A dating question for Parents...
 

If your daughtor who was 17 was dating a 23 year old, How would you feel about that? Even if, you thought he was 18 and you totally loved him. When you found out he was 23, would you let her continue to date him? Or would you put an end to it?

I'd recommend ending it, but then, of course, your underage daughter who is probably beyond the age of sexual consent* will hate you, not listen to you, sneak around, get knocked up out of spite, and probably make at least one lame-ass suicide attempt because you are keeping her from seeing the one true love she will ever have in her life and if she doesn't stay with him she'll die an old maid. Or become a lesbian.

* Yes, she is. In Maryland it's 16.

You mentioned that you loved him - so I assume he treats her well. As long as he is a decent person and treats her right, I wouldn't end it. She would find ways to see him anyway, I am sure!

I'm not answering because I'm not a parent, wolf. (I'm just sayin')

I can't respond as a parent, so have racked my brains as a daughter. What is your primary objection to the age gap?

In my opinion the signififcant issues with a teenager/ older man scenario are sexual - the threat of STDs or the girl getting trapped in the relationship through pregnancy. If the young lady in question is careful about contraception I'd see it as a reasonably benign part of development.

When I was 16 I was dating a 25 year old. I thought everything he said was intelligent & profound and he was so much more interesting than boys my age. In hindsight he was hiding a great deal of insecurity and inexperience under a thin veneer of arrogance and worldliness.

The relationship ran its natural course and I grew out of wanting a partner to worship & looked for a partner to be an equal. Had my Mum known I think she would have interfered. And that would have made the man in question more attractive and for longer.

If there is an element of hero worship involved perhaps its best to stay out of it. And if its just down to normal attraction perhaps the advice still holds true...

Why does that prevent you from having an opinion? Judging by the number of fuckups I see entering college these days a little objective perspective may just be what it necessary.

Mommy's little Rhode's Scholar may be tomorrow's Darwin Award winner.

From what I've seen, actually being a parent gives you additional wisdom and insight into the situation. (usually.)

Odds are, an 18-year-old would be just as likely to want to plow your daughter as a 23-year-old. Just sayin'.

True, but the 23 year old might be smoother about it. And have more success.

Does it really matter? Shouldn't she know better? Or be able to decide for herself?

Well, let's see...you love him. Presumably your 17 year old feels the same way. What's the problem?

He's probably no more or less likely to break her heart than a younger male, and perhaps less likely, assuming he's had at least a bit more experience than your daughter.

VSP summed it up nicely, albeit crudely (I must admit to having laughed out loud when I read it, though). She's gonna do someone, sometime. Isn't it better that it is someone you like, regardless of age differential, than someone you might be asking us about in terms of hiring a hit man?

Oh...and I *am* a parent. Jeez, am I ever a parent.

I regularly parent other people's children. In fact, I regularly parent parents.

he might be better AT IT, too. If your daughter is going to ride the bologna pony anyway, why not have her learn it proper?

A 23-year-old might also be more responsible than a 17-year-old when it comes to birth control and STDs.

Oh shit lumberjim - you are too much!!! :D

When I was 16, I was dating a 21-year-old. (Yes, it was illegal in Texas. Yes, the cops caught us once, but fortunately did not ask my age.) I know my parents hated him, but to their credit, they never actively pushed me to stay away from him. I was actually eagerly awaiting for them to do so, because I was ready to prove that I was so "in love" there was no way in hell they were going to keep me away from him. Then I figured out he was a complete idiot, and moved on. Your daughter will do the same, as long as she doesn't get pregnant (and I agree with Pie, he's more likely to be responsible if he's made it to 23 without having any kids.)

However, you say you "found out" he was 23. Were they lying to you, or had you just assumed?

[quote=However, you say you "found out" he was 23. Were they lying to you, or had you just assumed?[/QUOTE]

... She lied to us, they had some sort of agremment, that he would never have to lie to anyone about his age. From the beginning, he said she should just tell the truth about his age.

I was wondering the same thing, just hadn't posted the question yet. Well, one point to him for wanting to be honest, probably why you like him in the first place. My :2cents:: stay involved by asking questions, inviting him over for dinner, out on family outings...and let it run it's course.

Of course, my daughters's only 3, and my problem is keeping her in a bed, not out of one ;)

remind me to beat you with my mommystick.

Maybe he'll teach her a little bit more about maturity? Sounds like he will be a (mostly) positive influence on your daughter. But, as LabRat said, stay involved.

Do I *have* to tell you what sort of image that brings to mind? :eek:

umm... sure, if you want..........

End it. 23 is too old for 17

Originally Posted by darclauz
remind me to beat you with my mommystick.


You HAVE to KNOW he would just enjoy it !!!

That may be, but no more than six months to a year from now she will graduate and be on her own, free to date anyone she pleases. A parent's genuine ability to just "end it" diminishes greatly over the years, and at some point you have to simply provide advice instead of orders.

Just tell him you've hired a hit man. :speechls:

Cleaning firearms whenever the guy is in the house is the strategy I intend to use.

Wear a shoulder holster, but no coat.

Or you could use a line I heard recently on (I think it was the red neck comedy tour)

"...If anything should ever happen to my daughter, I just want you to know I have no problem with going back to prison..."

LJ does have a way with words.
Dar, remember to post pics of you beating LJ with the mommystick. Sounds like IotD material.

I like this one from Clueless:

"Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel, I doubt anybody would miss you."