Once upon a time...
 

there was a girl called Contessa Lolinola who lived in a small village with a river and some shops. She had hopes and dreams for her life, and knew that when she died, she wanted to be remembered as someone remarkable.

Thus her life began. She did fantastically well in school, surpassing expectations and all other students, achieving great accreditation from teachers and peers alike.

Her education continued thus, and then she finds herself a true love. They speak of marriage and soulmates and vow to be together forever. She happily embarks on a somewhat unremarkable job that has potential for remarkableness, and enjoys a life with love and prospects.

The job lasts some years and remains unremarkable. She desires stimulation, and freedom and says she is going away. She leaves the job. And loses her love.

The job is switched for another, and another. The love is replaced by another, and another. Nothing remotely remarkable happens.

Contessa becomes dissilusioned with her life that is failing to be remarkable.

She spends her days in pensive concentration, discussing life and thought and love and moments of truth. She finds many answers, but none that make her happy.

She thinks about planning her life, about leaving it to chance, and wonders if it will ever be remarkable.

Still seeking answers, she asks others if they too had life stories planned out, and whether they happened or not, and whether she can find her happiness in a life that is not so remarkable.

Disillusioned doesn't even begin to describe things.

What is the meaning of life? Contessa finds it in the recognition of others. It's not enough simply to accomplish, others must find the accomplishments remarkable. But most people are too busy getting out of their own way to take any notice of what others might do. Taking notice is in fact a charitable act. Small, but charitable, and you will find that only the best people are those who take notice.

I find some meaning in being impressed with myself. I impress myself every day; lookit, I say at the end of it, I made it through another day. Good work.

Contessa meets a wise man who tells her that people are happy when they are in control and feel competent to satisfy their needs and reach their goals.

She thinks about this and find it rather obvious, but upon further reflection, she realizes it covers everything nicely.

She had been working hard on these goals of hers for a while, and wasn't making much progress. She thinks that maybe if she focuses on different goals, she might find happiness that way. After all, a person starving in the desert has only one need to achieve happiness. If Contessa could convince herself to be happy just having food in her belly, a roof over her head, and clothes on her back, she would stand a much better chance of being happy.

She remembers the US President, Abraham Lincoln, who said that people can be as happy as they make up their minds to be. (She told you her education was good.) And she realizes that the old guy was actually right. You can "fool" yourself into being happy.

She resolved right then to be happy with her job. So many people around the world would love to have her job. What was wrong with her?! Why didn't she LOVE her job? Also, her current love interest was a decent enough guy. He had all his fingers and the other bits that mattered. He'd do for a while anyway.

Contessa was turning over a new leaf. She decided she would be happy. And she was.

...not sure I buy that. Seems a bit like plasterboarding over a gigantic hole, you might not see the problem for a bit but it's still there and sooner or later you're doing to have to deal with it. I've always worked on the basis that if I was unhappy there was a reason for it and the solution was to deal with that reason, seems to have worked for me so far.

As for planning, yes I did, no it didn't and don't anymore, life is far too random and yes she can whether she chooses to make it remarkable or not. Thought for the day, this young lady.

i read a book once called "Living in the now". Very interesting concept. You hear all the time live one day at a time, but think about the concept of living in the moment. I tried this, and for some reason it worked. However, I have given the book away, and it has not been returnrd, so I have had a hard time practicing the concept. If you think about it, we are all living in our own moment. We never know if there will be another.
When living in the now, we do not think as much about the past or the future. This moment, I am living in the now, if I could only continue.......

Contessa reads from selected works by artists of her time. She takes some truths away from this, like:

and

and

and

for it is this reason that she seeks.

If she relinquishes control will she be in the now? Is this this cause of her unhappiness? So she ponders, and remains steadfast in her regular state of pensive concentration. All this thinking, she thinks, is no good.

Other people's recognition, and acceptance, and respect, is important to Contessa. It occurs to her that this may be a result of a sorrowful childhood with few friends, seeing madness in her parents and fighting, and longing for more money, to be the same, and to be liked. Knowing as she does this is both a likely and unlikely story, she again dissolves into thought and analysis.

Just one person, she thinks, will do; to know me and think I am wonderful.

This, she realises, is behind her search for true love, and knows she is not the only one.

Contessa hopes sincerely her story may help others, and herself. But knows that people rarely change, and she will yet lack satisfaction in a life that no one knows is remarkable.

That's a very healthy way of looking at it, and I agree, as long as the reason for the unhappyness is something that you have some control over.

Contessa's problem was that she was told as a child that she could grow up to do anything she wanted to do. She dreamed of being an Astronaut, or a Rock Star, or maybe even Prime Minister. But as she got older, she realized that some dreams are not meant to be. She could work as hard as she wanted to, and would still never become a Rock Star. It was too late for her. She had a choice. She could choose to be unhappy about it, or she could focus on different goals. Goals that she had some power over.

She eventually realized that to be "remarkable" in a world of 6 Billion people is almost as difficult as becoming a Rock Star, so she decided to focus on being remarkable to the small group of people around her. She decided that she would be happy when she reached her more modest goals.

So Contessa's goals are even more unrealistic than the idea of being a Rock Star. Contessa is basing her happiness on others' opinions of her. As long as she chooses that as her goal, she has zero power of reaching her goal. She's placing her ability to gain happiness in the hands of others, and has already given up all control she had. She will be relatively unhappy until she abandons that goal, and chooses another one. Something she has control over.

there is a big difference between "happy" and "content". happiness is merely fleeting without being a good grounding in being content.



edit: content does not mean complacent.

It was these words that led Contessa into a stream of denial. That is wrong, she thinks, because I can do anything I want. I am capable, I am wise, and once I know what it is, I will pursue my dream relentlessly, and successfully. Contessa's mind is strong and she knows she has this power. She knows this because everything she tries she can do, and quickly, and better than others. She fears telling people of this power because they will mistake it for arrogance, or pity her impossible dreams. But quietly, inside, she knows it as truth.

Again, Contessa will argue. She believes that she does have control over other people, and has considered at length that she could make them view her with respect. Her choices in career and her interests reflect this. She sees the susceptibillity of most people, how impressionable they are, and knows she can influence them.

The question arises, now, of whether she wants to influence, or coerce. This wouldn't be real, she considers, and would not gain me the truth I am after. This presents an awkward problem for Contessa - she knows, or thinks this to be an important truth, but does not know if she can make her consciousness accept it.

She settles herself somewhat unsatisfactorily with the notion that truth will prevail, and if she is as wise as she considers herself to be, realisation will be forthcoming.

Contessa's life sounds pretty remarkable after all.

Contessa might find that her life gains more meaning and that the unremarkable moments we experience are actually the richest and most fulfilling, if she would spend a little less time wallowing in narcisisstic fantasy and a little more time trying to make things remarkable for other people. She is unmistakably intelligent and talented, but until she directs those talents away from herself and towards others, she's unlikely to be satisfied with the result. Same applies to love. She's not likely to find a soulmate unless she's first willing to be a soulmate to another person.

A daily mantra should be, "It's not all about me." Once this is absorbed, things can only improve for her.

Couple of drinks and I could never get that name out.

°*∙HIC!∙*° "Hi ° Every∙Body...Thish is my date, Contessa Lolnolina... °Urp° I mean Contessa Lollyninia, uhhh make that Contessa LolaLindaOlania - hh, hell, thish is my date Count Tessa."

IIRC mr noodle is religious and therefore best taken with a grain of salt. That and I don't think it's correct.

Sounds like Contessa needs something to do really. Or, from another perspective be willing to go outon a limb far enough to chase the really scary ones, not easy. That and you're not going to find someone like that till you're happy/ier with yourself.