Dear Red States ...
 

From Best of Craigslist:

Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States

I know it's horribly biased. But because it suits my own bias (politically) I do find it funny.

But on a county basis it looks more like this (2004):
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...e_counties.png

Is there a better argument for doing away with the electoral college?

County by county, both Hollywood and Yosemite are located in the fifty-fifty zones. Hee hee!

It is an oldy though, Eliott Spitzer was driven out of office for using prostitutes while prosecuting same.

No, there is no good argument for doing away with the electoral college.

I read this thread yesterday and while I recognize that it is meant to be humorous I found myself shaking my head at the very real mindset behind the humor. It seems that being a social and/or fiscal conservative in this country is now synonymous with being a poorly educated hick who has been fooled by the rich, white robber barons - or worse - actually being one of the robber barons.

A very good friend of mine was recently bitching about the idiocy found in red states. Rednecks. Racists. Selfish rich people. On and on he went about the idiocy... even though he lives squarely in the middle of suburban Illinois and is surrounded by the very things he loathes in red states. He has only lived in the middle of that very blue state, but he knows the evil of the red. He knows anyone who supports McCain is either evil or stupid. He knows anyone who opposes higher taxes is selfish and anti-middle class. He knows anyone who doesn't demand an immediate withdrawal of our troops from the middle east is truly anti-american. He knows all of these things because he is a tolerant, open minded, well educated, progressive, black man. He knows that those are the evils of the red, so he enthusiastically supports Obama who will confront those evils head on.

Those were my thoughts after reading this thread. Then last night we had dinner at a local (read as tiny, authentic, hole in the wall) mexican joint. The kids were bugging the shit out of me so I started drifting. In the booth behind me was a mexican couple with their two kids and an adult friend. I listened to them calmly and rationally speak to their friend about why they were supporting McCain. They spoke about immigration policy, taxes, and social issues. They laughed at Palin but said it was cool that a nutty chick from the boondocks could possibly make it to the White House. I didn't agree with all their points, but I thought to myself, "these people certainly don't fit the currently popular stereotype of conservatives."

At the booth next to us was a table full of middle age white couples. They were also talking politics. One couple supported Obama. They were rational about it. They simply believed that taking more from the rich to help the poor was the right thing to do. Their friends calmly and rationally gave their opinion on why their fiscally conservative ideas were better. They were all friendly, intelligent, well-spoken people.

I live in a red state. Extremely dysfunctional, but red. I am fiscal conservative and a socially moderate/conservative. I'm educated. I'm fairly intelligent. I have all my teeth and rarely say nuke-u-ler. I find the arrogance found in the attitudes that generate 'humor' as found above extremely grating and yet pervasive. I respect nearly everyone in the cellar. Most are very intelligent and genuinely thoughtful people... except when it comes to this issue. The board is still largely flavored by Philly with seasoning coming from England. Most of the people who visit and decide to stay in the cellar are very comfortable with the left of center beliefs (firmly and proudly blue). That's cool, I don't have an issue with what anyone chooses to believe. I do have to say though it is incredibly disappointing when the condescension gets as thick as it is right now. Because most of you are blue you probably don't even see it. I lol'd when I read someone's post about how they haven't met ANYONE who supports McCain... really? Think about it. Maybe that has to do more with your insular environment than the actual beliefs of the country.

This post is longer than I intended, but my point is one I've made many times in the last four years. Two people can look at the same data and come to different conclusions about the best course of action without one of those people necessarily being stupid, uneducated, racist, or any other derogatory term thrown about now. We each have our internal, personal framework of right/wrong, good/better/best. We each have different areas of knowledge and experience. We each have different processing abilities - emotional/logical. All of those specifics make up the individual framework through which all data must pass. That framework will dictate what the conclusion is based on innumerable variables. Coming to different conclusions based on the same data does not require one individual to be superior to the other.

This has been a Public Service Announcement.:rant:

I do appreciate what you're saying Lookout. And I am also a great believer in listening to other people's points of view, and am often pleasantly surprised to find I am slowly turning in the direction of something I would once have rejected, just because intelligent debate has stimulated my interest. After all, most people here are further right than me, and yet I clearly enjoy the company.

I also understand why you felt you had to write that, and why you put it here.

All I'd ask (for your peace of mind) is to recognise that the only person who responded as finding it funny was me. And even I know the facts must have been skewed. Politics is a touchy subject sometimes. There are certain political issues I wouldn't want to discuss here because I know I'd be in the minority and it's not worth the grief.

I for one - and many others I'm sure - respect your political views because they are part of who you are. I reserve the right to disagree with them, but I hope I would never pigeon hole you because of them.

Hope you don't feel too marginalised.

Capitalist pig


(:p)

Damm good post LO, I share your sentiments. It seems to me that each presidential election cycle gets worse. We don't just see things differently in country, we are becoming radically divided. Those who think like you, and those who don't.

It would probably help if people at least stopped calling each other anti-american, or traitors, depending which side they're on. Individual politicians may or may not have personal agendas but the basic ideology of both sides is derived from an attempt to answer fundmental questions in the best way possible. Both sides are patriotic.

No worries, SG - the post itself had some things that made me smile - it's only humor after all. (or should I say humour?) My post was more a general statement about the state of affairs rather than a specific response to a particular post.

And Dana? Bite me ya manc tart.

I don't think anyone has boxed you in here lookout. We just tend to take things personally around election times around here, and I don't think that was aimed at you in the slightest.

And maybe I haven't met anyone voting for McCain aside from my parents that are now spamming my e-mail with their highly conservative m.o., that I do not respect in the slightest. Insinuating that obama is a terrorist. My mom needs me to vote for McCain and I just have to trust her on this. Sorry mom. Nope.

But I also know where I live, and this area is highly Democratic. So no. I haven't met anyone that is voting for McCain. My mom lives in the other part of the South. I am sure she is surrounded by people voting for McCain....

People get all bunched up around here during elections, and it will continue. I gave no indication of my political affiliations at any time. I do give indications of what I will not do.

I make fun of obama here all the time. No one seems to get all butt hurt about that....

I'll tell you right now however, that I am not undecided, and that I don't trust any of those assholes to run this country, and all of them piss me off. My vote is of the "no confidence" variety and I am getting tired of the show. Go ahead, make fun of that too. I expect it here.

I do know that lookout, you have always been a respected member of the cellar and if you take another look at the joke, you are no indicator of any of the descriptions, and you were never intended to be. The fact that people get so wrapped up is the really funny part, because they stop at nothing to support their own agenda. The last thing to go is a sense of humor.

Lighten up folks. It's just the end of the world. :) I thought it was funny. But if it were the other direction it would still be funny.

"You can have the yoga and tofu" and "we get all the farms"....

Does the fact that it never occurred to me that the post might be directed at me in any way mean I'm self involved or oblivious? Either way, I was simply speaking about the Us v Them mentality. The only winners when we're separated are the politicians.