Because I'm an Airhead
 

Someone here, probably Barefoot Serpent, said I should have a Cellar Midwest gathering now that we were in the new place. Well, WTF?

It isn't strictly a Cellar gathering...it is, in fact, my 50th birthday, a birthday which I told my not-then-wife some ten years ago that I seriously did not ever expect to attain. Well, here I am...and barring a serious traffic accident or complete failure of the five year old heart bypass, I expect to be having a celebration coming up. Despite the probability that no one on this list will even remotely consider attending, I am providing to you all the same spam email which I just sent to a number of unsuspecting acquaintances about fifteen minutes ago. Peace and love, ya'll...and so much for Internet anonymity, huh? :)

Hello, my friends. Patrick here...I know that mass mailings are in bad form, but darn it, I might not ever get another chance to invite all of you to my 50th Birthday Celebration.

For those of you who aren't aware - possibly blissfully so - we have moved from our longtime Grandview home to new digs in Raytown, and we now have a backyard that not only lends itself to outdoor recreational activities, but virtually demands it. In order to help to satisfy its incessant nagging ("Come out and sit in the swing", "Shouldn't you be barbecuing?", "Hey, how about that moon?"), we will be gathering at approximately 3:30ish on Sunday, September 24th at our new domicile for the roasting of animal flesh, species as yet undetermined, consumption of refreshing adult and non-adult beverages (largely dependant upon what you bring with you, but some will undoubtedly be available for the more indecisive among you), cake and whatever comestibles you choose to bring along to contribute to the cause. This is all in the name of making a moderate, but not overly large, fuss over the fact that I've managed to survive for 50 years, and many of you are largely responsible - or, more to the point, to blame - for that rather remarkable turn of affairs.

For the more adventurous amongst you, the half-century birthday festivities will be preceded by an open Mabon Sabbat ritual, as is our annual custom, being practitioners of alternative spirituality as we are. Should you decide to indulge your curiosity and attend that part of the day's frolic, please arrive no later than 2:00 PM, and it would be really cool if you'd bring along a non-perishable food item, or items, to donate to a needy local family which we choose each year. We sort of figure that it is the least we can do to help out in these trying times, what with us being so amazingly blessed and all.

If any of this piques your interest, or if you're just bummed that the 24th is an unusually early bye week for the Chiefs, the following information might prove to be useful:

Patrick and Donna Chambers
11505 E 78th Terrace
Raytown, MO 64138
816-886-0809 (this is our new home phone number, but if you have my cell #, 913-915-4343, you could try that as well if you are lost and wandering)

The following link will take you to a map, which could prove useful to the more directionally challenged:

http://maps.google.com/maps?oi=map&q...e,+Raytown,+MO

If you are terminally unable to find your way, I again refer you to the phone numbers...

I hope to see any and all of you here on Sunday, September 24, 2006. There will be no spankings, and *NO GIFTS*...I've been bad, but not that bad. All I want is the company of my friends and the good natured insults that usually derive thereof. As my email and phone number information is hopelessly outdated, any of you who receive this and think you might know someone who would like to be a part of this, please feel free to invite them as well. We're easy.

Thanks for your indulgence, and I hope to see you all soon.

Patrick

:shock:

It'd be a shame if somebody called the Raytown police and complained about a loud party out there. . . . .

A shame? It'd be a friggin' miracle.

Damn. Too short notice and I've got JCAHO coming the next day.

I'm gonna be out in the woods on the 24th, but I'll gladly raise a cup of cheer in your honor! Huzzah!!!


I know *you're* an airhead but maybe you could get your handler to offer a second opinion about publishing all your bona fides just right out there in the open for God and everyone to see!! :shiver: It just gives me the heeeebee jeebees. Maybe pms or something.

We just had a big story on the news in this area about a man that was pranked having his personal information broadcast widely on the internet. More than just a minor inconvenience... But then what do I know? [/soapbox]

Yeah, dude. Do you want tw and Urbane Guerilla both showing up on your doorstep at the same time? It could be like what happens when matter and anti-matter come together.

What Bruce said.

(Oh and by the way I'd love to be there but I'm on the wrong continent - I'll let you guys know when I'm crossing the Pond) :cool:

Who is providing the security for this event? :D

Sounds like a good time. We've never met in person Ep and I'd like to at some point.

The new place sounds really cool too.

I hope you have a great party, els, and many happy returns of your birthday.

just hope I can make it since it's all my fault...



;)

... and Limey, maybe next time when you're incontinent umm... well , you know what I mean.

You'd better...I mean, Lawrence is only 45 minutes away. :)

As to publishing my bonafides online, well...they're already there. As we do, and have done, large public rituals for many years, our address and contact info is always out there. Our coven is actually a tax exempt educational entity (not exempt from Federal or State income taxes, mind you), and because of that, we have to have a public face. Suffice to say that what we do requires us to be rather open to begin with. If crazies come, we know how to sort them out.

Uh-oh :worried:!

Ok, ok. I didn't mean to scold. Cripes, it your birthday invitation! I knew that. I knew that. Really. cue the Volga Boatmen

THE BIRTHDAY DIRGE
tune: "Volga Boatmen"

Happy Birthday! <thud!> Happy Birthday! <thud!>
Now you've aged another year
Now you know that Death is near
Happy Birthday! <thud!> Happy Birthday! <thud!>

Happy Birthday! <thud!> Happy Birthday! <thud!>
Long ago your hair turned grey
Now it's falling out, they say
Happy Birthday! <thud!> Happy Birthday! <thud!>

Happy Birthday! <thud!> Happy Birthday! <thud!>
May the cities in your wake
Burn like candles on your cake,
Happy Birthday! <thud!> Happy Birthday! <thud!>

Happy Birthday! <thud!> Happy Birthday! <thud!>
This one lesson you must learn
First you pillage, then you burn
Happy Birthday! <thud!> Happy Birthday! <thud!>

Happy Birthday! <thud!> Happy Birthday! <thud!>
We brought linen, white as cloud
Now we'll sit and sew your shroud
Happy Birthday! <thud!> Happy Birthday! <thud!>

xoB baritone solo
Happy Birthday! <thud!> Happy Birthday! <thud!>
Burn the castle and storm the keep
Kill the women, but save the sheep
Happy Birthday! <thud!> Happy Birthday! <thud!>

HUZZAH!

happy birthday els. with a little more notice i might have been able to pull it off. I've been meaning to find a good reason to road trip in the new jalopy.