You're broke.

I wish I had gotten a PhD.

A PhD is bestowed upon you from on high---too bad it's in proctology!

I wish I could control the entire world.

You control the entire world. You're not good at it, though.

I wish I would stop procastinating.

NOODLE!!!!

dude.

i was writing it before there were any more. edited to reflect the new entries

Granted.

It's only procrastination if you remember you didn't do it. Your chronic Alzheimer's removes this burden from you. You really enjoy the novelty of your velcro closing slippers, every morning.




I wish I wasn't afraid to wish for something that y'all'll just mess up.

You no longer fear wishing for things that Cellarites will subsequently mess up, however, coming to grips with your fear shatters your grip on reality, and you wander the streets talking to telephone poles and dogs, calling out Wolf's name.

I wish I could do plumbing work.

Granted.

You are cordially invited to our next holiday feast. We can put all the leaves in the table, break out the card tables, dirty every pot and pan in the kitchen and there will be wine and merrymaking and gustatory delights for all! But since our small old house has antique plumbing and *no* garbage disposal, you are guaranteed a shot at some plumbing work, after all that food will need to go somewhere, somehow, and soon. So pick up your tools and prepare to show your plumber's crack to all.



I wish this current stressful situation with my mom was successfully finished.

settled But your so happy about it you celebrate by buying 35 goats with forewarned repercussions at home. :smashfrea

I wish I could retire.

You retire, and 5 days later paper and electronic record of your existance vanishes, Social Security, everything; you get pulled over speeding to Wal*Mart and end up getting deported to Ukraine.



I wish i didn't have ADD.

Your attention span focuses and legthens, until you realize that you are OCD.

I wish we could eat dinner at 7:00 in the evening like normal people.

Every evening you sit down to dinner at 7:00 pm and have a nice hearty bowl of cheetos and grasshopper pie, washed down with warm, flat genny cream ale.

I wish I had more time in my darkroom.

The sun blows up and we all live in perpetual darkness. But then we freeze to death.

I wish I can finish my paper topic today.

You finish your paper topic today, but then you discover that you have forgotten to prepare for a test, you are going to class in nothing but your underwear, and you have forgotten your locker combination.

I wish that I *knew how* to do plumbing.

You are now able to flawlessly accomplish any plumbing task, due to the overnight "Edward Scissorhands"-type growth of plumber's tools on your arms and toilet plungers on your legs.



I wish I could get a scholarship to finish my Masters Degree.

You discover that by virtue of your name and birth date you qualify for a scholarship set up by an eccentric millionaire. It not only covers your tuition fees but also provides a housing, clothing & social budget. Wow!

Sadly, the year after you graduate there is a successful coup by a Khmer Rouge style regime. The educated and intellectual classes are forced to work menial and backbreaking tasks or risk torture and/ or summary execution.

I wish it was payday today instead of tomorrow.

Careful what you wish for. You may pick up your check at the front desk immediately. You're fired.

I wish I could remember the login credentials for this stinkin router.

You suddenly recall the login credentials, but are struck by a freak surge of electricity just as you finish typing them in on the keyboard. For the rest of your life, all you are able to say is, "username...password...username...password"

I wish that I could take a vacation trip.

you decide to take a little vacation trip. Unfortunately, you decide to take it in the copy room at work. The same day, your boss decides to do a random drug test, and they find the LSD in your pee.

I wish the little rubber pads on the bottom of my laptop didn't keep falling off.

The local hardware store has some ingenious doublesided tape that can be cut to fit those little feet and the sockets into which they fit. Voila'! The feet are firmly attached to your laptop. You discover that they are *permanently* attached when you try to follow the support tech's simple instructions to reset your machine and you cannot access the microswitch under the cover held in place by the screw forever hidden by the little rubber foot. But hey it will never mar your coffee table.

I wish I had sufficient discipline in my personal life to exercise more.

You begin to exercise with an almost religious-like fervor, but keep at it until you make this guy look normal. You are unable to bend your arms enough to feed yourself, become bedridden, and waste away to a former shadow of your less-active self.

I wish I had a nice, quiet, 9-5 office job.

You get a nice, quiet, 9-5 job working in Bill Clinton's office. Fellating him.

I wish they'd let me take home a copy of the software I installed at work today.

Your employer lets you take home a copy of the software you installed at work today, then a coworker turns both you and your boss in for piracy in order to receive financial gain, and remove the last two obstacles to their advancement.

I wish that the Chiefs were 6-0 right now.

the morning paper arrives with CHIEFS 6-0 in bold on the cover. In reading the story though, you find that Priest Holmes tore an ACL, and is done for the year.

I wish the next person to post would think of something really really funny to say.

The next person to post says something really, really funny, and you laugh so hard that you aspirate your ham and cheese sandwich, falling forward and impaling your head on the hood ornament of the Lexus SUV you were dealing for as a tradein on a new hybrid econobox. It takes three hours to surgically remove the smile from the face of the customer, who dies laughing.

I wish that the Chiefs had two Larry Johnsons to take up the rest of Priest Holmes' slack this season.

granted. the chiefs now have 2 Larry Johnsons. the only problem is: their both Ghey and so into each other no one can get them to come out of the showers for any practices, let alone games.

i wish i had an ice cold heineken right now.

You have an ice-cold heineken -- thrown in your face by the attractive chick you just insulted at a bar. And her steroid-using boyfriend is coming over to see what the fuss is all about...

I wish my boss would see why his idea won't work.