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what the hell is PNW? im not american |
Pacific NorthWest - Washington, Oregon, sometimes includes Idaho, Northern California if the Oregonians aren't being too xenophobic. :lol:
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Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly fell into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the Director of Nursing became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound-mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hanged himself in his bathroom with the belt to his robe right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home? |
SCF, buster, come on, please? :lol2:
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Sorry about that, but do you really think I've read 41 pages of this BS to be sure not a rerun?
:wstupid: SCF right |
Ed met a woman while on vacation and fell in love with her. On the last night of his vacation, the two went to dinner and had a serious talk about the relationship. Ed told his new lover that she meant so much to him. Then he said, "It's only fair to warn you that I'm a complete and utter golf nut. I eat, sleep and breath golf. If that's a problem, you'd better say so right now."
"Well, since we're being honest with each other, here goes," she replied. "I'm a hooker." "I see," replied Ed. He was quiet for a moment and then said, "You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you tee off. |
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Ed and his lady love decide to get married after all. In an effort to please her new husband, she decides to learn to play golf. After taking two or three golf lessons, the young woman decides to go out one day and play her first round. She tees off on the first hole, hitting the ball about forty feet. She walks up to it, chooses a club, and hits it again. This time it goes about 50 feet, but out of bounds. She walks up to the ball anyway, chooses a club, and as she addresses the ball, she gets stung by a bee. She walks back to the clubhouse and tells the pro, who knew her when she was single, "I was doing pretty good, but I got stung by a bee between the first and second hole."
The pro considered this for awhile and then replied, "Well, your problem is, your stance is too wide." |
good one BigV.
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Just checking.
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[edit] SCF!
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It saddens me that there are dumbasses that would buy such a thing for their child.
It horrifies me that they would then take pictures and put them in the baby book. Why am I munching on bread while watching this circus again? Did you hear something falling? |
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:question: :question: :question: I don't get it... :o |
Bread and Circuses? Placation of the Masses? Fall of Rome? End of Civilization as We Know It?
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Hmm... never heard the bread and circuses line.... but I think I get the gist. :) Thanks.
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I'm pretty sure that photo is p'shopped.
I hope. Is there any more butter for the bread? |
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OK overreacting slightly. But still. :bitching: |
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T-Shirt Hell sells it.
Babyhell |
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I'd ball gag that tart. :lol:
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they cant baaaa when they're dead either...
...did i just say that out loud?? |
A Christian, a Wiccan, and a Sorceror were taking a whizz in a public restroom. The Christian finished first, and proceeded to scrub his hands thoroughly, to the elbow, saying, "We Christians have learned to be clean." The Wiccan finished next, and barely wet his fingertips, saying, "We Wiccans have learned to respect Mother Earth and preserve her resources." The Sorceror zipped up and headed for the door, saying, "We Sorcerors have learned not to piss on our hands."
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sevot yhtils eht dna ,gillirb sawT'
;ebaw eht ni elbmig dna eryg diD ,sevogorob eht erew ysmim llA .ebargtuo shtar emom eht dnA !nos ym ,kcowrebbaJ eht eraweB" !hctac taht swalc eht ,etib taht swaj ehT nuhs dna ,drib bujbuJ eht eraweB "!hctansrednaB suoimurf ehT :dnah ni drows laprov sih koot eH --thguos eh eof emoxnam eht emit gnoL ,eert mutmuT eht yb eh detser oS .thguoht ni elihwa doots dnA ,doots eh thguoht hsiffu ni sa ,dnA ,emalf fo seye htiw ,kcowrebbaJ ehT ,doow yeglut eht hguorht gnilffihw emaC !emac ti sa delbrub dnA hguorht dna hguorht dnA !owt enO !owt enO !kcans-rekcins tnew edalb laprov ehT daeh sti htiw dna ,daed ti tfel eH .kcab gnihpmulag tnew eH ?kcowrebbaJ eht nials uoht tsah dnA" !yob hsimaeb ym ,smra ym ot emoC "!yallaC !hoollaC !yad suojbarf O .yoj sih ni deltrohc eH sevot yhtils eht dna ,gillirb sawT' ;ebaw eht ni elbmig dna eryg diD ,sevogorob eht erew ysmim llA .ebargtuo shtar emom eht dnA ;) |
ah yes, the borogoves...
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Lumberjim and Lady Sidhe, unbeknownst to one another, were headed to plastic forks. Along the way they had quite the car crash and pretty much totalled each other's rides.
LJ gets out of his car and is surprised to be alive and unharmed, he walks over to Lady Sidhe's car and as he gets closer he sees all these bumper stickers on the back: :rant: :2cents: :jig::coffee: and realizes it is Lady Sidhes car! She gets out and is also unharmed. Astounded that such a devastating crash left them both unscathed, LJ proposes they bury the hatchet, let bygones be bygones, learn to live with a new, profound, mutual respect for one another etc etc. Eager to create peace, LadyS agees. "Let's have a toast to our new friendship" Proposes Jim. "I have a bottle of 50 year old single malt in the trunk that I was bringing to Plastic Forks. Why don't we polish it off?" He goes back the the wreckage of his car and finds the bottle and hands it to Lady S. "Ladies first!" She accepts and with a mighty guzzle, puts away about half the bottle. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand she hands the bottle back to Jim. "Here ya go, Jim." She says. "No thanks," he replies "I'll just wait till the State Troopers get here." |
oh thats nasty...
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A woman is resting after giving birth to her baby. The doctor comes in to her room, and he says, "I have something to tell you about your baby."
The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby, Doctor? What's wrong?" The doctor says, "Well now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite." The woman says, "A hermaphrodite.... what's that?" The doctor says, "Well, it means your baby has the... er... features...of a male and a female." The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh my god! You mean it has a penis, and... a brain?!?" :lol: |
:lol: now thats funny as hell! :lol:
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A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."
"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?" His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat, 'I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It worked! The headaches are all gone." The husband replies, "Well, that's wonderful." His wife then says, "You know, you haven't exactly been a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife, and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later, jumps into bed, and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says, "Wow! That was wonderful!" The husband says, "Don't move! I'll be right back." He returns to the bathroom and then goes back to the bedroom, and round two is even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back into the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing in front of the mirror, saying, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife." His funeral services will be held on Monday. |
Two-fer
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change. This becomes routine until, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?" "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first was that if I ever had to p ay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there." "That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!" "That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man. The waitress asks, "But sir, what's with the ostrich?" The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say." |
The Lie Clock
(Hope we slow limeys aren't behind the times with this one - ha-ha, behind the times, get it? Never mind) A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life." "Where's President Bush's clock?" asked the man. "Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan. |
A church van from a Southern Baptist church were heading home from a day-long meeting, when ther realised that a pickup full of KKK members were chasing them.
The church-goers were terrified as the Klan sped past them, hooting and hollering, waving shotguns and pounding on the van. The Baptists figure that if they can get over the bridge, they'll be safe. The van driver, The Right Reverend Cleovis James, of the Triple Rock Baptist Church, sees that the bridge is out, and stomps on the brakes. CRASH!!! The truck slams into the van. At that exact moment, a good ole boy cop comes along. He gets out of the squad car, eyeballs the situation, walks past the van, looking it over, and looks over the truck. He walks over to the driver of the truck and says, "Hey, how fast was them niggers going when they backed up into you?" |
A guy walks into the head at Grand Central Station, goes over to the urinal, and proceeds to piss.
He glances over at the midget next to him, and sees that he has a 12 inch cock. The midget says, in an Irish accent, "Would you like one just like that, me boy?" Guy says "Yeah. But how?" Irishman says "Well, ya see, I be a leprechaun. I can gives ya a big member, but the only way I can do that is to sodomize ya. And I need to leave my seed in ya for it to work." Guy figures 'what the hell, for a 12 inch cock, I'll take a shot in the ass.' The go into a stall, the guy drops trou, and the leprechaun slowly inserts himself into the guy's ass. He starts a slow thrusting, and builds in intensity and speed. The guy squirms in pain, and surprisingly, pleasure. The leprechaun grabs the guys hips, gives one big thrust, and blasts a load into the guys ass. As the guy is cleaning up, he notices that his shween is not 12 inches. "HEY!! What the fuck? I'm still the same size!" The midget looks at him and says "What? You believe that leprechauns exist?" |
Avian Flu hits Florida - one confirmed case...
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As requested by one Miss Knickerbocker Glory:
Three construction workers, an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were working on a skyscraper and had reached the 57th floor. Each lunchtime a klaxon would sound and they'd stop work, park themselves on a steel girder and open up their lunchboxes, but it wasn't going too well... 'Oh, no!' exclaimed the Englishman, 'not again, ham and bloody tomato sandwiches. Every day it's ham and bloody tomato. Has she got no imagination. 'Och, nae!' followed the Scotsman. 'cheese and pickle - all the time it's cheese and pickle. Never a change, I've fair had enoof!' 'Bejasus,' from the Irishman, 'Jam! Sawberry jam. Again and again. Mary, mother of Jesus, why is it always strawberry jam.' The three were so incensed that they struck a pact, that if the sandwiches were the same again the next day they would jump off the girder. Next day came, and sure enough as the Englishman opened the wrapping around his sandwiches, he saw the same old ham and tomato. 'That's it! he shouted and jumped off the girder, falling 57 stories - splatt! Then the Scotsman looked. He noticed the pickle straight away as it had leaked through the wrapping. And there was the cheese beneath it. 'I said I would, and I will!' and with that he, too careered down to hit the ground with a cruel, life-taking thud. The Irishman gingerly unwrapped his sandwiches. 'It's jam' he said, quite quietly really and slid off the beam to meet the same fate as his two workmates. Their wives were distraught. Tears abounded at the joint funeral that was held for the three men. The wives commiserated with each other: 'If only I'd known,' cried the Englishman's wife, 'he should have said, he used to love tomatoes, and ham was his favourite meat. I was so sure. I just don't understand...' 'And my Jimmy just loved pickle,' wailed the Scotsman's wife, 'and I thought he loved cheese - why didn't he say something - I don't understand either...' 'Neither do I understand,' bawled the Irishman's wife, 'my Patrick always used to make his own sandwiches....' |
phunny punnies
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." 3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted. 4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road." 6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" 7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual." 8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy. 9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either. 10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before. 11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. 12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!" 13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel. 14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. 15. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?" BUT WAIT -- THERE'S MORE!! Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest 1.. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says,"I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger." 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!" 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron," The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive." 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." 8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if the didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars. 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did |
Men and Women taking a shower - Ring any bells?
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN Take off clothes and place them sectioned in the laundry basket according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it is clean. Condition your hair with conditioner enhanced with grapefruit and mint. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with tile cleaner. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in a super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and the hand towel on head. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave in a pile on the floor. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake willy at her making the "woo-woo" sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse it off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Wee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time. Admire willy size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the "woo-woo" sound again. Throw wet towel on bed. +++ |
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thanks cycle. |
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the very
handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you" She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic! OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley." The nun fulfils the cab driver's fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?" "Forgive me but I have sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party." :D |
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Found some Chuck Norris facts, Vin Diesel style. I feel a little ashamed for resurrecting this, but some of these made me chuckle.
15 Little Known Facts About Chuck Norris 1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. 2. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded. 3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. 4. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. 5. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided. 6. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths. 7. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" 8. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. 9. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya". 10. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights. 11. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. 12. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris." 13. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong. 14. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. 15. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way. |
Dirty Old Man manages to seduce Sweet Young Thang. In the bedroom he responds to her giggles and innocence with straight answers.
When she unzips his fly, she exclaims, "Ooh, a weenie!". DOM swaggers a bit and says, "No, darling, that is a prick." SYT never misses a beat, saying, "No, darling, I've seen pricks, and that's a weenie." <rimshot> |
for all you online gamers!
*Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*
*Eisenhower has joined the game.* *paTTon has joined the game.* *Churchill has joined the game.* *benny-tow has joined the game.* *T0J0 has joined the game.* *Roosevelt has joined the game.* *Stalin has joined the game.* *deGaulle has joined the game.* Roosevelt: hey sup T0J0: y0 Stalin: hi Churchill: hi Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks! paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks T0JO: lol Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression! benny-tow: haha america sux Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool? Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever Stalin: cool deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy Roosevelt: i dont got crap to help, sry Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me Roosevelt: get antiair guns Churchill: i cant afford them benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is? paTTon: stfu Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army paTTon: yah hurry the fock up Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck *deGaulle has left the game.* Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k? benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair? benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head? Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u Roosevelt: wtf! thats bull**** u ***s im gunna kick ur asses T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u Hitler[AoE]: wtf Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army Hitler[AoE]: thats bull**** u hacker Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me! T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path Stalin: u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol benny-tow: haha benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1 T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help Roosevelt: yah thats right biznitch im comin for ya Stalin: church help me Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here Stalin: dont be an arss Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late Eisenhower: LOL benny-tow: hahahh oh **** help Hitler: o man ur focked paTTon: oh what now biotch Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol *benny-tow has been eliminated.* benny-tow: lame Roosevelt: gj patton paTTon: thnx Hitler[AoE]: eisenhower hax hes killing all my **** Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record Eisenhower: Nuts! benny~tow: wtf that mean? Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun ****socker Stalin: rofl T0J0: HAHAHHAA Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city *Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.* benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL Stalin: OMG LMAO! Hitler[AoE]: i didnt click there omg this game blows *Hitler[AoE] has left the game* paTTon: hahahhah T0J0: my teammates are n00bs benny~tow: shut up noob Roosevelt: haha wut a moron paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now? Eisenhower: yah me too T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol Eisenhower: fock u paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie Stalin: go to hell lol paTTon: fock this **** im goin afk Eisenhower: yah this is gay *Roosevelt has left the game.* Hitler[AoE]: wtf? Eisenhower: **** now we need some1 to join *tru_m4n has joined the game.* tru_m4n: hi all T0J0: hey Stalin: sup Churchill: hi tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff! tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets T0J0: wtf is nukes? T0J0: holy ****holy****hoylshti!!!111 *T0J0 has been eliminated.* *The Allied team has won the game!* Eisenhower: awesome! Churchill: gg noobs no re T0J0: thats bull**** u fockin suck *T0J0 has left the game.* *Eisenhower has left the game.* Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for **** Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss tru_m4n: l8r all benny~tow: bye Churchill: l8r Stalin: fock u all tru_m4n: shut up commie lol *tru_m4n has left the game.* benny~tow: lololol u commie Churchill: ROFL Churchill: bye commie *Churchill has left the game.* *benny~tow has left the game.* Stalin: i hate u all ***s *Stalin has left the game.* paTTon: lol no1 is left paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep *paTTon has been eliminated.* paTTon: o ****! *paTTon has left the game.* |
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Gd 1 plthijinx! |
Seeing as no.2 son is off to OZ for at least 6 months next week:
An Australian ventriloquist, visiting New Zealand, walks into a small town and sees a local sitting on his porch, patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun. Ventriloquist: "G'day Mate! Good looking dog. Mind if I speak to him?" Kiwi: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie." Ventriloquist: "Hey dog, how's it going old mate?" Dog: "Doin' all right." Kiwi: (look of extreme shock.) Ventriloquist: "Is this Kiwi your owner?" (pointing at Kiwi.) Dog: "Yep." Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?" Dog: "Real good - he walks me twice a day and feeds me great tucker." Kiwi: (look of utter disbelief.) Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?" Kiwi: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either .. I think." Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?" Horse: "Cool." Kiwi: (absolutely dumbfounded.) Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at Kiwi.) Horse: "Yep." Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?" Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regular, brushes me down often and keeps me in a barn to protect me from the elements." Kiwi: (total look of amazement.) Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?" Kiwi: "The sheep's a f--king liar!!!" +++ |
keeping in the same theme
an aussie walks into a bar in new zealand and sees the bar tender having sex with a sheep, so the aussie says "in australia, we shear those" to which the bar tender replied "i aint shearing dis with no one" |
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